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Pregnancy announcement reaction

(91 Posts)
Catmom2019 Tue 23-Apr-19 15:23:17

My husband and I announced our pregnancy to my BIL and SIL yesterday by showing them a scan picture. SIL said they had known for ages and had been watching my moves for months and that it wasn’t at all a surprise. I was so taken aback as my husband and I hadn’t told anyone our news and didn’t come up with excuses about not drinking etc by swapping drinks at family get togethers etc. They didn’t congratulate us and that was the end of the convo. I was quite upset at her comments and his lack of interest so I text her earlier saying how upset I was at her reaction. BIL is now attacking me for making her upset! AIBU? The only thing that made me text her was because she had text me saying you need to find out the sex. Tell me off if you think I overreacted...

RelaisBlu Tue 23-Apr-19 16:03:08

But isn't she showing an interest by asking you about the sex of the baby?

Catmom2019 Tue 23-Apr-19 16:06:11

Thanks everyone. Yes I probably did overreact but I felt so gutted by her dismissive comments especially as my MIL kept telling me “oh they will NOT be surprised when you tell them!” So it felt like she had been saying it behind my back. Never mind... was just looking for some input.

Cantthinkofausername1990 Tue 23-Apr-19 16:06:51

You were upset at her comments?? Her comments being that she said they knew already... and then you texted her to tell her. Yes you are being unreasonable.
They aren't going to share your level of excitement, it isn't their baby.

yumyumpoppycat Tue 23-Apr-19 16:13:18

They probably had been discussing it and your mil was giving you a heads up. Which scan was it? If it was 20 week scan then you probably could have told them a little sooner - if 12 weeks then Yanbu. Their response was a bit off though - they should have congratulated you.

Illberidingshotgun Tue 23-Apr-19 16:13:34

It's often easy to tell when a couple are expecting - it can be very subtle signs, such as slight changes in the interactions between the couple, or showing more of an interest in other children in the family. I've often "known" before an announcement.

It doesn't sound as if she has said anything nasty or derogatory, and I wouldn't necessarily expect them to be overly excited about the news, especially if they really knew anyway.

As others have said, perhaps they are having problems conceiving, or other issues in their lives.

Dvg Tue 23-Apr-19 16:21:50

Yabu, even though i would have said congratulations i cant lie i wouldn't have been bothered with your announcement, i really don't care who is and isn't pregnant as cute as baby's are i just wouldn't be interested in someone elses pregnancy unless it was going to affect my life ( for example it was my child or my mother that was pregnant).

Tinkobell Tue 23-Apr-19 16:22:29

Strange. But probably they've got a story of their own re: kids / conception and that shaped the weird reaction. Maybe it's a sore topic between them as a couple so they cannot be pleased for others.

gamerchick Tue 23-Apr-19 16:30:01

Yes a congratulations is easy and they should have said it. But that text would be a signal to give you a wide swerve from now on. Struggling to get pregnant or not. The 'Im pregnants' get tiresum to be around quite quickly.

Maybe you should apologise for the text.

MaMaMaMySharona Tue 23-Apr-19 16:30:17

Going against the grain here, but I'd be upset too. It's a big excitement for you to announce it to people, and for them to react in such a blase way is rubbish.

For people saying that it's not that exciting for other people - that's not very nice. I've had 2 friends recently announce their pregnancies and I am over the moon for them.

Can understand if there's sensitivities due to losses/issues conceiving though.

Butterflyone1 Tue 23-Apr-19 16:30:22

If I were in your position, I would also be upset. However, perhaps there are things going on in their lives that make your happy news difficult for them.

I actually respect you for texting SIL to say you were upset. So many people would just b*tch behind their backs but you actually said something and that takes guts.

Anyways congratulations on your happy news and I hope everything runs smoothly.

pessimisticstateofperception Tue 23-Apr-19 16:34:50

For people saying that it's not that exciting for other people - that's not very nice.

It isn't exciting though. You're basically telling people you shagged a few weeks ago.

When the baby is born, that's different, as there's a new little person to meet, but, unless directly involved, pregnancy is boring.

GreytExpectations Tue 23-Apr-19 16:35:33

I think it was rude that they didnt give you a congratulations. They are close family, not just some random friends. Congratulations is the polite and appropriate reply. I also dont feel like fertility issues gives people a free pass to be rude. However, ywbu to text her- that was a tad immature and unnecessary.

OrdinarySnowflake Tue 23-Apr-19 16:36:30

Congraulations.

But, well yes, they probably have known for ages, and been discussing it - it's exciting news, of course they'll have had a quiet little "do you think CatMom might be pregnant?" chat if they noticed drink swapping etc !

So many couples, I've clocked that they are probably pregnant and hiding it for ages. Never ask because obviously it's a private thing - I knew SIL was pregnant from their discreet little drink swapping about 6 weeks before they did a big announcement.

It's entirely down to them, but when it's something you've realised ages before, then they won't be shocked or as excited, you probably caused that reaction when they realised, but it was "old news" by the time you told them so you missed the excitement stage.

There's also possibly a bit of disappointment to realise they weren't told before 12 weeks, usually couples keep it quiet until the scan except for those close enough that they'd want their support if they had a miscarriage, realising they aren't that close to you that you wouldn't want their support with a MC might well be a bit upsetting.

Catmom2019 Tue 23-Apr-19 16:37:10

Thank you so much for some of your nice replies. She is such a diva and I felt like I had let her away with so much over the last few years (like when she was jealous over me getting engaged first and then she got engaged a few weeks later, waited until we booked our wedding for a year later and she booked hers four months before ours). It sounds so childish I know. I just thought I’d be honest rather than ignore her and let her think it was okay to gossip behind my back, especially when I had already had a miscarriage.

CordeliaWyndamPryce Tue 23-Apr-19 16:38:45

but you actually said something and that takes guts.

Nope, she sent a text to her SIL which takes absolutely no courage whatsoever. Its a wimps way out of actually confronting someone and has a tendency to escalate the situation.

And texting that they weren't excited enough is petty in itself, but doing so immediately after she'd text to say about finding out the sex is bizarre. If they really weren't that bothered she wouldn't have text at all!

PinkHeart5914 Tue 23-Apr-19 16:40:18

Ok so sil didn’t congratulate and they already guessed you were pregnant 🤷🏻‍♀️ Not great but not a big deal either, it doesn’t sound as if they said anything nasty? I can often also tell when someone I know is pregnant before they announce it, I think having had dc myself I just pick up on little things.

Your text was weird and unnecessary in my opinion, I’m not even sure what upset you?

Also you do have to remember most people won’t find your pregnancy as exciting as you, the baby isn’t in there womb.

Seriously just move on.......

ChicCroissant Tue 23-Apr-19 16:45:07

Oh dear, perhaps SIL should have been a little more 'surprised' but your MIL had already told you she knew!

I do think you overreacted with the text tbh. I do wonder if you have not been as discreet as you think, it is often pretty obvious to observers if someone is pregnant. Congratulations from me, OP flowers

codenameduchess Tue 23-Apr-19 16:52:08

It's a bit of a let down, but really it's only exciting for the parents to be.

I hate this 'announcement' fad that everyone is buying into and am kind of sick of having to pretend to be excited about other people's babies (said as a pregnant women, I don't expect anyone else to be that bothered)

FineWordsForAPorcupine Tue 23-Apr-19 16:52:39

I agree that often people "guess" that someone might be pregnant weeks before it becomes official news, but I think there's a bit of confirmation bias going on - it is a tiresome fact that, if you are female between the ages of twenty and fifty and in a heterosexual relationship, people will "guess" that you are pregnant pretty much every week. Double that if you got married, engaged, bought a house, started or finished a course of study, changed jobs or looked at a child with anything other than rank disgust in the past year.

I have a friend who interrupts with "omg you're pregnant!" every single time I say I have any kind of news to tell her. If I ever do get pregnant, she will discount all the times she was wrong and have JUST KNOWN the minute she set eyes on me.

Either way, when someone tells you they're pregnant, you react with surprise and delight, not crows that you knew already. Even if theyre nine months gone and you can see a head emerging smile

viques Tue 23-Apr-19 16:53:48

Maybe she was upset they only warranted a look at the scan and you didn't lay on a big surprise baby reveal with cakes, balloons and poppers!

Congratulations btw.

ClaryFray Tue 23-Apr-19 16:55:38

After suffering with fertility issues got years, id have up and left the room. So they did better than me.

Not everyone will be happy for your news. Remmeber that, nor do they have to be.

viques Tue 23-Apr-19 16:57:53

PS if your MIL knew, then presumably your other side of the family knew as well so to say nobody had been told isn't quite true!

OneDayillSleep Tue 23-Apr-19 16:57:59

I’m not really sure how you were anticipating they would react? I guess they should have said congratulations, that’s a bit off. Although you have to understand that for many people a pregnancy announcement is really not all that exciting, obviously it is for the parent’s but everyone else meh. You might also consider that they could potentially be trying to conceive? Who knows? I certainly wouldn’t be texting someone because they didn’t react how I wanted them to, that’s odd.

Raffles1981 Tue 23-Apr-19 16:59:36

My father's reaction when I told him -
"Oh. Ok then"
People can be shit at times and you won't always get the reaction you want. It was U of you to txt it out - I'd have just accepted the reaction for what it was.

Floatingfancy Tue 23-Apr-19 16:59:53

Fertility issues are not an excuse to be a dick to other people.

I say that as someone with fertility issues.

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