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DP sending underwear photo of me to another woman

(196 Posts)
Namechangeforthis2019 Wed 24-Apr-19 08:21:16

There's a lot of context to this story, so please stick with me blush
DP and I met just Christmas 2017, we didn't become official until may 2018 as I wanted to be extra sure of it for DS sake. Just after we made it official, we spent 3 weeks apart - I took DS on a big family holiday and the day before we got back he went on holiday with his friend. All good, we both got home and carried on. Since then things have been great, until...

A few weeks ago when I recieved a Facebook message from a random girl of about 18 years old, 10 years younger than DP, (this is why I fucking hate social media) saying my DP had gone off with her older sister whilst they were on holiday last year. I was pretty skeptical as he'd always been so amazing, kind and lovely and just no suspicions at all that he'd been cheating. Plus, DP is not on Facebook so no clue how she found me. I did a bit of research before confronting him, found out that DP has a "secret?" Snapchat account that I didn't know about, which he was apparently constantly messaging other girls on when they were on holiday, so this girl told me. Why a guy who's nearly 30 would want to be on Snapchat I have no clue confused. Confronted him and he admitted he kissed a woman on holiday but it was for a few seconds on a night out and nothing else happened.

So then that brings us to now... I actually saw a Snapchat logo notification flash up on his phone the other night from a woman's name. At this point I'm feeling really paranoid/worried that something has gone on, so I waited til he fell asleep and went through his phone (I know, I know). I'd never ever do that if I didn't have some sort of serious suspicion.

So here we get to the actual point of the story!! At last. I go into the Snapchat account and look at the chat list. All girls. Screeds and screeds of girls names. I only had to look at a few to see that they were all from the week he was on holiday last summer. Really dirty messages, he was basically sexting other women the whole time, none older than 20. Bad enough, right? Then I look at one girl... Actually feel sick typing it, in a dirty conversation he asked her if she was "into girls" she said yes, he sent her a picture of me in my underwear - no bra, just pants. No face in the picture, he'd cropped that out. He said "that's my girlfriend", he knew what he was doing.

Confronted him immediately, told him it was absolutely unforgivable, I trusted him with pictures of myself, he's violated that. He begged and begged for forgiveness, told me it was at the very start of the relationship, to which I said but we were serious enough from about March but we waited for DS sake. He says he was scared that he knew we were going to be together for good, he knew we wouldn't break up and that scared him a bit. To be fair, since new year we've become a lot more serious, been getting along so so well and things had been amazing.

So as to not dripfeed, his family worry that I'm controlling as he stayed with me for 2 weeks when I had fainting episodes a few months ago (absolutely his decision to do so, I did initially say I'd go home to my parent's). They also are concerned about the fact I have DS and on my own, worry that I only want dp as a replacement dad - not the case at all as his dad is very much involved in his life.

I'm just so so hurt over all of this, I've always thought his family and I got along too, I bought all his siblings Xmas gifts, baked his mum cakes, I feel like a bit of a fool.

Anyway, sorry for the ramblings, thank you if you made it this far. Don't even know why I posted really, just don't know what to do about DP, needed to just get it off my chest to people I didn't know.

AryaStarkWolf Wed 24-Apr-19 12:15:29

Also, some one mentioned how the sister of a girl he was with a year ago was able to track you down through FB when he doesn't even use it. First of all, has this girl been obsessing about him for a full year or is it more likely he's been in contact with her for that year and has clearly not just shared your photo with her but with enough information that her and her sister would be able to track you down.

SouthernComforts Wed 24-Apr-19 12:30:08

Wow just seen the screenshot flowers what a prick he is.

IncrediblySadToo Wed 24-Apr-19 13:52:02

Right, well, we’ve fully established he needs to go, presumably he’s still not moved in so all you need to do is change the locks, get any of your stuff back that he has and give him anything of his that’s at yours. When that’s done, message his Mum, tell her it was lovely to have got to know them all, but you have to think of your & DS’s future and that’s not with someone who takes your photo naked then sends it to teenagers on the Internet. Attach the screenshot.

No, there’s no NEED to do that, but a fair bit of satisfaction 🤷🏻‍♀️

coolestmum Wed 24-Apr-19 13:52:44

You must be so devastated right now. He is an absolute biggest arsehole. Those messages are shocking.

Just leave him. He’s completely disrespected you in the biggest way. Real men don’t do that. It’s not normal. You are much better off without this in your life.

MrsXx4 Wed 24-Apr-19 13:57:18

Wow. You would be an utter fool to carry on with this relationship!! What a disgusting prick!

QueenBlueberries Wed 24-Apr-19 14:04:54

That's really horrible. I really feel for you and wish I could give you a hug. Sounds like it's all a big joke to him and that he lives on another planet if he think it's acceptable to do this. I can imagine how hard it is and hope that you will make the right decision. If you stay you will remember this forever and it 's no good. Keep your chin up, and move on asap.

justarandomtricycle Wed 24-Apr-19 14:19:24

Get evidence. This is important. Secure access to his phone at some point and photograph his messages. Do not engage in a single further cross word until you have pictures of it all. Back up all the evidence you gather somewhere off-site where it cannot be deleted before you discuss it further. Include the communication(s) you released on Facebook, as it is evidence you were identifiable by the persons he circulated your private pictures to as pornography. Don't engage them further as their evidence may become important. Explain to him that there is evidence stored elsewhere.

Then, have the conversation where you ask him if he is willing to leave without delay and not bother you any more.

Once he is gone, seek legal advice before reporting a crime, should you wish to do that. You may need some guidance on what to report and which evidence to point the police to, if any.

ThatssomebadhatHarry Wed 24-Apr-19 14:22:47

Op I hope you are reading these and taking on board the advice.
CoffeeDepravations post in particular is spot on.
This man is not who you thought. You seem to be focusing on the fact that all the texts were just from one week, but this is only what you have evidence of. I’m sorry op you must LTB.

LazyLizzy Wed 24-Apr-19 14:34:48

He's as weird as fuck. Imagine the stuff you don't know about?

Would have him nowhere near my DC.

OP don't be desperate, get rid.

Namechangeforthis2019 Wed 24-Apr-19 14:53:59

Thank you for all the messages ladies. I am normally quite tolerant but he can get to fuck!! Deserve so much better

DramaSchoolMums Wed 24-Apr-19 14:56:31

What he's done is against the law OP. Nothing ought to be clearer in your mind. If you love yourself and your DS, which of course you do
then get rid. Immediately, no dithering. And report him whilst you're at it.

flowers flowers

DramaSchoolMums Wed 24-Apr-19 15:00:15

Forgot to add - I doubt for one minute he only kissed that girl. Get yourself tested ASAP OP. xxx

Awwlookatmybabyspider Wed 24-Apr-19 15:10:52

He kissed a women for a few seconds and then they both went on their Merry way and nothing else happened. Yeah and my golden carriage driven by lilac and mint unicorns is on its way to collect me as I'm getting coronated at 5pm.
Why do people tell such bull shit. Your partner I mean not you, op.
He's been sending pornographic pics of you to other people.
Is that not illegal for a blood start.
Get rid while its early days.
You deserve better.

PepsiLola Wed 24-Apr-19 16:53:47

You shouldn't even need to contemplate this! Bin him

Serenity45 Wed 24-Apr-19 17:02:00

I'm sorry OP but he sounds like a complete prick. I wouldn't be able to trust him after behaviour like that. I know it's easy for us all to say from our keyboards, but ditch the deadwood.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross Wed 24-Apr-19 17:03:45

If those aren't the worst messages...

OP, just get rid. There is nothing worth salvaging here, and I can tell you that just from the "not the worst messages".

Fluffycloudland77 Wed 24-Apr-19 17:17:23

“You mind me wanting to fuck you behind her back?” Ahh the art of seduction hasn’t died out then.

Men like this never change. We’ve known men in their 50’s who still act like this.

Suliemantra Wed 24-Apr-19 17:23:46


And the only giveaway this cheating lying scumbag dropped in all this time was a Snapchat notification on his phone which flashed up but a girl he met on holiday messaged you out the blue despite him not being on facebook???

Bluntness100 Wed 24-Apr-19 17:28:18

“You mind me wanting to fuck you behind her back?

And how old was this girl he wanted to fuck behind your back, and let's face it did, nineteen? Twenty? Max?

I'm also curious why this girl waited a year. The humiliation of being told by an 18 year old your partner cheated. But why's she telling you now? Because it's being going on until now and the girl he fucked got his sister to contact you. In a hope to break you up. Or as some form of revenge.

But the timelines is there for a reason. She's not hunted you down a year later for nothing.

The timing is important and something big is behind ger actions. And how did she find you? Because her sister told her who you were.

canadianbanana Wed 24-Apr-19 17:31:36

What? You don’t know what to do about him? Drop him instantly. He’s not going to change, so all his begging for forgiveness is bullshit. People who genuinely care/love you don’t treat you this way.

Shockers Wed 24-Apr-19 17:40:14

Sharing indecent images is a crime. Would you have the courage to report it OP?

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