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To think my sister is batshit

(164 Posts)
CaptainJaneway12 Tue 23-Apr-19 16:22:59

Younger sister, good relationship and quite close, not as much over the last couple of years though - she isn't as available with work / life etc.

When I had my daughter she was very excited to be aunt - she overstepped occasionally, calling in unannounced and daily and announcing birth on Facebook before I had chance to tell family... But I let it go as was pleased she was excited. This lasted around 4 months, then she lost interest.

She now sees DD at family gatherings, takes very little interest and has said she does not want children of her own. She never asks after her and seems frustrated with her after a short time. It upsets me as DD loves her aunt and is not naughty, just normal with lots of energy.

Sister is married and they both say that they never want a family and I know this to be true (so it's not down to fertility issues) as I took her to get map once last year and she wants to get sterilised. Despite this I still thought/hoped that she was pleased to be an aunt.

She has 2 dogs that she dotes on and sends me lots of messages/pictures of them (I don't do this with DD as she doesn't seem interested and I do t want to be a baby bore to her) I'm not really a dog person but feign interest and always ask after them and get them little doggy treats/toys if I visit.

Previously with birthdays she has dropped a present over and wished DD happy birthday. This year (5th,) nothing. I messaged her about a week after asking how she was, didn't mention birthday as assumed she had forgotten and didn't want to make her feel bad. She replied she was fine, and asked if DD had a good birthday, so hadn't forgotten. I replied she had and would love to see her aunt. She responded, "well bear in mind I won't have a present for DD, you didn't get -Dog1- or -Dog2- a birthday gift so we won't be doing birthday gifts either."

To be clear, I am very generous at Christmas and birthdays with her and her husband and am aware she has an extra person to buy return gifts for so go a little extra for them. (I have said not to bother buying for me and DH) and I have never done birthday presents for the dogs... Never occurred to me and wouldn't even know when their birthdays are.

DH says sister has lost the plot, I'm inclined to agree. Feel sorry for my DD as her adoration for her aunt obviously isn't reciprocated.

I haven't replied to sister. Don't even know what to say!

BingandFlop2019 Tue 23-Apr-19 16:57:29

She sounds jealous

Floatingfancy Tue 23-Apr-19 16:57:52

And unpopular opinion on MN as expecting presents is grabby but I would be absolutely fuming if my sister didn't get my DS a birthday present (assume she was able to afford one of course).

AryaStarkWolf Tue 23-Apr-19 16:58:13

I don't even buy my own dog a birthday present. And yes your sister is bat Shit and a bit of an arsehole, you poor DD

CuriousaboutSamphire Tue 23-Apr-19 16:58:21

I'd go along the "Don't be so fucking ridiculous" route.

I'd probably send it to my mum and dad too, let them have a laugh at the self absorbedness of it!

AryaStarkWolf Tue 23-Apr-19 16:59:39

I would actually reply "Don't be so bloody ridiculous" and leave it at that.

This ^

DonkeyHohtay Tue 23-Apr-19 17:01:35

I'd go along the "Don't be so fucking ridiculous" route.

So would I. Buying presents for animals is madness.

You can't force her to be interested in your child. Not everyone is interested in children, even children they are related to. But trying to equate a child to dogs in importance is indeed batshit crazy.

BMW6 Tue 23-Apr-19 17:01:57

WTF!! Completely ridiculous OP. Tell her to get a fucking life!

MrsCasares Tue 23-Apr-19 17:02:06

That is a nasty thing to do to a 5 year old.

Morgan12 Tue 23-Apr-19 17:02:48

I'd be fuming that she has seriously compared your child to her bloody dogs!

I love dogs but jeezo.

I'd be texting back with a cheeky message. She is acting like a total cow.

BusterGonad Tue 23-Apr-19 17:03:15

I've read this before. Christmas maybe?

HoraceCope Tue 23-Apr-19 17:04:03

sounds like the green eyed monster

viques Tue 23-Apr-19 17:05:04

People can be weird about dogs. I know someone whose sil got all arsed with her for no reason that she could think of. Turned out she was very upset because SIL hadn't sent a condolence card when the dog died. Bear in mind she had spoken to her, said how sorry she was and sent a text to the same effect. But had failed to send a condolence card..........

TheGrapefulDread Tue 23-Apr-19 17:06:43

The great thing about someone obviously being batshit in the family is that position is filled and not by you. Celebrate the wins gingin

RSAcre Tue 23-Apr-19 17:06:59

It depends.
Do the dogs value your gifts, get excited before their birthdays, & write you nice thank you notes?

Fucksake. You sis is batshit.

Islands81 Tue 23-Apr-19 17:07:45

She’s 50 shades of cray.

And I say that as someone whose dearly departed dog was possibly the most indulged creature ever to walk this earth.

Honeyroar Tue 23-Apr-19 17:07:48

I have a houseful of adored dogs, but I can't believe someone would expect birthday presents for their dogs!

She needs to realise that the dogs don't know or care it's their birthday, and won't ever be upset about someone missing their birthday! This is her niece, a little girl, a living relative and not really on the same scale as a pet! Plus it's not a tally - you buy something for X and I'll buy something for Y.

I'd be inclined to say I'm sorry you're punishing your niece because your dog wasn't treated like a human. And yes I'd say she was barshit!

RockinHippy Tue 23-Apr-19 17:09:03


I'm another in the "don't be so bloody ridiculous" camp. She's nuts

itshappened Tue 23-Apr-19 17:10:54

She sounds jealous. I'm not sure that she is being truthful when she says she doesn't want children. Maybe she is struggling to conceive or hasn't met the right person to have a family with? Either way she doesn't like the attention your daughter receives. But asking you to buy presents for her dogs birthday's is totally bonkers!

PregnantSea Tue 23-Apr-19 17:11:02

She sounds unbelievably jealous. Do you think she wanted to prove a point by asking you to take her to get MAP? Because it really comes across that way...

Tell her to stop being so bloody ridiculous. She doesn't have to make a big fuss over your DD if she isn't bothered but it's offensive to compare her to the dogs. And I say this as a dog person.

She's a selfish, self-absorbed, childish person and I would distance myself from her until she grows up a lot.

HoraceCope Tue 23-Apr-19 17:12:50

Sounds like she has got something going on, perhaps she is having second thoughts about having a family.

IHateUncleJamie Tue 23-Apr-19 17:14:43

Firstly, dog owners buying their own dog a present is fine; my dog loves Christmas morning because he gets to unwrap a few presents (surprisingly tidily too).

Not buying my niece a bday present because my db hasn’t bought my dog a present though? Absolutely ridiculous. Your sister sounds bonkers, OP.

Are you certain she doesn’t want children though? It’s no excuse for her behaviour but I wonder if she felt broody when your dd was a baby and then either couldn’t conceive or her DH flatly refused to try?

I would definitely reply that she’s being ridiculous; dogs have no concept of birthdays; children absolutely do.

SongforSal Tue 23-Apr-19 17:14:56

Oh Lordy. This reminds me of a colleague who adamantly does not want children. Yet she talks about her 'little boy' and how when she works he 'misses his Mummy'.... I would love to shout ITS A BLOODY DOG YOU FRUITBAT!

Your sister needs a talking to!

iloveruby Tue 23-Apr-19 17:19:35

YANBU and I'd create some distance between you two - particularly in relation to your little girl.

AnneLovesGilbert Tue 23-Apr-19 17:21:37

I’m sorry you’re hurt OP, I would be too. But I had to laugh reading your post because my DB and SIL have dogs instead of DC and I’ve literally just been thinking I must send the dogs some presents as DB is always so thoughtful and generous to my DC. We always make extra effort with gifts for DB and SIL and get the dogs small gifts at Christmas but I’ve been feeling bad about the inequality over all and was eyeing personalised bowls for them!

WTFisThat Tue 23-Apr-19 17:23:06

Yanbu, how ridiculous of her!

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