That one poster...

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

... on every regular MN thread who crops up with a ridiculous, irrelevant or ‘jokey’ comment that’s so annoying you want to eat your own face. Example:

OP is worried about a legal issue. Up pops that one poster who insists on informing us: ‘This wouldn’t be an issue on Scotland’. Well, that’s genius advice, isn’t it? All the OP has to do is master time travel, go back to before said issue occurs and move to West Lothian first! Or, if she’s mastered time travel, go back and make sure the issue doesn’t happen in the first sodding place.

On a non-drivers thread, someone says they don’t need to drive because they live in central London, and don’t have the money or the space for a car anyway. That one poster chimes in with ‘Well that’s all very well, but what would you do if you lived in a one-street village with buses twice a decade?’ At a wild guess, I’d suggest maybe they wouldn’t move from central London to said village! Or if for some reason they did, maybe it might just be the incentive to learn to drive that hadn’t had before?

On a door answering thread, someone says they don’t answer the door after the dark if they’re not expecting anyone because they live in a rough area. That one poster: ‘You miserable, unsociable lot! Don’t your neighbours ever just pop in for a cuppa? What if it’s a little girl looking for her lost cat? What if the old lady up the road baked you a cake? Bless, she’s probably lonely’. It’s never some scrote on the scrounge, is it?

OP’s mother-in-law criticises her child-rearing, cooking, housekeeping, sexual morals etc. Unless the husband cuts his mother permanently out of his life, that one poster will appear to decree that ‘You don’t have a MIL problem - you have a DH problem’. So hang on, it’s his fault she’s a rotten old bitch?

OP asks ‘Is my sister a bitch for doing XYZ?’ Most people say ‘Yes’. Someone says ‘Actually, I can see her point’. That one poster ‘hilariously’ dives in with ‘Are YOU the OP’s sister?!’ Yes, because that’s the most likely possibility on a site used by millions. It couldn’t possibly just be someone with a different view to the majority.

Any others?

[caughtinanet]

Your last point really irritates me, I can't decide whether people are so stupid that they think the only person who would disagree with the majority view must by the CF in question or think they are making some kind of clever comment that's never been said before (not!)

One of my pet peeves is posts of "oh it must be the school holidays" if a thread sounds a little troll-y. Does anyone seriously think that a) school children (or is it teachers) only have internet access in the holidays or that b) any child in 2019 gets their kicks from making up stuff on a forum their parents use?

I'm sure there must be more

[Disfordarkchocolate]

I hate the ones who pop up with 'I'd give anything to spend one more minute with my....' when faced with someone facing awful behaviour.

[TheQueef]

The poster that won't let it drop.
They make a statement and wander into wild tangents and hypothetical bizarre situations and Labour the point to death even when it has little to do with the OP.
Scolding posts outside AIBU piss me off as well.

[justarandomtricycle]

None of these would even be an issue if it weren't for/how can you even worry about this when... Brexit/NHS/poverty/the tories/etc.

[SapphireSeptember]

The people that pop up on a thread about Harry Potter/lipstick/chocolate to deride whatever it is you find fun or say they never read/wear/eat it. Well that was useful to know. Or tell people who like things generally aimed at a younger audience to grow up, because they cannot possibly understand how an adult can like something for kids. Drives me bananas!

[Nesssie]

The posters that say 'I wish that's all I had to worry about' . Just because someone else has a worse problem, doesn't mean you aren't allowed to worry/moan/complain etc
People can't complain about a broken finger because someone else has a broken arm

[laurG]

The one that composes a list of all the things that annoy them about other mumsnetters..... just live and key live op

[Bloocy]

There’s so many clever clogs over on baby names.
for example ‘what name goes best with Gracie?’
They'll reply with a long list consisting of Tracey, Stacey, Macey, Lacey, Casey, Jacey, Pacey.

Sooooo for my and original.

[ChipsAreLife]

Agreed sapphire

' Can anyone advise whether I should stay in an onsite hotel Disney or off site'

Twatty poster 'I would advise you don't go to Disney at all. Too hot, too busy, too expensive. Stay in Spain instead (insert twatty smiley face to make it 'hilarious')

[RedHatsDoNotSuitMe]

I've posted about this before.
Something that drives me mad is that someone will post on an issue, eg "a reception aged child, a peer of my DC, isn't being very kind to him/her (lists a few examples. Not nice, but quite minor). I'm not very happy about how nursery are handling it, should I step in?"
Answers usually waver between 'let the kids sort it out for themselves/protect your child'
Then a poster will come along with a tale of how they were HORRIFICALLY bullied as a child and how their parent/school did nothing.

And this changes the whole tone of the thread. Suddenly, it's all about 'bullying'. And it's as if every poster after that views the OP through the prism of the horrific story.

And I see it over and over again on here, 'my BIL [DD's uncle] is a bit creepy around her and she doesn't really want to sit on his knee' and posters start posting about their [again, horrific] experiences of child abuse. But I've seen it with other things too - not just child related. Even one thread about a hair cut (and whether or not to complain)!
and it really frustrates me

[Hobbesmanc]

I get ranty about the keyboard barristers- those HR and Consumer rights experts who just churn out complete nonsense about how posters are entitled to this and that and ACAS will intervene in every minor squabble at work

[caughtinanet]

Posters on (mainly) primary school threads who either advise reporting totally irrelevant matters to the PTA or making everything a complaint to the governors as the first step to resolve even the most petty irritations

[slashlover]

There's one just now, OP is pregnant and self certing and policy is that the employee must phone in daily.

Cue messages of BUT WHAT IF YOU HAD THROAT CANCER, WOULD YOU NEED TO PHONE IN THEN!?!?!?!

[StillCoughingandLaughing]

The one that composes a list of all the things that annoy them about other mumsnetters..... just live and key live op

Is this meant to be ironic? Because there’s always a response like this on these threads too!

[ladyflower23]

The over use of Red Flag annoys me. Any minor issue involving a DH and someone will pop on saying it's a red flag that he might someday turn to domestic violence e.g. the OP will say something like 'i kept talking to my DH during his favourite program and he told me to shut up. AiBu to think he shouldn't have spoken to me like that' and someone will go 'my DH would never treat me like this. He would kiss me gently until I was quiet. To me this is a red flag.Here have my first ever LTB.'

[iklboo]

Everybody who is rude to an OP has an undiagnosed mental health condition, autism or dementia. They can't be just a rude arsehole.

[acomingin]

The troll hunters annoy me more than any other posters. Just report and fuck off, eh?

[IDontMindAnythingWillDo]

I think, if people being dicks irritates you that much, then the internet probably isn’t the place for you.

[fecketyfeck21]

all the red flags on aibu make me think mn is turning to communism. a lot of stuff posted as questions on aibu just require a good dose of common sense.

[WorraLiberty]

That one poster who when they disagree with someone, will edit their post and C&P it back in bold.

Followed by There, I fixed that for you.

So childish and so 'Facebook'.

[HollowTalk]

There was one thread today where a poster wanted to know whether to live in Primrose Hill or Notting Hill. You just knew "First world problems" was going to crop up. So bloody irritating.

[Mapril]

For years, on any kind of 'which swimsuit/ bikini advise etc' threads there was one poster who would rock up and bitch plop:

'Board shorts and a rash vest is all you need'

Every single time without fail why are you even answering a style and beauty thread??
In my head they were Anne Widdecombe.

[RedDogsBeg]

The one phrase that makes me want to remove someone's eyeballs with a spoon is:

Are you me, OP?

and any variations thereof such as:

Are you married to my dh?

Such a ridiculous, meaningless, pointless comment and it is usually the sum total of their contribution to the thread.

The what ifs/what abouters are tiresome, I agree, OP. My favourite was a recent one on a (now removed) thread:

What if they were going at 100mph? one response of If they had been everyone involved would be dead and another posting equally absurd what ifs were perfect.

Why do people post these nonsensical scenarios?

[TheTitOfTheIceberg]

Everybody who is rude to an OP has an undiagnosed mental health condition, autism or dementia. They can't be just a rude arsehole.

I was just about to post this - I made this exact comment (right down to using the same 'rude arsehole' phrase) on a thread earlier today. It makes it so much harder for people with genuine MH conditions if the perception is allowed to spread that anyone with depression/bipolar/anxiety/whatever is going to behave like a complete knob in all situations, or that being diagnosed with a MH condition automatically and invariably turns you from a considerate, kind person into a selfish wanker. Sometimes people are just pricks!

[WorraLiberty]

RedDogs I'm with you on the "Are you me, OP?"

I have no idea why it irritates me so much but it does