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DP sending underwear photo of me to another woman

(196 Posts)
Namechangeforthis2019 Wed 24-Apr-19 08:21:16

There's a lot of context to this story, so please stick with me blush
DP and I met just Christmas 2017, we didn't become official until may 2018 as I wanted to be extra sure of it for DS sake. Just after we made it official, we spent 3 weeks apart - I took DS on a big family holiday and the day before we got back he went on holiday with his friend. All good, we both got home and carried on. Since then things have been great, until...

A few weeks ago when I recieved a Facebook message from a random girl of about 18 years old, 10 years younger than DP, (this is why I fucking hate social media) saying my DP had gone off with her older sister whilst they were on holiday last year. I was pretty skeptical as he'd always been so amazing, kind and lovely and just no suspicions at all that he'd been cheating. Plus, DP is not on Facebook so no clue how she found me. I did a bit of research before confronting him, found out that DP has a "secret?" Snapchat account that I didn't know about, which he was apparently constantly messaging other girls on when they were on holiday, so this girl told me. Why a guy who's nearly 30 would want to be on Snapchat I have no clue confused. Confronted him and he admitted he kissed a woman on holiday but it was for a few seconds on a night out and nothing else happened.

So then that brings us to now... I actually saw a Snapchat logo notification flash up on his phone the other night from a woman's name. At this point I'm feeling really paranoid/worried that something has gone on, so I waited til he fell asleep and went through his phone (I know, I know). I'd never ever do that if I didn't have some sort of serious suspicion.

So here we get to the actual point of the story!! At last. I go into the Snapchat account and look at the chat list. All girls. Screeds and screeds of girls names. I only had to look at a few to see that they were all from the week he was on holiday last summer. Really dirty messages, he was basically sexting other women the whole time, none older than 20. Bad enough, right? Then I look at one girl... Actually feel sick typing it, in a dirty conversation he asked her if she was "into girls" she said yes, he sent her a picture of me in my underwear - no bra, just pants. No face in the picture, he'd cropped that out. He said "that's my girlfriend", he knew what he was doing.

Confronted him immediately, told him it was absolutely unforgivable, I trusted him with pictures of myself, he's violated that. He begged and begged for forgiveness, told me it was at the very start of the relationship, to which I said but we were serious enough from about March but we waited for DS sake. He says he was scared that he knew we were going to be together for good, he knew we wouldn't break up and that scared him a bit. To be fair, since new year we've become a lot more serious, been getting along so so well and things had been amazing.

So as to not dripfeed, his family worry that I'm controlling as he stayed with me for 2 weeks when I had fainting episodes a few months ago (absolutely his decision to do so, I did initially say I'd go home to my parent's). They also are concerned about the fact I have DS and on my own, worry that I only want dp as a replacement dad - not the case at all as his dad is very much involved in his life.

I'm just so so hurt over all of this, I've always thought his family and I got along too, I bought all his siblings Xmas gifts, baked his mum cakes, I feel like a bit of a fool.

Anyway, sorry for the ramblings, thank you if you made it this far. Don't even know why I posted really, just don't know what to do about DP, needed to just get it off my chest to people I didn't know.

InceyWinceyette Wed 24-Apr-19 08:36:51

And what the hell are his politics around women, and his level of maturity if he thinks sending such a pic in such a context would be OK or act as any kind of justification at any stage, or even if you were just a ONS? The fact that he thinks, or pretends to think, this is a reasonable explanation just makes him look worse.

OP, this is a massive red flag with klaxon moment. It’s who he is.

Squeegle Wed 24-Apr-19 08:36:56

You have to get rid of him. No question.

kalinkafoxtrot45 Wed 24-Apr-19 08:37:06

What a nasty, disrespectful man. You can do so much better than this idiot.

foreverhanging Wed 24-Apr-19 08:38:02

Put him in the bin, op, where he belongs

YouSayPotatoesISayVodka Wed 24-Apr-19 08:40:09

Get rid of him. Not only has he cheated, betrayed your trust even more by sending personal pictures to other people but he’s got the shittiest excuse ever for it. He’ll do this again and again.

Also worth bearing in mind when cheaters “confess” they don’t confess everything in my experience. He’s done a lot more than kissing I’m sure. You might want to get tested.

WanderingTrolley1 Wed 24-Apr-19 08:40:34

LTB. You and your son deserve better.

Bluntness100 Wed 24-Apr-19 08:42:00

Jesus, what an absolute betrayal. That's really sickening.

I'm quite tolerant but I'd end it over that. It is indeed unforgivable.

Honeybee85 Wed 24-Apr-19 08:42:11

Wow. My jaw just dropped to the floor.

How disrespectful can you be.
Sending a photo of you was already enough to dump him, leave alone the rest of the shit he pulled.

I would run from him and never look back.
I know it hurts, but you will be so much better off without this twat flowers

Branleuse Wed 24-Apr-19 08:42:32

Its staring you in the face.
Whats the point in a cheating untrustworthy boyfriend? You fancy being on an emotional rollercoaster?

Men like this are two -a-penny. You can do so much better

crispysausagerolls Wed 24-Apr-19 08:43:06

But he is still using snapchat? So he’s lying

MumW Wed 24-Apr-19 08:43:52

Agree with everyone else. Huge red flags, run for the hills.
Neither he nor his family sound very nice.

JustHereWithMyPopcorn Wed 24-Apr-19 08:44:36

Please get rid, he's a lying scumbag.

Babooshkar Wed 24-Apr-19 08:44:49

It’s going to hurt for a while, but leaving and going NC is the only self-respectful option you have.

Staying with him means you condone all sorts of wrong and you will be setting yourself up for years of misery - the trust is gone, you’d never be able to forget.

TatianaLarina Wed 24-Apr-19 08:44:53

Just as well you found out.

Wildrose19 Wed 24-Apr-19 08:45:05

That’s really disgusting and quite shocking.

CuriousaboutSamphire Wed 24-Apr-19 08:45:46

That's a level of ongoing disrespect it is surely impossible to accept in your life!

OP take your controlling self away from this shit and his equally shitty family and live a much better life!

Mummaofmytribe Wed 24-Apr-19 08:46:11

Oh yuck. How horrible. Don't forget that unfortunately cheaters usually only confess to the bare minimum that they know you have proof of.
I don't want to upset you any further but you might want to speak to your doctor about STI checks.
What a piece of work.

acomingin Wed 24-Apr-19 08:46:18

Get rid. You can do better than this prick.

frenchonion Wed 24-Apr-19 08:46:22

Huge betrayal. No way would I forgive this. He's shown you who he is...believe him.

Fluffycloudland77 Wed 24-Apr-19 08:47:24

He’s lying. You can get out now or put up with it until it becomes unbearable by which time you’ve wasted a lot of time on him.

Scared of what anyway? Being happy?. What rubbish.

EmeraldRubyShark Wed 24-Apr-19 08:49:10

What? Does it being the start of the relationship make it ok to show a complete disrespect of your partner then?

Yeah, wtf is that all about? The beginning is supposed to be when you’re both putting your best foot forward trying to impress the other person and show them you’re a good potential partner! Not that six months is ‘at the beginning’ anyway. But if he could do this when he was newly with you and supposed to be smitten and in the honeymoon phase he’s just not that arsed about or into you.

SimonJT Wed 24-Apr-19 08:49:13

I know he cropped your face out of the picture, but I’m genuinely wondering if this sort of thing would be considered revenge porn.

Bluntness100 Wed 24-Apr-19 08:49:26

It's not just the cheating, and he clearly did more than kiss her, or the sexting, or the violation of your photo, but he's going after teenagers. It's absolutely stomach turning. And as a pp said, he's still lying to your face. It really is nauseating.

dangerrabbit Wed 24-Apr-19 08:49:27

Dump the mutherfucker already.

WaitingInTheBushesOfLove Wed 24-Apr-19 08:49:58

Did he explain why he still had Snapchat if all that was all behind him? What about the new notifications coming through? Why keep the app if he wasn't using it?

Not that any of this matter when he actually shared your pic with someone else. Massive breach of trust.

OP, please make sure you delete any pics of you from his phone and any other devices. DELETE DELETE DELETE.

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