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Father of my children does not want to marry me!

(651 Posts)
Jessil91 Fri 26-Apr-19 00:55:22

So my BF of almost ten years who I live with and have two lovely children with does not believe in marriage. This wasn’t made clear to me til a few a days ago when we were for talking about it ( I just kind of assumed we would get married at some point given circumstances). I’ve never been a massive marriage advocate per se but I can’t help but feel really depressed and down about it, like he doesn’t want me or take our relationship seriously. I know that may sound silly since we have children together but I can’t help how I feel. There’s this feeling of rejection, like the man I love doesn’t love me enough to marry me. I communicated this with him and he turned round and said that his not believing in marriage is not personal and that he felt a little offended because I seemed more bothered about marriage then just being with him. But that’s not the case, I just believe in marriage and what it stands for and I want to legalise our relationship. I must add that he’s a great Dad and we have a healthy relationship otherwise.

Am I being stupid??? Any advice would be greatly appreciated !!

Lndnmummy Sun 05-May-19 14:36:21

Ceejay, all the flowers in the world to you. Your post really touched me.

Alsohuman Sun 05-May-19 15:13:01

I will when you own your virtual illiteracy.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Sun 05-May-19 15:28:35

I fear it is you who has limited range.because you’ve never heard or used a word doesn’t mean it’s is not real
Go look up capacitous ,see if you can apply it in a sentence

Kennehora Sun 05-May-19 17:31:22

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kennehora Sun 05-May-19 17:40:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kennehora Sun 05-May-19 17:41:24

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alsohuman Sun 05-May-19 17:48:32

@Lipstck, I’ll give you capacitous. You’ve still made up cohabitate.

snoutandab0ut Sun 05-May-19 18:19:50

I’m not ‘independently wealthy’. I’m from a very poor background and swore I wouldn’t replicate the lifestyle of my parents, where my mum is now trapped in a miserable marriage because she can’t afford to leave. Personally I wouldn’t even entertain the idea of having kids unless I, independently, could afford to do so. Perhaps you should explain why you think you’re entitled to things you didn’t earn or pay for? Of course both parents should financially provide for children in the event of a split, but as a grown adult I don’t think anyone is responsible for my own financial well-being except me.

Kennehora Sun 05-May-19 18:36:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Sun 05-May-19 18:46:34

Human, you’re so very eager to score a point,make an argumentative dig virtual illiteracy

well here we are again.

I fear it is you who has limited range.Just because you’ve never heard or used a word doesn’t mean it’s is not real. I of course refer your previous post disputing capacitous. Hey, guess what?its a word you’re unfamiliar with and have never used,and you wrongly disputed it.

Go look up cohabitate ,see if you can apply it in a sentence

Alsohuman Sun 05-May-19 18:53:36

I can't use it in a sentence because it doesn't exist. You made it up. The correct word is cohabit.

LipstickHandbagCoffee Sun 05-May-19 18:56:45

With your track record of erroneous assertions I’d not be so definitive

Meandwinealone Sun 05-May-19 19:19:36

You guys need to chill the fuck out

LipstickHandbagCoffee Sun 05-May-19 21:32:42

I’m perfectly chilled
And no I don’t need reprimanded by you about what I chose to reply to

BasilFaulty Sun 05-May-19 23:04:48

This thread has turned very sour

snoutandab0ut Mon 06-May-19 16:55:49

So advocating for personal responsibility and self-reliance, and wanting to see systems that facilitate true equality in every establishment, be that the home or workplace, thus eradicating the need for women to be financially reliant on men which is, in itself one of the most patriarchal arrangements going, is misogynist? I’m not sure you know the meaning of the word. Carry on buying into the fallacy of free choices made within a system set up to subjugate women if you like, but don’t pretend you’re feminist.

snoutandab0ut Mon 06-May-19 16:59:01

If being a “true partnership” means sacrificing my freedom and ability to fulfil my own financial wants and need to be kept by a man I’ll pass, thanks. Funny how it’s still largely women that end up in this disadvantaged position and try and pass it off as some kind of teamwork? Tell me again it’s about partnerships and equality when we have equal amounts of men and women staying at home and being financially beholden to their partners

Valanice1989 Sat 18-May-19 18:52:49

Any update, OP?

Jessil91 Tue 02-Jul-19 02:03:12

Hi all,

I know it’s been a long time since I last posted and this thread is ridiculously dated but for those of you that are still keeping an eye out, my partner and I have booked our wedding and as it goes we’re both very excited. We did book to just go to the registry office just the two of us but my father got involved and offered to pay for a proper wedding so that’s what we’re doing, we’re very lucky!.

I just thought that I’d come back on here and thank everyone for the advice they gave. If it wasn’t for the advice I got from this post then I would not be getting married. In my heart of hearts I guess it was something I had always wanted but not pushed for and these comments prompted me to go for what I truly wanted and I am, engaged and rearing to go! Thank you everyone xxxxxx

SemperIdem Tue 02-Jul-19 02:07:16

Glad it’s all working out happily, congratulations flowerswinecake

AllTheWhoresOfMalta Tue 02-Jul-19 02:15:32

Glad to read a happy ending. Congratulations 🍾🥂

b0bb1n Tue 02-Jul-19 02:40:10

Congratulations! Lovely news flowerswine

Kokeshi123 Tue 02-Jul-19 03:27:37

That's wonderful OP! I'm glad your partner and family have realized home important this is.

mokapot Tue 02-Jul-19 03:38:40

Omg! I just read
The first and last page and I got that you are happy and are engaged!! Am so happy for you and even happier I didn’t have to scroll through 14 pages of shite arguing smile

Browniee Tue 02-Jul-19 03:58:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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