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To think my sister is batshit

(164 Posts)
CaptainJaneway12 Tue 23-Apr-19 16:22:59

Younger sister, good relationship and quite close, not as much over the last couple of years though - she isn't as available with work / life etc.

When I had my daughter she was very excited to be aunt - she overstepped occasionally, calling in unannounced and daily and announcing birth on Facebook before I had chance to tell family... But I let it go as was pleased she was excited. This lasted around 4 months, then she lost interest.

She now sees DD at family gatherings, takes very little interest and has said she does not want children of her own. She never asks after her and seems frustrated with her after a short time. It upsets me as DD loves her aunt and is not naughty, just normal with lots of energy.

Sister is married and they both say that they never want a family and I know this to be true (so it's not down to fertility issues) as I took her to get map once last year and she wants to get sterilised. Despite this I still thought/hoped that she was pleased to be an aunt.

She has 2 dogs that she dotes on and sends me lots of messages/pictures of them (I don't do this with DD as she doesn't seem interested and I do t want to be a baby bore to her) I'm not really a dog person but feign interest and always ask after them and get them little doggy treats/toys if I visit.

Previously with birthdays she has dropped a present over and wished DD happy birthday. This year (5th,) nothing. I messaged her about a week after asking how she was, didn't mention birthday as assumed she had forgotten and didn't want to make her feel bad. She replied she was fine, and asked if DD had a good birthday, so hadn't forgotten. I replied she had and would love to see her aunt. She responded, "well bear in mind I won't have a present for DD, you didn't get -Dog1- or -Dog2- a birthday gift so we won't be doing birthday gifts either."

To be clear, I am very generous at Christmas and birthdays with her and her husband and am aware she has an extra person to buy return gifts for so go a little extra for them. (I have said not to bother buying for me and DH) and I have never done birthday presents for the dogs... Never occurred to me and wouldn't even know when their birthdays are.

DH says sister has lost the plot, I'm inclined to agree. Feel sorry for my DD as her adoration for her aunt obviously isn't reciprocated.

I haven't replied to sister. Don't even know what to say!

Lizzie48 Thu 25-Apr-19 00:14:09

I’m so sorry, that must have been hard to hear! In some ways, your DSis sounds like my DB, who can’t cope with being around children. He used to visit us and he would shout at them. The truth is, he has serious MH issues and when he’s here it’s like having a third child.

There are a lot of complicated issues on top of this, which are not relevant to this thread, but I had to make the decision to keep him away from my DDs.

Your DSis isn’t as extreme as this, obviously, but it sounds as if she’s similarly self orientated.

Don’t let it hurt you, or your DD, it really is her problem, not yours. Children that age forget quickly; my DDs don’t ask about their uncle now. It’s sad but he was very unpleasant to them at times.

I’m not saying that your DSis will get like that, but her dislike will manifest itself to them eventually.

minipie Thu 25-Apr-19 00:09:41

Actually I don’t think she has any obligation to spend time or even like your DD. Not everyone likes children even ones they are related to. That’s ok, a shame but ok.

However she does have an obligation not to hurt DD by suddenly deciding not to get her birthday presents any more or any other spiteful behaviour.

Ihatehashtags Wed 24-Apr-19 23:14:50

Wow that’s crazy! A dog is not the same as a child! It’s disappointing

Ofalltheginjoints Wed 24-Apr-19 22:40:39

She does sound jealous OP and that’s something she needs to work through herself however she may have thoughts about children and possible problems, I’m coming to terms with some news which makes it an extremely difficult choice whether to have children or not due to the risks involved however would your sister have told you if it was something like that?

I have a dn slightly older then your dd and I think I’m a pretty good Aunty, one day your ds May realise about that the type of relationship she is missing out on with your dd, my dh only became more interested in dn when they got a bit older (younger then your ds tho) as some people just don’t get very young children?

People can be crazy about their pets, I am about dDog and we do have a birthday party for his birthday but I appreciate that other people think that it’s weird and there is no expectation that anyone buys him a present (it’s an excuse to see friends and their dogs too) but my family have always bought pet presents for Christmas and birthdays, have your family ever done that or is it something that ds has just started to demand without any family tradition?

DesertSky Wed 24-Apr-19 21:35:31

Not batshit. Just a jealous spoilt brat.

girlwithadragontattoo Wed 24-Apr-19 21:15:58

Mine usually get a new bed and new toy etc.. but i'd never expect anyone else to buy them things! There dogs so wouldn't understand

IsoscelesSandwich Wed 24-Apr-19 21:11:34

Agreed. Batshit.

TheCraicDealer Wed 24-Apr-19 20:58:52

I can see why people might think that OP's sister could have fertility issues but it seems unlikely that someone might have those sorts of troubles and not confide in either her sister or her mum, especially when OP says she's close to their DM. Sometimes people are just dicks.

The fact that OP's mum is saying that she's gunning for a fight suggests there's something going on, but it's probably more complex- feeling anxious about getting older (27 was a funny age for me too!) and being "displaced" by your DNeice has got to be challenging for someone who's immature or struggles with emotions. Unfortunately she sees someone convenient to blame in the form of a five year old, and is taking it out on her. I couldn't let it lie and I'd tell her she's being fucking ridiculous.

TenThousandSpoons Wed 24-Apr-19 20:50:44

I thought your meaning was clear Balloonslayer and didn’t read it as mean at all.
My younger sister is a similar age and is also quite disinterested in her nieces and nephews. She does the big greeting then seems tired of them after a while. It’s a shame sad

BalloonSlayer Wed 24-Apr-19 20:44:35

@M4J4 I wasn't intending to be sly or mean, I was trying to put across the perspective of a self-centred young person who can't or won't accept that new babies, quite rightly, take all the attention in a loving family. I thought I had made that clear by adding disclaimers and putting things in inverted commas to show they are not my views, but clearly not.

minipie Wed 24-Apr-19 20:43:15

I think jealousy explains a lot - not of you having DD but of the extra attention and time that DD’s existence takes away from your sister. I expect it’s mainly about your mother’s attention being shared, although also your own attention has of course now switched to DD from your sister.

Since she clearly doesn’t like children, there are no benefits to her from DD existing to offset the reduced attention, DD is simply a fly in her ointment.

Shame but at least now you know. Best to distance yourself tbh.

AryaStarkWolf Wed 24-Apr-19 20:27:54

Hahaha @Smithy01 that would be hilarious

Smithy01 Wed 24-Apr-19 20:14:05

My reply would be this-
“Don’t worry at all about not getting DD a gift, she gets loads; most people can’t help buying an adorable 5 year and being the youngest in the family now she gets spoilt. I never have bought pets so won’t be starting now, but it’s obviously a big thing for you. - bless.”

CaptainJaneway12 Wed 24-Apr-19 19:45:33

Thanks @M4J4
I have always been aware that sister doesn't have children so won't want to talk about them and since she said she didn't want a family make an effort to see her every month child free. As I said, she sends me pics of the dog regularly but I don't send pics of DD - maybe first day at school, Christmas but probably 1:10 ratio between DD and dogs. We speak about her interests most of the time, we always did. I'd like to think I am sensitive to others and have understood that while I adore DD I don't expect everyone to adore her as much as I, her mum, does. I can see how her energy can be overwhelming to those not used to a five year old kid and joke about it and try to be a rounded person. Sister really only sees DD at family events nowadays and generally is over the top excited for around ten minutes and then gets bored of her and virtually ignores her. This is confusing for DD as aunty hugs her, throws her around and then switches off completely.

M4J4 Wed 24-Apr-19 19:11:54

@BalloonSlayer

I reckon she found you a crashing bore about your baby (as we all are!) and got tired of talking about DD all the time, hence losing interest.

What a horrible thing to say.

She is trying to make a point by making an over-the-top fuss over something of hers, she thinks this will "show" you that you are being silly by making your life (& therefore the rest of the family's lives to a certain extent) revolve around your DD.

How has OP made her and the family's lives revolve around her DD? hmm

What a sly, mean post.

CaptainJaneway12 Wed 24-Apr-19 18:09:14

@ThatssomebadhatHarry
God I hope not! But if any lazy journalists are planning I hope they quote this:
My sister might be a brat but if lazy journalists want to use this as a non-story it's fine because my sister is batshit but not stupid, and wouldn't read shit such as the daily mail etc!

ThatssomebadhatHarry Wed 24-Apr-19 17:14:52

This thread coming soon to a daily rag near you soon.....

BalloonSlayer Wed 24-Apr-19 17:14:27

I reckon she found you a crashing bore about your baby (as we all are!) and got tired of talking about DD all the time, hence losing interest.

She doesn't realise that this is normal behaviour for a loving parent.

She is trying to make a point by making an over-the-top fuss over something of hers, she thinks this will "show" you that you are being silly by making your life (& therefore the rest of the family's lives to a certain extent) revolve around your DD.

CaptainJaneway12 Wed 24-Apr-19 17:05:59

I think mum tells her not to but sister acts like it's a joke...

OoohAyyye Wed 24-Apr-19 17:04:28

She sounds like the brat OP, not your DD!
I hope your mum pulls her up on her choice of words... although I get the impression your mum might choose not to for an easy life?

AryaStarkWolf Wed 24-Apr-19 16:56:48

It's not about that though clearly OP, by what your DM says, it's to do with your DS and her being jealous she's not the baby anymore, the fact that your DD is so sweet probably makes it even worse for your DS

CaptainJaneway12 Wed 24-Apr-19 16:54:11

I don't expect her to adore DD like I do, but it seems she barely likes her, if at all. She is such a sweet little girl, I know I'm biased, I get that she is very active and full of it but she isn't nasty or anything and isn't spoilt or whiny...

M4J4 Wed 24-Apr-19 16:53:05

She's pathetic to be jealous of a child. I guess she enjoyed the first few months of being an aunt when your dd couldn't walk or talk, but now that your dd is developing her personality your sister feels usurped. Totally pathetic.

Please stop the presents! It would stick in my craw to give sis/bil anything.

StCharlotte Wed 24-Apr-19 16:52:03

I asked mum if she knew anything about her decision to not have children herself and she said that sister refers to children as messy, yukky, social life ruining, figure ruining etc... Mum also confessed that over the years sister has referred to my DD as "the brat".

As an aside, the last person I heard talk about children like that turned out to be on her third round of IVF...

But clearly her baby princess nose has been put right out of joint and she's seething with jealousy. Sadly, she will lose out and will only have herself to blame. Silly girl.

AryaStarkWolf Wed 24-Apr-19 16:41:52

I'd say don't reply to that and your DS contacts you asking what's up with you tell her you don't appreciate your daughter being compared to a dog....... keeps your mom out of trouble but gets your point across

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