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To be (secretly) disappointed with bedroom furniture

(152 Posts)
BillywigSting Wed 24-Apr-19 10:13:02

I quite possibly am and willing to be told I need to wind my neck in a bit.

Bit of background. We are moving house, and ds(5) needed new bedroom furniture. He is currently sleeping in his toddler bed (which is suitable up to five years but he's quite small for his age, still this seemed an appropriate time to get him a new bed etc).

He also needed a wardrobe, draws etc as the draws he currently have are not great and his old bedroom had a built in wardrobe (we think it might have been a boiler cupboard previously but it worked fine)

Now his toddler bed (that was also his cot) is beautiful. It's solid wood, with winnie the pooh and piglet (he still likes winnie the pooh, though that's not really the point) carved into the headboard. It is good quality, smells lovely and has lasted really well. It still looks brand new.

I was looking at new beds with ds so he had a bit of a say in it a while ago, and both of us were leaning towards wooden bed frames again. I think him because it's familiar and a similar look to the bed he has slept in all his life, me because I think wood looks lovely.

Here is the aibu. Mil has kindly offered to buy ds's bedroom furniture (recently received an inheritance, as did dp which is why we can afford to move at all, she got significantly more than dp, a few thousand more). Both I and dp said that was lovely and showed her the sort of thing we were looking at (mostly varnished pine cabin beds).

Every single suggestion put back to us by her has been horrible cheap looking white mdf. All a very similar price to what we have been showing her.

In the end she has ended up buying ugly cheap white mdf everything (wardrobe, bed but no mattress, chest of draws and bedside draws). It has come out that she thinks 'a little boy should have white furniture because I (mil) think it looks better'

Dp says don't look a gift horse in the mouth and to some extent I agree. But she has form for overstepping boundaries and blatantly ignoring my wishes when ds was very little.

And honestly it's awful quality, rickety and ugly and I can see it looking very shoddy very quickly.

We have done our best to make everything else in our new house reasonably good quality (floors etc) and this just feels like a huge fuck you dil, and sticks out like a sore thumb.

I am aware I am probably being a bit daft and emotional because moving is stressful enough and this move has been particularly bad, with having to get builders in and them doing an appalling job.

This horrible, ugly, not-at-all what we would have picked furniture that is the same price bracket as what we looking for furniture that mil has picked just feels like a kick in the teeth.

Aibu to be secretly disappointed and a bit upset? I haven't said anything to her (I have told dp that I was not keen on white, and told mil while she was looking that I would much rather have wood) so as to keep the peace and not seem ungrateful.

I am grateful for the offer but it feels very much like she is trying to impose her wants and tastes on our house by choosing a style none of us really like.

RockinHippy Thu 25-Apr-19 10:37:05

YADNBU But you've really left it too late to do much about it now.

I wouldn't keep quiet about not liking it though, sod that for a lark. MIL completely ignore yours & DS requests for wood & buys white MDF for YOUR home. That's not buying you a gift, that's imposing HER taste onto your home & needs nipping in the bud as she's overstepped her role.

Apologise to DS that he didn't get his choice stating simply that "nana didn't listen properly & bought the wrong thing & that though it was very kind of her to buy his bedroom furniture, it's not really so kind to buy something you both made clear that you didn't want & that you are saving to replace it ASAP & that DS can help by not damaging the furniture so you can maybe sell it later

On principle though, unless you are totally skint, I'd have this as a priority to replace asap & I'd make that known too, though without making a big deal out of it, something like..

" Oh MIL that's kind of you to provide DS with temporary furniture until we can get him the wood he & us all really wanted"

Acceptance just teaches MIL that this is okay & it really isn't

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll Wed 24-Apr-19 21:22:35

MDF is mildly poisonous and generally emits formaldehyde.

Is it so bad that I genuinely read 'MDF' as 'MIL' and didn't even think to go back and re-read it until the very last word? grin

BillywigSting Wed 24-Apr-19 19:27:27

Yes we would take the old furniture with us and just use a rail for hanging in the meantime if mil hadn't bought this lot.

It's probably better to have this stuff than the old and already battered stuff he already has (minus his bed which is a bit of a downgrade)

I'm not selling it because I don't hate it enough to justify the shitstorm of sulking and pa bollocks that would follow.

It won't last long (the bed is slightly better than the rest) and when ds pulls it to peices or it falls apart with normal use I will buy decent stuff. In the meantime I'll jazz it up and while it's not what I wanted it will do for now.
He can pick something really nice when he's a bit older like pp have said, and his wants/taste will be a bit more developed and taken a bit more seriously.

Ds is also not a climber and has been fine with a cheap not fitted to the wall set of drawers in his room since he was a baby (though I will be looking at securing this one)
I also don't allow his friends upstairs unsupervised as they are not as careful with some of his more delicate toys as he is, so they are stored upstairs out of harm's way, so no risk of them climbing and hurting themselves either (some of them are not allowed upstairs at all)

ReSistingPink Wed 24-Apr-19 19:13:41

Paint the fk out of it😅
Your DS's favourite football team colours, or chalk paint or rainbow colours or whatever.

It will look way better than white mdf and add a bit of personality to his room.

Then with the right accessories and other choices your boy's room will look properly designed and not out of a boring catalogue.

Jux Wed 24-Apr-19 18:42:51

cleanasawhistle, grin at the idea of a queen sized bed for a toddler in a box room!

crispysausagerolls Wed 24-Apr-19 18:30:33

This is frustrating because you are refusing to sell the furniture! Just sell it and buy cheap but nicer second hand stuff.

You can’t reallt attach it safety to the wall because the back panel is effectively cardboard lol. It’s actually not safe.

CharityConundrum Wed 24-Apr-19 18:05:15

There is absolutely NO WAY dp would be ok with it being covered in stickers or decals, it paint of any description. He's not happy about the wall stickers, never mind stuff on the furniture too.

There is absolutely NO WAY you would be ok with white MDF furniture. You're not happy that your mother in law is going out of her way to ignore your requests for the furniture you have chosen, let alone your husband colluding with her and assembling it before you get the chance to see it too...

Di11y Wed 24-Apr-19 16:30:50

it's a kick in the teeth but if it transpires you can't afford to buy then would you have transferred your old furniture til you could afford new? how much would you get for ds old bed?

JosephineHass Wed 24-Apr-19 15:30:13

Couldn't you sell it on fb or Gumtree then and get something what you like?

BluntAndToThePoint Wed 24-Apr-19 15:20:16

The secret to this mess is not to tell anyone your future plans then they can't interfere and offer to pay for it. When you can afford to replace it, tell no one until it's a done deal!

cleanasawhistle Wed 24-Apr-19 15:04:39

I really feel for you OP .There is no way I would let anyone choose furniture for my house. Lesson learned,tell her nothing and dont let her pull a stunt like this again

My MIL was a bossy woman. She was reasonably wealthy but didnt like spending money except on her garden.She had no interest in making her home look nice.

When we bought our house to do up I learned to be careful what I said to her
MIL...you have a large hallway
Me...yes I know ,I am looking for a telephone table (this was before mobile phones).
MIL... dont bother you can have that table out of my hallway (old triange shaped table that was actually an old TV stand)
Me...no thanks its not the kind of thing I am looking for
MIL...why spend money needlessly when you can have that.When son takes me home he can come in and get it.
Me...no its fine I have seen something I like
Mil ...(she just keeping repeating no need etc)
DH told by me to never bring any of MIL junk to our home.

Told her I was going looking for some new towels....no need I have loads in the airing cupoard you can have.....I just told her straight...why would I chuck my old towels away to replace with someone elses old towels furniture etc lol.

I remember a friend doing up her toddlers box room when she was too big for a cot. She bought all the beding etc
Her ILs said they would buy the bed.....a queen size bed turns up.Too big for the room and the bedding,duvet was too small.

BillywigSting Wed 24-Apr-19 14:55:39

No it's all been delivered to the new house.

KaterinaPetrova Wed 24-Apr-19 14:52:40

Rickety MDF?

Well I would suggest putting money aside right now and give it one year. Rickety MDF crap furniture breaks really easily, especially with children. A loosened bolt and a good wiggle will have those wardrobe hinges pulling out and taking the chip board with them in no time. My only concern would be making sure any damage will not be dangerous for your son.

Once the furniture gets that MDF shite telltale lean you can tell your DH you're going furniture shopping. When MIL asks why you need new, be blunt. "MDF doesn't last, MIL. That's why I originally wanted varnished pine." ::headtilt and smile::

AlletrixLeStrange Wed 24-Apr-19 14:51:55

I had very very similar furniture for my DS room when we first moved in here as I didn't have much money, think I paid about £120 for a wardrobe, drawers and bedside table. The drawers lasted about a year before literally falling apart but I've only just replaced the wardrobe to solid wood and I must admit there was nothing wrong at all with it so I wouldn't count on it crumbling to pieces quickly. If you want to take a swing on the doors and blame DS though I think that'd be pretty effective grin

OneDayillSleep Wed 24-Apr-19 14:39:57

Stick it on eBay and buy what you actually wanted. There's no way I'd put up with ugly furniture I knew my mil had bought just to make a point. I'm sure you'll get a bit back towards new. If it won't sell offer it for free!

TatianaLarina Wed 24-Apr-19 14:23:19

£150 for a wardrobe, drawers & 2 bedside tables was never going to be quality/hardwearing/longlasting was it?

You can get a solid wood wardrobe on eBay for £25-£50, solid wood chest for about £25 and matching bedside tables for £25.

TatianaLarina Wed 24-Apr-19 14:14:48

Even if you fix the wardrobe to the wall, if he climbs on top of it it will collapse.

Jux Wed 24-Apr-19 14:13:01

How about something like this, a bit more expensive though: www.amazon.co.uk/Mercers-Furniture-Corona-Tallboy-Wardrobe/dp/B00E20WYJE?ref_=fsclp_pl_dp_1&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Or this: www.amazon.co.uk/Steens-10222246-Richmond-Combi-Wardrobe/dp/B0061JQPUS?ref_=fsclp_pl_dp_2&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

We have a fab thing which my dad bought when I was about 2; it has two wide drawers and two small drawers an then above the drawers if a hanging cupboard, not very tall but perfect for hanging children's clothes. It was mine until I left home, and then I got it back for dd who still has it. Adult tops are OK in the hanging bit and drawers are bit small for adult stuff but as a place for dd's sewing stuff, it's great.

diddl Wed 24-Apr-19 14:12:22

Why would your husband care about stickers on cheap kid's furniture?

£150 for a wardrobe, drawers & 2 bedside tables was never going to be quality/hardwearing/longlasting was it?

starfishmummy Wed 24-Apr-19 14:07:58

In the OP you say you are moving house so does that mean the furniture is at your old house...in which case surely it can become accidentally damaged during the move!!

Mummyoflittledragon Wed 24-Apr-19 14:07:13

I also would let your ds go sticker mad. By the time he’s 10 it will be ruined anyway and your ds will want different stuff to his taste rather than yours or mils. So just remember you could have been in the exact same situation at 10 even if mil had bought the solid wood stuff.

OliviaBenson Wed 24-Apr-19 14:00:36

Get some stickers on there too- your DH owes you that at least. So what if he kicks off, this is his fault.

BillywigSting Wed 24-Apr-19 13:55:51

Unfortunately he has proper ironed shirts for school so does need some hanging space. The built in (airính) cupboard that he is using as a wardrobe currently (has a rail going across) has those, his jumpers including school ones, a couple of onsies and a few button up t shirts. He doesn't need a huge wardrobe but would struggle without one. It's handy for storing shoes and school trousers too.

Going to look at replacing handles with something a bit nicer and fixing to the wall. They actually came with little tapes and washers to do exactly that.

LazyLemur Wed 24-Apr-19 13:51:46

In fact, I would definitely go with the clothes rail, and then when MIL comments, you could go with the whole "Oh yes, he used to have a wardrobe, sadly it was so cheap and hideous and rickety and stinking that there was no way it was safe for a 5 year old. Why, it just fell apart in my hands! (not a lie) Whoever thought that was good enough for a child? He's better off without! Never mind..."

DerelictWreck Wed 24-Apr-19 13:46:08

@GruffaIo from Etsy! Do you want the link?

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