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I have lost weight & started taking care of myself and I have lost every friend I ever had!

(180 Posts)
dinkydolphin Thu 25-Apr-19 08:55:32

In January I decided I was going to change my lifestyle for the better.
Starting January first I started doing things to make MYSELF happy. I lost a stone, started wearing makeup, bought nicer clothes, started getting my nails and hair done and wore makeup regularly. On top of this I started socialising more with my partner and together we went out more and over all and generally I was a lot more confident in my skin.
However, as of last night I have lost some of my closest friends. Women who I knew since high school. Many of them have been trying to lose weight for a while or I guess were used to be looking different but, my last original friend last night told me I just wasn't myself anymore.

I am obviously going to keep on the track that boosts my confidence but, it's been very very sad losing good friends.

TheFastandCurious Thu 25-Apr-19 08:57:07

You haven’t lost any friends at all don’t worry.

You’ve lost ‘misery needs company’ which is no loss at all. Well done on your achievements gin

Cbatothinkofaname Thu 25-Apr-19 09:04:34

Some people are only a ‘friend’ if you keep your life exactly as it is, because that’s what suits them. Same reason but different scenario- I had a ‘friend’ at work who I thought was genuine for a long time, we got on well. She turned nasty the moment I got a much wanted promotion to another job. Made me realise she wasn’t a real friend because she didn’t have my interests at heart; she felt pissed off and insecure that I was leaving the same work place.

Your ‘friends’ were clearly comfortable so long as you remained as you were, I guess because it made them feel more comfortable.

Ocicat Thu 25-Apr-19 09:17:15

While the above commenters might be right, it’s worth thinking about whether or not you are “not yourself any more”. A lot of people who make big changes like weight loss, style overhaul etc get so evangelical about it that they literally talk about nothing else. I’ve had friends who lost significant weight and became so obsessed with calorie-counting and exercise that it completely dominated every interaction and event and I’ve had to distance myself.

UserThenLotsOfNumbers Thu 25-Apr-19 09:20:45

I'm very sorry to hear this. If you were my friend I'd be proud of you and celebrating your success. I agree with the misery loves company comment by PP.

Downthecanal Thu 25-Apr-19 09:21:32

Losing all your friend over you losing a stone is extreme. I’d probably look at my behaviour towards them and see what’s changed.

If you genuinely haven’t changed toward them maybe you have just outgrown them. When I reached 35 I started moving away from a circle of friends as it wasn’t who I was anymore. They thought I’d changed, I had, I just moved in to a new phase of my life.

Fairylea Thu 25-Apr-19 09:22:23

It’s great you are feeling so good about yourself. Maybe you have changed though? If you’re interested in different things and have different priorities maybe you do need a new set of friends.

NoSauce Thu 25-Apr-19 09:22:30

That’s very odd OP. Have you been talking a lot about your changes to these friends, maybe they’re a bit overwhelmed if so.
Either that or they weren’t very good friends in the first place.

diddl Thu 25-Apr-19 09:23:37

"get so evangelical about it that they literally talk about nothing else."

I was also thinking this.

What happened last night?

LongtimeLurker29 Thu 25-Apr-19 09:26:36

I'm a firm believer that you don't lose friends, you just learn who your real friends are.

HulksPurplePanties Thu 25-Apr-19 09:26:50

get so evangelical about it that they literally talk about nothing else.

This in spades.

U2HasTheEdge Thu 25-Apr-19 09:27:22

Well done on losing weight. I can't imagine friends getting pissed off because you have lost 1 stone.

There has to be more to this.

Orangeballon Thu 25-Apr-19 09:28:05

Your outward appearance has changed and probably for the better and you are socialising more. Some don’t like happy confident people, it makes them feel like they are missing out. As others have said, they were not real friends.

IvanaPee Thu 25-Apr-19 09:29:19

Strangers on the internet can tell you “they’re just jel hun” but these people know you and where your friends.

It’s possible that every single friend is jealous of you and wants you to be miserable, I suppose.

There is also a strong possibility that you have changed.

OkMaybeNot Thu 25-Apr-19 09:31:32

I've distanced myself from friends who thought they were just radically changing their lifestyle, losing weight and becoming more confident but in reality they were becoming judgy, vain bores.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack Thu 25-Apr-19 09:31:57

I guess it just depends on whether you became a bit of a diet bore, just banging on about diet and exercise. Look, it's great when someone changes their lifestyle and does well, but it can get a bit preachy. If you'd lost one or two friends I'd say maybe they were jealous, but every friend?? Maybe look into yourself and see if there is another reason.

Well done btw, it's a great achievement.

Starlight456 Thu 25-Apr-19 09:34:13

I thought it was going to be like 5 or 6 stone .

I wonder if you have changed and I don’t mean appearance wise but in the attitude that because you can do it every one should.

Or youno longer have time for friends.

Something has changed other than carrying a stone less . Ultimately this is only about one dress size.

TidyDancer Thu 25-Apr-19 09:34:36

As others have suggested, the fact that this has happened with multiple friends suggests that the problem may lie with something you've said or done. It's not impossible that they are all jealous but it's less likely I would imagine.

What you're describing as confident, for example, may be coming across as arrogance.

LillithsFamiliar Thu 25-Apr-19 09:36:43

I think the key question is 'what happened last night?' It's easy to dismiss all your friends as 'being jealous' but it's highly unlikely. Losing a stone and wearing make-up isn't that big a change. You're focusing on the physical and it sounds as though it's your personality change that has caused problems. If you considered them good friends, it might be time to think about whether they have a point.

XiCi Thu 25-Apr-19 09:38:06

get so evangelical about it that they literally talk about nothing else

She's lost 1 stone ffs. Hardly going to be a big topic of conversation!

What does your partner think OP? Do you think it's because you've been out and about so much more your friends feel like you have less time for them.

marvellousnightforamooncup Thu 25-Apr-19 09:44:09

It's very easy to be a diet bore because of you've made big changes you have to consciously think about what your doing and eating all the time. When you feel more confident you naturally get evangelical. You can easily behave like a twat without realising (yep, I've been there).

Have a moment of self reflection. Maybe try to organise a coffee with your closest friend and apologise or ask if you've been a bit full on. If that turns out not to be the case then you know it's them not you.

NoBaggyPants Thu 25-Apr-19 09:44:57

Have you become a bit dull OP? You're all focused on the weight loss and make up etc that you forgot to ask how others are doing, didn't have much else to talk about?

If it's several people then it's not the weight loss (and a stone isn't a massive amount), it's a personality issue.

thelastgoldeneagle Thu 25-Apr-19 09:46:50

get so evangelical about it that they literally talk about nothing else

I was thinking this too!!

Well done on your life changes and weight loss, op, but make sure you're not a diet bore...

Herland Thu 25-Apr-19 09:48:55

It's maybe not so much about your looks but about the kind of things you did together. Were you friends who drank a lot together, who went out for meals, who say and watched movies with munchies and wine. This is what I did with my girlfriend in our 20's and early 30's. Then for some of us babies came, and for others health problems. Some of us still wanted to go out drinking and eating and dancing but some just couldn't. It did cause some problems when we weren't being honest with each other. I felt very let down and judged for not being able to drink and felt pressured into going on nights out I simply didn't want to. They rightly felt I had changed. But they felt left behind a bit and felt judged when they drank in front of me. It took a frank conversation to get to the point where we could say we were worried about friendship. But we do all love each other and ultimately we adapted. We went on long walks and climbed hills. Had boozy lunches instead of dinner and a club.

If you love these people and they love you this can be fixed with honesty and time.

Teddybear45 Thu 25-Apr-19 09:49:10

Some ‘friends’ like to keep you around to make themselves feel better. I realised this after I got a big promotion / salary hike and my friends started cutting me off despite me making every effort to meet etc. It’s all water under the bridge now but was quite hurtful at the time.

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