Advanced search

AIBU or is this friend being ultra-picky?

(560 Posts)
scarbados Wed 24-Apr-19 13:14:53

We moved to a small coastal town from a big city 3 years ago and were happy with the idea that we'd probably have friends visiting, especially during summer. We have a spare room with ensuite bathroom and it's always ready for visitors.

If people are staying, they're welcome to join us in whatever we do, go their own way or a mixture. Sometimes they eat with us, other times they eat out and at others we all eat out together. We never expect them to pay for our meals but it's nice when they do. Neither do we ever expect payment from our guests.

But ... the couple due to arrive tomorrow for 3 nights have just messaged me and asked me to make sure there's white bread and strawberry jam here for their breakfasts, and a carton of orange juice because she doesn't drink tea or coffee. (There's a supermarket at the end of the road which will be open when they get here so they could pick up their own stuff when they arrive.) Then I got a second message from the male of the pairing asking me to 'please make sure there's a clean throw over the sofa and the cat doesn't sit on it before they arrive' as after the last visit he noticed cat hair on his jeans. I use a pet hair brush daily on the sofa as I know the cat loves to sleep on it. He doesn't sit on any of the other chairs in the house, where the guest could easliy sit but he prefers the sofa.

I feel like suggesting he does his own shopping and brings a clothes brush, or books into one of the many hotels in town. He's getting 3 nights free accommodation and fed for at least 4 meals while he's here and seems to be trying to set out a list of requirements I have to meet.

AIBU to be seriously pissed off and tempted to tell them I'll book a hotel room on their behalf and they're paying for it?

LoveB Wed 24-Apr-19 13:16:36

Do it! How rude. YANBU

Namechangeymcnamechange11 Wed 24-Apr-19 13:16:49

Recommend some local hotels smile

CatFaceCats Wed 24-Apr-19 13:17:59

What a cheek! Just tell him you don’t have that stuff in, but the shop is at the end of the road. As for cat hair, ok, I kinda get it if he has allergies, but that’s a rude way to ask. The cat is part of your family after all. Just tell him that’s the cats sofa, he is welcome to sit anywhere else though! I’d also perhaps invent a “works dinner” so you guys can get a night off from them.

HennyPennyHorror Wed 24-Apr-19 13:18:12

Comment back "No time for me to go to shops for extras...I've done my shopping but supermarket will be open so you can pop in"

I would!

TheMerryWidow1 Wed 24-Apr-19 13:18:15

oh my god that's awful, do they think you are running a b&b?!! I'd give them an invoice at the end of the visit. Ignore the messages, if they want special food items they get them when they arrive. Sooooo cheeky!

LEDadjacent Wed 24-Apr-19 13:18:17


Janedoughnut Wed 24-Apr-19 13:18:25

Do it OP. Don't let them get away with such cheekyness.

redbedheadd Wed 24-Apr-19 13:18:24

So rude!! 😯 how offputting - I wouldn't excited for them to stay if this is how they go on

twoshedsjackson Wed 24-Apr-19 13:18:55

I'd be tempted to reply that I was sorry not to meet their exacting standards, and beg them not to leave a bad review - oh - deliberate mistake - this isn't a hotel!
But then I have a tendency to be sarky.
How highly do you value their friendship?
Put it another way, how highly do they value your hospitality and generosity?

WhoKnewBeefStew Wed 24-Apr-19 13:19:53

I’d send exactly what you put in your opening post OP.

Biker47 Wed 24-Apr-19 13:19:56

I'd tell them; on second thoughts, don't bother coming.

HBStowe Wed 24-Apr-19 13:20:11

Omg, unbelievably rude! Just text back really breezily ‘I don’t have time to get special shopping in but let me know if you need directions to the Tesco down the road!’. Absolute CFs!

YoureAllABunchOfBastards Wed 24-Apr-19 13:21:45

I would rub the cat all over their bed. Cheeky bastards!

Megan2018 Wed 24-Apr-19 13:22:31

How rude!

I'd reply with - "This is not a B&B. Get your own food in and if you don't like cat hair I can suggest a hotel that might suit."

What utter knobs.

JudyDenchsBloomers Wed 24-Apr-19 13:22:45

I would definitely say something, you're offering them free accommodation! How rude of them. I'd be tempted to do none of the above, let them arrive and if they say something, say what you said in your OP.

SauvignonBlanche Wed 24-Apr-19 13:23:20

That’s not ultra-picky, that’s a cheeky fucker!

PregnantSea Wed 24-Apr-19 13:23:52

Here's your reply to her "there's a supermarket at the end of the road which is open until Xpm so I'm sure you'll be able to get everything that you need from there. See you soon!"

Reply to him "the cat loves to sit on the sofa and I'm afraid we don't have a throw. See you soon!"

If that doesn't work then stage 2 is to say "perhaps it's best that you stay in a hotel".

Ohyesiam Wed 24-Apr-19 13:23:52

It really sounds like they are expecting to pay? Has there been a mix up. If not then cf territory.

Msg back that you’re to busy to do any more prep, but they are welcome to shop and bring a clothes brush.
Actually I think I’d be too Cross to host them, and I’d have to say ive changed my mind and they need to find different accommodation.

How well do you know them?

JenniferJareau Wed 24-Apr-19 13:25:29


‘Sorry, already completed my grocery shopping for the week but there is a Tesco at the end of our road if you want to stop off to get a few extras in before you arrive here. Nothing I can do abut the cat I’m afraid, just remember to bring your lint roller! See you later, scarbados’

spaghettiforhair Wed 24-Apr-19 13:25:43

How rude!!

I'd be inclined to reply saying "I'm not running a B&B service here, the supermarket will be open when you arrive"

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Wed 24-Apr-19 13:25:54

My answer would be :

The cat lives here - you're a visitor

and the 7/11 is open until err 11 !

BlingLoving Wed 24-Apr-19 13:26:03

I find these sorts of threads almost impossible to believe. How on earth can people be this incredibly rude? It's mind boggling.

PlasmaRain Wed 24-Apr-19 13:26:17

I’d definitely text a link to a local list of hotels. That’s just rude.

FriarTuck Wed 24-Apr-19 13:26:49

I wouldn't let the cat sit on the clean throw - I'd be insisting it have a good roll around, a good stroking to really remove some of that excess hair in the run up to the warmer weather, and has it been for a cosy nap on their bed recently?
Cheeky bloody sods! I'd send back a 'hmm I'm sorry, I think you must be confusing me with a hotel.'

Branleuse Wed 24-Apr-19 13:28:16

thats pretty cheeky

Stiffasaboard Wed 24-Apr-19 13:28:24

Those is a joke surely?

No one can be that rude

Aquamarine1029 Wed 24-Apr-19 13:28:25

WOW. The nerve of some people is truly staggering. I would be furious, quite honestly.

My first thought is to tell them to find a hotel because fuck that "friendship", but at a minimum I would tell them you have no time to buy THEIR food, but they can surely find a store when they get into town. As for the cat, I would tell him the cat lives here, he doesn't, so fuck off about the cat hair on your pants.

ellendegeneres Wed 24-Apr-19 13:28:45

‘Not at all, please don’t forget my fee of £300 for the 3 night stay, guests check in time is between the hours of 6 and 8pm’

alittleprivacy Wed 24-Apr-19 13:28:57

My first instinct would be to send a blunt,"WTAF!!!!! Getting the first text was bad but this is taking the piss. I'm not running a B&B, if I was I'd be charging £60pn."

Branleuse Wed 24-Apr-19 13:29:34

id reply "LOL, you had me going there for a minute"

BibbyDarling Wed 24-Apr-19 13:30:17

Text the bill right back to them...

BrightYellowDaffodil Wed 24-Apr-19 13:31:04

Yup, this is CF territory.

I’d message back to say I was sorry but I’m unable to accommodate their requirements. If they chose to stay in a hotel instead I’d understand.

Cheeky buggers!

Troels Wed 24-Apr-19 13:31:41

These are not friends they are free loaders, send him links to Air BNB and say, sorry we aren't availible anymore.

UCOforAC12 Wed 24-Apr-19 13:31:55

CF! How rude! I'd make the comment about already having done a shop but they're welcome to bring their own.

mimibunz Wed 24-Apr-19 13:32:23

Just respond: “Ha ha! Good one!”

babysharkah Wed 24-Apr-19 13:34:12

Hello, here's the local travelodge / premier inn / b&b - they have a buffet.


ElektraUnchained Wed 24-Apr-19 13:34:18

Just text back a laughing emoji.

Sexnotgender Wed 24-Apr-19 13:34:33

Definitely don’t let them be such cheeky fuckers without saying something to them!

recrudescence Wed 24-Apr-19 13:35:35

Are these old friends? Have they previously revealed a totally bonkers streak? Because these requests are professional level audacious.

escapade1234 Wed 24-Apr-19 13:35:35

Who are they? Why are you letting all and sundry stay in your home? I’d call time on the free for all B&B and just stick to close family and friends.

I know it’s tempting when you relocate to offer open invitations because you want to keep in touch but some people are just free loaders. I would only come to stay if I wanted to visit you and spend time with you, I wouldn’t use your home as a base to explore the area. And I’d come loaded with gifts!

LordoftheRinse Wed 24-Apr-19 13:35:44

Tell him to pick the stuff that he wants up from the shop on the way. Cheeky git!

ScrambledSmegs Wed 24-Apr-19 13:36:07

Seriously? What a dick. Do you like these people? Do they bring anything good to your life? If not I'd be seriously tempted to burn those bridges and tell them to turn the car around and drive home, right now.

HeyNannyNanny Wed 24-Apr-19 13:36:44

I personally would feign an issue with the ensuite and send your regrets for cancelling their booking visit.

Im too much of a wimp to outright say they're no longer welcome but wouldn't want people like that in my house.

PinaColadaPlease Wed 24-Apr-19 13:37:26

I'm sorry you've text the wrong number, we are not the Hilton!

BlackAmericanoNoSugar Wed 24-Apr-19 13:38:06

"Are you absolutely sure that you both WANT to stay with us? We won't be at all offended if you choose to stay in a hotel/B&B and just meet up with us a few times instead. If you do stay with us then there is a supermarket nearby so you can get whatever specialty foods you want. This is the cat's home and he has free run of it, so perhaps bring a clothes brush with you to deal with cat hairs."

sockatoe Wed 24-Apr-19 13:38:31

Good grief, that's really cheeky. I wouldn't address a B&B that way, let alone family/friend. I'd be inclined to have a late notice commitment meaning that their visit (as opposed to holiday booking) is no longer convenient

Reallyevilmuffin Wed 24-Apr-19 13:38:58

They must have form to come out with this - any other stories?

ScrambledSmegs Wed 24-Apr-19 13:39:15

Oh, they haven't left yet?! Perfect! Send back a quick text cancelling their freeloading jolly at your expense.

Reaah Wed 24-Apr-19 13:40:11

My reply would be a simple

I don't have any of those but the shop at the end of the road is open until x so you will make it here in time to get what you need.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit Wed 24-Apr-19 13:41:15

YANBU - be pissed off!

Message back:

1) I am not running a B and B - get your own groceries if you're so fussy!
2) The cat lives here, you don't. You knew he lived here and chose to visit anyway, so I think you need to just take your chances!
3) Feel free to go stay in a hotel - at least they get paid for being treated like your staff.....

Tinkobell Wed 24-Apr-19 13:41:23

Please respond. Don't let it ride. "Looking forward to seeing you both....but as always you must take us as you find us - and that includes our lovely cat! We are a home not a hotel X. By the way, shop at the end of the street stocks everything you like for breakfast so pop in ...they're open til 7pm. Catch up later! No need to bring a gift but a few bottles for the cupboard would be lovely"

krustykittens Wed 24-Apr-19 13:41:23

Do you really want these people staying, OP? If they are like this before they have even arrived, imagine what they will be like by the second night!

Happynow001 Wed 24-Apr-19 13:41:37

Where on Earth do these rude, self-entitled people drag themselves out of?

I'm afraid I'd write straight back saying: I'm sorry you were so disappointed in our home and catering facilities last time we hosted you so of course totally understand you will now be staying in a hotel as our home is no longer available. To make life easier for you are is a list of local hotels and B&B's if you are still planning on visiting the area on these or later dates plus a couple of hotel comparison websites you may find useful.

EL8888 Wed 24-Apr-19 13:42:14

This doesn’t surprise me as l have been on the receiving end of it! I “forget” to get these requested items. Surely people can cope with other people’s preferred brand of butter / jam / tea bags for a few days? Good point the cats, they actually live there as it’s theur home. My mum complained our spare room was too small, despite that fact it was just her in there for a couple of nights. Ironically her spare room is a similar size, me and my partner manage to share it. We are ultimately planning to move house but not for her convenience a few nights a year! This time she’s staying in Airbnb thank god! I wonder if this time she will moan about how long a roast dinner takes to cook, while sitting on the sofa and doing nothing to help

Tinkobell Wed 24-Apr-19 13:43:17

White bread and strawberry jam.....bleurgh!!! Offer to get prunes too, they sound like they're stuck up their own arses.

stucknoue Wed 24-Apr-19 13:43:23

Are they actually planning on paying? If not just say that the shop is open until x o'clock. Very cheeky

HomeMadeMadness Wed 24-Apr-19 13:43:30

Jesus fucking Christ they're rude. You're not an upmarket air BnB they can bring their own bloody orange juice and jam if it's that important. They should be asking you what your favourite bottles of wine are so they can bring you something you really like.

Honeyroar Wed 24-Apr-19 13:43:48

I'd reply that they were invited as guests in your home, but their messages are getting quite upsetting and if the cat hair and food options in your home are not to their liking perhaps they might be better in a hotel or b&b.

Tinkobell Wed 24-Apr-19 13:45:08

Tell them they brought bed bugs with them last time on their cases and you've only just managed to sort the problem out think!

PinkHeart5914 Wed 24-Apr-19 13:45:30

This is your home, not a hotel!

We often have people stay also and we’ve always got food in and they can help themselves to whatever we’ve got but I don’t buy special items in. We have a shop in the village if they require something I haven’t got.

I’d text back with “The shop at the end of the road will have any special items you want to eat. See you tomorrow”

BackforGood Wed 24-Apr-19 13:45:50

Please respond. Don't let it ride. "Looking forward to seeing you both....but as always you must take us as you find us - and that includes our lovely cat! We are a home not a hotel X. By the way, shop at the end of the street stocks everything you like for breakfast so pop in ...they're open til 7pm. Catch up later! No need to bring a gift but a few bottles for the cupboard would be lovely"

This ^ is perfect.

I'd be thinking of much ruder responses, but I suppose it depends on how you want to keep the relationship going forward. This is clear, and reminds them, but is still friendly.

NunoGoncalves Wed 24-Apr-19 13:47:31

Those is a joke surely?

No one can be that rude


I don't think I could even bear having them over after that.

Drum2018 Wed 24-Apr-19 13:49:15

No way would I accommodate them after that. Send a reply telling them to feel free to book a B&B because you are not running one.

HollowTalk Wed 24-Apr-19 13:50:09

I would have to cancel their trip. I couldn't bear to look at them.

mummyhaschangedhername Wed 24-Apr-19 13:50:09

YANBU. Can't believe someone would be so self entitled, well I can believe it, what a CF.

I would write back with one of the suggested sarcastic comments, or tell them are confused if they think this is a hotel and you can recommend some hotels locally if they are expecting service. As for the cat. It loves there, if that's a problem they can find somewhere else.

LonginesPrime Wed 24-Apr-19 13:50:17

I would rub the cat all over their bed


Pinkmonkeybird Wed 24-Apr-19 13:50:19

Cheeky so and so's!!! I agree with FriarTuck..let the cat roll around everywhere and send them a message to say there is a supermarket up the road! And don't invite them again.

DarlingNikita Wed 24-Apr-19 13:50:29

How fucking rude and arrogant. I like Tinkobell's suggestion but I'd amend slightly: 'Looking forward to seeing you both....but as always you must take us as you find us - and that includes our lovely cat! Shop at the end of the street stocks everything you like for breakfast so pop in ...they're open til 7pm.'
I don't think you need the 'not a hotel' point spelled out. And I wouldn't bother with the suggestion of a few bottles. I suspect a polite suggestion like that would go right over their entitled heads.

I'm intrigued by 'the couple' messaging you first and then just the man. So they're both CFs about food but then he thought he'd really put the boot in about the cat? confused

Don't invite them again, obviously.

TheMightyToosh Wed 24-Apr-19 13:50:32

I think my reply would be simply 'wow'.

cakecakecheese Wed 24-Apr-19 13:51:00

Eh? Has she mistaken you for a B&B? I think Tinkobell's response is excellent but tbh I'd cancel, that's cheeky fuckery on a pretty high level.

Easterbunnyhashoppedoff Wed 24-Apr-19 13:51:21

I would text them right now and explain dcat has just shit on their pillows so you need to cancel..

NunoGoncalves Wed 24-Apr-19 13:51:49

Tell them the spare room is no longer available because it now belongs to the cat.

1Wildheartsease Wed 24-Apr-19 13:52:11

Response here would be:

'Ha ha - I'll let the butler and housekeeper know of your demands smile'

ThePerturbedPenguin Wed 24-Apr-19 13:52:35

What cheek!! Please do not send them back a polite text! Either a jokey ha ha funny joke or suggesting they would be happier in a hotel

BarbaraofSevillle Wed 24-Apr-19 13:52:51

Are these family/close friends, or just someone who's taking advantage of free accommodation for a holiday?

Cheeky fuckers.

Shouldn't they bring bread, jam and orange juice if it's so important to them, plus wine as a hosting gift?

Thunderspuds Wed 24-Apr-19 13:54:39

I wouldn't have these people as my friends to be honest and would text them to cancel. It's beyond cheeky - just plain rude and disrespectful of your hospitality.

What are they like normally?

1Wildheartsease Wed 24-Apr-19 13:55:16

'PS Since he will be sharing with you, the cat would like to know if your flea/tick treatment is up-to-date

TheTitOfTheIceberg Wed 24-Apr-19 13:55:30

"Hi, if the cat is going to be a problem for you then it might be best if you stay in a hotel or similar. Happy to provide a list of suitable ones nearby if you give me an idea of your budget. That's one of the reasons we've never wanted to run a B&B...couldn't cope if guests didn't like the cat!"

BreconBeBuggered Wed 24-Apr-19 13:55:54

Dear CFer friends,

Hey both. I'm happy for you to take us as you find us. Supermarket's down the road if our own breakfast supplies aren't up to scratch.
I asked the cat about keeping the sofa hair-free. The cat says you can bugger off.

See you soon, chums


TwelveThirtyTwo Wed 24-Apr-19 13:56:57

How were they when they stayed before?

Bringbackthestripes Wed 24-Apr-19 13:58:43

shock have you replied?

I would be telling them ‘change of plan, as our home isn’t up to scratch you are no longer welcome to stay in it. Have a nice life’

rainbowstardrops Wed 24-Apr-19 13:59:01

How friendly are you with them?
I'd have to text back that I'd already got food in so they'll have to pop to the shop for their extras and the cat has promised he'll try to not shed any hairs but he said he can't promise it.
Either that or a plain and simple FUCK OFF!

ParmaViolet44 Wed 24-Apr-19 13:59:21

Sorry, are they actually friends of yours?? This can't be real surely.

scarbados Wed 24-Apr-19 13:59:46

Thanks for the support, folks! And some real laughs - rubbing the cat all over their bed is tempting!

I've just messaged back that I've done my shopping for the week and they will have to eat out of provide their own food, but they're welcome to use of the microwave when I don't need the kitchen.

They've stayed before and have been borderline CF - the one time in 6 visits whey brought us a gift, it was a £5 bottle of wine even though they know we don't drink alcolhol! I used to work with her and we got on really well but this is about to break the friendship.

(Re other stories - the first time they stayed, we hadn't sorted out the spare bedroom from moving in so we put them up in the lounge on a sofa bed. They were out late at night - no problem because I gave them a key and they didn't disturb us - but they stayed in bed until lunchtime then spent over an hour showering together, with ahem ... noises. I felt like an intruder in my own home and should have realised then what they are.)

KarmaStar Wed 24-Apr-19 14:00:41

Hi,thanks for your message,our cats had kittens!they are all so cute we kept them all and are looking after our friends three Tom cats so you'll have plenty of company as they have kind of adopted the spare room.
No time to go shopping,get yourselves what you need,good idea really as we have cat hairs in the butter,you won't be able to see it with the jam on..see you soon!☺

DizzySue Wed 24-Apr-19 14:00:49

'Supermarket is down the road and open till late if you want to stock up on any favourite items that I don't have in. Also, the cat lives here and you are just visiting, sorry not sorry'

OP who are these visitors? Family (parent? Sibling?) or friends?

pineapplepatty Wed 24-Apr-19 14:01:38

Reply and say they'll have to provide their own bread and jam but you hope this won't affect their trip advisor review?

KarmaStar Wed 24-Apr-19 14:02:10

Cancel that op,just say no you are not welcome.

The80sweregreat Wed 24-Apr-19 14:02:35

Your not running a B and B here! what a cheek.

no advice, but some good comments above and yes to texting them a link to the local shop / supermarket for their provisions. they should be buying you things for having them, not the other way round.

needsahouseboy Wed 24-Apr-19 14:02:53

Why are you letting yourself be used like this?? I'd be telling them to feck off to a hotel.

Tinkobell Wed 24-Apr-19 14:03:04

it is so rude OP, the niggles suggest to me that one member of the party perhaps doesn't really want to come (cat-trouser man?). You could say "you sound stressed out with these requests.....please don't feel you have to come stay on our account. Probably best we postpone til another time.... hope you get a plan B sorted and get come chill time"

DobbyTheHouseElk Wed 24-Apr-19 14:04:27

Why are these people staying in your home? That’s plain rude.

Tinkobell Wed 24-Apr-19 14:05:26

Hey, I like cat hair in my butter but the fur balls can reak havoc!!

Twisique Wed 24-Apr-19 14:09:32

I would cancel!

Battytwatty Wed 24-Apr-19 14:09:46

I can guess from your user name where you love. So jealous. And yes , I agree with everyone , they are very CFs

Aeroflotgirl Wed 24-Apr-19 14:09:57

Wow how rude, I would not be having them again, you are too nice. What CFs they are, they can go shopping before they arrive with those things, you are not a hotel, it is your home.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit Wed 24-Apr-19 14:11:09

I never quite believe these threads. Why would you continue to invest in this friendship if it is in fact true?

HollowTalk Wed 24-Apr-19 14:11:45

Why on earth are you letting them stay? You don't have to, you know. They are not friends, they are using you for somewhere to stay. They don't even bring you a gift - that's really bad behaviour on their part. Perhaps look a bit harder at whether you're being taken advantage of by people who don't care for you.

LazyLemur Wed 24-Apr-19 14:11:52

If you live in the same coastal area as me, I'll come over and help you comb your cat wink

Please have in only brown bread and marmite and have cat hair EVERYWHERE.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »