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Do I be honest what I think about this name

(303 Posts)
Driftingthoughlife Thu 16-May-19 17:21:13

With everything going on with DH (previous thread) I may be potentially be about to fall out with my best mate if I tell the truth
She is pregnant due in a month and she has texted me to ask what I think of the name they have chosen. I think it’s awful. She says she really values my opinion
I don’t know if I can take falling out at the moment so aibu to lie and say it’s lovely but at the same time in am thinking this poor kid has to live with this name

kaytee87 Thu 16-May-19 17:43:13

What's the name?

Bumfuck arsedonkey then say something
Amelia Rose (just not to your taste) then keep schtum

Gigglinghysterically Thu 16-May-19 17:45:22

YABVU to lie over this.

"She says she really values my opinion."
Do not lie and say 'it's lovely' when you think it's bloody awful. Tell the truth but say it gently. She said she values your opinion. Either tell her you're not keen on it or it's not your cup of tea and ask if they have any other names in reserve.

"I don't know if I can take falling out at the moment."
Fgs, there is no reason to fall out over this at all. Don't be so silly. She's just asking you a question. Would you want your good friend to tell you a lie or consider them more of a friend for being able to rely on them to tell you the truth, whatever the circumstance?

MikeUniformMike Thu 16-May-19 17:45:49

I'd be honest but tactful. Why not suggest to her that she ask MN what they think of the name?

Didntwanttochangemyname Thu 16-May-19 17:46:28

You have to tell us the name!

Mummyoflittledragon Thu 16-May-19 17:47:43

Is it Nevaeh?

MrsFoxPlus4 Thu 16-May-19 17:48:27

If it’s a name they are likely to get bullied and teased about then yeah say that. If it’s just not to your taste say that. There’s no need to fall out over this. Not everyone likes the same things

Gigglinghysterically Thu 16-May-19 17:48:47

Can you just let us know whether it's just a name you aren't keen on or whether it's one many would consider ridiculous?

MNers were split as to whether they liked the name Archie for the new royal baby. Some hated it. I like it.

Topseyt Thu 16-May-19 17:49:00

Why on earth would you fall out over this?

Just sat that it isn't your cup of tea, but you realise that it is her opinion that matters.

MyNewBearTotoro Thu 16-May-19 17:50:41

I think it depends on the name. If it’s a recognised/ common/ standard etc name that isn’t to your taste I wouldnt say anything. For example I personally really dislike the names Ethan, Robert, Nina and Florence but I recognise that is just my personal taste. There’s nothing wrong with the names so I’d never voice my opinion and risk causing upset.

On the other hand if it’s a really out there, yoonique or made up name (Eg: Abcde, Calvonia, LadyAnnaFrillia, Van-Diesel), Zebedee) I think I’d have to say something!

JagerPlease Thu 16-May-19 17:51:33

If she's that good of a friend that she's genuinely valuing your opinion, if give it. A friend of mine once did about a name her husband was really keen on and she wasn't sure (it's a very out there, more of a word than a name). Several of us said we thought it would likely lead to teasing and strange reactions and she agreed. Months later baby is born and she's come round to the name and uses it anyway, previous conversation never mentioned and hasn't lead to any falling out at all. So I would go for it if you genuinely have an honest relationship with your friend. Equally, when I was thinking of names I valued friends opinions just in terms of how other people may perceive a name that I blindly loved!

WorraLiberty Thu 16-May-19 17:52:11

The only comment you should ever pass is “that’s lovely”
Your friend doesn’t really want your opinion; she wants you to validate her choice

That's not necessarily true.

Asking a stranger would more than likely be seeking validation.

Asking your best friend is what you do when you want the truth.

NotStayingIn Thu 16-May-19 17:52:31

That is tricky! If it’s not to your taste I would just lie. Who knows it might grow on you!

If it’s just really odd I might be tempted to say something like ‘oh wow that’s unusual. I was toying with an unusual name for x but was worried people would tease him/ it would date quickly/it’s too hard to spell.’ Whatever is appropriate.

I get people saying tell the truth but some people do take these things personally! Do what you feel most comfortable with.

CloserIAm2Fine Thu 16-May-19 17:53:03

If it’s just a name that’s not your taste then just say “that’s lovely”

Only if it’s objectively truly horrifically awful and offensively bad, should you very gently say something. Anything that just a matter of opinion should be left well alone!

kenandbarbie Thu 16-May-19 17:55:28

It depends why you don't like it.

For example you could say something like "not sure if you mind but that's a very popular choice at the moment" if it's really common / too trendy.

If you tell us the name and the reason you don't like it I'm sure mumsnet can come up with a wording to point out the negative points of the name whilst being tactful!

RightYesButNo Thu 16-May-19 17:55:47

DO NOT SHARE THE NAME. If this gets picked up by the Daily Mail, you can still pretend it’s just a really, really big coincidence, but if you share the name, you’ll never be able to talk your way out of it. You’ll definitely be outed.

That said, I’m another one with my fingers crossed that it’s Balonz.

On a serious note, several previous posters, like HBStowe, are correct. Not to your personal taste? Say nothing. Likely to negatively affect the child’s life (constantly must correct misspellings/mispronunciations, bullied in school, problem for future employment opportunities)? You should, very gently, say something.

twinkledag Thu 16-May-19 17:56:46

@MyNewBearTotoro - I know a child called Zebedee 😂

Haffiana Thu 16-May-19 18:00:32

If it is Jayden/Hayden/Braden then you need to tell her the truth. Most other names are just a matter of taste really.

GU24Mum Thu 16-May-19 18:00:33

Can't you say something like "oh, I'm probably not the best person to ask as I like [really boring/unusual] names" (depending what she's going for.

HomeMadeMadness Thu 16-May-19 18:05:22

the most important thing is that you love it and once it’s her name everyone who loves her will love it too, but I would be concerned that it might not age well / be a bit too unusual / raise some eyebrows / etc.

I think this is perfect if the name is something odd. If it's something fairly ordinary that you happen not to like then just say it's lovely.

horizontalis Thu 16-May-19 18:05:58

something made up (Bowjewelaze)

Yes please wine

juneau Thu 16-May-19 18:07:56

Hmm difficult one. I think if it's a perfectly acceptable name that you just don't personally like then I'd probably say 'It's lovely'. If it's made up/misspelled/utterly naff then I think I'd say that unusual names aren't what you'd choose, but if they like it then that's the main thing. She does want you to validate their choice, but if it's really awful then I'd stop short of doing that, because people DO judge, they do snigger about awful names and say 'God, poor kid!'.

You could always hedge and encourage her to pick something that she could imagine the CEO of a company being called.

MollyHuaCha Thu 16-May-19 18:11:56

I would say 'Mmm, Muriel, that's certainly different...'.

Petalflowers Thu 16-May-19 18:11:58

I agree with HB, ifs it’s a standard name, such as Charles, Henry, or even an older name such as Ernest or Cecil, then you need tomsay ‘that’s lovely’. However, if it’s wacky, unusual spelling, etc then go along the ‘its Not to my taste’ line.

WorraLiberty Thu 16-May-19 18:12:18

Jesus Christ

When I ask my best friend's opinion it's because I truly want my best friend's you know...^actual opinion^.

Otherwise I'd ask the cat grin

But seriously, why do so many of you tell lies to your best friends?

If you don't like it, it's perfectly reasonable to say "Nah, I'm not keen".

Aimily Thu 16-May-19 18:12:47

If you just don't like it then I think "it's not a name I would choose myself, but if you love it, she is your child so thats what matters" is a fair reply

If it's offensive, tell her.

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