Friend dropped my baby(175 Posts)
I had a play date today at my house for my three year old, with another friend and her three year old. We were all sitting on the sofa. She asked to cuddle my 4 month old baby while I went to get cookies for the older kids.
When I walked back into the room, she lost her grip on my baby and baby fell from her arm onto the sofa. Luckily baby was uninjured and swiftly picked back up. Friend said she had wriggled and sort of laughed it off and said sorry. She had baby in upright position, over her shoulder, I think with one hand low on body and I don’t feel she could have been supporting her particularly well, I was out of the room for maybe one minute and was stood at doorway when it happened.
I didn’t say anything at the time, as I was a bit shocked. I now feel guilty for putting my daughter in that position and wonder if I should have said more. Do I just accept it was an accident or should I say more ? I just keep thinking how much worse it could have been and can’t help but feel responsible.
What kind of accountability would you like to see? An apology? Financial retribution? Tears?
What would be the benefit of this?
Like the woman isn't embarrassed enough as it is.
OP, I think you can see that the majority on here say chalk it up to life experience and move on. Certainly not worth risking a friendship over.
Something similar happened to my baby, she was just under 1 year old. My MIL left her sitting on the dining table at the kitchen where we have tiling an no carpet (So if she was to fall it would have been quiet dangerous). When i rushed towards her, my MIL who was beside me quickly realized and apologised by laughing it off.
I took offence at first- of course! But I later quickly realized that she must have been so nervous/ guilty and felt awkward as a grandparent at the time it happened she probably didn't know how to express appropriately.
But I let it go knowing her intentions and as a grandparent she would never let that happen.
Anyway, that's how I took it in my case. But I try to always take my other child who is now 8 months old if I had to pop into another room, regardless of another mommy friend being there to look after her (especially when there are other distractions of other kids around too).
@blackcat86 but you'd lose a friendship over this? Really?
Hi OP - unless your friend is completely unhinged, I have no doubt she'll be feeling terrible and mortified. Her laugh I'm sure was just a reaction - more from nerves than malice. Let it go. Babies are like cats - they have nine lives. There will be many close shaves but they are more robust that we perhaps realise.
I gasped with horror when I read this, and think any reaction you have is not unreasonable. Console yourself with the thought that no harm was done, and that you don’t have to let her hold the baby again. For me, watching someone holding a baby unsafely stresses me out more than most things in this life!
I had no idea that dropping babies was quite as common as the replies on this thread suggest! I'd be upset too OP, at 4 months old your friend should have been being much more careful.
Your baby is of the age where she is starting to move much more, often suddenly. Yes, your friend should have held her with both hands but she didn't throw her to the ground. Baby slipped onto the settee, so not harmed at all.
A 4 month old slipped on to a soft sofa and was unharmed? I’d let it go. I have a 4 month old and he’s a strong and slippery little thing! He often tries to launch himself around and kick off from my knee.
What good would mentioning it again do? She can’t change things, can she?
At that age, my dh dropped out dd onto the wooden floor. Yes I was pissed off momentarily but these happen. I wouldn’t be too upset over it.
I gasped with horror when I read this
Crikey. Really? Gasped with horror? Because a baby was 'dropped' onto a soft surface with no immediate or lasting damage?
What would you do if an axe murderer barged through your back door?
I don’t think I’ve ever gasped with horror, but it would definitely take far more than reading about a 4 month old falling on to a soft surface and emerging unharmed to illicit that response!
I gasped with horror really? A baby was accidently dropped a short distance on to a soft sofa, baby unharmed and the friend apologised and obviously laughed nervously. I'm positive that most decent human beings wouldn't purposely do this.
Yes the what if could be worse. But we can say that about anything.
Was she standing up and dropped baby a few feet onto sofa so they free fell?
Or say if sofa and baby slid down a few Cm on to the sofa material?
I think the 2 situations are completely different and would/should illicit different reactions from your friend.
You however shouldn't be feeling guilty.
So the baby was accidentally dropped about a foot from arms on to a soft sofa?
She apologised, didn't make a big deal out of, because it wasn't, and you're upset you put your baby in danger? By being held by a friend on a sofa? Is that right?
Oh OP I would be utterly horrified having to watch that
Good god, how drama llama are you?
Op your baby was unhurt, the child slipped onto the couch. It was an accident, she clearly didn't do it on purpose. Let it go.
And ignore the drama llamas suggesting it's "utterly horrific" that's beyond bonkers.
I know! Horrific.....horrified.....gasped in horror. FFS
You're overreacting. She's four months old, not four weeks.
So, your friend dropped the baby onto the sofa whilst she was sitting o the sofa I'm guessing your sofa isn't made of concrete?
For me it's more about the intention and the genuineness of the apology. Only OP knows whether she thinks her friend is genuinely sorry but it sounds like she wasnt actually that bothered so yes if a friend hadn't held my baby properly after asking for a cuddle, dropped my baby and then laughed it off, I wouldn't say they were much of a friend. I can't imagine DH being impressed either. You can absolutely think I'm unreasonable, we all have our opinions but this has clearly rattled OP enough to post about it and it's ok to listen to that gut feeling.
There's nothing to be achieved by saying more.
It doesn't mean it's nothing though. My neighbor's 3 year old sat on my dc3 when he was a few weeks old and she didn't react at all except to smile. I didn't leave dc3 on his playnest when any children except my own were in the house after that, and kept him in a wrap carrier mostly.
Dc3 is 8 (years) now and fond of the neighbor's son, who is a a nice but still slightly dozy child and a good friend of dc2. Doesn't mean I've forgotten though
Just don't let her hold your baby again, it's easy to avoid the situation arising.
Gasped in horror!
FFS. Baby slipped from her arms, onto the soft sofa.
I never dropped my own babies either, black cat, but then I had them from day 1 and by the time they were four months old, I had four whole months to adjust as their wriggliness and unpredictable movement gradually increased. Perhaps she was holding the baby over the couch as she knew it would be safe.
OP, I probably wouldn’t ever hand her my baby again, especially not when she’s standing up, but I wouldn’t fall out over it. Accidents happen.
If she was sitting on the sofa then I think it’s a total non event.
I don't think gasps of horror are that unjustified. Small babies are easily hurt. And watching your own baby being dropped... Even if it's not far that must be awful! If it was my baby it would have given me nightmares. I agree with some PPs, don't offer any more cuddles again soon. To be fair your friend is probably quite shaken and isn't likely to be asking for cuddles again any time soon. Hopefully her laughter was just a nervous reaction.
These things happen, baby was fine so I don’t see the issue. I’m sure she didn’t do it on purpose?
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