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What you expect to happen if your partner came into money ?

(110 Posts)
Inebriatededna Tue 23-Apr-19 19:43:29

Background , been together nearly 8 years but don’t live together due to family circumstances . Up until recently partner has had a low paid job so I have paid the lions share when we have been together including holidays , meals out and an event we go to twice a year which costs about 250 a time . I’ve been happy to do this .
My question is that now he has come into a large sum of money ( approx 40, ooo) plus he has had a much better paid job , what if anything would you expect of him .

mindutopia Tue 23-Apr-19 19:53:51

In your situation, I would expect him to start paying his way and sharing expenses equally.

Aragog Tue 23-Apr-19 19:56:49

He should now be paying his own way fairly, and also treating you too to cover some of the ties you've treated him. Time for him to make up some of the contributions he's been willing to accept in the previous years.

Mind, all our money is shared - so this would be too.

Butterfl1es0nwheels Tue 23-Apr-19 20:05:02

If you are both single ( not married) & not living together. I would expect the person who received the money to; pay off all their debts first, save some for emergencies, spend some perhaps on a joint holiday
It is not your money to spend

Merryoldgoat Tue 23-Apr-19 20:09:04

Debts paid off first then pay their way. But shouldn’t he be doing that anyway given his improved employment?

Inebriatededna Tue 23-Apr-19 20:09:09

Thanks for the replies I will certainly expect we share expenses going forward but I suppose what I’m asking is would you expect him to share any of the money with you ?

Merryoldgoat Tue 23-Apr-19 20:10:10

Not married, not living together I’d not expect to be given any money, I’d hope for a nice gift, maybe a nice holiday but not cash.

Merryoldgoat Tue 23-Apr-19 20:10:48

I’m guessing you think he should give you some of the money...

NoSquirrels Tue 23-Apr-19 20:10:53

As above - you're not married or living together, so I would expect him to be paying his own way entirely from now on, and wouldn't accept less than this now he is on a better salary

In terms of the lump sum of money, I guess I would hope that he would also be nice and generous and reciprocate by treating me somehow e.g. a weekend away, but I wouldn't expect anything on this score.

TooTrueToBeGood Tue 23-Apr-19 20:11:48

Nope. Same as I'd think you'd be a mug to split it with him if the other way round.

NoSquirrels Tue 23-Apr-19 20:12:41

Do you expect him to share any of the money with you?

If so, stop expecting that. It's pretty unreasonable of you. Presumably you were happy to shoulder "the lion's share" of the things you've done up til now without the expectation of a lump sum - you didn't loan him the cash or keep a tally, he doesn't owe you anything.

Inebriatededna Tue 23-Apr-19 20:13:00

Just to add we are engaged and only live apart because of children , also he has no debts not least because I’ve practically supported him for 8 years .

BumpIntheNite Tue 23-Apr-19 20:13:02

would you expect him to share any of the money with you

No. Would you share a lumpsum with him?

YANBU to think he should cover half his bills - and in light of all you've done, morally he should insist on treating you both to something like a holiday.

But YABU to expect him to share a windfall.

Sirzy Tue 23-Apr-19 20:13:57

If you where planning on moving in together soon It would be nice for some of it to go towards that. However otherwise I wouldn’t expect anything

DantesInferno Tue 23-Apr-19 20:14:24

just to add we are engaged and only live apart because of children

so.... when are you getting married? and will you live together when you do?

TooTrueToBeGood Tue 23-Apr-19 20:14:28

Still nope.

AJPTaylor Tue 23-Apr-19 20:14:59

No. Happily married for 20 years when dh had an inheritance. It's his.

Brakebackcyclebot Tue 23-Apr-19 20:15:49

If you really were happy to pay the lion's share then you can't really now ask for a handout, like payment back after the event. Did you REALLY not mind? Or did you resent it really and only do it because he had less then?

NoSquirrels Tue 23-Apr-19 20:16:51

But unless you "supported" him with a formal agreement that he would pay you back, you are not entitled to anything.

When you're married, his £40K will be 50% yours. Until then, nope.

If what you mean is that this is exposing a fundamental difference in attitudes to money between you, then that is something to tackle.

But he's not necessarily a stingy arse just because he's not offering you a wodge of cash. £40,000 sounds a lot but isn't really, depending on circumstance.

Bluntness100 Tue 23-Apr-19 20:18:27

No of course you shouldn't expect him to give you a share of it. How grabby. It might be nice for him to take you out to dinner or a weekend away or a show or something. And he should pay his way going forward. But expecting him to hand over some of his inheritance is not right at all.

Bluntness100 Tue 23-Apr-19 20:19:36

When you're married, his £40K will be 50% yours

That's not necessarily true. Normally what each person has before thr marriage they can walk away with after thr marriage.

Bobcut Tue 23-Apr-19 20:20:25

if you need like a grand or two I think you are in your right to ask for it in a nice way, and for him to give it. Otherwise no, I’d expect him going forward to cover things to makeup for the other years

Inebriatededna Tue 23-Apr-19 20:20:27

Ok so it’s pretty unanimous , I would never expect him to split it obviously but I did think maybe he would make a gesture of appreciation .

cstaff Tue 23-Apr-19 20:21:41

Tbh I would be pissed off if I had paid most of the bills over the last 8 years and he didn't think he owed you anything. I am not saying that you are due half but a token would be nice to show his appreciation for you looking after him.

HollowTalk Tue 23-Apr-19 20:22:03

I think he should give you some money but I doubt he will.

But why have you been funding this man when you have children to look after? Every penny you've spent on him has been a penny not spent on them and their/your future.

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