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What you expect to happen if your partner came into money ?

(110 Posts)
Inebriatededna Tue 23-Apr-19 19:43:29

Background , been together nearly 8 years but don’t live together due to family circumstances . Up until recently partner has had a low paid job so I have paid the lions share when we have been together including holidays , meals out and an event we go to twice a year which costs about 250 a time . I’ve been happy to do this .
My question is that now he has come into a large sum of money ( approx 40, ooo) plus he has had a much better paid job , what if anything would you expect of him .

mindutopia Tue 23-Apr-19 19:53:51

In your situation, I would expect him to start paying his way and sharing expenses equally.

Aragog Tue 23-Apr-19 19:56:49

He should now be paying his own way fairly, and also treating you too to cover some of the ties you've treated him. Time for him to make up some of the contributions he's been willing to accept in the previous years.

Mind, all our money is shared - so this would be too.

Butterfl1es0nwheels Tue 23-Apr-19 20:05:02

If you are both single ( not married) & not living together. I would expect the person who received the money to; pay off all their debts first, save some for emergencies, spend some perhaps on a joint holiday
It is not your money to spend

Merryoldgoat Tue 23-Apr-19 20:09:04

Debts paid off first then pay their way. But shouldn’t he be doing that anyway given his improved employment?

Inebriatededna Tue 23-Apr-19 20:09:09

Thanks for the replies I will certainly expect we share expenses going forward but I suppose what I’m asking is would you expect him to share any of the money with you ?

Merryoldgoat Tue 23-Apr-19 20:10:10

Not married, not living together I’d not expect to be given any money, I’d hope for a nice gift, maybe a nice holiday but not cash.

Merryoldgoat Tue 23-Apr-19 20:10:48

I’m guessing you think he should give you some of the money...

NoSquirrels Tue 23-Apr-19 20:10:53

As above - you're not married or living together, so I would expect him to be paying his own way entirely from now on, and wouldn't accept less than this now he is on a better salary

In terms of the lump sum of money, I guess I would hope that he would also be nice and generous and reciprocate by treating me somehow e.g. a weekend away, but I wouldn't expect anything on this score.

TooTrueToBeGood Tue 23-Apr-19 20:11:48

Nope. Same as I'd think you'd be a mug to split it with him if the other way round.

NoSquirrels Tue 23-Apr-19 20:12:41

Do you expect him to share any of the money with you?

If so, stop expecting that. It's pretty unreasonable of you. Presumably you were happy to shoulder "the lion's share" of the things you've done up til now without the expectation of a lump sum - you didn't loan him the cash or keep a tally, he doesn't owe you anything.

Inebriatededna Tue 23-Apr-19 20:13:00

Just to add we are engaged and only live apart because of children , also he has no debts not least because I’ve practically supported him for 8 years .

BumpIntheNite Tue 23-Apr-19 20:13:02

would you expect him to share any of the money with you

No. Would you share a lumpsum with him?

YANBU to think he should cover half his bills - and in light of all you've done, morally he should insist on treating you both to something like a holiday.

But YABU to expect him to share a windfall.

Sirzy Tue 23-Apr-19 20:13:57

If you where planning on moving in together soon It would be nice for some of it to go towards that. However otherwise I wouldn’t expect anything

DantesInferno Tue 23-Apr-19 20:14:24

just to add we are engaged and only live apart because of children

so.... when are you getting married? and will you live together when you do?

TooTrueToBeGood Tue 23-Apr-19 20:14:28

Still nope.

AJPTaylor Tue 23-Apr-19 20:14:59

No. Happily married for 20 years when dh had an inheritance. It's his.

Brakebackcyclebot Tue 23-Apr-19 20:15:49

If you really were happy to pay the lion's share then you can't really now ask for a handout, like payment back after the event. Did you REALLY not mind? Or did you resent it really and only do it because he had less then?

NoSquirrels Tue 23-Apr-19 20:16:51

But unless you "supported" him with a formal agreement that he would pay you back, you are not entitled to anything.

When you're married, his £40K will be 50% yours. Until then, nope.

If what you mean is that this is exposing a fundamental difference in attitudes to money between you, then that is something to tackle.

But he's not necessarily a stingy arse just because he's not offering you a wodge of cash. £40,000 sounds a lot but isn't really, depending on circumstance.

Bluntness100 Tue 23-Apr-19 20:18:27

No of course you shouldn't expect him to give you a share of it. How grabby. It might be nice for him to take you out to dinner or a weekend away or a show or something. And he should pay his way going forward. But expecting him to hand over some of his inheritance is not right at all.

Bluntness100 Tue 23-Apr-19 20:19:36

When you're married, his £40K will be 50% yours

That's not necessarily true. Normally what each person has before thr marriage they can walk away with after thr marriage.

Bobcut Tue 23-Apr-19 20:20:25

if you need like a grand or two I think you are in your right to ask for it in a nice way, and for him to give it. Otherwise no, I’d expect him going forward to cover things to makeup for the other years

Inebriatededna Tue 23-Apr-19 20:20:27

Ok so it’s pretty unanimous , I would never expect him to split it obviously but I did think maybe he would make a gesture of appreciation .

cstaff Tue 23-Apr-19 20:21:41

Tbh I would be pissed off if I had paid most of the bills over the last 8 years and he didn't think he owed you anything. I am not saying that you are due half but a token would be nice to show his appreciation for you looking after him.

HollowTalk Tue 23-Apr-19 20:22:03

I think he should give you some money but I doubt he will.

But why have you been funding this man when you have children to look after? Every penny you've spent on him has been a penny not spent on them and their/your future.

NoSquirrels Tue 23-Apr-19 20:22:16

You're right, Bluntness - just using it as shorthand I suppose to illustrate that there's a massive difference between living together & married and living apart and engaged.

kbPOW Tue 23-Apr-19 20:23:01

I think that if I'd paid more than my share for years with someone who suddenly received 40k and had no inclination to reciprocate, I'd dump them for being a tightarse.

BarbedBloom Tue 23-Apr-19 20:23:26

I have recently come into money from an inheritance, but I am married. I consider the money ours rather than mine and put it into our joint savings. In your case I would expect him to maybe treat you to a holiday or similar considering you have been supporting him for so long, but at least he should now be paying his own expenses.

NightOwlStacey Tue 23-Apr-19 20:23:50

I'd expect him to treat us to a holiday or something along those lines and if we were proper "partners" I'd probably also expect him to give me a few thousand too if I needed it.

kbPOW Tue 23-Apr-19 20:24:46

I think that if I'd paid more than my share for years with someone who received a 40k windfall and showed no sign of reciprocating, I'd dump the tightarse.

kbPOW Tue 23-Apr-19 20:25:20

I think it so much, I posted it twice.

NotSorry Tue 23-Apr-19 20:25:22

No. Happily married for 20 years when dh had an inheritance. It's his

Really? When I had an inheritance i put it towards a large ticket item that the whole family would benefit from

OP - YANBU - I think you need to think if this is the right person for you based on the above information

Bluntness100 Tue 23-Apr-19 20:26:50

What large ticket item is he going to buy that benefits them both. They don't even live together.

Bluntness100 Tue 23-Apr-19 20:26:50

What large ticket item is he going to buy that benefits them both. They don't even live together.

NameChangedNoImagination Tue 23-Apr-19 20:30:20

If I were him I'd give you £5k. But you'd be unreasonable to demand it. If he's tight with it or blows it expecting you to fork out, dump him. If he invests it wisely that's a good sign.

Sirzy Tue 23-Apr-19 20:30:33

But surely you help your partner out with things because you can and want to not to then expect some sort of “payback” when help isn’t needed?

19lottie82 Tue 23-Apr-19 20:30:40

Bluntness a nice holiday?

PocaMiseria Tue 23-Apr-19 20:30:59

I think in part it depends on the source of the money. If he inherited it from his parents or grandparents then apart from a nicer than usual birthday present or a more luxurious kind of holiday I wouldn't expect to benefit from it. If, on the other hand, it was premium bonds or a lottery win then it would be fairer to discuss how to spend it as a couple.

Bluntness100 Tue 23-Apr-19 20:32:16

I think many people have suggested a holiday. It seems the op wants cash.

Stompythedinosaur Tue 23-Apr-19 20:32:19

In my relationship it would be family money that we shared, but we live together with joint finances.

It a situation where you live apart and have separate finances I would expect him to pay his share in future but nothing more.

Tavannach Tue 23-Apr-19 20:33:48

In your circumstances i wouldn't expect any money and I would never ask for any, but I would expect some kind of 'thank you' gesture. Something major, like two weeks in the sun.

resipsa Tue 23-Apr-19 20:34:42

I agree with PP also married 20 years. It's his to do with as he chooses. I hope he chooses you. If he does, he's a long-term keeper! Mine chose new windows and doors for the whole house (rock n roll) then a 3 week trip for us all to Australia 😀.

Alsohuman Tue 23-Apr-19 20:36:04

A nice holiday is all I'd want or expect.

Inebriatededna Tue 23-Apr-19 20:37:53

I’m glad not everyone thinks I’m a grabby cow lol , I think it’s just shown up the difference in our attitudes to money .

NightOwlStacey Tue 23-Apr-19 20:41:04

You're not a grabby cow. If my partner came into a sum of money of that kind of size I know he would give me some, just as I would with him. I know for certain because he did do that in the past and we weren't married. Who wouldn't want to share their good fortune with their partner, especially if their partner had helped them financially over the years?

Bringbackthestripes Tue 23-Apr-19 20:41:10

also he has no debts not least because I’ve practically supported him for 8 years

I wouldn’t expect him to share the money at all. A nice gift or a paid holiday maybe but not a handout but I certainly wouldn’t have stuck around supporting someone for 8 years so they could remain debt free.

NewcastleChick Tue 23-Apr-19 20:42:24

Equal sharing of bills from now on, plus a big holiday that he pays for, as a way to say "thank you". At the very least

NaturatintGoldenChestnut Tue 23-Apr-19 20:44:31

He's sponged off you for 8 years and you think he's the sharing type? You'll get nada. At the least you split bills evenly now. Personally, I'd never marry him but I'd also not have done the lion's share for 8 years, either. Think you've let yourself be a bit swizzed here and he's showing you who he is. What's his is his, and what's yours is his, too.

NewcastleChick Tue 23-Apr-19 20:44:48

I would add, with me and my DH, to date I have contributed more money to the relationship then he has, as I have earned more.

But...he is due to inherit a massive amount, and I'll be honest, I am expecting a "thank you" of some sort.

Inebriatededna Tue 23-Apr-19 20:45:36

It’s not an inheritance more on the lines of a lottery win and I don’t really want any of it I think it’s just when I had more money than him it was natural for me to pay for things and I suppose I thought he would be the same if roles were reversed and the fact he isn’t is more about our relationship than money.

LordNibbler Tue 23-Apr-19 20:46:28

Some people are very happy taking, but not so keen on giving. Have you got yourself one of those?

Bluntness100 Tue 23-Apr-19 20:47:30

But op, no one is saying it's unreasonable for you to expect him to pay his way, or take you out for a treat, a holiday, a slap up meal whatever.

What's being said by the vast majority is to expect him to give you cash. Which is what you basically asked, should you expect some of it.

DeeCeeCherry Tue 23-Apr-19 20:48:39

DP has come into money via an accident some years ago, and also sale of his deceased grandmother's property. We've been together 6 years, don't live together. His son lives with him. My daughters live with me. All are grown up.

We are going on a lavish hoilday next week. There've been some treats. He's always paid his way and he's not tightfisted by nature. He won't give me cash directly, he never does. That doesn't matter as he's not mean in other ways, will pay some of my bills because he wants to, nice gifts for us all, he's a good cook so cooks for us etc. Various things

In reality people can be shitty when a man you're not married to spends money on you. They think that should happen only if you're married, as if a ring somehow makes you 'good enough'. You're greedy and a woman shouldn't have expectations unless she's a wife...

I don't know how you managed to make him debt-free. Are your children grown up? If not, spending money on a man when you have them to raise, support, treat..that is odd.

I don't believe in having young children and spending money on a man. I wouldn't think much of a man that accepted money from a single mum either. Doesn't bode well for his attitude towards money and integrity I'd be surprised if he shares but I absolutely think he should, and there's nothing wrong with you having an expectation that he does either. Doesn't mean he will, unfortunately.

Puzzledandpissedoff Tue 23-Apr-19 20:48:42

we are engaged and only live apart because of children

TBH I'd be more concerned about this, especially after 8 years

Is there any actual intention to marry, or is this some type of "understanding" that may fizzle out now he's better placed?

Floralhousecoat Tue 23-Apr-19 20:48:59

Has he said anything about giving you a portion of the money at all? In my opinion, he should do this. In your position I would expect that.

There was a similar thread on here a while ago which you may find a bit of an eye opener.

Op, you do realise you have been subsidizing this man at the expense of your own dc? It's really time to pull back.

eddielizzard Tue 23-Apr-19 20:50:36

Well make sure that you split costs fairly from now on. How he reacts to that will tell you what you need to know.

RB68 Tue 23-Apr-19 20:54:51

we are about to come in to some money from a pension. We are getting x amount each (him me and DD) and we are doing some work on the house, paying a lump sum on the mortgage and paying off some debt. But we are married.

You can't rewind and get money back from prev but I would perhaps expect a treat of some sort - say a short break or a lovely meal out etc and maybe a nice gift

SpeckledyHen Tue 23-Apr-19 21:00:35

I would expect him to pay the lions share for the next 8 years ...

Judystilldreamsofhorses Tue 23-Apr-19 21:02:03

Totally different circumstances, and maybe we are a bit weird, but my DP gets a substantial bonus most years. He usually buys me a present (perfume or similar), and we go for a lovely dinner, or a weekend away. We do live together, and he would also generally buy a big shop, with lots of treaty things, wine, nice cheese etc, on top of our usual household groceries. It’s all lovely, but I don’t expect any of it.

Similarly, I do bits of freelance work on top of my actual job, which pay pretty well (but hundreds rather than thousands like the bonus!) and I will always get us something to share, dinner or whatever, but I do see it as “fun money” for me.

NameChangeNugget Tue 23-Apr-19 21:06:02

He should start paying his way but, I wouldn’t expect cash

Inebriatededna Tue 23-Apr-19 21:08:27

Just to reassure people my children are older and I would never put a man before my children , it’s just been a case that I had more disposable income than him so weekend and holiday plans I paid for .

NoSquirrels Tue 23-Apr-19 21:10:51

Well, you could say to him “So, when are you treating us to a weekend away now you’re flush?” And see what he says...

Kisskiss Tue 23-Apr-19 21:11:38

Are you in need of money? If you’re ok on that front it would feel weird if he gave you cash? Surely a treat ( holiday or Something special you’ve had your eye on) would be more thoughtful

Mummyoflittledragon Tue 23-Apr-19 21:12:15

I would now expect him to pay for the next few weekends, pay for a holiday equivalent to what you have funded and buy you some nice stuff. Or pay for a really fab holiday for the two of you.

ImogenTubbs Tue 23-Apr-19 21:16:24

I wouldn't expect him to give me any of the money, but yes, paying his fair share from now on would be expected. I'd probably be a bit miffed if I didn't get a couple of meals or a new handbag out of it (just something as a gesture, I mean) but no, I wouldn't expect or accept a lump sum.

Skyejuly Tue 23-Apr-19 21:24:24

I would not expect any.

category12 Tue 23-Apr-19 21:25:56

Well it shows it's a one-way street, doesn't it?

TowerRavenSeven Tue 23-Apr-19 21:26:37

No money if not married.

AnotherEmma Tue 23-Apr-19 21:28:25

"I’ve practically supported him for 8 years"

What do you mean by this, exactly?
Have you helped him to pay his bills and debts or just extras like meals out, holidays, events etc?

NaturatintGoldenChestnut Tue 23-Apr-19 21:33:42

Wow, and he hasn't even suggested a weekend break or the like for you? That wouldn't impress me.

mrsm43s Tue 23-Apr-19 21:35:13

In your situation - not married, not living together, no joint children, no joint finances, I wouldn't expect to be given cash, no.

I think though, that it would be nice if he treated you both to a weekend away or a holiday.

cstaff Tue 23-Apr-19 21:36:29

I would definitely be tightening my purse strings and see how he reacts. You will find out soon enough if he is a giver or just a taker. I'm not liking the sound of him right now tbh. Hopefully he will prove me wrong.

SuperCoop3r Tue 23-Apr-19 21:42:56

In your situation I'd not expect anything from it, no. I would expect him to pick up the tab more often from now on though and pay his way properly

I'm married and I've inherited a huge amount recently. It's my husbands too in my opinion.

Cryalot2 Tue 23-Apr-19 21:45:59

I would expect him to first spend on himself and kids and then treat you both to a nice holiday.
He then could start paying his way .

jacks11 Tue 23-Apr-19 21:49:08

I would not expect a lump sum in cash, given that you don't live together or have shared finances.

I'm guessing you paid for those things because you wanted (and could afford) to, and presumably not because you expected to be paid back or for him to be indebted to you. I don't think you can now expect a cash sum. However, given that you have paid for lots of shared activities/meals/trips then I would expect that he would treat you more often now- and from now on that he would at least pay his way. If you were planning to go away this year, for example, he could pay for that. But I wouldn't necessarily expect a lavish holiday costing a substantial proportion of that money (I probably wouldn't want to spend a significant proportion of a windfall on a holiday TBH, but that's just a personal opinion).

I would have a different view if you lived together and had shared finances (married or not).

lboogy Tue 23-Apr-19 21:50:30

Split the money? You're sounding very entitled.
How long has he had the money? If it's only been a short time then you don't know if he's going to give you something. Maybe a grand would be nice plus take you away somewhere. Or maybe he intends to buy you a better ring. You don't know.

Wellandtrulyoutnumbered Tue 23-Apr-19 21:58:53

I'd hope he would take me on holiday then invest it so that he receives some income go help make up his low paid income.

AcrossthePond55 Tue 23-Apr-19 22:00:58

I think it’s just shown up the difference in our attitudes to money

Money issues/differences are the #2 cause of divorce. I would never marry a man who had a big difference in financial philosophy, and it appears he has a different philosophy than you. I think you need to think carefully about what being married to him would mean.

I don't think he should give you a lump sum, but when his financial circumstance improved, I would have expected him to start pitching in more for joint expenses (trips, dates, etc).

What do you mean by 'practically supported him'? Do you mean you've been paying his bills? His rent? Giving him cash to meet his expenses? To me, that is what 'supporting' someone means.

Just paying for the lion's share of outings isn't 'supporting'. You could have chosen that the two of you only did what he (the lower earner) could afford to do, but you chose to stump up the money for the things you wanted to do. He doesn't owe you for that.

FloofenHoofen Tue 23-Apr-19 22:05:03

I'm married and if my husband came into money I would not expect a single penny from him. It's his money. What right do I have to claw or expect a token from that money?

I believe we are still individuals and have every right to privacy and our own belongings even if marriage dictates we share. My husband treats me the same way.

category12 Tue 23-Apr-19 22:10:01

What about being a team and in it together, Floofenhoofen? I think it's bloody weird to have one half of a partnership rolling in cash and the other potentially on their uppers. What's the point of being married if you don't look after each other?

BlueSkiesLies Tue 23-Apr-19 22:12:46

Why on earth have you been subsidising a grown adult man (and indirectly his children!) at the expense of your own children? Madness.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino Tue 23-Apr-19 22:16:09

I came into a considerably more substantial sum than this when DH and I had only been together for a matter of weeks. 3 years later I used the bulk of it for the down payment of our joint house purchase.

In a LTR I would expect money like this to, in part, benefit the household as a whole.

S1naidSucks Tue 23-Apr-19 22:16:59

Has he says what he plans on doing with the money? Is it all about what he can buy himself or has he mentioned paying his fair share in going forward?

S1naidSucks Tue 23-Apr-19 22:17:12

Says = said

BayandBlonde Tue 23-Apr-19 22:17:50

Married, engaged or anything else I wouldn't expect him to share his windfall with me. I wouldn't share it with him. It's his money.

I would however expect him to now pay his way and return some similar treats.

KaterinaPetrova Tue 23-Apr-19 22:19:17

We would have come into money. It would be ours, without a doubt.

BlondeBumshelll Tue 23-Apr-19 22:29:32

In your circs, no, I wouldn't expect a lump sum. I would, however expect him to start paying for some of the things you've always paid for. If he doesn't then you've got a bigger problem on your hands.

kateandme Tue 23-Apr-19 23:05:40

im not up on the legal stuff but when you marry will it not become legallly both of yours?

kateandme Tue 23-Apr-19 23:07:44

either way this shows a problem for you and a difference in your views on money and this will be like a bomb throughout your mariage,relationship if you dont sort talk to him op.

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops Tue 23-Apr-19 23:19:23

If DP came into money it would be his alone. I'd be pissed off if he didn't pay off the end of his law school loan as it seems to stop him doing a lot and moving on atm, but I'd try not to show it.

CountFosco Tue 23-Apr-19 23:40:23

DH and I have been married 20 years and have 3DC. We've both inherited small amounts over the years and that money has always been treated as family money. If either of us inherited a large lump sum (which we will at some point) then that money would be used for paying off the mortgage and long term savings. It would be ridiculous to treat it as personal money when we have children together.

However in the OPs case when you don't live together and don't have children together then you can't expect anything.

DarklyDreamingDexter Tue 23-Apr-19 23:54:22

I would expect a nice holiday as a 'thank you' for shelling out for all previous holidays and maybe a few treats (e.g. dinner at a swanky restaurant) but a cash payment? Certainly not.

NaomifromMilkshake Tue 23-Apr-19 23:55:57

DH inherited £40k when we were together about ten years, he got a lovely watch, I got a to die for leather travel bag, which was all good and well until cheap travel arrived and cabin baggage was measured... the rest of the money went against a mortgage.

Any hoo I digress, we are now together thirty years, when he retires in three years time, he will be working and drawing a final salary for one year.

The other day he made it clear that he could not have achieved all he achieved without my support ( he is 100% right grin )and that I need to plan a decent piece of jewellery. grin

When my mother dies, I will inherit more than the £40k and the price of a decent piece of jewellery, but it all goes in the same pot.

After eight years, and no sign of a nice present on the back of this, he is a user. IMO

Purpletigers Tue 23-Apr-19 23:56:21

It would depend on his financial situation . If he had a mortgage I’d expect him to pay that off . I’m assuming you hope to live together when your children are older .
After 8 years you should be able to have a frank discussion with him . Id be disappointed if he wanted to blow the lot of holidays and cars tbh. Going forward I’d expect him to pay his share, the past isn’t relevant as you were happy to subside him .
My husband and his siblings got a cheque for 25 ish grand from his parents a few years ago . He put it in the bank. Money doesn’t have to be spent as soon as you get it .

FloofenHoofen Wed 24-Apr-19 00:44:00

Category12 sharing money and looking after each other are two completely different things. This is the reason why relationships become strained is the mentality of what's yours is mine. We're individuals too, as we deserve to have some identity and valuables of our own without feeling the need to have to share based on marriage. I don't think it's weird, I think it's weird that you feel you'd be entitled to it when it's not yours.

OKBobble Wed 24-Apr-19 01:03:17

Well I i would expect him to offer to pay for the event at the very least next time round and treat you for a change. I wouldn't expect a cash sum though

HeronLanyon Wed 24-Apr-19 01:38:42

I am a bit unclear about exactly how you have supported him for 8 years but if eg this was his own utility bills or credit card payments or rent or amounts towards those things then why on earth wouldn’t he give you something back. You didn’t support him knowing or expecting a share of a windfall I’m guessing but I for one couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t put this right if I came into money. Really don’t understand those saying a holiday or treat ! Ffs why wouldn’t he do the right thing and put right what you’ve spent on him ??? Before anything else.

Alicewond Wed 24-Apr-19 01:39:56

I would expect him to take me out for some nice meals, not share the money

RomanyQueen1 Wed 24-Apr-19 02:46:27

Mine would give it to me and tell me to manage it how I feel fit, but your dp should definitely as he has contributed so little up to now.
We share all money though.

PregnantSea Wed 24-Apr-19 05:21:24

This is a tough one because there are no rules. It really depends on the kind of relationship you have. If that was my sudden windfall then I'd be sitting down my husband and talking through what WE should do with it together - I wouldn't physically deposit half the money into his bank account but I would essentially treat it as he had as much right to it as I did, and if it made sense for him to spend most of it on something (clearing his student loan, for example) then I'd pass it over without a second thought. He would do the same for me as our finances are very much shared. That being said we live together, are married and have DC together and we have shared our finances since we got married, so that's the precedent that's been set. All of our money is OUR money.

If you two aren't living together and don't currently share finances then you can't really make any demands of him at all. However, given that you are about to get married (at which point you will presumably move in together?) And that you have spoilt him so much by paying out more for things over the years, you would think it would be fair for him to consider you when spending the money. Perhaps he could take you on holiday, or maybe if you two are looking at buying a house together he could put a big chunk of the money in towards that? If he isn't prepared to do anything like that then it's his right not to, but it would be making me think seriously about whether or not I wanted to marry him. It sends a very clear message about how he views finances, and you may find that you two aren't on the same page. That would be a deal breaker for me.

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