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To be (secretly) disappointed with bedroom furniture

(152 Posts)
BillywigSting Wed 24-Apr-19 10:13:02

I quite possibly am and willing to be told I need to wind my neck in a bit.

Bit of background. We are moving house, and ds(5) needed new bedroom furniture. He is currently sleeping in his toddler bed (which is suitable up to five years but he's quite small for his age, still this seemed an appropriate time to get him a new bed etc).

He also needed a wardrobe, draws etc as the draws he currently have are not great and his old bedroom had a built in wardrobe (we think it might have been a boiler cupboard previously but it worked fine)

Now his toddler bed (that was also his cot) is beautiful. It's solid wood, with winnie the pooh and piglet (he still likes winnie the pooh, though that's not really the point) carved into the headboard. It is good quality, smells lovely and has lasted really well. It still looks brand new.

I was looking at new beds with ds so he had a bit of a say in it a while ago, and both of us were leaning towards wooden bed frames again. I think him because it's familiar and a similar look to the bed he has slept in all his life, me because I think wood looks lovely.

Here is the aibu. Mil has kindly offered to buy ds's bedroom furniture (recently received an inheritance, as did dp which is why we can afford to move at all, she got significantly more than dp, a few thousand more). Both I and dp said that was lovely and showed her the sort of thing we were looking at (mostly varnished pine cabin beds).

Every single suggestion put back to us by her has been horrible cheap looking white mdf. All a very similar price to what we have been showing her.

In the end she has ended up buying ugly cheap white mdf everything (wardrobe, bed but no mattress, chest of draws and bedside draws). It has come out that she thinks 'a little boy should have white furniture because I (mil) think it looks better'

Dp says don't look a gift horse in the mouth and to some extent I agree. But she has form for overstepping boundaries and blatantly ignoring my wishes when ds was very little.

And honestly it's awful quality, rickety and ugly and I can see it looking very shoddy very quickly.

We have done our best to make everything else in our new house reasonably good quality (floors etc) and this just feels like a huge fuck you dil, and sticks out like a sore thumb.

I am aware I am probably being a bit daft and emotional because moving is stressful enough and this move has been particularly bad, with having to get builders in and them doing an appalling job.

This horrible, ugly, not-at-all what we would have picked furniture that is the same price bracket as what we looking for furniture that mil has picked just feels like a kick in the teeth.

Aibu to be secretly disappointed and a bit upset? I haven't said anything to her (I have told dp that I was not keen on white, and told mil while she was looking that I would much rather have wood) so as to keep the peace and not seem ungrateful.

I am grateful for the offer but it feels very much like she is trying to impose her wants and tastes on our house by choosing a style none of us really like.

Shoxfordian Wed 24-Apr-19 10:16:04

Say you don't want her to do it anymore, she clearly doesn't want to buy you stuff you like.

BillywigSting Wed 24-Apr-19 10:16:52

It's already been delivered and assembled by dp and sil

MummBraTheEverLeaking Wed 24-Apr-19 10:18:16

Is it possible to exchange if the store she got it from has the stuff you like? Considering it costs the same so it's not like you were asking her to spend more, it does smack of her imposing her tastes on you.

BillywigSting Wed 24-Apr-19 10:19:22

It's from ebay and already assembled (was flat pack) so unlikely we could exchange.

Doing so would probably result in ww3 anyway

cestlavielife Wed 24-Apr-19 10:20:18

Your mistake was letting her choose.
Live with it and change it all in 5 years time.

Aquamarine1029 Wed 24-Apr-19 10:20:33

At this point, just let it go. In a few years you can replace it. I do understand why you're annoyed, I would be, too.

Eminybob Wed 24-Apr-19 10:20:55

Be gracious and thank her for the offer, but tell her no thank you, it’s not what you are looking for. Then be prepared that you will have to pay for it yourself.

Although why on earth she doesn’t just get what you want is beyond me, it’s not like it’s going to be at her house. Very odd behaviour.

Lllot5 Wed 24-Apr-19 10:21:01

Why would she buy something you don’t like! So weird. It’s hard but if you really can’t just put up with it then sell it and buy what you want. If she complains tell her she shouldn’t have bought it without checking.
If it’s as poor quality as you suspect perhaps it won’t last long anyway particularly if you’re not careful with it.

Eminybob Wed 24-Apr-19 10:21:30

Sorry, just seen your updates.
Why on earth did you let that happen?

Preggosaurus9 Wed 24-Apr-19 10:21:51

So the solution would have been to say NO much earlier on in the process. If you're not willing to risk ww3 at this stage then you're fucked stuck with the furniture, frankly.

What did you want out of posting?

TinklyLittleLaugh Wed 24-Apr-19 10:22:02

You should have put your foot down more firmly OP. Sounds like it’s too late to change things now but lesson thoroughly learned for the future.

Eminybob Wed 24-Apr-19 10:22:10

Or should I say, why did your DP let that happen?

TheViceOfReason Wed 24-Apr-19 10:23:12

Why didn't you just say thanks for the offer MIL, however i've already chosen x item and am happy to buy it myself so that I have furniture that fits in with the rest of the house?

Treaclesweet Wed 24-Apr-19 10:23:32

Such a shame that it broke so quickly! All you did was move the bed to hoover.

BillywigSting Wed 24-Apr-19 10:24:46

Eminybob I didn't!

She was arranging it with dp and he ok'd it.

Tbh I'm a bit pissed off with him over it too. He agreed the wood was nicer but said to mil if she could only get white that was fine. I don't believe for a second she could only find white.

BuzzPeakWankBobbly Wed 24-Apr-19 10:25:37

You can probably find a way to paint or cover it, so at least the white won't be so glaring? Maybe a nice soft green or similar? And if it "breaks" in a few years, oh well...

(I 100% understand your disappointment, it's like asking for a "nice notebook" for your birthday and being given an A4 lined pad from tesco. Does the same job but just in't the same thing.)

Littlechocola Wed 24-Apr-19 10:26:02

Annoying but done now. Maybe spend money on a nice rug, curtains and a lampshade to make it more to your/ LO taste?
The furniture probably won’t last more than two years so you can replace it.

Chamomileteaplease Wed 24-Apr-19 10:26:11

So now every time you go into your son's room you will be faced with furniture you hate. Lesson learned! When it was delivered and you saw what it was, that was the time to speak! This may be a turning point in your life smile.

If I were you I would slowly replace each piece with what you like. Why should you live with what your MIL wants? confused.

You have been slow off the mark but you can show her you won''t be bulldozed from now on. Your choice.

BiscuitDrama Wed 24-Apr-19 10:26:24

Could you change the handles on the wardrobe and drawers to make it look a bit better?

SparkyBlue Wed 24-Apr-19 10:26:47

Put up with it for the time being and change it in six months and say nothing to her. I know what it's like to have a very stressful house move where nothing goes to plan so I genuinely sympathize OP.

BillywigSting Wed 24-Apr-19 10:27:23

Just wanted a vent really to see if I was being unreasonable or ungrateful or if I am justified in being pissed off.

Have actually just tried to move the wardrobe and it nearly fell to peices! It's tiny too, I'm under five foot and can get my arms around the sides of it

tanpestryfirescreen Wed 24-Apr-19 10:27:23

Sell it on eBay as assembled.

Get what you want.

IWannaSeeHowItEnds Wed 24-Apr-19 10:27:34

I'd take it apart and get rid. I wouldn't worry about her feelings. She's just used this as an opportunity to impose her will and you have let her do it. Put the toddler bed back up for now and when you can afford it, but the furniture of your own choosing.
In future you will know that her 'generosity' always comes with strings. The mistake was in letting her go ahead and buy it in the first place.
Tell your husband you feel she rode roughshod all over you and now you've had a minute to think, you are not happy and will be doing what you wanted to do in the first place.

tanpestryfirescreen Wed 24-Apr-19 10:28:23

How much did it cost?

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