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What would you do? CF boyfriend?

(157 Posts)
owlettafeather Wed 24-Apr-19 10:17:43

For a couple of (complicated and outing) reasons, my cohabiting boyfriend has not paid anything towards our joint outgoings for about a year and a half.

Yesterday, at my bedtime, he realised he'd got a PPI payout of nearly £2k straight to his bank account. He'd applied and had been waiting for it, but it was much more than expected.

I was pleased and thought it would take some of the pressure off me having to pay for everything all the time. I'm on my break at work and have just read a text from him, saying he's bought a new QLED tv with the money.

My first reaction is anger. I feel like telling him to cancel the order and put the money in the joint account, so he can actually contribute usefully. Am I being too harsh? I know it's technically his money to use as he wishes, but it just seems so... selfish. What would you do?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Wed 24-Apr-19 10:20:00

my cohabiting boyfriend has not paid anything towards our joint outgoings for about a year and a half.

I know it's technically his money to use as he wishes, but it just seems so... selfish. What would you do?

Show him the door.

7yo7yo Wed 24-Apr-19 10:22:04

I would have left him ages ago.

WellErrr Wed 24-Apr-19 10:23:10

I’d get rid.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Wed 24-Apr-19 10:23:35

my cohabiting boyfriend has not paid anything towards our joint outgoings for about a year and a half

Why have you been putting up with this for a year and a half?

Why is he not contributing ANYTHING?

Does he work? Is he ill? Or is he just a lazy entitled cocklodger?

Utterly selfish. I'd be asking him to return the TV and put use the £2k as a deposit for him to go and live somewhere else.

NCforthis2019 Wed 24-Apr-19 10:24:39

I wild have dumped him.

Treaclesweet Wed 24-Apr-19 10:24:40

What? I think we need some backstory here. Why are you paying for everything? He is taking advantage.

S1naidSucks Wed 24-Apr-19 10:24:56

That works both ways, OP. Your money is yours to do as you like, so pay your bills and show this cocklodger the door. That’s such fucking childish and selfish behaviour.

Cheby Wed 24-Apr-19 10:25:08

Boot him. Keep the TV.

Nothininmenoggin Wed 24-Apr-19 10:25:34

100% get rid been there 18 months sponging of you and then goes and blows what cash he has on a tv. No respect so not worth your effort.

mumsie8 Wed 24-Apr-19 10:27:59

Surely then in that case your money is yours to do with what you want to do with it. You should feel no guilt for not supplying him with food, water and other necessities. He is a selfish freeloader and if it were me i would really be rethinking the dynamics of the relationship. I am honestly astounded at how calm you come across, as though you feel you have no right to question what he spends what should be both of yours money on. How can he not have thought "oh great a chance to give owlettafeather a well deserved boost to this months finances. Least i can do given how she has supported me for the last 18 months." I would be so angry and so should you and rightly so.

MzHz Wed 24-Apr-19 10:28:15

I had a friend who did this to me

That friendship blew up pretty shortly after that.

Get rid, he’s not a keeper

violetbunny Wed 24-Apr-19 10:30:29

Another one saying get rid.

KC225 Wed 24-Apr-19 10:31:41

I fell out with a friend because of this, he'd had a rough year lost his job, girlfriend kicked him out etc. No mental helath issuea mostly just him being a dick So he was back living with his parents and on the dole. This man ate like a field of horses. He got an unexpected payment and promptly spent it on 200 quid trainers, latest new phone and branded spotswear. Didn't even get that weeks shopping in or offer anything towards his bills. Not even a bottle of wine for his parents I was aghast at his lack manners and appreciation and called him out in it. He said it was his parents job to look after him - NOT AT 35.

Ummmm, I would seriously reconsider this relationship. Don't you get fed up with being the only grown up?

RestingBitchFaced Wed 24-Apr-19 10:31:46

Another vote for get rid! Why hasn't he contributed? What does he live on?

PositiveVibez Wed 24-Apr-19 10:33:12

On the surface he seems like a massive cocklodger and he should have happily give you that £2k after being subsidised for so long.

owlettafeather Wed 24-Apr-19 10:33:34

Yes, he's mentally ill, and it's made worse by work. He's in debt because he couldn't keep up with his 'share' of our expenses, so he asked if I could cover it. Part of the problem is that I technically have the funds in my savings and from my wages to cover it, so I guess there's no urgency.

Thank you for the replies. I feel like a mug, but I know you're all right.

Scrumptiousbears Wed 24-Apr-19 10:34:01

I agree with others he's a freeloading cheeky fucker. However the minute I heard of that money I would have discussed it and not just assumed he'd contribute.

MrsMozartMkII Wed 24-Apr-19 10:34:06

What the f...?

Unless there's an amazing back story he'd be exiting stage left lass.

PompeyBez Wed 24-Apr-19 10:35:37

I would be absolutely raging!! He is totally selfish and entitled. I appreciate there may be reasons for him not contributing, but any decent person would hand you most, if not all, of the cash to go towards the household. I Would boot the cocklodger out immediately!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Wed 24-Apr-19 10:38:04

Mental health issues or not; his first thought should have been:

'Great, I can pay @owlettafeather some of the money I owe her.'

Not:

'Great, I can go and buy a massive TV.'

Selfish twat.

Easterbunnyhashoppedoff Wed 24-Apr-19 10:39:39

You are wrong op, you have no cohabiting boyfriend just a cocklodger.

Crunchymum Wed 24-Apr-19 10:40:44

How long have you been together? Has he ever contributed?

What is his mental illness? What treatment does he receive?

ltk Wed 24-Apr-19 10:41:33

You're not being harsh. And his mental illness is not making him a selfish fuckwit. Get rid.

JeezOhGeeWhizz Wed 24-Apr-19 10:41:48

Cocklodger.
Bin.

Bananalanacake Wed 24-Apr-19 10:41:54

so he works, why doesn't he give you half or some of that towards the bills or does it all go on his debts. you can have a relationship with him without living with him, go halves on dates and keep your money separate.

rosegoldivy Wed 24-Apr-19 10:42:45

* He's in debt *

So why not pay the 2 grand towards his debt?????

i would be absolutly raging about him buying a new tv. wither you can afford all the bills through your wages and savings is not the point. hes taking you for a ride.

does he work at all?

AvengersAssemble Wed 24-Apr-19 10:42:48

Mentally ill my arse! Stop making excuses for him, he is taking the piss out of you well and truly because he knows you will continue to pay for it all. I would tell him to return the TV and pay back the money he owes you whilst kicking his sponging arse out the door!

Stop being such a doormat!

woolduvet Wed 24-Apr-19 10:43:44

You shouldn't be using savings to cover him.
He needs to contribute or leave.
Find somewhere you can afford.

BlingLoving Wed 24-Apr-19 10:44:37

Completely not okay and here's my first ever, no discussion or consideration to the other side... LTB.

TheInvestigator Wed 24-Apr-19 10:44:46

Leave him. He’s not our husband and this is not what you should want for the rest of your life.

Leave.

Purplecatshopaholic Wed 24-Apr-19 10:45:32

Christ on a bike, he sounds like my Ex. I was an idiot and went into debt to keep him happy while he went bankrupt, all the while slagging me off for being rubbish with money....

EleanorLavish Wed 24-Apr-19 10:46:41

What does he do,OP?
Does he do the housework? Sort all the laundry? Organise and cook most of the meals?
I doubt it.

Margot33 Wed 24-Apr-19 10:47:07

Maybe he needs to go home to his parents to sort himself and priorities out? You can do much better.

Chickychoccyegg Wed 24-Apr-19 10:47:55

Unbelievably selfish if him, why should he live rent/bill free while treating himself to an expensive t.v, honestly, when you get home tell him he should have transferred it for bills , see what he says, if he doesnt cancel the t.v order/give you a decent amount, chuck him out, why should you pay for him when he has no thought for you?

Bookworm4 Wed 24-Apr-19 10:48:00

What's his illness? Lazy scroungeritis??

huuskymam Wed 24-Apr-19 10:50:20

Tell him it will look good at his new address and chuck him out. You've been carrying him for 18 months, how much longer are you going to let it continue. And when he does come into money, he spends it on non essentials when there's debt to be paid.

owlettafeather Wed 24-Apr-19 10:50:22

We've been together for a very long time- over a decade. He had a mortgage and was self-sufficient. We bought a house together 4 years ago, and then the depression hit about two years after.

The little he does earn goes on his phone bill and hobby.

TatianaLarina Wed 24-Apr-19 10:51:23

OP just get rid of him and get on with your life.

Depression is one thing CFery is another.

SaveKevin Wed 24-Apr-19 10:51:39

This sounds exactly like my ex. Mental health stopped him working (or doing anything round the house), so I was left working and paying everything. It didn’t take long for savings to go, then my wages didn’t cover it and I was having to put stuff on credit. He sold my car (I was paying the loan) and kept the cash (it was easier to just let it happen so as not to upset his mental health) and eventually the house was almost repossessed, I was over £50,000 in debt and there was no equity in the house as he’d remortgaged.
Cut to over 10 years later

I am still paying it off, I can never buy another property again my (not his) children are stuck in this bull shit precarious renting. I cut my own hair and wear second hand clothes. Life’s HARD.

Meanwhile his parents bailed him out, he’s still in the house and married, nice car etc.

What’s his is his, what’s yours is his. He didn’t even offer half or discuss what to do with it.

TheSerenDipitY Wed 24-Apr-19 10:51:45

if it were me id go home and tell hes to start paying his share and if he said no id shove the tv over

Jaxhog Wed 24-Apr-19 10:52:06

If it were me, there would be a new QLED tv and a packed bag on the doorstep. Today.

Downunderduchess Wed 24-Apr-19 10:52:11

Does not bode well for the future, cut your losses now. You will look back at this experience & wonder why you didn't do it sooner. I have been in exactly your position when I was in my twenties, I knew it was wrong then, it took me a while to leave but when I did I felt so free and confident I'd done the right thing for my future. He is a selfish prick, who likely won't change.

EleanorLavish Wed 24-Apr-19 10:52:51

Please don't fall in to the trap of "we have been together so long, it would be a shame to waste all those years".
Just move on!
Is it that you feel guilty as he is depressed?
You have been supportive, but he has perhaps become used to things being this way?

cheesydoesit Wed 24-Apr-19 10:53:52

Is his hobby cycling? YANBU btw.

ohfourfoxache Wed 24-Apr-19 10:54:39

What a tool shock

Get rid, life is too short to put up with this shit

Whatsnewpussyhat Wed 24-Apr-19 10:58:25

He had a mortgage and was self-sufficient. We bought a house together 4 years ago, and then the depression hit about two years after

How convenient for him. Depression is truly awful, but I'm a cynical fucker and it feels like he really is taking the piss. Tell him to cancel the TV order asap. Cheeky gobshite.

Its very familiar. Have you posted about him before? Is he doing anything to help himself?

If I were you I would divorce him and cut your losses now. You are lucky that you can support yourself.

owlettafeather Wed 24-Apr-19 11:00:12

EleanorLavish, I think you've hit the nail on the head. I don't say anything, because I know he's struggling and hurting, and maybe he's just become used to me doing everything.

I bloody wish his hobby was cycling. He doesn't leave the house! Ever!

SaveKevin, that sounds so incredibly difficult- I'm so sorry!

MadameDD Wed 24-Apr-19 11:01:39

LTB.

Mentally ill can be for a lot of reasons - brought on by recreational drug taking etc. They can also be a bit 'wild' eg reckless when it comes to spending.

So he did have a job etc? and does have one now?

Even if he does cancel the order I think you need a chat re joint savings etc going forward.

QueenBeex Wed 24-Apr-19 11:02:56

use the £2k as a deposit for him to go and live somewhere else

^^^^^^^^^^

Crunchymum Wed 24-Apr-19 11:05:59

Does he pull his weight around the house? Or is that all left for you?

Again, what does he do to treat / help with his depression? Is he medicated? Does he have therapy?

Hearhere Wed 24-Apr-19 11:06:37

Tell him to get to fuck he's taking the piss

EleanorLavish Wed 24-Apr-19 11:06:41

owl maybe breaking things off will spur him on to change?
It certainly isn't going to change with the current set up.
Would you feel relief if it was over?

Drum2018 Wed 24-Apr-19 11:09:44

Call him straight away and tell him that he either cancels the order and puts the money into your account to cover his lack of financial input for the past 18 months, or he packs his stuff and leaves. Are you really willing to put up with him for the rest of your days? What a selfish twat.

Springwalk Wed 24-Apr-19 11:10:18

Get rid. Thousands of people cope with MH and do so without sponging from other people. You will be saddled with this CL for ever more.

Run for the hills pref with the TV as back payment.

owlettafeather Wed 24-Apr-19 11:15:54

He's on medication, crunchymum, but he doesn't do very much around the house. He does the bins, and will load the dishwasher a few times a week. He gets narky if I ask him to do more.

Eleanor, you're making so much sense. Yes, I think I would feel relieved.

Aeroflotgirl Wed 24-Apr-19 11:16:48

Bin him, what a CF cocklodger!

Innernutshell Wed 24-Apr-19 11:20:22

he's struggling and hurting

but so are you OP.

Perhaps its time to put yourself first.

You weren't born to save anyone else. Just yourself. flowers

Fiveredbricks Wed 24-Apr-19 11:20:30

Omg OP. Bin him off. Now. Why is this even a post 😳 Tell him to cancel the order, give you the TV money and to fuck right off.

jacks11 Wed 24-Apr-19 11:23:09

Agree with others that it’s not on and you’re right to be angry with him. However legitimate his reasons for not working, his behaviour over this is unacceptable. His first thought should have been to put that money into the household pot or paying off a chunk of his debts and not frittered away on unnecessary fripperies.

As an aside, you say he contributes to none of the mutual costs? Does this mean you pay all rent/mortgage, utility bills, food costs etc and he contributes nothing financially to the household? That doesn’t make sense- surely he must have some income, even if only from benefits? So he should be contributing something, even a token amount. I think he is taking the Micky if he isn’t contributing to anything. Spending this money is just the icing on the cake, so to speak. I think you need to have it out with him and make some changes- he needs to contribute. I’d also ask him to cancel the order for the tv and put the money to mutual expenses. Or towards paying off his debts, at the very least.

What is he doing to aid his recovery? Is he getting help from GP/ mental health team, given the duration of his illness? If not, why not?

TBH I’m not sure I could see beyond this level of selfishness that he has displayed- spending a windfall on a tv whilst having debts and expecting me to pay for everything for 18 months. I think he is taking advantage and would be stopping that gravy train.

Omzlas Wed 24-Apr-19 11:23:26

What a prick. Sounds to me like he's using his MH as an excuse to do fuck All and have you paying for everything and doing the lion's share of the housework (sounds like my ex actually!)

He's a cocklodger and you'd probably be better off without

Bookworm4 Wed 24-Apr-19 11:24:41

He's depressed but manages work and a hobby but can't pay his way? That's a strange take on depression. If you're in debt you don't spend £2000 on a 📺

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Wed 24-Apr-19 11:26:41

I think you are enabling his depression. What's his motivation to get better?

And yes, the money is utterly selfish.

jacks11 Wed 24-Apr-19 11:30:17

I have just seen your update OP.

So, not only is he not working and expecting you to pick up the tab for his living expenses he is also expecting you to do the lions-share of the household chores. AND gets narky when asked to do more of the chores. I am not sure how I’ll he really is, but regardless where is the incentive to get better? I do wonder if he just feels he has a cushy number with you providing financially and doing all the housework whilst he does whatever he wants all day, every day.

You aren’t a partnership. You’re acting like a parent. I think it’s fine to end this relationship- or dena d serious changes if you love him to want to work at it.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut Wed 24-Apr-19 11:30:47

Oh, please! If he's too ill to work he should claim PIP and ESA to pay his share. Get shot of him. Do not fall for fallacy of sunken costs. STOP funding this layabout twat.

DPotter Wed 24-Apr-19 11:32:31

Oh my love he has you soo well trained. Get's narked if you ask anything of him, playing the 'I'm depressed so can't help around the house, let alone get a job' card. Two years on medication and nothing improving - then he needs to be back at the GPs asking for a review of his condition. If he doesn't have paid employment he should be working at getting better - daily exercise, a daily/weekly routine.
He needs a bit of a shake up and this is just the opportunity - he shapes up or ships out. My DP was depressed and refused to seek treatment for years. Was a supportive as anyone would be but eventually I'd had enough and we had the shape up or ship conversation.
Sit him down and ask him what he plan is about getting better, is he aware how much he owes you and what are his plans to repay you. He'll get all defensive and try to snare you in (The TV is for you as well ...). If you're willing to invest in him - he needs to work at it. If not he is not the investment worth making and he needs to go BEFORE your savings are gone.
Use this as a wake up call for him and, maybe more importantly, for you.

KC225 Wed 24-Apr-19 11:34:42

So he puts the bins outs, loads he dishwasher about three times a week and gets narky when you mention doing anything else. Buying a huge new telly does not suggest he is planning do more around the house.

Chamomileteaplease Wed 24-Apr-19 11:35:06

Tell him right now to cancel the order. Explain to the man that he has bills to pay.

Then have a very big think about whether you want this relationship to continue. It sounds hell.

FredFlinstoneMadeOfBones Wed 24-Apr-19 11:39:17

I would definitely tell him to cancel the order and give the money towards rent and bills. I would then probably dump him - but after I got the money off him!

Lovemusic33 Wed 24-Apr-19 11:39:54

You have a joint account with this person?

He’s not paid a penny for over a year and your still allowing him to live with you?

Kick him out.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Wed 24-Apr-19 11:40:44

Seems to me you've adopted a teenager!

You are enabling him.

He needs to start pulling his weight around the house and stop being so bloody selfish.

I would ask him to leave.

fruitbrewhaha Wed 24-Apr-19 11:42:27

This would be the last straw for me.

Depression is awful, but he needs to be doing something to help himself. Loafing around the house and sponging off you is about the worst thing he could do. He needs, along with medical help, to be out getting excercise, finding purpose to his day.

It's very easy for us all to say LTB. But you really need to take a step back and work out what you want, which is presumably for him to get better, so you can revert to a more normal way of life, and so all your savings arent eroded. He needs to do something to work towards that. Blowing £2k on a tv so he can loaf around even more is not on.

If he could find something to get him out the house which could earn some money, even better. Dog walking? lawn mowing?

PompeyBez Wed 24-Apr-19 11:42:35

Are you happy in this relationship OP? Is he actively seeking treatment? It doesn't sound like your getting very much at all out of this relationship. Even if you were both working I would consider a large purchase like that to be a joint decision. He is happily allowing you to pay his way, seeing your hard earned cash as his own, but clearly doesn't see his pay out in the same way. I see you've been together for a very long time, but that's all the more reason to assess things and really think about what you want your future to look like.

GabsAlot Wed 24-Apr-19 11:43:02

not that he isnt a cocklodger but it isnt as easy to claim pip as just applying many people with serious dibilating conditions have been turned down

however any money gets should have immiedately put twowards the household

outpinked Wed 24-Apr-19 11:43:10

He’s a lazy fucker and a user using his MH as an excuse. I have had MH problems myself, it can be suffocating and debilitating but most people with MH problems still have to get out of bed to get shit done. He barely helps around the house, doesn’t work and the little money he gets (from benefits?) he spends on himself! He then gets a 2k payout he could’ve used to pay off a chunk of his debt or to give you towards your outgoings but nope, he buys a pointless TV. I’d be absolutely fuming and he would be out with little hesitation.

I appreciate it’s hard walking away from a very long term relationship but you have no real financial ties to him and you’re coping without his input anyway. Just get rid of the leech.

fruitbrewhaha Wed 24-Apr-19 11:43:30

Could you buy him out of his share of the house?

deydododatdodontdeydo Wed 24-Apr-19 11:43:59

I've had a few friends with partners like this, and I would not put up with it myself.
All of them have separated, and the selfish, useless, non-contributing partner has gone on to find another enabler in every case!
But, the other common theme is the person who has ditched them has felt free, and gone on to be much happier.

BallsOfFluff Wed 24-Apr-19 11:46:03

Tell him he either cancels the order and contributes the money usefully or he leaves the home immediately.

Actually, just tell him to go. CF.

MummyofTw0 Wed 24-Apr-19 11:47:43

What are you even getting out of this relationship?

Time to wake up and move on

thelastgoldeneagle Wed 24-Apr-19 11:51:43

Sounds like he's using his MH issues to excuse his behaviour. Google the sunken costs fallacy.

I'd ask him to leave, op, or this will be your life for ever. He can return the TV and use the cash as a depot for his own place.

Cock-lodger.

Pk37 Wed 24-Apr-19 11:55:55

Is his hobby ‘gaming’ by any chance ?
Sorry op but I agree with the others .
He’s a user and it’s time to get rid of he won’t make changes and contribute

Pk37 Wed 24-Apr-19 11:56:06

*if he

FifisLovelyApron Wed 24-Apr-19 11:56:42

Tell him to return the TV.

mummmy2017 Wed 24-Apr-19 11:57:38

Get him to put in writing that he has not paid mortgage for 18 months, then use that to claim more of the profits from the house...
Because I would move, then not let him more be in.

MIA12 Wed 24-Apr-19 12:00:58

He will continue to suck you dry, do you really want him dragging you down for the rest of your life?

He’s a selfish cocklodger.

Jux Wed 24-Apr-19 12:01:10

You need to let him go, owl. He doesn't make an effort because he doesn't need to, and so he continues to leech off you whle your savings dwindle to nothing and your own MH is at risk.

You are not helping him help himself. Until he has to, nothing will change.

Be gentle with him if you like, or be brutal, but be inexorable.

SchadenfreudePersonified Wed 24-Apr-19 12:02:00

Please don't fall in to the trap of "we have been together so long, it would be a shame to waste all those years".

These are wise words of Eleanor's

You have sunk so much into this relationship that it seems like a waste of your life to walk away from it - however, it would be an even greater waste to sink even more of your money (and even more importantly) emotions, health and good years into it!

I suppose that if he's a co-owner of the property you can't throw him out - but you could stop co-habiting with him (move into a different bedroom, don't cook, wash or clean for him - because I'll bet you are, aren't you), refuse to pay his share and force a sale so that YOU could start again.

Don't let any more of your wages/ savings go into his pocket. Had he offered you the PPI money to offset his freeloading arse, I would think "Oh well - he's doing his best etc", but he hasn't. He's spent it on a piece of technocrap for himself without a second thought.

He'll try to talk you round, threaten, plead, emotionally blackmail you - stand firm and get out while you are still young, healthy and debt-free.

Depression is bloody awful. I suffered it myself for many years - but I didn't take financial advantage of people that I loved.

WhoKnewBeefStew Wed 24-Apr-19 12:03:47

He should have offered you the entire amount.

Get rid of the CF

owlettafeather Wed 24-Apr-19 12:08:55

Thank you for being so supportive, everyone. No, I couldn't just kick him out, but I could stop doing everything for him. I barely see him when I'm working anyway, as he keeps odd hours.

I'm worried about my own mental health, for accepting this life for so long, for being afraid to rock the boat, for not knowing how to move forwards.

Aeroflotgirl Wed 24-Apr-19 12:09:40

Thing is op, he has it good with you and he knows it. You dearn't challenge him as he gets moody, he has it made and you are allowing this. He is displaying very unattractive traits in a partner, that would be so off putting, he is not an equal partner. You are enabling his behaviour

It is very telling that he has got all that PPI (not PIP) money, and hasen't offered you a penny, and thought about himself first. Tells you all you need to know about the type of man he is! Do yourself a favour, and bin him, you will be much richer in the pocket and 12 stone lighter. Don't have kids with him, you will do the lot (looking after them, paying for childcare, working to pay for the house and bills) whilst he sits on his arse. I cannot see him becoming a stay at home dad, if he does nothing.

What does he do for you op? How does he make you feel special, or treat you?

Aeroflotgirl Wed 24-Apr-19 12:11:06

Give him notice Oweltte or just tell him it is over. Even if you stop doing everything for him, you are still paying for a roof over his head and food in his belly.

MatildaTheCat Wed 24-Apr-19 12:15:04

I would have a difficult conversation tonight and tell him he should cancel the order as you have decided that this relationship isn’t working for you and he needs to find somewhere else to live. Give him a month to find somewhere.

I’m afraid I agree that you have unwittingly enabled him to become a complete parasite on your happiness and finances. Now he has the means to make a change, if he keeps the tv that’s his choice but will make his life more difficult so he needs to take this opportunity to take a look at his behaviour and taking back some responsibility for himself.

Good luck.

Sweetpea55 Wed 24-Apr-19 12:15:16

What's wrong with you woman.. Why are you putting up with this cocking parasite.. It's bye bye time..

Ceebs85 Wed 24-Apr-19 12:19:59

You are enabling this, unwittingly whilst truing to be a nice caring person and he's taking the mick now. If he cared about you, or appreciated anything you've done for him it wouldn't cross his mind to spend the money on himself.

The TV is a joke, and the depression is a convenient excuse now. You are not stuck, you don't owe him any more! Leave, and be happy. He'll drag you down x

rachelfrost Wed 24-Apr-19 12:20:06

Have you spoken about it? What he is saying by buying that TV is ‘what’s yours is mine and what’s mine’s my own’.

It sounds like your both very unhappy together, even if you have had better times in the past.

ScatteredMama82 Wed 24-Apr-19 12:21:06

@owlettafeather you shouldn't be using your savings to support him! Please look after your own money and don't get yourself in financial difficulty. It's his debt, he needs to address it.

StealthPolarBear Wed 24-Apr-19 12:21:20

Guessing he's an online gamer?
Get the money from him and then dump him. You'd be doing him a favour as wl, he needs to learn to be independent

StealthPolarBear Wed 24-Apr-19 12:22:23

Agree with a pp that DH and I wouldn't dream of spending this sort of cash without checking it with the other. You're not a partnership.

wibbleee Wed 24-Apr-19 12:22:59

dump him with his telly.

Happynow001 Wed 24-Apr-19 12:24:03

Am I being too harsh? I know it's technically his money to use as he wishes, but it just seems so... selfish. What would you do?
Your first thought was to doubt yourself. His was total selfishness and self-gratification. What does that tell you about a further future with him?

He's in debt because he couldn't keep up with his 'share' of our expenses, so he asked if I could cover it

Part of the problem is that I technically have the funds in my savings and from my wages to cover it, so I guess there's no urgency.
Key words here are: "debt" (HIS) plus "savings" and "wages". (YOURS)

How long will your savings last if you are continually enabling him to behave the way he has for so long?

Sorry owlettafeather but he's become used to the fact you are effectively bankrolling him and he just has to put the bin out occasionally or empty the dishwasher- and that under protest.

I agree with the long list of PPs before me - tell him to cancel the order because he'll need it for a deposit on his new home. Don't give him too long a deadline to move out.

You've been covering all the expenses for 18m or so - could you buy him out? Don't forget to change the locks as soon as feasible.

You are worth much more than him.

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