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to murder disgusting smell-obsessed woman at work

(182 Posts)
Snuffalo Thu 16-May-19 19:42:59

I swear she has some kind of fetish. In the morning she tells us about the 'whiffy' (seriously) people she encountered on the bus. When she comes back from the toilet she invariably says things like 'smells like someone crawled in the pipes and died'. Today I was just about to take my first bite of some boring sliced edam cheese (that smells of nothing) on a fucking Ryvita and she says 'ooh good, it's your lunch, I thought it might be your feet for a minute there! Cheesy feet haha!' and I was so annoyed and disgusted I got up and threw the whole lot in the trash.

I'm the manager of her manager and I'm seriously considering raising this as a performance issue...

Samind Thu 16-May-19 19:44:36

I would. All that talk is enough to give you a complex!

TitusP Thu 16-May-19 19:48:39

I think the throwing your lunch away was a massive overreaction...

Actually I think raising this as a "performance issue" is a bit of an overreaction as well. She sounds a bit odd but I think it's more something to mention causally.

Snuffalo Thu 16-May-19 19:51:48

I should have said, I have already said things like 'that makes me feel sick, please stop talking about it' and she does stop whatever specific thing she is talking about that moment but something else always comes up. Also I know throwing away my lunch was an overreaction but I wasn't going to be able to eat it after that and sometimes I overreact because I'm human.

Undies1990 Thu 16-May-19 19:53:46

Don't be so ridiculous, that's not a performance issue - any manager would know that.
Have a chat with her about her comments rather than overreacting by throwing your lunch in the bin which achieves nothing.

Likethebattle Thu 16-May-19 19:53:59

It’s not a performance issue is it? It doesn’t affect her carrying out her role,

mollpop Thu 16-May-19 19:54:00

Maybe she has a very well developed sense of smell smile.

Perhaps you could mention it in a casual way if it's really bothering you. It's hardly a performance issue.

Cheby Thu 16-May-19 19:54:47

Raising it as a performance issue would be a gross abuse of your position. By all means sit her down, explain it properly and ask her to desist, but it’s not a performance issue.

Arabuella Thu 16-May-19 19:55:22

She makes comments you don’t like, it’s hardly an issue with her work performance.

Pinkyyy Thu 16-May-19 19:57:20

In what way is this a performance issue? You're a manager, you should know better than to do something like that.

kaytee87 Thu 16-May-19 19:57:31

How is it effecting her performance?

Snuffalo Thu 16-May-19 19:57:39

OMG I’m not ACTUALLY going to raise it as a performance issue any more than I am actually going to murder her! I didn’t realise this was take-everything-literally day, sorry!

EskeewdBeef Thu 16-May-19 19:58:40

Why do you think it's affecting her performance? She's got a heightened sense of smell, so unless she's a drain clearer I'm not sure why this is an issue that needs raising beyond 'Give it a rest, Susan.'

Arabuella Thu 16-May-19 19:58:48

OMG I’m not ACTUALLY going to raise it as a performance issue any more than I am actually going to murder her! I didn’t realise this was take-everything-literally day, sorry!

Well, you did say it FFS. What did you expect?

PerfectionistProcrastinator Thu 16-May-19 19:58:59


TheFatberg Thu 16-May-19 19:59:55

This is Mumsnet, unless you say "light-hearted," you're not allowed to use hyperbole. Those are the rules I'm afraid!

KatherineJaneway Thu 16-May-19 20:01:46

OMG I’m not ACTUALLY going to raise it as a performance issue

Shouldn't have said this then:

I'm seriously considering raising this as a performance issue...

kaytee87 Thu 16-May-19 20:02:02

I'm the manager of her manager and I'm seriously considering raising this as a performance issue...

These are your exact words. Doesn't really read like a joke tbh.

Snuffalo Thu 16-May-19 20:02:20

Thanks Fatberg I’ll try to remember for next time.

Newadventure Thu 16-May-19 20:03:43

I bet she's setting up to tell you all she's pregnant and that's why she can smell everything .
"Oh snuff, you know how I'm always going on about smells?? Well turns out I'm PREGNANT!! now find cover for my maternity, I'll be taking the full year. K Thanks.bye"


Or maybe she had a massive poo in the loo and tried to cover it up by blaming the pipes?? 🧐 something I would do anyway

londonloves Thu 16-May-19 20:05:05

I used to work with a woman who was totally obsessed with the toilets and other people's smells and all that, I found it quite boring to be honest and actually it did affect her performance as she wasted hours going on about it and printing out stupid laminated telling people off for "sprinkling when they tinkle".

SpecterLitt Thu 16-May-19 20:09:01

If what she is saying is bothering you why not mention it and ask her to simply tone it down? You throwing away your lunch is a serious over-reaction, you could have just said you're about to eat and would appreciate if comments were not made as they can be off-putting.

Unless what she says is seriously impacting your health and well-being just ignore it and don't give her a reaction. Hopefully the more she is ignored she will realise no one asked for her commentary on what she can or cannot smell.

Next time - don't throw away food over such petty things, it's such a waste!

TheFatberg Thu 16-May-19 20:09:06

Snuffalo it's a funny place sometimes.

Snuffalo Thu 16-May-19 20:10:16

@londonloves We recently had to issue a company wide rule about printing signs as there were so many about stolen mugs and cleaning the kitchen and washing your hands…now there is an official workflow for submitting suggestions for ‘polite notice’ signs through HR who will have them professionally printed if they are approved grin (none have been approved)

jade9390 Thu 16-May-19 20:12:46

Your the boss. Just tell her to shut up. She obviously is amused by bad smells. If she makes a comment about the toilets often and it is possibly a problem, ask if she would like to raise it as a serious complaint or to stfu. Cheese does not smell, I have joked with bosses who are also actual friends of mine outside of work. I would never have made such a comment to someone who was not, it would be disrespectful and rude. I think you should bring it up and tell her not to make personal, insulting comments to staff. I know she meant it as a crappy joke but someone else might be upset.

Fairenuff Thu 16-May-19 20:13:01

'she says 'ooh good, it's your lunch, I thought it might be your feet for a minute there! Cheesy feet haha!' and I was so annoyed and disgusted I got up and threw the whole lot in the trash'

'OMG I’m not ACTUALLY going to raise it as a performance issue any more than I am actually going to murder her! I didn’t realise this was take-everything-literally day, sorry!'

Can you see the irony in those two statements OP?

DaphneFanshaw Thu 16-May-19 20:16:36

I hate to say it but I think your attitude stinks op.

bliminy Thu 16-May-19 20:16:43

So she overreacts to smells and you overreact to her talking about the smells, but it's OK for you to overreact because you're human.

yumyumpoppycat Thu 16-May-19 20:18:07

Daphney grin

Crinkle77 Thu 16-May-19 20:19:04

I think you're being a bit precious.

LimeKiwi Thu 16-May-19 20:20:49

I hate to say it but I think your attitude stinks op

Actually lolled grin

To be fair, you DID say you say you were seriously thinking of raising it as a performance issue.
Then got arsey "OMG, I wouldn't actually raise it as a performance issue!" because people weren't agreeing with you lol.
Oh and - YABU

pitterpatterbaby Thu 16-May-19 20:21:03

No way you're her managers manager behaving that way....if by chance you are you have performance issues! grinhmm

Bwekfusth Thu 16-May-19 20:21:21

@Arabuella she also asked if it would be unreasonable to murder said colleague. That bit wasn't taken literally too, surely?

BuildBuildings Thu 16-May-19 20:22:22

Jesus christ! I'm surprised at how many people are taking this so literally! You must all be fun to hang around!

MisfitsMous Thu 16-May-19 20:22:26

I think its weirder that you threw away your lunch because she mentioned the smell of cheese than her noticing the smell of cheese.

Mammylamb Thu 16-May-19 20:22:50

I’ve reported this thread as you threatened murder

mouldyhousemouldylife Thu 16-May-19 20:23:20

OMG I’m not ACTUALLY going to raise it as a performance issue any more than I am actually going to murder her! I didn’t realise this was take-everything-literally day, sorry!

You threw your lunch away because of it. hmm

SunInTheSkyYouKnowHowIFeel Thu 16-May-19 20:24:42

You threw your lunch away? TBH it's not your colleague whose coming off badly here.

Massive over-reaction confused

Did this colleague notice you throwing your lunch away?

LimeKiwi Thu 16-May-19 20:25:34

Jesus christ! I'm surprised at how many people are taking this so literally! You must all be fun to hang around!

She stropped off in disgust to the bin to throw her dinner in the bin because of the stinky remark.
Could quite easily raise it as an issue seeing as ya know, prone to drama and said she was actually seriously considering it lol
this is where emoticons come in handy

Blueeyesdarkhair Thu 16-May-19 20:26:32

Lol at throwing your lunch away. You should add that to the ‘fit of pique’ thread 😂
Seriously though the next time she comments on the toilets smelling just say FFS it’s the toilets what do you expect them to smell like ? 🙄 (yes I have had the same conversation)

Teddybear45 Thu 16-May-19 20:27:32

This is a behaviour issue rather than a performance once. How are behaviour issues handled at your workplace? At mine everyone gets a behaviour score and managers can and do mark down for anti-social behaviour. The people who are marked down don’t get bonuses.

badlydrawnperson Thu 16-May-19 20:28:07

YANBU I wouldn’t convict you if on the Jury

Furnitureville Thu 16-May-19 20:28:17

Poor OP, jeez people on this thread are so uptight.

Just tell her to STFU.

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo Thu 16-May-19 20:28:36

Everyone - the OP was only going to have Edam and Ryvita for lunch, and then threw it away. She's obviously hangry. Someone hold her while I order a pizza.

10000thusername Thu 16-May-19 20:30:03

Glad you're not my manager

Snuffalo Thu 16-May-19 20:30:45

Just in case anyone was in doubt, I do realise that I am not the heroine of this story. I was unreasonable to throw away my lunch. I’m thin-skinned, I can dish it out but I can’t take it, and if you knew me in real life you’d probably hate me.

DaphneFanshaw Thu 16-May-19 20:32:16

Good idea Sodding.

<<rugby tackles the op and sits on her back>>

MollysMummy2010 Thu 16-May-19 20:32:23

Off topic but I just can’t pronounce hyperbole - I always say hyper bowl even though I know it is wrong. Bloody English language.

SunInTheSkyYouKnowHowIFeel Thu 16-May-19 20:33:52

Kind of like the word Biopic MollysMummy

DaphneFanshaw Thu 16-May-19 20:35:35

I always say feery instead of fiery. I just read it the wrong way and said it like that into my 30s.

lotusbell Thu 16-May-19 20:35:43

What @Fairenuff said! grin

Ribrabrob Thu 16-May-19 20:35:52

You sound so strange, regardless of whether or not you were 'joking' about raising it as a performance issue.

DaphneFanshaw Thu 16-May-19 20:36:08

Now I have to think not feery, not feery, not feery when I say it.

Snuffalo Thu 16-May-19 20:36:20

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo it was only first lunch, I calmed down enough to still have second lunch later (vanilla shake and apple pie from McDonald’s with pie dipped in shake) but thank you star

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo Thu 16-May-19 20:38:13

I always read it as "hyper bowl" too! The first time I heard someone say it properly I thought they were being sarcastic.

I always read "all bite" for albeit, too.

SpecterLitt Thu 16-May-19 20:39:09

Maybe she was a dog in a past life..

Now every time you see her imagine that, crack a smile and ignore her what I smell today commentary entirely.

speakout Thu 16-May-19 20:39:13

Your the boss. Just tell her to shut up


HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo Thu 16-May-19 20:39:28

I think the woman is doing it on purpose because she knows it annoys you. ⭐️

cuppycakey Thu 16-May-19 20:39:37

Gosh you sound like really hard work OP...

Becca19962014 Thu 16-May-19 20:39:46

I've been repeatedly bullied and humiliated by someone in their work place because I struggle with my hygiene due to obvious disabilties - skinky and smelling like a drain would be amongst the nicer things they've said. They've done it in front of staff and customers and because of their diagnosis are allowed to do so. I've contacted managers and the police but no difference, now I have to put up with hearing about her diagnosis and how sensitive she is.

To those saying it doesn't effect her work, if she works in a public role like a shop then yes it could be effecting her working with customers - and yes it can be performance related as well, last time she did it in front of customers who refused to be served by her because of it.

It's not remotely funny. I have abuse from this woman every time she sees me, I know nothing about her except she works in a shop and her colleagues have been very kind to me, but not everyone is. Others join in.

notfromworcester Thu 16-May-19 20:40:24

I bet it's great fun in your office.

Just tell her to give over with all the smell related small talk. Or get her a peg.

isabellerossignol Thu 16-May-19 20:40:36

Smell obsessed woman sounds like about 50% of the posters on AIBU threads about washing and public toilets.

Boffing Thu 16-May-19 20:42:00

Umm, it sounds like a mental health issue - maybe take that route first.

ooooohbetty Thu 16-May-19 20:43:38

I hate you OP for throwing your lunch away. I can't imagine anything making me throw away food. Ever. smile

Belenus Thu 16-May-19 20:48:01

I kind of took it you were joking about murdering her because it's a light hearted thread, murdering someone seems ridiculous under the circs and if I were going to murder someone I wouldn't announce it on a talkboard. But then you went on about throwing your lunch away and said I'm the manager of her manager and I'm seriously considering raising this as a performance issue and it did kind of sound like you were being serious. So now I'm really not sure which bits of your thread are serious and which aren't. Did you really throw your lunch away? I mean it's wasteful but then again Ryvita is more or less cardboard so not much loss.

She is hypersensitive to smells. You hate to hear about hypersensitivity to smells. I'm sure it'll turn into a romcom script and you'll get it together, fall out over Edam to extend the film a bit and then ride off into the sunset. Perhaps she could have an accident that tragically renders her anosmic thereby allowing your love to blossom.

SpecterLitt Thu 16-May-19 20:49:11

@Becca19962014 flowers I'm so sorry this person is being so awful. Is there any way you can avoid this shop so that you don't have to face her, or even flat out refuse to be serviced by her to management?

I hope things improve for you.

MollysMummy2010 Thu 16-May-19 20:49:58

Ah what now?

MollysMummy2010 Thu 16-May-19 20:52:35

That was to suninthesky...

Becca19962014 Thu 16-May-19 20:53:09

specter unfortunately not going into the shop even if I had an alternative place to go (I live somewhere very small) wouldn't stop her harassing me on the street - basically she does it whenever she sees me. If I had other options and didn't live somewhere so small then I'd be able to avoid her. Which is why I contacted the shop manager and police.

bebeboeuf Thu 16-May-19 20:54:32

Has she always been like this or is it new? Thinking pregnancy...

KatherineJaneway Thu 16-May-19 20:55:17

Maybe she was a dog in a past life..

If so you could tell her she spent her life sniffing other dogs assesgrin

AmeriAnn Thu 16-May-19 20:56:10

Give her something to talk about. Do this;

JaneEyre07 Thu 16-May-19 20:56:59

She'd hate to work with one of my colleagues. I swear he was microwaving a fox for his lunch today. It stank the entire building out, to the extent that no one else could use the microwave. Can I borrow her for a day??

completely misses point of thread

Nannewnannew Thu 16-May-19 20:58:41

I presume she doesn’t have a dog, although I guess the dog wouldn’t be bothered if she told him he’d just done a smelly fart!

I know people like this can be tiresome, don’t really have any advice apart from trying to ignore her stupid comments. Hard, I know,

keepingbees Thu 16-May-19 20:59:19

Can't you just tell her to reel it in a bit, or jokingly(ish) ask her what the obsession with smells is?
Could she be on the autistic spectrum? That can cause hypersensitivity to smells.

FamilyOfAliens Thu 16-May-19 21:00:56

If nothing in your OP should be taken at face value, why did you start this thread?

KissUntilTheyDieOfRabies Thu 16-May-19 21:05:24

Sensory processing disorder here, she sounds like me, and sounds like she has the same social skills as me. She would piss me off but that doesn't stop me from coming out with shite when I shouldn't. I can never actually tell when the right time IS to say most things. And I'm also someone who will be embarrassed coming out of a stinky loo and say similar because I want people to know for sure it's not me.

Reasonstobeearful Thu 16-May-19 21:09:36

She's a pain in the arse and you're a tantrumming toddler. You threw your lunch away! Really? Did you then call her a bum bum head or something? You sound very well suited. Maybe you should ask her out?

MyBlueMoonbeam Thu 16-May-19 21:11:42

Could she be on the autistic spectrum? That can cause hypersensitivity to smells.

That's what I was thinking - hyper sensitive to smells coupled with inappropriate or tactless comments - 2 signs of ASD.

SpecterLitt Thu 16-May-19 21:12:03

@Becca19962014 Ugh what a vile woman, I wish I could put her in her place for you!

It's easy to say ignore it, but the mental impact it must have must been harrowing. I hope someone does put her in her place soon and makes her realise she's behaving horribly.

If nothing changes, take a photo, take it to social media and tag the store and how they have dealt with you - this is not on. I'm surprised they are letting her get away with it during working hours!

Lots of hugs for you!

Minkies11 Thu 16-May-19 21:12:56

Just sniff discreetly but obviously every time you walk past her then loudly say 'Gosh - someone had curry last night! '
She'll soon shut up.

MyBlueMoonbeam Thu 16-May-19 21:13:08



WanderingTrolley1 Thu 16-May-19 21:16:40


Becca19962014 Thu 16-May-19 21:21:15

To be fair it's not the stores fault, they tried to fire her over it (the abuse I got for that I cannot tell you - was not my intention for her to be fired but just told to pack it in) but because of her diagnosis they couldn't and the advice was just to put with it. So I Just ended up making it worse for myself.

SunInTheSkyYouKnowHowIFeel Thu 16-May-19 21:29:54

MollysMum I always want to say Bi-opic rather than Bio-pic for Biopic (film about a person, like a biography).

Im sure there are other words I mis-say in my head too, I like your example, I do that too

Snuffalo Thu 16-May-19 21:48:07

I don’t know if she’s autistic but I don’t think so. I, however, am. Among my sensory issues is an aversion to sounds and words that I perceive as baby talk or vulgar in a base way - cutesy words for genitals or bodily functions make me feel physically uncomfortable. I’m also really formal with people at work because I never want to be inappropriate or joke at the wrong time. My friends and family think I’m pretty funny though and are surprised that I’m basically a high performing ice queen at work. Like I said if you knew me (at least in passing) you’d hate me.

Likethebattle Thu 16-May-19 21:56:20

You did say you were ‘seriously considering raising it as a performance issue’ that doesn’t sound lighthearted. A quick ‘oh give over Sandra we don’t want to hear it!’should work:

WaterOffaDucksCrack Thu 16-May-19 22:09:34

I actually get the throwing away of the lunch. I did it once at a previous job. One woman would always comment on other people's food. I thought she'd gone home once so got my lunch out the fridge (cold Spanish omelette) she came up behind me and stuck her face over my food saying "what the hell is that?!" Along with an expression of disgust. That coupled with the fact that she probably breathed all over it made me throw it away.

The woman at your work sounds like an idiot. I'm a manager too and I'd do a supervision with her

EmeraldShamrock Thu 16-May-19 22:17:41

She may not autistic at all, lots of people are extremely sensitive to smell.
You do come across some smelly people on public transport.
I was waiting on my bus to work this evening, a guy picked his ear for ages, he started to roll ear wax between his fingers. hmm
Work toilets are smelly, cleaners rarely do skirting boards or doors or behind the loo, IME.
She was rude for commenting on your lunch, a quick word should nip it in the bud, drama over.

EmeraldShamrock Thu 16-May-19 22:21:26

In your defence, she does sound really annoying.

Myfoolishboatisleaning Thu 16-May-19 22:35:03

I have a very heightened sense of smell. Edam does smell, it smells of unwashed bodies

LadyRannaldini Thu 16-May-19 22:35:23

I banned a member of my department from eating her stinking pot noodles in my classroom where the sink and kettle were located. She had to boil the kettle and take it to her classroom!

Bubbles6460 Thu 16-May-19 22:38:30

It's called a dry sense of humour. Think you need to lighten up a little.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Thu 16-May-19 22:39:22

I’d tell her that if it smells badly everywhere she goes then it must be her stinking all those places out!

MightyDonut Thu 16-May-19 22:46:13

Buy a pack of cheap clothes pegs and every time she makes a comment just silently hand her one.
When she asks why you keep giving her pegs just explain that she clearly needs one to protect her sensitive conk.

cardibach Thu 16-May-19 22:53:16

Some of you are very sensitive to comments about your food. O0 throwing away cheese because someone said it smelled at cheese, another poster throwing away an omelette because someone wondered what it was and might have breathed on it...
I had a school friend who became veggie and if you brought meat sandwiches would comment, ‘Ah, corpse sandwich again today then?’ Never stopped us eating...

FreeTedHastings Thu 16-May-19 22:53:55

I think she sounds really annoying.

I agree with poster upthread though, that a very firmly harumphed "For heaven's sake StinkWoman please stop sharing this stuff. It's totally inappropriate for work". And then staring intently at whatever you are doing and pretending to carry on regardless.

Usuallyinthemiddle Thu 16-May-19 23:02:04

It's not performance but it IS behaviour! You could raise it but I'm not sure you should! grin She would grate on me too.
"Can we have a word, x? Your constant commenting on smell is making the team feel uncomfortable about using the toilets and eating their lunch. Please can you GROW THE FUCK UP"

louisvootin Thu 16-May-19 23:17:28




JPK1510 Thu 16-May-19 23:26:30

Oh god get a grip.

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