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To think my sister is batshit

(164 Posts)
CaptainJaneway12 Tue 23-Apr-19 16:22:59

Younger sister, good relationship and quite close, not as much over the last couple of years though - she isn't as available with work / life etc.

When I had my daughter she was very excited to be aunt - she overstepped occasionally, calling in unannounced and daily and announcing birth on Facebook before I had chance to tell family... But I let it go as was pleased she was excited. This lasted around 4 months, then she lost interest.

She now sees DD at family gatherings, takes very little interest and has said she does not want children of her own. She never asks after her and seems frustrated with her after a short time. It upsets me as DD loves her aunt and is not naughty, just normal with lots of energy.

Sister is married and they both say that they never want a family and I know this to be true (so it's not down to fertility issues) as I took her to get map once last year and she wants to get sterilised. Despite this I still thought/hoped that she was pleased to be an aunt.

She has 2 dogs that she dotes on and sends me lots of messages/pictures of them (I don't do this with DD as she doesn't seem interested and I do t want to be a baby bore to her) I'm not really a dog person but feign interest and always ask after them and get them little doggy treats/toys if I visit.

Previously with birthdays she has dropped a present over and wished DD happy birthday. This year (5th,) nothing. I messaged her about a week after asking how she was, didn't mention birthday as assumed she had forgotten and didn't want to make her feel bad. She replied she was fine, and asked if DD had a good birthday, so hadn't forgotten. I replied she had and would love to see her aunt. She responded, "well bear in mind I won't have a present for DD, you didn't get -Dog1- or -Dog2- a birthday gift so we won't be doing birthday gifts either."

To be clear, I am very generous at Christmas and birthdays with her and her husband and am aware she has an extra person to buy return gifts for so go a little extra for them. (I have said not to bother buying for me and DH) and I have never done birthday presents for the dogs... Never occurred to me and wouldn't even know when their birthdays are.

DH says sister has lost the plot, I'm inclined to agree. Feel sorry for my DD as her adoration for her aunt obviously isn't reciprocated.

I haven't replied to sister. Don't even know what to say!

RSAcre Tue 23-Apr-19 17:06:59

It depends.
Do the dogs value your gifts, get excited before their birthdays, & write you nice thank you notes?

Fucksake. You sis is batshit.

TheGrapefulDread Tue 23-Apr-19 17:06:43

The great thing about someone obviously being batshit in the family is that position is filled and not by you. Celebrate the wins gingin

viques Tue 23-Apr-19 17:05:04

People can be weird about dogs. I know someone whose sil got all arsed with her for no reason that she could think of. Turned out she was very upset because SIL hadn't sent a condolence card when the dog died. Bear in mind she had spoken to her, said how sorry she was and sent a text to the same effect. But had failed to send a condolence card..........

HoraceCope Tue 23-Apr-19 17:04:03

sounds like the green eyed monster

BusterGonad Tue 23-Apr-19 17:03:15

I've read this before. Christmas maybe?

Morgan12 Tue 23-Apr-19 17:02:48

I'd be fuming that she has seriously compared your child to her bloody dogs!

I love dogs but jeezo.

I'd be texting back with a cheeky message. She is acting like a total cow.

MrsCasares Tue 23-Apr-19 17:02:06

That is a nasty thing to do to a 5 year old.

BMW6 Tue 23-Apr-19 17:01:57

WTF!! Completely ridiculous OP. Tell her to get a fucking life!

DonkeyHohtay Tue 23-Apr-19 17:01:35

I'd go along the "Don't be so fucking ridiculous" route.

So would I. Buying presents for animals is madness.

You can't force her to be interested in your child. Not everyone is interested in children, even children they are related to. But trying to equate a child to dogs in importance is indeed batshit crazy.

AryaStarkWolf Tue 23-Apr-19 16:59:39

I would actually reply "Don't be so bloody ridiculous" and leave it at that.

This ^

CuriousaboutSamphire Tue 23-Apr-19 16:58:21

I'd go along the "Don't be so fucking ridiculous" route.

I'd probably send it to my mum and dad too, let them have a laugh at the self absorbedness of it!

AryaStarkWolf Tue 23-Apr-19 16:58:13

I don't even buy my own dog a birthday present. And yes your sister is bat Shit and a bit of an arsehole, you poor DD

Floatingfancy Tue 23-Apr-19 16:57:52

And unpopular opinion on MN as expecting presents is grabby but I would be absolutely fuming if my sister didn't get my DS a birthday present (assume she was able to afford one of course).

BingandFlop2019 Tue 23-Apr-19 16:57:29

She sounds jealous

Floatingfancy Tue 23-Apr-19 16:56:51

She's batshit. I love and adore my two cats definitely past the point that most people would think was sane (I won't go away for more than ten days at a time for instance because I miss them too much) but I have never in my life bought them a birthday present and it would never in my wildest dreams occur to me that OTHER PEOPLE should.

Bibijayne Tue 23-Apr-19 16:54:08

Wow your sister sounds awful. Are you sure you had a close relationship? Or was that just you making the effort? I adore my dog,but we don't get her birthday presents because she has no idea it's her birthday. A five-year-old does. Sounds like she's trying to punish you for some ridiculous self-invented slight, but she is doing that via your little girl. Do your parents know what has happened?

FooFighter99 Tue 23-Apr-19 16:53:55

Sounds to me like she's trying to prove a point, not entirley sure what that point is (something about her not wanting kids so why should she buy for yours....) but just because she chooses to be childless doesn't mean she can't take an interest/have a relationship with her niece! FFS

My lovely brother doesn't want kids, but absolutely adores my DD and our DNephew! He treats them when he can and spends a fair amount of time with them both, because he's their uncle and he loves them

Your sister is being childish and I'm honestly not sure how I'd respond...

Oh, and I don't even buy my own dog a birthday present FFS!!

recrudescence Tue 23-Apr-19 16:53:01

Ha, ha, yes, officially bonkers and, obviously, a bit sad for you and your daughter. I love my dog but it would be insane to expect anyone but me to remember his birthday: dogs do not celebrate birthdays or get sad when people forget them.

StCharlotte Tue 23-Apr-19 16:48:59

I would actually reply "Don't be so bloody ridiculous" and leave it at that.

AmIRightOrAMeringue Tue 23-Apr-19 16:47:57

If she isn't interested in your daughter then theres not much you can do about it. Although it does show a great lack of self awareness to show no interest but then send you a load of dog updates!

But it's really wrong of her not to get your daughter a birthday present, if her reason is because you didn't get the dogs birthday presents. Firstly a dog is not really the same as a child (in that they have no concept of birthdays etc) and secondly she would be taking her frustrations with you out on a 5 year old by punishing her with no presents when she is old enough to understand...that's hardly fair

You say you've not seen her as much recently...I'm wondering if you ever try and see her just the two of you in an adult setting like going out for a drink? It was just a thought she may be jealous of your daughter for stopping you doing things the two of you used to do together?

If you do see her I'd say to her it's her choice if she buys presents for your daughter and if she doesn't want that type of relationship that's fine and you dont want to force her, however you dont want any issues between the two of you (such as her being upset at the treatment of her dogs) to affect her relationship with your daughter. As she can have a relationship with your daughter independently of you (which doesn't normally happen with dogs!)

Honeybee85 Tue 23-Apr-19 16:46:08

Are you sure your sister doesnt want children?
Wasnt she pressured into that by her DH and now she resents you for having a DC?

It seems odd her attitude towards children changed so drastically overnight.

happyhillock Tue 23-Apr-19 16:45:49

OMG she's a total fruit cake, i wouldn't be texting her again, as someone already said she has plenty other people in her life,

GabriellaMontez Tue 23-Apr-19 16:45:30

She's a massive knob.

12pinkchairs Tue 23-Apr-19 16:45:18

I love my dogs, but she sounds crackers!

Longtalljosie Tue 23-Apr-19 16:42:49

Does anyone else in your wider family have a pet? Can you ask whether she has ever bought your Mum’s cat a present, for example?

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