Wanting to tell my step daughter never to come back here!!

[Ordinarymamma]

So, I've been married for 25 years and my DH has got 3 children from a previous relationship. Obviously these are now adults and I've been part of their lives since they were young. The eldest daughter of them is 35. She is the one I have a problem with. She has always been similar to her mum, my DH ex. Moody, grumpy, lazy and over weight. Severely over weight. Her house is very messy. None of that is my problem and I have never really spoke to her about that. In the past, when she's mentioned that things are getting difficult for her, I've offered to come and help her with the house work. I'm a very house proud person and I do expect everyone to take their shoes off when they come to my house. I've know this girl since she was a little child and yet I still have to ask her, and her children, every time they come here. I have to ask her to tell her children to stop jumping on my furniture, I would never allow my children to do that so why would I let others do it? So anyway today, for Easter, we had all his children and grand children, and our children of course, here for Easter dinner. She always walks in with a grumpy attitude. The mood changes as soon as she arrives. She never asks can she help with anything, she just sits there and if she talks, she moans. This is how she always is. She won't even look at me and although I'm the person that has made all the food, made the cake, bought her children Easter eggs, she won't even say thanks or goodbye to me. Totally ignores me and jus says thanks and bye to her dad. Same with her children, she doesn't make sure they say thanks or bye so they don't. I said to my husband after she left that she doesn't need to bother coming next time, she just drains the energy out of everyone. What should I do?? It is my husbands daughter after all but surely this is a ridiculous situation?

[GPatz]

I bet she knows exactly how you feel about her.

[AlmostAJillSandwich]

It is as much your house as his, so if she's ruining it for YOU, shes old enough to be polite and chooses not to, then she gets left out.

[BarbarianMum]

Her weight is very pertinent here. As is the messiness of her house. You must be a saint to put up with having an overweight, messy step daughter. She should kiss your feet.

[Ordinarymamma]

How do I feel about her?? I've never been anything but nice to her.

[OnlyFoolsnMothers]

Were you the OW when her mum and dad split up?

[HBStowe]

You couldn’t help yourself from making unkind comments about her house and weight here which makes me think your dislike of her spills over in real life too and she is probably well aware of it. It’s likely that that accounts for at least some of her miserable attitude at your house!

In any event you can hardly ban your husband’s daughter from his house. I would try making more of an effort with her, or making your peace with the fact that she’s part of your life.

[Ordinarymamma]

Barbarian mum, I think I've touched a raw nerve there with you. What I meant with her over weightness and laziness is that she comes here and expects everyone to run around after her!! She doesn't lift a finger.

[Sparklesocks]

She should’ve been polite to you but her weight and house tidyness really have nothing to do with it at all.

[Marriedwithchildren5]

I have a close family in law. Incredibly rude, sullen etc. I kind of ignore it for family sake. She's been through a lot and i can completely rise above it and kill her with kindness. So, im not offended. Sometimes she pisses me off but id never want her life. Sometimes if shes completely awful I'll ask her. Try it.

[HarrysOwl]

Wow, do you enjoy being this judgemental?

[Jamiefraserskilt]

Your DH should have a word.
It is rude not to say please and thanks to your hosts.
I am afraid, I would have waved them off with a PA, "no, no, you are quite welcome".

[ems137]

Life is too short to put up with people who treat you badly. I wouldn't invite them again or if your DH wants them there for a special occasion I'd go out for the day.

[Ordinarymamma]

Thank you marriedwithchildren, I'm going to try this. This is what I was after, some advice. So thank you x

[Ordinarymamma]

Jamie and ems, yes you're both right. It's a tricky situation!

[Marriedwithchildren5]

We've had it this weekend! So completely feel your pain. Even my children picked up on it.

[BarbarianMum]

Her weight makes her lazy? Or she's overweight because she's lazy? Come on OP let's pin this down.

[justarandomtricycle]

No, I think the negative attributes of being fat, having a messy house and being like her mum (horror of horrors) suggest something not altogether wholesome in her attitude.

You saying "touched a nerve have I" to PP for noticing this, only serves as a further question mark.

Our stepmum didn't much like children who weren't her own offspring, and everybody tired of her nonsense years ago - I have to say the inability to post about it without calling the girl fat and messy reminded me of her. Among my siblings attitudes vary towards her, but at least one has an attitude like the one you describe.

[crispysausagerolls]

I don’t understand why you don’t just say something

[justarandomtricycle]

*not altogether wholesome in your attitude towards her

[AnneLovesGilbert]

What did your husband sat?

[Villageidiots]

Respondents are very picky about what you've written OP! Typical of AIBU....

She sounds a trial. Could her dad have a word before the next catch-up and remind her regarding kids on furniture etc. Could she be suffering from depression if she's so unhappy?

[Ordinarymamma]

I've had some lovely comments here from people who understand what I'm talking about. Thank you, it's bloody hard work trying to be the supportive person when the person doesn't support herself. From the people who only noticed that yes I do think she is overweight and lazy, please don't give me that kind of advice. I'm actually a nice person and I'm not a horrible step mother. Thanks though.