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Advise me oh wise ones, holiday woes, not sure who's cheeky (is it us?)

(277 Posts)
RebeccaWrongDaily Tue 14-May-19 23:31:04

My sister has a holiday home overseas.She offered it to us for no charge (they use ours regularly) for ten days at the end of May beginning of June.
We have booked flights.
Chatting to her earlier this evening, she's said to me that some friends of hers (who I also know well, well enough to attend their wedding) are going to come over for a week while we're there.
This couple are going through severe marital woes, one has had an affair, the other is throwing themselves into the bottle.
They also have very small children (two toddlers) Neither parent is particularly attentive at the best of times. My DH has a tendency to be a helicopter parent. The villa has a pool without a fence. My children are pre-teen and 9.
I have clear visions of us spending the middle week listening to the parents bicker / have make up sex whilst we collectively stop their children from drowning and pick up the slack of early mornings etc.
Would you still go? Would you book somewhere else? Would you challenge your sister?
We stand to lose about 2k if we just don't go, and then would want to book elsewhere by the way which would be an additional cost. Are we cheeky fuckers for expecting sole use of the house?

CanBlondesWearMustard Wed 15-May-19 00:01:46

Keep the flights and book a different property near the destination airport. They've prob wanted to go same time as you hoping for a baby sitting service !

lightuptrainers Wed 15-May-19 00:05:20

Agree with others, don't waste the money you've already spent on the flights, but either:

a) Book an alternative villa for the entire trip

or

b) Turn it into a 'two centre' holiday. My family did a lot of these when I was your children's age, and they worked really well: part of the holiday in the countryside/at the beach, and part in a city. So for example, if your sister's place is in rural Spain, spend the middle week in or near Madrid, Barcelona or Bilbao.

Also agree with others that YANBU, your sister should definitely have done a courtesy check to make sure you'd be happy sharing.

InionEile Wed 15-May-19 00:06:45

Nope, just book somewhere else. You're effectively being forced into going on holidays with a couple and their kids - who wants to deal with that? If your kids were similar ages and the couple got along it could be fun but they sound like a nightmare. Just book somewhere else nearby that you pay for and then next time your sister wants to use your place tell her it's not available. Or double book her with a nightmare family

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis Wed 15-May-19 00:09:48

Well it could be a bloody mansion, you know? 8 rooms and 2 kitchens, enough room to have nothing much to do with them.

But nonetheless I'd not want an enforced holiday with anyone.

ArcheryAnnie Wed 15-May-19 00:13:00

Next time she arranges to stay at your holiday home, without telling her, also invite at the same time:
- Someone with nits.
- Someone with an annoying cough.
- A cheerful early riser who likes to greet each day with song.
- Someone with a ukelele who is prepared to use it.

DarkDarkNight Wed 15-May-19 00:14:06

I would absolutely hate that. She is being unreasonable, how would she feel if you invited someone to use your holiday home while she is there? It would make me think twice about her use of your home as you’re not swapping on a like-for-like basis.

NoSquirrels Wed 15-May-19 00:17:00

Look for somewhere else nearby. Otherwise you’ll be subject to this shit every time you want to use her place. Make it clear it was Not On.

There’s no other good alternative- either you’ll be damaging your relationships all round or you’ll ruin your holiday having to arrange time apart from the other family.

theworldistoosmall Wed 15-May-19 00:17:51

Either stay elsewhere whilst they are there. Or lots of days out.

quizqueen Wed 15-May-19 00:21:19

The obvious answer is that, next time your family stay in your place, you invite some obnoxious friends to stay too at the same time. I think then your sister will see the error she has made.

LagunaBubbles Wed 15-May-19 00:21:59

Why on earth would your sister think this is remotely acceptable, of course yanbu to want your holiday to have them there.

MrsSnafu Wed 15-May-19 00:26:00

Is your sister usually so blatant in her disregard of you and your feelings?

ImNotHappyaboutitPauline Wed 15-May-19 00:38:57

No I wouldn't go and I think your sister was really out of order. Fine, it's her house and she can do what she likes but who on earth just tells two different families they can have use of the house at the same time without checking that you'd actually like to proceed on that basis confused.

Jeez I don't blame your DH for being furious! She seems to see herself as lady bountiful but didn't stop to think that you'd be spending money on flights and one or both of you likely using annual leave, in order to spend your holiday with a couple who's marriage is on the rocks and their very young children.

Oh and that's exactly what I'd say to her. Some bloody favour!

CrotchetyQuaver Wed 15-May-19 00:45:50

I'd keep the flights and look for alternative accommodation as a minimum whilst those people are there, if not the whole holiday. All extra £££ but it's going to cost you whichever way you resolve it unfortunately.

Squigglesworth Wed 15-May-19 01:23:19

Your sister doesn't understand why that would be annoying? I'd spell it out for her in full detail. She's been ridiculously thoughtless! It doesn't take a genius to understand that not everyone would like having someone else tag along on their holiday. The least she could have done was to run the idea by you, before inviting the second couple.

If they've already booked tickets, the best solution is probably to try to be away as much as possible while the others are at the villa. Either find another place to stay, if it's in the budget, or plan on being out most of those days.

mantlepiece Wed 15-May-19 01:23:27

No you are not cheeky fuckers! However, it’s a done deal and short notice so the only thing you can do is to book alternative accommodation.

I would not stay in your sisters villa with her friends. It will end badly.

You live and you learn, and this is a hard and expensive lesson.

lunar1 Wed 15-May-19 01:29:22

I'd book different accommodation, no way would I share with them. My sister wouldn't be using my holiday home anywhere in the near future after this!

Limpshade Wed 15-May-19 01:35:45

Amazed at (and just a teeny bit jealous of) the PP who have £2k to throw away, just like that!

YANB a cheeky fucker, that's really not a good holiday by the sounds of it. However I do think you might also have worked it up in your head a bit (the whole make-up sex scenario, for example).

In your shoes I'd spend a few days together, then find somewhere else for the remainder of your trip.

SleepWarrior Wed 15-May-19 02:34:01

Which is going to leave you feeling the least pissed off? Annoying extra money spent to find new accommodation or holiday spent with bickering couple and their toddlers?

Do whichever you will feel cross about for the shortest amount of time - no point in an angry holiday!

mathanxiety Wed 15-May-19 03:15:21

Go. Stay in the villa. Do a few day trips. Keep your bedroom doors locked if at all possible.

If the other children are foisted on you, return them to the parents immediately, stating very clearly that they are not your responsibility - 'Of course you understand that we have our own two rascals to supervise, my dears...'
Do this every single time, firmly and with a little smile. Bang on their bedroom door if necessary.
Play a lot of loud music.

YY to inviting some really obnoxious people to stay at your own holiday home when your sister is there. Brilliant idea. Maybe someone with a 'spirited' little yappy dog.

SnowsInWater Wed 15-May-19 03:34:50

Oh that is crap, I would be really annoyed with your sister. You don't offer accommodation then decide people can share without asking. DH's aunt once said we could stay at their French house, then she said she would be there for a few days when we arrived, eventually when it turned out she had decided to stay the whole time. We found alternative accommodation the next day which was awkward but luckily DH was on board. Tbh if you can afford it I would find somewhere else to stay.

fargo123 Wed 15-May-19 03:39:02

I'd be livid if someone did this to me.

I'd tell my sister she needs to either cancel the other family, or pay my out of pocket expenses for either cancelled flights or alternative accommodation arrangements. That might make her wake up a bit.

Decormad38 Wed 15-May-19 04:59:17

Just tell her ‘ok if you want to do that fine but I will be booking some other friends to stay with you when you’re in my holiday home’! That will put her off.

PregnantSea Wed 15-May-19 05:23:57

I would keep your flights but book alternative accommodation in the local area for most of the time that the other family is there. It will be an additional cost but it's better than losing all your money and missing the holiday, or suffering through a shitty stressful holiday with those people.

If you don't want to actually tell your sister that you're pissed off about the situation you could even tell a little white lie and say you're going further afield for a few days to explore, or off on some sort of boat trip, that sort of thing.

soulrunner Wed 15-May-19 05:47:45

Firstly, I wouldn't stay there and I'd write off 2G if I had to because frankly, staying in a villa with lightly parented toddlers would be worse than being at work where work is being the janitor at the abattoir. They're messy, they're noisy, utterly boring unless they're yours, they get up early and there will be at least one near drowning.

Also, because you know these people well, it would be hard to execute mathanxietys suggestion without being "in your face" rude at some point and ending the friendship. No, I cant watch x while you put y for a nap, no I won't babysit while you go for dinner, no you can't come on the day trip with us. They will want to hang out with you as it will avoid them needing to spend time together. That's probably why they're coming. It will be awful.

Tbh I would just say to my dsis - "That doesn't suit us so we now won't be going." Don't bad mouth the friends to her as good chance it'll get back to them.

Is there any chance you can move the flights and have the house a different week?

GlamGiraffe Wed 15-May-19 05:56:13

Id spend the whole holiday being resentful so wouldn't be e able to stand it. Rather than were the flights id definitely try and look for an air bnb or something inexpensive for part of the stay to give you a reprieve. The other couple will ask why so tell them you came for a relax and family time alone. It will feed back to your sister and everyone will get the message. She's not charging you because you didn't charge her but she's more than likely charging friends hence the double booking, not wanting to loose out. Ask her how much theyre paying and say it's jean to do that at ypur expense. She won't change It but might contribute(tell her she should with their rent money after not telling you) towards alternate accommodation.a holiday idls for family time together - alone.

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