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What would you do? CF boyfriend?

(157 Posts)
owlettafeather Wed 24-Apr-19 10:17:43

For a couple of (complicated and outing) reasons, my cohabiting boyfriend has not paid anything towards our joint outgoings for about a year and a half.

Yesterday, at my bedtime, he realised he'd got a PPI payout of nearly £2k straight to his bank account. He'd applied and had been waiting for it, but it was much more than expected.

I was pleased and thought it would take some of the pressure off me having to pay for everything all the time. I'm on my break at work and have just read a text from him, saying he's bought a new QLED tv with the money.

My first reaction is anger. I feel like telling him to cancel the order and put the money in the joint account, so he can actually contribute usefully. Am I being too harsh? I know it's technically his money to use as he wishes, but it just seems so... selfish. What would you do?

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Wed 24-Apr-19 10:20:00

my cohabiting boyfriend has not paid anything towards our joint outgoings for about a year and a half.

I know it's technically his money to use as he wishes, but it just seems so... selfish. What would you do?

Show him the door.

7yo7yo Wed 24-Apr-19 10:22:04

I would have left him ages ago.

WellErrr Wed 24-Apr-19 10:23:10

I’d get rid.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Wed 24-Apr-19 10:23:35

my cohabiting boyfriend has not paid anything towards our joint outgoings for about a year and a half

Why have you been putting up with this for a year and a half?

Why is he not contributing ANYTHING?

Does he work? Is he ill? Or is he just a lazy entitled cocklodger?

Utterly selfish. I'd be asking him to return the TV and put use the £2k as a deposit for him to go and live somewhere else.

NCforthis2019 Wed 24-Apr-19 10:24:39

I wild have dumped him.

Treaclesweet Wed 24-Apr-19 10:24:40

What? I think we need some backstory here. Why are you paying for everything? He is taking advantage.

S1naidSucks Wed 24-Apr-19 10:24:56

That works both ways, OP. Your money is yours to do as you like, so pay your bills and show this cocklodger the door. That’s such fucking childish and selfish behaviour.

Cheby Wed 24-Apr-19 10:25:08

Boot him. Keep the TV.

Nothininmenoggin Wed 24-Apr-19 10:25:34

100% get rid been there 18 months sponging of you and then goes and blows what cash he has on a tv. No respect so not worth your effort.

mumsie8 Wed 24-Apr-19 10:27:59

Surely then in that case your money is yours to do with what you want to do with it. You should feel no guilt for not supplying him with food, water and other necessities. He is a selfish freeloader and if it were me i would really be rethinking the dynamics of the relationship. I am honestly astounded at how calm you come across, as though you feel you have no right to question what he spends what should be both of yours money on. How can he not have thought "oh great a chance to give owlettafeather a well deserved boost to this months finances. Least i can do given how she has supported me for the last 18 months." I would be so angry and so should you and rightly so.

MzHz Wed 24-Apr-19 10:28:15

I had a friend who did this to me

That friendship blew up pretty shortly after that.

Get rid, he’s not a keeper

violetbunny Wed 24-Apr-19 10:30:29

Another one saying get rid.

KC225 Wed 24-Apr-19 10:31:41

I fell out with a friend because of this, he'd had a rough year lost his job, girlfriend kicked him out etc. No mental helath issuea mostly just him being a dick So he was back living with his parents and on the dole. This man ate like a field of horses. He got an unexpected payment and promptly spent it on 200 quid trainers, latest new phone and branded spotswear. Didn't even get that weeks shopping in or offer anything towards his bills. Not even a bottle of wine for his parents I was aghast at his lack manners and appreciation and called him out in it. He said it was his parents job to look after him - NOT AT 35.

Ummmm, I would seriously reconsider this relationship. Don't you get fed up with being the only grown up?

RestingBitchFaced Wed 24-Apr-19 10:31:46

Another vote for get rid! Why hasn't he contributed? What does he live on?

PositiveVibez Wed 24-Apr-19 10:33:12

On the surface he seems like a massive cocklodger and he should have happily give you that £2k after being subsidised for so long.

owlettafeather Wed 24-Apr-19 10:33:34

Yes, he's mentally ill, and it's made worse by work. He's in debt because he couldn't keep up with his 'share' of our expenses, so he asked if I could cover it. Part of the problem is that I technically have the funds in my savings and from my wages to cover it, so I guess there's no urgency.

Thank you for the replies. I feel like a mug, but I know you're all right.

Scrumptiousbears Wed 24-Apr-19 10:34:01

I agree with others he's a freeloading cheeky fucker. However the minute I heard of that money I would have discussed it and not just assumed he'd contribute.

MrsMozartMkII Wed 24-Apr-19 10:34:06

What the f...?

Unless there's an amazing back story he'd be exiting stage left lass.

PompeyBez Wed 24-Apr-19 10:35:37

I would be absolutely raging!! He is totally selfish and entitled. I appreciate there may be reasons for him not contributing, but any decent person would hand you most, if not all, of the cash to go towards the household. I Would boot the cocklodger out immediately!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Wed 24-Apr-19 10:38:04

Mental health issues or not; his first thought should have been:

'Great, I can pay @owlettafeather some of the money I owe her.'


'Great, I can go and buy a massive TV.'

Selfish twat.

Easterbunnyhashoppedoff Wed 24-Apr-19 10:39:39

You are wrong op, you have no cohabiting boyfriend just a cocklodger.

Crunchymum Wed 24-Apr-19 10:40:44

How long have you been together? Has he ever contributed?

What is his mental illness? What treatment does he receive?

ltk Wed 24-Apr-19 10:41:33

You're not being harsh. And his mental illness is not making him a selfish fuckwit. Get rid.

JeezOhGeeWhizz Wed 24-Apr-19 10:41:48


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