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To think my sister is batshit

(164 Posts)
CaptainJaneway12 Tue 23-Apr-19 16:22:59

Younger sister, good relationship and quite close, not as much over the last couple of years though - she isn't as available with work / life etc.

When I had my daughter she was very excited to be aunt - she overstepped occasionally, calling in unannounced and daily and announcing birth on Facebook before I had chance to tell family... But I let it go as was pleased she was excited. This lasted around 4 months, then she lost interest.

She now sees DD at family gatherings, takes very little interest and has said she does not want children of her own. She never asks after her and seems frustrated with her after a short time. It upsets me as DD loves her aunt and is not naughty, just normal with lots of energy.

Sister is married and they both say that they never want a family and I know this to be true (so it's not down to fertility issues) as I took her to get map once last year and she wants to get sterilised. Despite this I still thought/hoped that she was pleased to be an aunt.

She has 2 dogs that she dotes on and sends me lots of messages/pictures of them (I don't do this with DD as she doesn't seem interested and I do t want to be a baby bore to her) I'm not really a dog person but feign interest and always ask after them and get them little doggy treats/toys if I visit.

Previously with birthdays she has dropped a present over and wished DD happy birthday. This year (5th,) nothing. I messaged her about a week after asking how she was, didn't mention birthday as assumed she had forgotten and didn't want to make her feel bad. She replied she was fine, and asked if DD had a good birthday, so hadn't forgotten. I replied she had and would love to see her aunt. She responded, "well bear in mind I won't have a present for DD, you didn't get -Dog1- or -Dog2- a birthday gift so we won't be doing birthday gifts either."

To be clear, I am very generous at Christmas and birthdays with her and her husband and am aware she has an extra person to buy return gifts for so go a little extra for them. (I have said not to bother buying for me and DH) and I have never done birthday presents for the dogs... Never occurred to me and wouldn't even know when their birthdays are.

DH says sister has lost the plot, I'm inclined to agree. Feel sorry for my DD as her adoration for her aunt obviously isn't reciprocated.

I haven't replied to sister. Don't even know what to say!

sendinallthesheep Tue 23-Apr-19 16:28:55

I wouldn't text her anything back, I would have a face to face conversation with her.

I'd want to know why it's suddenly an issue that you haven't bought presents for the dogs, if it's something you've never done. And I'd try to explain that while the dogs will literally have no idea you've missed their birthdays, your DD might be hurt that her beloved auntie hasn't so much as sent a card.

But honestly, she sounds bananas so I would tread very carefully. You know your sister best but if it was my sister, I'd be wondering if there was something wrong.

Aquamarine1029 Tue 23-Apr-19 16:30:35

Your sister is very self-absorbed, clearly, and I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for that to change. As for buying presents for her dogs, she is completely batshit.

I'm sorry your daughter won't ever have the aunt she dreams of, but this is simply never going to happen. I would make some distance between you if it were me.

Witchofzog Tue 23-Apr-19 16:32:35

I buy presents for my dog but I would not expect anyone else to do this or even to know when my dogs birthday is. She is being ridiculous

fanciedabitofachange Tue 23-Apr-19 16:35:58

Omg are you talking about my sister in law? This is exactly what mine is like!

OliviaBenson Tue 23-Apr-19 16:36:38

She's being very OTT about the dogs, but equally why are we all meant to adore everyone else's children? Some people just aren't into kids. She's never going to be the aunt you want for your daughter, so don't try and force it.

AestheticPerfection Tue 23-Apr-19 16:38:01

That's a bit weird.

Kaddm Tue 23-Apr-19 16:38:30

I just wouldn’t reply.
Your dd will have plenty of people in her life anyway.

Poloshot Tue 23-Apr-19 16:39:24

Sounds like a proper nut case

Floralnomad Tue 23-Apr-19 16:42:15

I wouldnt respond , I buy my dog birthday presents , I don’t expect my sisters to do so . When it comes to Christmas I would just give them a box of biscuits and stop presents altogether .

coolestmum Tue 23-Apr-19 16:42:36

Yep, sounds like she's lost the plot. That's a bit of a weird comparison.

I think you need to pop round and talk it out.

Clutterbugsmum Tue 23-Apr-19 16:42:37

I would think that it not your sister that doesn't want children and she doing everything to keep her husband happy. So she giving all her 'mothering' on to her dogs.

I wouldn't stop responding to her pictures, you letting her think you are as interested in her dogs as she is.

CheesePuffTheMagicDragon Tue 23-Apr-19 16:42:38

Have you posted about this before? If not the incidence rate is shocking grin

Isitweekendyet Tue 23-Apr-19 16:42:42

I'd reply... 'That's fine if you no longer wish to do birthday presents, neither we or DD would expect it, she would have been over the moon with a phone call or text. But please do not equate your pets to my child.'

But yes, OP, you're sister is batshit - and a cow at that!

Longtalljosie Tue 23-Apr-19 16:42:49

Does anyone else in your wider family have a pet? Can you ask whether she has ever bought your Mum’s cat a present, for example?

12pinkchairs Tue 23-Apr-19 16:45:18

I love my dogs, but she sounds crackers!

GabriellaMontez Tue 23-Apr-19 16:45:30

She's a massive knob.

happyhillock Tue 23-Apr-19 16:45:49

OMG she's a total fruit cake, i wouldn't be texting her again, as someone already said she has plenty other people in her life,

Honeybee85 Tue 23-Apr-19 16:46:08

Are you sure your sister doesnt want children?
Wasnt she pressured into that by her DH and now she resents you for having a DC?

It seems odd her attitude towards children changed so drastically overnight.

AmIRightOrAMeringue Tue 23-Apr-19 16:47:57

If she isn't interested in your daughter then theres not much you can do about it. Although it does show a great lack of self awareness to show no interest but then send you a load of dog updates!

But it's really wrong of her not to get your daughter a birthday present, if her reason is because you didn't get the dogs birthday presents. Firstly a dog is not really the same as a child (in that they have no concept of birthdays etc) and secondly she would be taking her frustrations with you out on a 5 year old by punishing her with no presents when she is old enough to understand...that's hardly fair

You say you've not seen her as much recently...I'm wondering if you ever try and see her just the two of you in an adult setting like going out for a drink? It was just a thought she may be jealous of your daughter for stopping you doing things the two of you used to do together?

If you do see her I'd say to her it's her choice if she buys presents for your daughter and if she doesn't want that type of relationship that's fine and you dont want to force her, however you dont want any issues between the two of you (such as her being upset at the treatment of her dogs) to affect her relationship with your daughter. As she can have a relationship with your daughter independently of you (which doesn't normally happen with dogs!)

StCharlotte Tue 23-Apr-19 16:48:59

I would actually reply "Don't be so bloody ridiculous" and leave it at that.

recrudescence Tue 23-Apr-19 16:53:01

Ha, ha, yes, officially bonkers and, obviously, a bit sad for you and your daughter. I love my dog but it would be insane to expect anyone but me to remember his birthday: dogs do not celebrate birthdays or get sad when people forget them.

FooFighter99 Tue 23-Apr-19 16:53:55

Sounds to me like she's trying to prove a point, not entirley sure what that point is (something about her not wanting kids so why should she buy for yours....) but just because she chooses to be childless doesn't mean she can't take an interest/have a relationship with her niece! FFS

My lovely brother doesn't want kids, but absolutely adores my DD and our DNephew! He treats them when he can and spends a fair amount of time with them both, because he's their uncle and he loves them

Your sister is being childish and I'm honestly not sure how I'd respond...

Oh, and I don't even buy my own dog a birthday present FFS!!

Bibijayne Tue 23-Apr-19 16:54:08

Wow your sister sounds awful. Are you sure you had a close relationship? Or was that just you making the effort? I adore my dog,but we don't get her birthday presents because she has no idea it's her birthday. A five-year-old does. Sounds like she's trying to punish you for some ridiculous self-invented slight, but she is doing that via your little girl. Do your parents know what has happened?

Floatingfancy Tue 23-Apr-19 16:56:51

She's batshit. I love and adore my two cats definitely past the point that most people would think was sane (I won't go away for more than ten days at a time for instance because I miss them too much) but I have never in my life bought them a birthday present and it would never in my wildest dreams occur to me that OTHER PEOPLE should.

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