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To be fuming with SIL

(49 Posts)
Shelia007 Mon 22-Apr-19 18:04:38

So my SIL relies heavily on dh and I to assist with child care of her toddler. We do not mind, we both adore our niece. But a rumour had been floating around the family the last few weeks she is pregnant which she has denied...however, my sil has been in and out of detox the last few years as she is an addict, she claims she is clean currently however we are seeing a decline in her and the way she behaves which is the giveaway. Anyway today it has been confirmed she is pregnant and has know all along...that is not what I'm mad about (though I'm not pleased about her lying to my face) I'm mad I can almost say with 95% certainty she is using again.. the remaining 5% would he catching her doing it again.. if she is using while pregnant I dont know what to do for the best. She was caught using once while pregnant with our niece. luckily the hospital checked the baby when she was born and she was absolutely fine but I'm really stuck at what to do now. Do I report her to social services ? Would they take her daughter away from her, would they let dh and I look after her if they did. They baby is always taken to all her appointments and is reaching all her targets for her age and reaching some earlier than expected. she is a delightful sil house is always clean and tidy but if she is using again and we've established she is pregnant where so I go from here what should i do.

RestingBitchFaced Mon 22-Apr-19 18:14:06

Using what? Obviously some sort of drugs

Shelia007 Mon 22-Apr-19 18:21:09

Yes drugs. It will either be heroin or crack cocaine

Shelia007 Mon 22-Apr-19 18:21:34

Those have been her choices in the past

TheCatDidSay Mon 22-Apr-19 18:23:59

You need to report her.

EL8888 Mon 22-Apr-19 18:25:29

I would also report her. She can be drug tested after all

MarieIVanArkleStinks Mon 22-Apr-19 18:26:39

I'm another one for report.

NannyRed Mon 22-Apr-19 18:28:15

If she’s old enough to have a drug habit and another baby on the way, I’d wash my hands of her. She obviously doesn’t need your help as much as she likes you to think she does.

I take it she manages to score and she managed to conceive the second child without “relying heavily” on you or dh?

CupOhTea Mon 22-Apr-19 18:28:22

Sorry, but I would also report this. Even if I wasn’t 100% sure. You’re 95% sure... I think that would definitely be enough to prompt me to report.

Shelia007 Mon 22-Apr-19 18:29:10

That's where I'm leaning.. to reporting, if they test her and she fails what will happen to put niece will they take her away?

Aquamarine1029 Mon 22-Apr-19 18:29:59

You need to report her immediately. There is no other option. That unborn baby and your niece are completely defenseless and need someone to step up and put their needs and safety first, because your SIL sure as hell won't do it.

CupOhTea Mon 22-Apr-19 18:30:43

They may do @shelia, but that’s up to them.

Aquamarine1029 Mon 22-Apr-19 18:31:12

I would talk to a solicitor about getting custody if that's something you and your husband are willing to do.

Twickerhun Mon 22-Apr-19 18:32:34

Ss won’t take the child unless it’s in the best interest of the children.

OKBobble Mon 22-Apr-19 18:33:09

Report but also say you are available to be foster carer. My understanding is that they prefer to place with family.

GirlcalledJack Mon 22-Apr-19 18:40:52

How would your sister feel if you got custody? Would she be likely to take the child and unborn baby and run? Or fuck with the child’s head while in your care?

I can only see you and your DH having custody working if their mum (your DS) was no contact with you otherwise it’s going to be much too confusing and upsetting for the DC.

Either way you really must report her! The DC are defenceless in all this and need someone to go to bat for them.

It’s likely they would grant you and DH custody but probably not if you have contact with your DS.

You really need legal advice but SS first.

HJWT Mon 22-Apr-19 18:43:06

@GirlcalledJack you are ridiculous

Springwalk Mon 22-Apr-19 18:47:37

Report. Anonymously. Pray you are wrong. Unborn baby and niece must come first.

HJWT Mon 22-Apr-19 18:48:10

@Shelia007 My DSis as a heroin addict so I can totally understand how you feel right now! You need to report her to SS, they will visit her and DD and make a plan of action, if she is using when DD is not in her care they will try and get her onto a rehab programme and as long as she co-operate's they shouldn't take DD but that all depends how big of a problem the drug use is.

If they do take DD they will look to family to foster her short term to see how Dsis goes and if they believe she isn't stable or won't get better they will look to give you an SGO so YOU have to pay for the DD, they would also want you take on the baby if that is the road it ends up going down and you need to think NOW whether you would be prepared for this as they want to keep siblings together.

As horrible as it is she doesn't have to do anything were the baby is concerned such as scan appointments etc but they will just take the baby at birth if that is the case !

Lilybetsey Mon 22-Apr-19 18:50:54

SS will investigate, if she continues to use despite support ( child may be put on the protection register, and the unborn child) the children may be taken into care, but she will (probably) have several months to demonstrate she can improve and prioritise their welfare . And SS will look to family guardianship if at all possible; if you and you DH would consider that.

DOI I work with areas of child safeguarding

PeapodBurgundy Mon 22-Apr-19 18:51:03

Definitely report. I reported OH's brother and his partner following DS's birthday party for suspected drugs use. (BIL is openly using and has been since his teens). Although my report was anonymous, they told them every detail of my report, so it could only possibly have been either myself, OH or MIL so basically only me. I've no idea of the outcome, as things have all kicked off, and MIL is avoiding her son on account. I've heard from his partner once asking for money (which I declined to give after much debate). No other ways to get news. I just hope to goodness I made things better for the children, not worse.

I hope the children both get the safe and secure upbringing all children deserve, however that is achieved flowers

ElspethFlashman Mon 22-Apr-19 18:51:10

Report. She will have a blood test. They will try to get her clean but it's up to her at the end of the day. They will make her aware of the consequences.

PurpleDaisies Mon 22-Apr-19 18:51:50

Her being a user wouldn’t automatically mean the little girl being taken away if she’s providing good care. Social services will work with her if necessary.

Reporting is a good idea.

HJWT Mon 22-Apr-19 18:51:57

ALSO you need to think about how it will effect your life if you was to foster DN, having to do contact 2/3 times a week at a centre if that is what SS want, attend court and Meetings with SS! It becomes very complicated and you and DH will get the blame for 'taking her DD away' when she obviously would do all that by herself by putting her habit first...

Ill never forget when my sister got pregnant with her THIRD! I asked her if it was true and told her she was a fu*king idiot and she laughed in my face and said Well we didn't plan it 🙄🙄🙄

PurpleDaisies Mon 22-Apr-19 18:53:16

I asked her if it was true and told her she was a fu*king idiot

Helpful.

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