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To cut my nose off to spite my face just to make a point? Work related.

(346 Posts)
QueenofmyPrinces Thu 16-May-19 10:36:29

I’m feeling so torn about something that’s happening at work....

I’m a nurse and for the last 6 months I’ve been starting to implement a massive change to one of the services that we provide and it has got the potential to be something really amazing. It involves new policies being written, new care plans being created and it means giving some teaching to other members of staff and doctors - in other departments as well as my own. I’m doing it alongside my Manager but it’s my “baby” as such and implementing it and all the changes that go along with it is definitely above my pay grade. However, it’s something I’m really passionate about and so I have thrown myself into it.

A month or so ago there came an opportunity for a promotion so myself and two other nurses went for it. I was by far the most experienced and maybe I naively thought that all the work I’d been doing on the new project would earn me a step up the pay scale.

However, they gave the position to another nurse and although I really get on with him, he’s been qualified 10 years less than me, and is not particularly thought highly of by other staff in a professional capacity. As a person he’s a really nice guy, I socialise with him out of work sometimes with other colleagues and I generally have nothing against him.

I was understandably very hurt though when he got the job over me and although I know NHS interviews are points based and so he obviously said more buzz words in the interview than I did but it still feels so unfair.

My issue is that my Manager has been in touch to ask how far along I’ve gotten with implementing the new changes to the service that I’ve been working on and asking when we can meet up to discuss what my next steps are to getting the changes put into practice.

I honestly feel like telling her I’m done with it and that if I’m not deemed to be “senior staff material” then why should I be doing all this work for her benefit?

It sounds really petty I know. It just feels like I’m being taken advantage of and if there’s no reward or recognition for any of this work I’ve been doing then what’s the point?

I feel like telling her to have her newly appointed senior staff member do it because I don’t see why I should put myself out anymore (I know how childish I sound).

It’s so hard because it’s a project I’m passionate about but at the same time I just feel so angry.

My DH absolutely thinks I should tell them to shove it.

But am I cutting off my nose to spite my face by no longer doing something I’m passionate about just to make a point?

I don’t know. I feel confused and torn.

moreismore Thu 16-May-19 10:41:09

This sucks and I’m really sorry. I think you should absolutely bring it up with your manager and ask her where she sees this extra effort leading for you career wise. What other opportunities are coming up and how can she support you in pursuing them?

Ultimately if you drop it you’ve lost your promotion and your passion project and you’ll have to seethe while someone else doesn’t implement it how you would have and they’ll get the end credit.
Continue and you have something to hang your hat on in future interviews, wherever they may be...

noeyedeer Thu 16-May-19 10:45:46

My friend had a similar scenario (not nursing), other person appointed for promotion. She too felt like saying, "stick your job." What she actually did is go to the higher managers and ask why she didn't get the promotion. It turned out that her immediate boss had blocked it, as he felt she was too valuable to lose from his team. Higher managers sorted out a promotion and more pay.

Could you talk to your higher managers and ask for feedback? At worst you get some advice on how to interview better.

Pollywollydolly Thu 16-May-19 10:46:02

You're not being unreasonable to tell them to get the person they preferred at interview to take over. They made their choice. If they have overlooked you this time they clearly don't see you in a senior role, if you understand and accept this and still want to do the extra project work then that's fine. But if you don't accept it then don't so any more extra work.

onanothertrain Thu 16-May-19 10:49:54

I understand how you feel but I think you'd be doing yourself no favours dropping your service change half way through. It makes you look unprofessional and petty.

ZippyBungleandGeorge Thu 16-May-19 10:53:08

This happened to me in a different public sector body, I carried on with the extra project, it was a huge success and six months later I applied for the role senior to the one I'd been rejected from and several pay bands higher. I got it. If you are passionate about your project do it and use it as evidence next time something comes along.

OutInTheCountry Thu 16-May-19 10:53:32

Sorry OP, that sucks. If deep down you really want to do this project then I think you should be really honest with your line manager and kinda make it their problem too. If you just store up that resentment then it will only hurt you. I’d see it as an opportunity to negotiate for your future a bit. I don’t know the NHS but could you get acting pay or job title? Is there anything else you want that you could bargain for? Also can you get feedback on the interview?

OutInTheCountry Thu 16-May-19 10:54:59

And would the successful delivery of this project make you the obvious candidate next time there’s a promotion up for grabs?

Foslady Thu 16-May-19 10:56:56

I’d ask for a face to face chat with your manager about it all, feedback, any career development plans etc

cookingonwine Thu 16-May-19 10:58:38

Definitely don't do the work unless it was written in a supervision that you were going to do it! Just simple say, oh due to not being getting the post I didn't want to step on xx toes so I thought they would be doing the changes etc because he is the senior and they have to drive it home. It's a fair and honest approach to it. And really the person who got the role as senior should be doing the changes if it's high level. Don't be a door mat. Good luck!

Gigglinghysterically Thu 16-May-19 10:58:53

I understand why you feel the way you do but your colleague interviewed better than you. It's just a sad fact of life.

You can't use the work you've been doing on your project as leverage for a pay rise because it hasn't yet achieved a successful implementation. It has to be seen to be a beneficial change in practice. It isn't yet complete so they can't possibly judge it's outcome.

I would continue to do the project for the sense of personal achievement it will give and because you are passionate about it. By refusing to continue you will be showing your boss that you are immature and lack professionalism and that will only confirm they were right to not promote you. It sounds as if you aren't ready for promotion yet. It is not just about your ability to do work tasks but also about your attitude especially when under pressure.

Dafspunk Thu 16-May-19 10:58:56

I agree with the sentiment but you are likely to benefit yourself far more if you approach it in the right way. Be frank and honest with your manager - state why you thought you had a good shot at the promotion, say that you are now feeling demotivated as it seems as if all your hard work and passion has been disregarded. Ask why you didn’t get the role and ask her how she is envisaging your career developing.

PianoTuner567 Thu 16-May-19 11:00:14

I don’t think you should drop the project in a huff without explanation.

Have you requested a meeting with your boss about why you didn’t get the promotion, what he feels you need to do to get the next one? You could then loop the project into that conversation.

7yo7yo Thu 16-May-19 11:01:04

I would do it but I’d make sure no fucker got credit for my work.
Your manager will get a lot of this credit so I’d be very vocal about what I’m doing, why and how.
I would arrange meetings with senior management and use your knowledge to make sure they know how much input you’ve had.
I would have a face to face meeting with your manager to ask why you weren’t given the promotion.
I wouldn’t mention your colleague as it will look like sour grapes.
You need to get your “face” out there op.

MarthasGinYard Thu 16-May-19 11:01:13

'But am I cutting off my nose to spite my face by no longer doing something I’m passionate about just to make a point?'

Absolutely you would be, and if you really are passionate about the implementation of new procedure going ahead, then you need to stay involved.

Also, it will look like sour grapes if you duck out now. Someone else will take over all your hard work.

Saying that I'm sure I'd initially feel exactly the same on discovering I hadn't made the promotion, given all the extra time I'd given.

I'd rise above, and keep your CV up to date with all the extra projects you've taken on.

PeakedTooEarly Thu 16-May-19 11:06:47

Keep going with it. You are passionate about it and people will benefit. Do it this one time though.
If there is an underlying issue that you are unaware of, quitting this project will reinforce this persons opinion of you. Get it up an running and then back off a bit. If it's noticed you have backed off, explain politely why.
I have learned these lesson the hard way as I am old and have been in a profession for decades. People get promoted away from roles. People get ill and leave. Things change. The manager above you and the man promoted before you may not be in those positions a year from now. Keep going. You will not regret it.

DPotter Thu 16-May-19 11:09:47

Turn it around to your manager and ask her for practical feedback on your application and interview and explicitly ask what you need to do in order to get a similar job next time. Don't accept X interviewed better, you want actions / words that will make YOU interview better and be good enough to get the job. It isn't just about interviews but the whole application process - there will be elements of the process which are judged on the application form for example. Get your manager to be really clear on how completing this project will benefit your career.

And start applying for other jobs elsewhere and let your manager know you're in the market for a new job. This may or may not work in your favour, but as long as you approach this with an up beat attitude it wont come across as sour grapes. You could word it as if this knock back is just the thing you needed to dust yourself off and get out there.

ittakes2 Thu 16-May-19 11:10:06

Can you just tell them the truth? You are upset about not getting the promotion and ask them why? In reality this doesn't have anything to do with what you are working on - if you did what you are suggesting it would come across immature and might make them think they made the right decision. You need to make them think they made the wrong decision so they won't pass over you next time. You can only do this is if you are as proffesional as possible.

PotatoesDieInHotCars Thu 16-May-19 11:10:57

Keep your pride and finish the project. There will be more promotions and more jobs in the future and this will be invaluable evidence. You should definitely ask feedback on your interview.

Teddybear45 Thu 16-May-19 11:11:40

In that situation I stuck to the project: within two years I was managing the manager who didn’t promote me.

HBStowe Thu 16-May-19 11:11:50

I think you would regret it in the long term, and I think a better strategy would be to seek specific feedback on why you didn’t get the promotion - it may be something you haven’t seen yet that you can change, or it may be that it shows you you need to look for better avenues elsewhere. But don’t give up on a project you care about in the meantime.

StealthPolarBear Thu 16-May-19 11:13:32

Op I would have been saying carry on, use it as evidence until recently. But this sort of thing has happened to me too often now and I feel bitter and demoralised.

viques Thu 16-May-19 11:13:47

I would carry on with the project because an implemented project that you identified, initiated, researched, wrote , trained others for and delivered is going to have much more impact on your next interview than a project that you started then gave up on, especially if you don't have much professional confidence in the person who would be taking it on and potentially wrecking it.

Just make sure that at all stages it is very clear that it is your work. So email regular , positive progress reports and updates to your manager, make sure every document and plan you disseminate has your name on, network the plan to every one you can think of who both a clinician and in management.

floribunda18 Thu 16-May-19 11:14:01

I'd guess you didn't get the promotion because your manager doesn't want you to stop the excellent work you are doing now to implement change. I'd make sure that you claim any credit that is due from doing the project, and have a chat with direct and senior managers about your career prospects once you have implemented the changes, also express openly your disappointment on not being promoted.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino Thu 16-May-19 11:15:05

I can understand how you feel completely. I agree with PP that you need to find out why you were passed over.

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