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I would really appreciate your views on this please

(56 Posts)
howwudufeel Fri 26-Apr-19 13:59:17

I have changed a view details but essentially how would you feel in this situation? DD was very badly bullied for about six months by a few girls. It was absolutely horrendous and the bullying was very cruel. These girls did everything they could to humiliate and ridicule Dd. I noticed that Dd became very unhappy and withdrawn as did some teachers. Eventually it came out (Dd burst out crying and told me everything). The school were informed. The girls who were responsible were very much the queen bee and her entourage types. Very bright and very popular. The school love these girls and their parents. To be fair the girls admitted what they had done and said sorry to Dd. I think the main queen bee got a day long suspension. I don’t want to go into detail about the bullying go fear of being outed (I have namechanged) but the bullying was sustained and some of it had a sexual element. It was very weird and very humiliating. If we had gone to the police I believe the girls would have been in big trouble.
Here’s my problem. The queen bee who was at the heart of this has just been made head girl. I am incredibly angry and upset and I wonder how others would feel in the same position?

nauseous5000 Fri 26-Apr-19 14:03:05

I'd be upset, but remember that in my school head girl and boy was popularity contest and voted on by the kids themselves

insecure123 Fri 26-Apr-19 14:06:08

Sounds like it possibly has been voted by the pupils? At my schoold teachers chose head boy and head girl iirc. i think there was some sort of "committee"

It doesn't send out a very good message and I would be upset if I was in your position. Unsure what you can do about it though. orry I can't help anymore. You're poor daughter

howwudufeel Fri 26-Apr-19 14:08:20

I know there is little I can do and I don’t think it would help things if I tried.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Fri 26-Apr-19 14:08:32

How long ago was the bullying? If it's a few years back, then yes people can change.

The school will not back down on the head girl appointment. I echo the previous poster, it is usually a vote with a nod from the teachers.

ThatCurlyGirl Fri 26-Apr-19 14:09:20

Terrible behaviour on the school's part to reward the ringleader with something that will look great on her UCAS application etc. Ugh.

Your poor daughter being bullied so mercilessly, god kids can be absolute bastards can't they? Horrid girls.

Hope they are ashamed when they have their own kids and imagine the same happening to them.

Head girl? Head arsehole more like.

howwudufeel Fri 26-Apr-19 14:10:10

I wouldn’t want the decision to be reversed. That would open a can of worms. I am hurt that the school are still championing people who are capable of such cruel things.

bubblesforlife Fri 26-Apr-19 14:10:54

If there was something of a sexual nature, which you feel has a risk of recurring, I would inform the police.

I'm surprised that after being suspended, she was allowed be head girl. If you are still in contact with the school, could you raise it as a concern that this girl has tormented another and is setting a bad example for the rest of the students?

No doubt if she was suspended every student in the school knows why. It sends the message that it's acceptable to bully and then be placed on a pedestal, giving no incentive to other students not to act out!

ihatethecold Fri 26-Apr-19 14:11:47

Awful. Your dd must feel terrible after hearing that.
So sorry. I really can relate and understand the damage that bullying does.

howwudufeel Fri 26-Apr-19 14:12:56

Thank you. Your responses are incredibly comforting to me because I feel so isolated in this situation.

Bambamber Fri 26-Apr-19 14:14:30

The school should not have allowed her to become head girl, whether she was voted by other pupils or not.

How long ago did this happen? I wouldn't be happy about this at all.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Fri 26-Apr-19 14:15:13

You havent said how long ago it was.

Eg. I wouldn't hold a Y13, 18 year old woman accountable for actions as Y7 11 year old child .

She apologised, she had her punishment. I dont see the purpose in keeping on making people 'pay'.

I know I shall be the odd voice out here.

howwudufeel Fri 26-Apr-19 14:16:05

It happened about two years ago.

InTheHeatofLisbon Fri 26-Apr-19 14:22:24

I hit the roof when the girl who had been making graphic and violent threats to DS1 (and others) on the school bus was chosen to represent the school in a dance competition on stage.

I told the school I felt it was entirely inappropriate, since the only reason the threats stopped were that I DID involve the police at command level since her parent is a DCI and wasn't prepared to do anything.

I don't know if there's anything you can do, but I get why you're so upset and I don't think you're wrong at all.

Sad fact of life is that some people float through life, causing untold damage and still get their own way. It's shit.

DevaDiva Fri 26-Apr-19 14:26:20

That's really shit and I'd be fuming. Sadly there probably isn't a lot you can do, but I would email the Chair of Governors and the Head to let them know how I felt about it.

Even if she is a reformed character she still should not be out in this elevated position in my opinion.

Handsoffmysweets Fri 26-Apr-19 14:28:20

I’m disgusted reading your post OP. How old is this little bitch? 15/16 I assume? I’d be writing to the governors to complain.

howwudufeel Fri 26-Apr-19 14:33:26

At the time when it happened we were very angry and let the school know we were unhappy but we didn’t tell other people what had happened. I think they (the school) took advantage of that and are pretending it never happened.

Eliza9919 Fri 26-Apr-19 14:38:30

the bullying was sustained and some of it had a sexual element. It was very weird and very humiliating. If we had gone to the police I believe the girls would have been in big trouble.

Why didn't you take it to the police?

Dragongirl10 Fri 26-Apr-19 14:38:42

That is appaling behavior by the school, even if voted for the senior management of the school should have ensured someone more deserving got the role.

Personally l would ask for a meeting with the Head and safeguarding lead and tell them exactly what a terrible example to pupils this is, and they should be ashamed to have blatantly ignored the bullying and let such a girl hold a role of honour.

Dragongirl10 Fri 26-Apr-19 14:39:30

apalling even!

howwudufeel Fri 26-Apr-19 14:41:04

I don’t know why we didn’t take it to the police. I suppose we were busy dealing with dd’s mental health. Happily she is relatively unscathed and I am proud of her. I wish I had gone to the police but it is so hard to see these things clearly when you are in the thick of things.

MrsSpenserGregson Fri 26-Apr-19 14:41:46

I would be furious, and very upset, in your position OP.

My DD was bullied out of her grammar school recently (luckily we were able to get her into the school - comprehensive - that we really should have sent her to in the first place). The teacher in charge of pastoral care could not have been less interested. The bully is still contacting DD on social media - every time we think she's been blocked everywhere, she creates a new account and starts again. I've messaged her parents who clearly haven't stopped it. It's infuriating.

Schools definitely do cover these things up in my experience, sadly.

How does your DD feel about it? Is she still at the same school?

bloodywhitecat Fri 26-Apr-19 14:43:21

I think it is a very poor decision by the school and sends out completely the wrong message to the students.

MrsSpenserGregson Fri 26-Apr-19 14:44:00

Oh, and I would say that someone who had behaved badly enough to be suspended from school two years ago absolutely should not be able to be head girl. I don't think that's unfair at all. The school's handling of the whole thing sounds pathetic in the extreme. Are the girl's parents on the board of governors, or big donors to the school, or something?

howwudufeel Fri 26-Apr-19 14:45:03

Dd is no longer at the school. Her choice but I have no doubt the bullying contributed to her decision. I have a younger Dd still there. I can’t stand the idea of the head girl having some power and authority over her.

I should add that I have namechanged for this.

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