To be (secretly) disappointed with bedroom furniture(152 Posts)
I quite possibly am and willing to be told I need to wind my neck in a bit.
Bit of background. We are moving house, and ds(5) needed new bedroom furniture. He is currently sleeping in his toddler bed (which is suitable up to five years but he's quite small for his age, still this seemed an appropriate time to get him a new bed etc).
He also needed a wardrobe, draws etc as the draws he currently have are not great and his old bedroom had a built in wardrobe (we think it might have been a boiler cupboard previously but it worked fine)
Now his toddler bed (that was also his cot) is beautiful. It's solid wood, with winnie the pooh and piglet (he still likes winnie the pooh, though that's not really the point) carved into the headboard. It is good quality, smells lovely and has lasted really well. It still looks brand new.
I was looking at new beds with ds so he had a bit of a say in it a while ago, and both of us were leaning towards wooden bed frames again. I think him because it's familiar and a similar look to the bed he has slept in all his life, me because I think wood looks lovely.
Here is the aibu. Mil has kindly offered to buy ds's bedroom furniture (recently received an inheritance, as did dp which is why we can afford to move at all, she got significantly more than dp, a few thousand more). Both I and dp said that was lovely and showed her the sort of thing we were looking at (mostly varnished pine cabin beds).
Every single suggestion put back to us by her has been horrible cheap looking white mdf. All a very similar price to what we have been showing her.
In the end she has ended up buying ugly cheap white mdf everything (wardrobe, bed but no mattress, chest of draws and bedside draws). It has come out that she thinks 'a little boy should have white furniture because I (mil) think it looks better'
Dp says don't look a gift horse in the mouth and to some extent I agree. But she has form for overstepping boundaries and blatantly ignoring my wishes when ds was very little.
And honestly it's awful quality, rickety and ugly and I can see it looking very shoddy very quickly.
We have done our best to make everything else in our new house reasonably good quality (floors etc) and this just feels like a huge fuck you dil, and sticks out like a sore thumb.
I am aware I am probably being a bit daft and emotional because moving is stressful enough and this move has been particularly bad, with having to get builders in and them doing an appalling job.
This horrible, ugly, not-at-all what we would have picked furniture that is the same price bracket as what we looking for furniture that mil has picked just feels like a kick in the teeth.
Aibu to be secretly disappointed and a bit upset? I haven't said anything to her (I have told dp that I was not keen on white, and told mil while she was looking that I would much rather have wood) so as to keep the peace and not seem ungrateful.
I am grateful for the offer but it feels very much like she is trying to impose her wants and tastes on our house by choosing a style none of us really like.
Say you don't want her to do it anymore, she clearly doesn't want to buy you stuff you like.
It's already been delivered and assembled by dp and sil
Is it possible to exchange if the store she got it from has the stuff you like? Considering it costs the same so it's not like you were asking her to spend more, it does smack of her imposing her tastes on you.
It's from ebay and already assembled (was flat pack) so unlikely we could exchange.
Doing so would probably result in ww3 anyway
Your mistake was letting her choose.
Live with it and change it all in 5 years time.
At this point, just let it go. In a few years you can replace it. I do understand why you're annoyed, I would be, too.
Be gracious and thank her for the offer, but tell her no thank you, it’s not what you are looking for. Then be prepared that you will have to pay for it yourself.
Although why on earth she doesn’t just get what you want is beyond me, it’s not like it’s going to be at her house. Very odd behaviour.
Why would she buy something you don’t like! So weird. It’s hard but if you really can’t just put up with it then sell it and buy what you want. If she complains tell her she shouldn’t have bought it without checking.
If it’s as poor quality as you suspect perhaps it won’t last long anyway particularly if you’re not careful with it.
Sorry, just seen your updates.
Why on earth did you let that happen?
So the solution would have been to say NO much earlier on in the process. If you're not willing to risk ww3 at this stage then you're
fucked stuck with the furniture, frankly.
What did you want out of posting?
You should have put your foot down more firmly OP. Sounds like it’s too late to change things now but lesson thoroughly learned for the future.
Or should I say, why did your DP let that happen?
Why didn't you just say thanks for the offer MIL, however i've already chosen x item and am happy to buy it myself so that I have furniture that fits in with the rest of the house?
Such a shame that it broke so quickly! All you did was move the bed to hoover.
Eminybob I didn't!
She was arranging it with dp and he ok'd it.
Tbh I'm a bit pissed off with him over it too. He agreed the wood was nicer but said to mil if she could only get white that was fine. I don't believe for a second she could only find white.
You can probably find a way to paint or cover it, so at least the white won't be so glaring? Maybe a nice soft green or similar? And if it "breaks" in a few years, oh well...
(I 100% understand your disappointment, it's like asking for a "nice notebook" for your birthday and being given an A4 lined pad from tesco. Does the same job but just in't the same thing.)
Annoying but done now. Maybe spend money on a nice rug, curtains and a lampshade to make it more to your/ LO taste?
The furniture probably won’t last more than two years so you can replace it.
So now every time you go into your son's room you will be faced with furniture you hate. Lesson learned! When it was delivered and you saw what it was, that was the time to speak! This may be a turning point in your life .
If I were you I would slowly replace each piece with what you like. Why should you live with what your MIL wants? .
You have been slow off the mark but you can show her you won''t be bulldozed from now on. Your choice.
Could you change the handles on the wardrobe and drawers to make it look a bit better?
Put up with it for the time being and change it in six months and say nothing to her. I know what it's like to have a very stressful house move where nothing goes to plan so I genuinely sympathize OP.
Just wanted a vent really to see if I was being unreasonable or ungrateful or if I am justified in being pissed off.
Have actually just tried to move the wardrobe and it nearly fell to peices! It's tiny too, I'm under five foot and can get my arms around the sides of it
Sell it on eBay as assembled.
Get what you want.
I'd take it apart and get rid. I wouldn't worry about her feelings. She's just used this as an opportunity to impose her will and you have let her do it. Put the toddler bed back up for now and when you can afford it, but the furniture of your own choosing.
In future you will know that her 'generosity' always comes with strings. The mistake was in letting her go ahead and buy it in the first place.
Tell your husband you feel she rode roughshod all over you and now you've had a minute to think, you are not happy and will be doing what you wanted to do in the first place.
I doubt she spent much on it if it's MDF and falling apart already.
Give the furniture a wee shoogle every day...
It will soon collapse.
Yes I think you have to suck it up for now.
Unfortunately cheap furniture does not last long, doors come off cupboards if you are accidently a little forceful when you open them, clothes rails in wardrobes fall down a lot, bed slats often crack if kids get a bit excited and jump into bed too enthusiastically
I would reccomend you start putting some money aside each month so you can replace it all in a year when the inevitable happens
Does your DS like it? If he does then perhaps let it lie (and don't let mil chose again). You can get some lovely large stickers that would go over the white or you could even fablon the whole lot.
YANBU but if I were in your position my next move would be influenced by what DS feels about his new furniture.
It's mdf with a thin white veneer so is sort of a grey white. I wasn't here when it was delivered and it was ordered and assembled before I had a chance to say no.
I honestly hate it
The worst bit is that even if it does break quickly we are unlikely to be able to replace it easily as the only reason we could afford all of this in the first place was the inheritance. We can't afford to replace it no either as money that was earmarked for that furniture has had to go on other things because of shit head builders
Aw lass. Completely get your point.
It actually sounds like the whole lot isn't going to stand either the rough and tumble of a child or being re-sited...
Rickety stuff is not great with small kids, especially is they are the climbing or boisterous kind. Don’t forget to fasten it to the wall OP.
Well it’s yours now, you didn’t spend on it so you don’t need to keep it in great condition for resale, so I’d let your son choose an absolute tonne of stickers and cover it all over.
Send her some pictures of the finished product with a cheery ‘We brightened up the white’.
If it won’t last anyway, you can get what you want in a couple of years, no harm really.
Ds was a bit disappointed at first but has decided he doesn't mind it now. He is only five though so fairly ephemeral in his likes.
He has told me he will 'miss his lovely old bed' but I think that might have been the case either way
It sounds like you're stuck with it, start saving for something you like as from my experience that sort of furniture doesn't last long at all.
I think yes the best thing to do is to sell it. Put it up on eBay and gumtree and see what happens before you try Facebook marketplace, you'll get more for it on there.
Then use the money to find wood furniture second hand. Tell your dp what you're doing and why, but don't tell mil. When she sees the room, say sadly 'oh yes, unfortunately one of the bits came off mid use so awe thought not safe for ds, so I changed it. Very kind of you to get it in the first place, it's a real shame, but we thought better safe than sorry with ds.'
Hi early give your head a wobble (meant kindly!) it’s ok to be a bit disappointed but he’s little, give it a year and it’ll likely be covered in stickers etc, or let him do that, choose a theme and jazz it up- don’t try to make it what you wanted make it what HE wants and recognise in a couple of years you need to buy nice stuff when finances are better. Jazz it up with good bedding, nice soft furnishings/ curtains/ rugs and a BIG throw! Even a throw over the wardrobe! Make it narnia if it helps!
Failing that get a coloured lightbulb- you’ll barely be able to see it and it will look that colour!
Another vote for stickers - let him choose and get some enjoyment from the furniture (before it all falls apart.....!)
White furniture for kids is lovely.
But that’s beside the point. She should have listened but you DH should have put his foot down.
At the end of the day she’s paid for it and wanted to get something she liked. I doubt your son cares what colour his furniture is.
She is wrong but I wouldn’t dwell on it. It’s just furniture
Well, if it’s a hill you are prepared to die on, take it to pieces, eBay it and get thee to ikea or a decent second hand shop for something that is at least sturdy. Wooden furniture is not particularly fashionable so you may well get a bargain.
Sounds like you are very sensitive to your surroundings (talking about the smell of the wood etc) so this is going to drive you crazy if you don’t sort it.
Fuck world war 3 “Mil it is poor quality and dangerous. I know you would hate DS to hurt himself”.
I too would accidentally collapse the wardrobe and then replace the bed on the grounds it now doesn’t match the (newly installed) wardrobe. Sell the bed on eBay.
Dp can explain to his mother that sadly the wardrobe fell apart, and he has complained but doesn’t expect to her very far.
Buy new things that you like.
Vow never to accept anything from her again, she is very unkind to push her taste on to you.
I couldn’t live with it, and would sooner burn it than keep it.
If you google, some decorators can spray paint furniture. As a minimum you could do this
Eventually your son will grow out of it.
I was going to say the same thing as BuzzPeakWankBobbly said, paint it all and don't worry about being too careful with it. It gives you time to save for a set of your choice and your son can be boisterous with this lot.
I would sell it if you can comfortably afford to replace it. Any money you make from selling it either give to MIL if you decide to tell her or put towards a new set of furniture.
Don't silently stay unhappy with furniture you have to look at everyday for years!
Oh yes, if you can't face the selling, have a look at Frenchic lazy range furniture paint - it's a game changer. There is a very very helpful Facebook page also where lots of people would be able to help you if you wanted to paint the furniture and perhaps stencil or decoupage it.
I'm not going to sell it (if one item breaks it will be replaced and she will most definitely not be buying it or having any say in it whatsoever).
The ructions it would cause would likely last longer than the furniture!
Mil doesn't half know how to hold a grudge, and I doubt you'd get £50 for it anyway, it's crap.
Ds's room is being painted blue so it looks very cold with the white furniture. Wood would have warmed it up a bit. It also has laminate (oak) floors because he has eczema and asthma and carpets can apparently make those worse.
He has a big grey ikea road rug that will cover fair bit of floor once everything is in place to stop it being chilly and echoey.
He is getting wall stickers but doubt dp would be too happy about brand new furniture being painted /covered in stickers. He thinks it looks fine (but grew up very poor and has never really lived with good quality furniture before, is used to no furniture serving a house move and struggles to tell the difference between cheap and nasty and inexpensive but alright a bit sometimes. For someone so bright he's really daft sometimes)
Can you paint it, maybe some of your child's favourite colours.
MDF is mildly poisonous and generally emits formaldehyde.
You can buy a formaldehyde test from here
It will probably be genuinely emitting a moderate level.
Use that as your excuse to get rid and buy the wood.
Even if it’s not, you can exaggerate the level and say you’re not comfortable with it. Formaldehyde is carcinogenic.
That is parcel tape on the back. The wardrobe door is not straight
You can’t live your life worrying about a controlling person causing ructions though.
Seriously, if your DH has mummy’s boy tendencies, then he needs to learn to be more bothered about pissing off you than her. Your house is your house. Other people don’t get to say what goes in it.
Apart from anything else, they don’t look safe for a 5 year old who may clamber on the furniture.
I climbed on all my bedroom furniture.
Oh dear it’s not great is it? I wouldn’t look after it. Just save like mad for what you want and replace it.
Don’t know what else to say.
I’d be annoyed too to be honest. It looks fine tho, and if your husband has put the door on wonkey then it’s likely he’d have managed that with the furniture you wanted too. Hopefully once everything has settled from the move you won’t even notice it anymore, when it’s filled with his toys and things it will look lovely anyway.
It looks a bit cheap. It’s not naice. It’s not horrendous though.
As a PP said, definitely attach it all to the walls.
It doesn't look like it's going to survive any great period.
You are stuck with it by the sound of it, but you will get used to it. You are too focused on your idea. I would hate someone to impose their taste in my house, so I would be fuming too, don't get me wrong.
If it's that flimsy, it won't last. Have a few playdates, ideally have a dinner party with half a dozen kids playing upstairs when you are with the adults downstairs, and that should fix the problem.
Start saving for a new wardrobe - if it's that small, you will need a bigger one soon.
Your MIL is just rude, it's your house, your taste. I can't stand pine furniture, but I wouldn't dream of imposing my choices in someone else's house.
That money has just been wasted, but you can also think of it as a cheap couple of years, before you upgrade the furniture to a proper desk, a high sleeper and so on. The ones you have are temporary between toddler bed and adult bed!
It just doesn't look like kids furniture. You can get some really lovely door handles on Etsy. I got some to make my sons chest of drawers suit the nursery more (it was an old white Ikea one we had in our bedroom)
I'd also suggest looking on Etsy or eBay for some lovely vinyl stickers to decorate them a bit. It can be done really tastefully and look amazing! Have a nose on Instagram at kids bedroom / decor posts
I wouldn’t encourage your kid to batter it though. You can’t say, “ Yeah kick the shit out of this stuff but treat the next lot with kid gloves”. It doesn’t work like that. Kids get into habits.
I'd probably just keep it and replace eventually tbh; it'll get damaged anyway and your DS probably doesn't care. It kind of sounds like this is more your DH's fault than your MILs though, he should have said NO.
Just accept it for now - in 4-5 years time you can replace with more grown up furniture ready for secondary school
View it as temporary to bridge that point between them being Destructor The Destroyer of Worlds and becoming vaguely civilised with the household contents. She's saved the lovely wood stuff you aspire to from getting battered to fuck and covered with Paw Patrol stickers. Couple of years time when arsehole builders are a thing of the past and the furniture's looking tatty and your child's a bit more out of the tornado stage - you get the furniture done again the way you want it.
My MIL will intentionally fuck up and distort any request or offer of help too so I get what you're feeling there - you can't easily change the furniture so change your mindset about it.
Thanks all, glad I'm not bu!
I will get used to it eventually. The wardrobe doors move depending on where it's standing on the floor (old house, not a straight floor or wall in it)
Keep stashing a bit of money away every month if you can. When you have enough saved up start being heave handed with the furniture until it breaks.
Maybe your problem is more with your DP rather than your MIL? Did you feel he understood your view at all OP?
Sounds like him and his DM just got together with SIL and did what they wanted. Does this happen a lot?
I guess the best thing would be to let it go for now - ugly furniture isn't a whole huge problem given the range of things in life that can go wrong - but next time state your wishes much more firmly.
It’s cheap shite. It will fall apart in less than a year.
Sell it for £50 and buy good quality stuff.
Ignore any ructions from her. She’ll get the message loud and clear that you will not be walked over.
I would be livid, especially with your husband; but I wouldn't get rid of it: your son won't mind it and it will have to be replaced in a few years' time anyway. In the mean time I would paint it, partly to make it look nicer and partly to make clear that your MIL does not get to choose your decor.
I know you said no to stickers but they are designed to be peeled back off again without leaving marks. Both my kids have vinyl stickers on their white IKEA furniture and it looks really cool. Let me find a photo if I can
El you could have said, thank you but we prefer to get our own. Situstionn is entirely of your own making. Learn to say no thank you. Can you redecorate? The blue is very harsh.
Sell it on Facebook and buy your own stuff. Don't let this fester for years!
Why do MIL do this shit! Reminds me of when mine were toddlers and there was a gorgeous rug I wanted for their room, but didn't drive. Asked FIL to take me to the town centre to buy it, MIL pipes up I'll get it for you. So I say okay thankyou much appreciated. The rug I had picked was like hopscotch, and I thought it would be really fun for them to have. She came home with a pink BATHMAT with love hearts on. Because she didn't think they should play hopscotch upstairs... not like it's my house or anything! So frustrating, I would be even more annoyed at a whole room full of furniture I didn't like.
I've seen these cool height chart posters that are fairly narrow, you could blue tac it to one of the doors on the wardrobe to jazz it up a bit?
Flog it, if she asks tell her it fell apart. Put what you make towards nice new stuff.
The tape on the back is usually because the backboard is folded in half when flatpacked is is perfectly normal.
The door can also be easily adjusted via the hinges once the wardrobe is placed in its spot although sometimes wonky doors can be caused by the backboard being put on wonky.
Wall stickers can be used on furniture.
Well the time to stop it all was when it was obvioous that she wasn't listening & had no intention of buying what you wanted.
If she hadn't have bought now, you would have had to buy when it needed replacing anyway & may at that point not have had the money to do so.
You might as well save for what you want as at least this hasn't cost you anything.
The good thing is that the cheap stuff takes stickers really well. So let DS cover it with as many stickers, posters, drawings, etc, as he likes. Tell him it's special furniture from MIL that he is allowed to customise.
Make sure she sees it when it's "finished".
Even fixing it to the walls won’t help, it looks like it might collapse anyway.
And this is why I don’t let my husband get involved in decisions about home decor!
Sell it for goodness sake! Now! Before it becomes used.
Say “In Person it looked and smelled bad” and fucking get rid of it. You cannot have furniture you hate that will give you rage for 5 years.
I wouldn't say it was awful but not what I'd choose for my son's room. It will definitely be a lesson learned. Mil clearly doesn't give gifts without serious strings attached. I would save for a year or so and replace.
Flog it, if she asks tell her it fell apart. Put what you make towards nice new stuff.
Just be very heavy handed with it, it won't last long
If it were me OP, I’d just say it wasn’t suitable for several reasons - and buy some more.
Primarily because kids’s furniture must be tough for safety, but equally the formaldehyde vapour is an issue people are becoming more aware of.
We can't afford to replace it!
The money we would get for it would not cover the cost of new stuff.
We ARE stuck with it.
There is absolutely NO WAY dp would be ok with it being covered in stickers or decals, it paint of any description. He's not happy about the wall stickers, never mind stuff on the furniture too.
The height chart blu tacked on might not be a bad idea though.
It definitely won't last long. I am going to have to lump it for a couple of years and then not let either of them anywhere near choosing new stuff when the time comes.
It’s not ideal OP I understand your frustration but remember, your son is 5 and unlikely to give a hoot about bedroom furniture. If it was me I think I would make the most of it by jazzing it up with nice handles, nice rug, curtains, wall stickers etc. If it was your living room she had gone rogue on then that would be a different matter but I personally don’t think a child’s bedroom is worth falling out over. If your DS is anything like mine the floor will be covered with Lego and comic books anyway so no nice furniture would be wasted on him!
My son has covered a lot of his furniture with football stickers at this age (6 yr), I got him cheap ikea stuff. Get those tags to attach it to wall for safety. Look up furniture makeover in Pinterest but trusts me kids will end up putting stickers and such on it very soon. Save and get him a Xmas present 2/3 years down the line.
I love those!!!
OP - There is absolutely NO WAY dp would be ok with it being covered in stickers or decals, it paint of any description. He's not happy about the wall stickers, never mind stuff on the furniture too.
So bloody what? Give a fuck what your DP wants, it’s his fault you are stuck with this shit.
I would push it about a bit so it falls apart in a week, then replace it with a plain clothes rail until I was financially able to replace everything. Then I'd have a lovely time mentioning "cheap white furniture that falls apart in a week....." at various moments (no I wouldn't do that last thing, I'm not that bad).
You sound a bit ungrateful to me OP. If you have such firm ideas about kids furniture maybe you should have chosen and paid for it yourself?
Your MIL did ask your DH if white was ok and she was told it was - I'd focus my irritation on my DH. This could have been avoided if you'd been much clearer about what you wanted.
The handles are a brilliant idea.
Op, I mean this politely, but as it was repeated, its drawers, not draws. I'm assuming you meant drawers? Or am I misreading?
The white looks fine,and with some jazzed up handles could look very cool indeed. You could also get some massive stickers/decals, like the planets, or even Winnie the poo, and make a little mural on them.
@DerelictWreck: Where are those handles from? They're really nice!
Op, there is lots of door handles for kids, just google. You can get everything from long to short, to colourful to animals.
I don’t see why you can’t put 4 of those animal handles on the wardrobe?
Absolutely buy the MDF/formaldehyde test and get rid for his asthma. Of course you need to paint them and change the handles. If WW3 breaks out you say you don’t lie them and if they ignore you bonus! It’s your life and she can’t mould you to liking what she likes.
Excellent that it nearly fell apart. I would accidentally break it and then just replace it with what you want.
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