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To be pissed off with the school and wonder where I go from here.

(88 Posts)
SoConfused2019 Mon 22-Apr-19 09:48:06

Back in Feb there was an incident on school grounds that I was caught up in. I'd witnessed 2 women ganging up on another mum, screaming and swearing in her face as they had her backed up against the wall, all I saw at the time was her daughter in between the 2 of them looking petrified clinging to her mum, so with my own son I walked over and shouted for them to calm down, your on a playground, she's got her child right there - this was witnessed by a number of parents.

The 2 women then decided to turn on me for trying to get involved. I had a finger pointed in my face repeatedly which I removed and told her to never touch me again, at this point the 2 of them slapped me on either side of my head, with 1 grabbing hold of my head, pulling me downwards and forcibly shaking me around. I was screaming for the police to be called at this point and kept shouting to her that my child was standing here watching it. This was eventually broken up by a teacher.
The other girl had also become in a fight with someone else who had pulled her off me. The 2 women then carried on fighting even running at someone else who tried to get involved - they both came into the school with children in prams and witnesses have told me the prams were pushed away and tipped over by there own mothers to start this fight.

Right after it ended again I asked for the police to be called, eventually they came and I asked to make a statement that I was assaulted. they ignored this request because a teacher had said she was assaulted so that took higher priority apparently. I left the school after being told I was being banned from the premises indefinitely, and told I was facing a charge of affray, and in a state of shock I just went home and cried and looked at the bald patches where she'd pulled my hair out.

The next day I went to the station and tried again to make a statement, I was told to wait and someone would be in touch. fast forward 6 weeks, and since then i've been taking my son through the Schoo office, i've not been allowed to any special assemblies - he did a full sign language assembly which I wasn't allowed to, along with various charity days. so all in all I feel my Childs missed out. The others were also banned, so it wasn't just me but the way the school have handled this I find it appalling. Ive been ignored by teachers who would usually be chatty, I wasn't allowed to parents evening, I eventually did give a statement to the policeman when they finally got in touch 5 weeks after it all happened. even he mentioned that he was appalled I was being treated the same as them, and he could see I was the victim, he also said I had nothing to worry about. He also said I could have made an assault charge at any time so I dont know why I was brushed off 3 times with a teacher taking priority - in the end this teacher hasn't even made any charges.

Im disgusted with the way the School have handled this. I collect my child and leave - the other 2 are well known for fighting and arguing with anyone who looks at them the wrong way, I wont get the past 6 weeks back, the shame of going to that school to collect him now is horrendous, but thankfully people have been lovely to me, so many have come up to see how I was, I just find the teachers attitudes to it all disgusting and im left wondering where do I go from here. I ended up loosing my sunglasses as they smashed them to bits, I had whiplash which Im now in physiology for - the police are doing anything and now the school have said the same, we have a meeting this week but I truly feel like taking my child out of the place. guess this is more a wwyd because I already know im not being UR to be pissed off.

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne Mon 22-Apr-19 09:51:53

God that's absolutely awful. I would be looking at the complaints procedure and following that through. I don't think you've done anything wrong. Those other mums sound horrendous. I can't believe that kind of behaviour even exists from adults in a school.

HeyDuggeesCakeBadge Mon 22-Apr-19 09:56:58

I would complain through the correct channels and I also would remove my child.

You did nothing wrong and they shouldn't be treating you this way - you shouldn't have to remove your child but in these circumstances I would. Otherwise it sends a message to your child that you can be a victim and punished for it.

SoConfused2019 Mon 22-Apr-19 10:00:48

So when you say complain through the correct channels - where exactly - sorry i've never done anything like this before, do you mean the school themselves or the education authority or ousted or something?

The meeting I have this week is with the headteacher (whose barely ever on the premises as she also runs another local school so they joined forces as an academy) and a governor of the school ad this meeting is to see if im allowed back on the premises. So disillusioned with the school right now.

Mumof1andacat Mon 22-Apr-19 10:02:36

Have you spoken to the governors at the school?

SoConfused2019 Mon 22-Apr-19 10:06:54

@mumof1andacat I was asked to send in a letter giving my vision of events which I did, and now i've been asked to go in (along with the others) all at various times this week to have a meeting with this headteacher and the head governor of the school.

But speaking to another parent who is also on the board I get the impression i'm expected to go in grovelling assuring them it will never happen again. Rather that getting an apology from them for being treated like a criminal.

WhyCantIThinkOfAGoodOne Mon 22-Apr-19 10:08:10

@SoConfused2019

During this meeting or before you need to find out (literally explicitly ask) what the complaints procedure is. There should be a definite hierarchy of complaints so for example you have to first officially complain to the school if this isn't handled to your satisfaction you can then make a complaint to the governors.

What is the school like in general? I would be seriously considering moving my child because of the dangerous playground for a start in addition to their handling of you in this case.

makingmammaries Mon 22-Apr-19 10:08:48

Not much I can advise but what I can tell you is that my DH was attacked physically by an idiot on school grounds and refrained from even defending himself because he did not want to give the other guy any chance to claim he started it. The police were initially sympathetic but the case went nowhere (this is France, however, where cases almost inevitably go nowhere) and my DH got a stinking letter from the mayor claiming, like in your case, that he had been involved in an ‘affray’ on school grounds.

The summer is approaching: can you change schools?

Decormad38 Mon 22-Apr-19 10:09:40

I would be moving schools. It sounds dog rough tbh!

LovelyJubbly67 Mon 22-Apr-19 10:09:42

You should have remained at the police station until they took your statement. Most of the police are total arseholes and will do anything to avoid helping a member of the public.

SnuggyBuggy Mon 22-Apr-19 10:10:36

I'd be tempted to pull your child out, it sounds a right shithole

OksanaAstankova Mon 22-Apr-19 10:12:36

What about the original parent who you were defending? Has she given a statement corroborating your version of events?

shouldwestayorshouldwego Mon 22-Apr-19 10:13:49

To be honest I would consider looking for a different school. I would have no confidence that they could safeguard my child. It does of course depend on how old he is, how far away a different school is and how your child is enjoying the school.

SoConfused2019 Mon 22-Apr-19 10:14:57

Thanks everyone, @makingmammeries thats what the police told me off the record - that I was only sat there because of where this took place. Ive made my peace with the fact the police wont do anything but surely the school could - The girl who started it did not need to be on the playground that day, her child wasn't even in so shes definitely come in for a fight.

@lovelyjubbly I know this now sad. I went on 3 separate occasions to try and do so and feel let down massively!

Parker231 Mon 22-Apr-19 10:17:24

Headteacher first, then governors and if still not a satisfactory outcome, local education department and notify Osted

Candleglow7475 Mon 22-Apr-19 10:19:47

Sounds very tough, I’d be removing my child to avoid those parents. Also I’d be complaining to school, governors, LEA whoever will take a complaint from you on this.

SoConfused2019 Mon 22-Apr-19 10:20:44

@OksanaAstankova yes she has, even the other 2 girls admitted they started it, along with all 6 teachers statements all witnessing what they saw.

And still nothing has been done by the school.

SoConfused2019 Mon 22-Apr-19 10:23:03

And for those asking my son is almost 7, loves his school although I find it rough and not the best in the area at all.

it was never the 1st choice and I fought for the reception year to get him in elsewhere to no avail as no schools in the local area had places when I saw how much he enjoyed it thee I stopped trying to change.
after this I feel I need to move him as settled as he is.

LIZS Mon 22-Apr-19 10:24:08

What do you want "done by the school"? Surely they have excluded all those parents involved and there may be a police case pending. It does seem to have dragged out unnecessarily though.

SoConfused2019 Mon 22-Apr-19 10:26:36

Ideally id like them banned from the playground for quite some time - the risk is we all go to this meeting this week and one by one are allowed back in, I don't see them learning from this at all. I'd also like an apology from the school and for them to reassess there procedures in incidents like this, so whoever is in my position again is treated fairly.

if I move schools is that just teaching him to run away though.

UserName31456789 Mon 22-Apr-19 10:26:59

@LIZS

OP was completely innocent and has been banned from the school grounds for 6 weeks. Not allowed to go to her son's school events or enter the school in the normal way. I assume she wants to have normal access to school events and the school playground and to be exonerated from any wrong doing.

doistayordoigo Mon 22-Apr-19 10:30:29

@lovelyjubbly I take offence to your claim that most of the police are total arseholes and will do anything to avoid helping a member of the public. Most of the police are just trying to do a good job with limited resources and time - they are constantly criticised for not fighting "proper" crime but spend a vast proportion of their time dealing with drunk people fighting etc. In our local town there are sometimes only 2 police officers working on a Saturday night, and if they arrest anyone they need to take them to a different town as we have no custody. So if they're reluctant to arrest or unable to take a statement straight away maybe have a think about why that might be.

@SoConfused2019 Sorry to derail your thread, but that kind of statement winds me up. Complain through the school and be firm and calm at your meeting this week. Don't give them the opportunity to make you the person in the wrong by being demonstrably angry.

Connieston Mon 22-Apr-19 10:31:22

How awful. Be calm but persistent and get your voice heard. I'd want an apology from the school. And yes, move schools. In your position I'd take it to the papers.

makingmammaries Mon 22-Apr-19 10:39:23

OP, we also asked if the man who started the fight could be excluded, answer was no. I think the underlying logic was that nothing is proven unless it goes to court. If you move your DS, you could use it to teach him that not all hills are worth dying on. It’s a massive injustice but honestly I’d cut your losses. Sorry this has happened to you.

shouldwestayorshouldwego Mon 22-Apr-19 10:39:28

Lots of children move around yr3 here, plus look at the older year groups and think about whether the behaviour deteriorates. We moved one of ours, very reluctant to move initially but once they saw the other school they asked to move immediately.

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