Friend dropped my baby

[katers85]

I had a play date today at my house for my three year old, with another friend and her three year old. We were all sitting on the sofa. She asked to cuddle my 4 month old baby while I went to get cookies for the older kids.
When I walked back into the room, she lost her grip on my baby and baby fell from her arm onto the sofa. Luckily baby was uninjured and swiftly picked back up. Friend said she had wriggled and sort of laughed it off and said sorry. She had baby in upright position, over her shoulder, I think with one hand low on body and I don’t feel she could have been supporting her particularly well, I was out of the room for maybe one minute and was stood at doorway when it happened.
I didn’t say anything at the time, as I was a bit shocked. I now feel guilty for putting my daughter in that position and wonder if I should have said more. Do I just accept it was an accident or should I say more ? I just keep thinking how much worse it could have been and can’t help but feel responsible.

[YesimstillwatchingNetflix]

Wow she really shouldn't have laughed it off. If I had dropped someone's baby I would be mortified and apologising profusely. Perhaps she just felt so awkward that she was laughing as a nervous tick sort of reaction?

Don't blame yourself, you couldn't have predicted this would happen.

I think you have a right be be annoyed at your friend's reaction and to not let her hold the baby again.

[PurpleDaisies]

Mountain molehill.

Hadn’t pretty much every parent dropped, bumped or injured their child accidentally at some point?

[bloodyskybroadband]

There's nothing you can do now is there? It's not like she chucked her across the room on purpose. Just add it to the list of babies close shaves.

[mouldyhousemouldylife]

She wasn't actually laughing though by the sounds of it, and she apologised. As long as she's ok I wouldn't have thought anymore of it. Many parents will have done similar I'm sure?

[Pigsinduvets]

Accidents happen. You are not responsible. Your friend probably feels very bad about it. However, I wouldn’t be letting her hold my baby ever again.

[Dana28]

Meh!

[UCOinanOCG]

She didn't really drop the baby did she? Baby slipped from her arms on to the settee and wasn't thrown from a height into the floor. At 4 months baby will be fairly robust. Let it go.

[Expressedways]

It was an accident, your baby is unhurt and your friend apologised. What more would there possibly be to say?

[Singlenotsingle]

She didn't do it on purpose. Babies can be very wriggly.

[PregnantSea]

I wouldn't let her hold the baby again, but I would also just let this go. It's done now and no harm came to the baby. Baby's do get dropped sometimes, it's not the end of the world so long as they come out of it unharmed.

[Boohootoyootoo]

But what more would you say if you decided to bring it up again, and what good would it do.

It was obviously an accident, be kind to your friend, don't mention it again.

I think sometimes, post partum we can be very sensitive to things, an old instinct to protect our children. Which is great, but we need to be able to realise when this is reasonable or unreasonable.

I think perhaps the still wanting to say something comes from the fact that you're probably a bit traumatised from it - someone dropping your baby brings to life just how fragile they are and all the 'what ifs' come rushing in and as a mum you need to 'do' something about it.

Iremember running out of the room once when someone said my baby was so delicious they could put her in the oven and eat her. I still remember that ugly feeling in the pit of my stomach.. oh and DH fell down the stairs holding her too - stuff happens, forget it and move on, it's preparation for the rest of their lives when you can't protect them 24/7.

No harm done, just try and forget about it.

[ParmaHamAndMozzarella]

I think you are over reacting somewhat. It was an accident. Pretty sure she did a nervous laugh, not a "how hilarious" laugh.

Although I say that but I can totally see why you are pissed off. A few days after I had my first child we had a little gathering at my in laws with my parents. My mil was holding my daughter and I noticed she looked like she didn't have hold properly, the baby's head was flopping. I nudged my husband to say as I (stupidly!!) didn't want to say anything. He just said mum have you got her and my mil looked startled and didn't really reply. My parent's were leaving at that point so I went out the room to say bye. When I came back before I'd sat down my daughter had slid off her lap onto the sofa and my mil was asleep (drunk). I didn't realise how much wine she'd put away. I took my daughter off her immediately and she didn't even notice!!!

The funniest part about this is my mil is a church going saint who if anyone found out she dropped her 4 day old granddaughter DRUNK they'd refuse to believe it, like she did herself!!! I asked my husband to talk to his mum for months about it as I was so annoyed she'd taken my daughter when she must have realised she was drunk. In the end I told her and she refused to believe it happened, my husband had to say "yeah you did actually". She never got to hold our second child EVER, he's nearly 2 now, I just always made excuses "oh he's hungry" "just got him settled" etc. No chance.

So yes I understand your annoyance, but in your case your friend just misjudged it and didn't have hold properly, she knows she's done it and I'm sure she feels bad. Just don't let her have a hold again.

[blackcat86]

Oh OP I would be utterly horrified having to watch that. Do you feel like she actually took any accountability for what happened or apologised? I dont subscribe to the 'babies get dropped all the time BS' although in other generation it almost seems a point of pride. I have several physical issues and drop everything but i have never dropped my baby. It doesn't sound like she was holding her properly. That friendship would be soured for me and I would certainly not be back there in a hurry.

[mathanxiety]

I would let it go. Luckily the baby landed on the couch and not the floor. These things can happen.

She probably laughed out of nervousness/fright.

[youknowmedontyou]

@blackcat86 it wasn't a deliberate act, accidents do happen.

Don't dwell on it OP, you're maybe going through the "what if" scenario. Alls well that ends well... move on.

[blackcat86]

I didnt insinuate it was deliberate but if you aren't holding a baby properly (which OP has already said) and then you inevitably drop the baby then there is some accountability there. It's a relief that baby wasnt hurt but for me that wouldn't detract from the incident itself.

[CircleofWillis]

Hadn’t pretty much every parent dropped, bumped or injured their child accidentally at some point?

Accidentally scratched,yes, but dropped, no way. Dropping a 4 month old baby from shoulder height to a sofa doesn't sound like a 'these things happen' sort of thing.

[Cherrysherbet]

Sounds to me that she laughed because she felt embarrassed/shocked. I’m sure she didn’t find it funny, unless she’s a nasty person? Accidents happen sometimes.

[TheMaddHugger]

Meh. OK >>> Next.

((Little Hug)) cause I realize you are upset.🌺

[malificent7]

Baby fell.onto the sofa which is soft and therefore was fine. A bit of a shock but no harm done. Just be careful with friend holding baby again.

[Isbrexitoveryet]

I’m sure your D.C. will be fine.
And fwiw, I don’t think she was laughing laughing, I think it’s the same kind of panic laugh that catches you when you don’t know what to do

[zippey]

Accident. It’s fine.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Of course you don’t make an issue out of it. I dropped dd once when she was 6 weeks old. Luckily it was into her Moses basket as I was about to put her to bed. She didn’t even get upset.

Your friend was not laughing it off. Many people laugh when they are nervous. From your description it isn’t clear if your friend was sitting or standing. If she was sitting that is deffo a mountain / molehill thing. And if standing, no harm done.

And it is definitely not the same as being drunk and in charge of a newborn.

[Lockheart]

So the baby fell about 12 inches from your friends arms onto the sofa? And no harm done?

I think you are overreacting on this one.

[Boohootoyootoo]

@blackcat86
What kind of accountability would you like to see? An apology? Financial retribution? Tears?

What would be the benefit of this?

Like the woman isn't embarrassed enough as it is.

OP, I think you can see that the majority on here say chalk it up to life experience and move on. Certainly not worth risking a friendship over.