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Partners family friend doesnt know about me

(51 Posts)
Kerlouphil Thu 25-Apr-19 16:31:03

I have a partner of 2 years, his family are very lovely people and are always polite and welcoming however there are a couple of issues I have. His parents have an elderly family friend that does not know of me and has never been told that my partner and his ex wife have separated. I wasnt allowed to join the family xmas lunch last year as no one was prepared to tell her and she was going to also be there for xmas lunch so my partner had to revoke my invitation to his family home so as not to cause a problem. This lady is apparently incredibly traditional and wouldn't take kindly to the fact that my partner and his ex have separated (they have children together)

Am I wrong to feel so upset about this?

Aquamarine1029 Thu 25-Apr-19 16:35:07

I don't think I would be "so upset", but this is definitely ridiculous. Why do they care what this family friend thinks? Do they really believe she is so sheltered and unreasonable that she doesn't understand some couples go their separate ways? I would be more upset that your partner is going along with this farce. It's just absurd to be pandering to this woman.

AppleKatie Thu 25-Apr-19 16:36:54

Are you in a same sex relationship?

Are you of different ethnicities?

Nah scrap that, there may be a ‘reason’ but there definitely isn’t an excuse for this batshit behaviour.

Bookworm4 Thu 25-Apr-19 16:37:34

Where did they say his exW was or his kids? Or were they there?
Ridiculous, tell DP to speak up.

SometimesIGetNervous Thu 25-Apr-19 16:37:47

That’s just really weird. Why do they care so much what this family friend thinks? Are you sure that’s really the reason?

Kerlouphil Thu 25-Apr-19 16:41:56

No same sex or ethnicity issue, not that it would be a problem for me.
My partners ex is still firm friends with the whole family - could this be the root of it. They still have her in their home at least weekly if not more. I just find it all odd behaviour. I felt quite hurt at xmas as my children were spending it with their dad so I was initially going to be alone so when my partner asked me to join his family i felt happy only to be told later that I wasnt allowed to go

Leeds2 Thu 25-Apr-19 16:42:06

Couldn't your DP have not gone to his parents for Christmas, and stayed at home with you?
And how did he explain to the friend that his wife and children weren't there? Unless of course they were.
There is something not right about this!

Kerlouphil Thu 25-Apr-19 16:43:18

My partner had the children xmas day as his ex was working so they got around it that way

Chickychoccyegg Thu 25-Apr-19 16:44:11

I would dump this loser of a guy if he cant stand up for the relationship, who cares what a family friend thinks!

BertrandRussell Thu 25-Apr-19 16:45:56

Dump. The older I get the more I realise that Life’s too short for this sort of rubbish. Honestly.

Aquamarine1029 Thu 25-Apr-19 16:46:48

Your partner isn't much of a man, that is clear. You deserve better than this.

SuchAToDo Thu 25-Apr-19 16:56:26

This is weird, their son and his partner (you)should take priority at the family Christmas meal over a family friend...

Why are they so worried about her finding out...is she a friend or relative of hi ex wife?...is she wealthy and said she is leaving g them.something in her will and they think she will.cut them out of the will If she finds out about his divorce?

This makes absolutely no.sense...it would be like you hosting Christmas dinner and having a relative bring their partner, but then revoking that partners invitation because you had a friend attending the dinner who didn't know your relative was dating....when you put it like that, do.you see how bizarre it is

Did his family say you weren't invited or did HE say that his family revoked the invitation...as something smells fishy....why would.anybody care what a family friend think.to the extent they would disunite their sons partner?

SuchAToDo Thu 25-Apr-19 16:57:52

*disinvite

Bookworm4 Thu 25-Apr-19 17:02:54

So your DP and his family are lying that he is still with his wife? Where's his loyalty to you? They're all nuts!

LemonTT Thu 25-Apr-19 17:03:18

I think you need to bullshit on this. They disinvited you for another reason. Most likely to do with the ex.

BumbleBeee69 Thu 25-Apr-19 17:04:06

Something stinks to high heaven here OP, I'm not buying this old friend being traditional bullshit ...

Leave this situation and find someone who respects YOU flowers

Nanny0gg Thu 25-Apr-19 17:07:21

How old is he for goodness sake?

Kerlouphil Thu 25-Apr-19 17:09:09

Thanks all - I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds this all strange

From what I was told at the time my partner was willing to tell her himself but his parents said no. We had xmas lunch together ourselves then joined his family late afternoon at their house after the friend had gone. I'm a bit of a peacekeeper so agreed. However I'm concerned that this lady still hasn't been told and that it will be the same at any subsequent family events. We have talked about living together and even marriage has come up in conversation but these are the little issues that stop me from taking that leap.

Boysey45 Thu 25-Apr-19 17:09:34

Hes still with his ex partner/wife.
Hes bullshitting you OP about the old family friend.I'd put money on it.

Kerlouphil Thu 25-Apr-19 17:11:00

We are both 40!!! I just feel a little pushed out of what otherwise appears to be a very loving family.

Bookworm4 Thu 25-Apr-19 17:12:46

@boysey
OP has met his parents do think that's unlikely
Have you met his kids? Are they lying to them?

canveyisland Thu 25-Apr-19 17:12:50

Is there a Will somewhere in this?

Aeroflotgirl Thu 25-Apr-19 17:14:10

Wow and your partner still spent Christmas with his family, knowing you would be alone. He should have been a grown adult and told them to stuff it, and spend Christmas with you. Tells you all you need to know about him. What are they going to say, if you want to get married and have kids, they can't keep you hidden away like some dirty secret. Don't let this happen again. If he won't have your back, you walk out that door and find someone who will. It is odd that the ex still has a relationship with his family.

Aeroflotgirl Thu 25-Apr-19 17:15:49

Oh good you had Christmas lunch together at least.

user1493413286 Thu 25-Apr-19 17:16:29

I wouldn’t be upset at her not being told but I would be upset about Christmas and not being included in any other events she’s at

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