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Why are they always together?

(87 Posts)
Ihatehashtags Mon 22-Apr-19 00:09:00

I’m guessing there will be two camps here on MN but long story short it really irritates me that every single time my MIL comes for a visit she brings her sister.

It’s not 50% of the time, it’s literally every single visit.(we live 2hrs from her) We aren’t close to her or her kids, and never have been and I find it really changes the dynamic of the visit.

MIL also never asks if it’s okay but just turns up with her. Her sister is okay but it’s just another bed to make up, another lunch to make etc. it also means that because of the extra body we (our family and MIL) can’t ever go in one car together so the MIL and the sister take a separate car if we go out and do anything. This is the type of thing I’m getting at when I say it changes the dynamic.

My MIL and I aren’t overly close and I think her sister coming all the time has a part to play in that.

It’s my daughters party tomorrow and Ive got SIL and her three kids staying and MIL and now the sister too! There actually isn’t a free bed. They also aren’t the types to offer to help with anything either.

Thoughts AIBU? I have a bit PMTish so it could be that as well confused

ohfourfoxache Wed 24-Apr-19 18:57:00

Well done op grin

You never know.....get them to muck in and they might not come back!

woolduvet Wed 24-Apr-19 14:58:40

Where is aunt sleeping

Ihatehashtags Wed 24-Apr-19 12:37:20

Hahaha everyone’s responses are cracking me up! I actually raised it with my OH and told him I think the whole thing is fucking weird, why isn’t his step FIL coming, why isn’t the sister hanging out with her husband, how the sister being there changes the vibe of the visit and how it was pissing me off. He agreed!! Next step is to decide what to do about it! Someone randomly asked how we were painting with no power. We borrowed a friends generator and we hired flood lighting.

UCOforAC12 Wed 24-Apr-19 11:38:48

It'll be for company. Which is rude and suggests you and your DH's company isn't enough.

You're playing a blinder keep going channeling your inner MN!

mummmy2017 Wed 24-Apr-19 11:03:24

So where are they sleeping?

ralfeesmum Wed 24-Apr-19 10:40:37

"A couple of oddballs" doesn't even come close to describing this weirdy set up......

missyfafa Wed 24-Apr-19 07:41:22

Crying with laughter that this thread is turning into a conspiracy theory about lesbian aunts and beards.

Gwenhwyfar Wed 24-Apr-19 07:34:37

"Not really. She wouldn't be the first or the last to have a beard.

Dh 'aunt' could have been around for longer than him."

A beard that you pass off as your sister? Come on. People in the family would know the sister. There would have been people alive when DH was a child who knew them as sister.
This suggestion is just insane.
I thought the suggestion that the aunt was actually the mother was very EastEnders, but not impossible, but passing your lover as you sister for decades and nobody knowing...

ShowMeTheKittens Tue 23-Apr-19 19:55:55

You would need to get your OH to do something. And it would cause a total stink. Maybe suck it up or make them subtly uncomfortable like having insufficient bedding . Or tea. Or heating. Or ask them to sleep in a tent. In the garden.Or take them camping and ensure it's a bad weekend.

BingandFlop2019 Tue 23-Apr-19 19:31:15

But OP - WHYYYYYY haven't you said anything about her bringing an extra guest?

Romax Tue 23-Apr-19 19:26:46

But all the inconveniences you list would apply if she brought her husband. And you presumably wouldn’t begrudge that?

Tistheseason17 Tue 23-Apr-19 19:09:24

Well done for telling them to help themselves!

Alsohuman Tue 23-Apr-19 19:01:52

I'd assume as there's no FiL the aunt comes off the substitute bench and treat her according. Presumably if MiL had a new partner you wouldn't mind her bringing them, how is this different? And obviously they should muck in.

Downthecanal Tue 23-Apr-19 18:39:46

She feels the divide between you 100%

My mil is very similar

ForalltheSaints Tue 23-Apr-19 18:39:31

Well done OP for making the first step. Your DH should be doing more, or indeed start doing something to end this though.

It may be company on the journey or kindness to a lonely MILs sister, or an excuse for the MILs new DH not to come, or any of the other ideas suggested. Regardless, it is not what you want and it is your home.

Yesicancancan Tue 23-Apr-19 18:36:25

Why were you, sorry how, were you up all night painting with no power on ?

Mitzimaybe Tue 23-Apr-19 18:33:10

Oh and if anyone is pandering to them then it needs to be your DH, not you. They are his family and if he won't put his foot down with them, then any inconvenience needs to fall on him, not you.

Mitzimaybe Tue 23-Apr-19 18:31:43

Well done OP, keep it up. Bright and breezy and matter of fact. Don't wait for them to offer to help, give them instructions. "Right, we still have lots of things to do for this party. MIL - the balloons are over there, can you blow them up please? Aunt-IL, grab hold of the other end of this banner and hold it up while I fix it in position" or whatever.

dragonara53 Tue 23-Apr-19 17:59:49

Why do people put up with shite from in laws? I've been married three times and there is no way I'd put up with half of what some of you put up with. I find all the excuses you write ranging from funny to ridiculous. If you soon like what they say or do then stop seeing them. There isn't a law that says you must have cf in laws at your house all the time. I'm a mil and I don't want to be at anybody's house except my own. But then I'm a miserable grumpy old bitch. 😂😂

Flyingaddict Mon 22-Apr-19 19:16:55

So have you ever actually asked mil in private just to come on her own?

Mousetolioness Mon 22-Apr-19 17:18:39

Ahhh... Could the issue be that you have a large country property?

And MIL and her sister regard it as a mini holiday, in pretty much the same way anyone who moves to the country finds themselves 'hosting' assorted friends and family who otherwise wouldn't make the effort to visit and who are happy to be waited on hand and foot (if they're selfish sods).

That's one possible take on it...

femfemlicious Mon 22-Apr-19 11:43:36

Ihatehashtags well donegrin.

You may find they may want to come round less now that it's not like a holiday in a hotel.

Also you won't even mind them coming now that you are no longer their skivvygrin.

Keep up the same energy!

MRex Mon 22-Apr-19 11:38:34

My DM will do this; I invite just her and she casually drops into conversation that there are 5 coming, having invited a sister, an aunt, a niece, my dad etc. She tries to bring food and they'll help lay things at the table, but they don't clear up. I'm now grateful that they don't all stay over!
One time I said very clearly it must be just DM coming, so she did come on her own, but she clearly wasn't comfortable and kept talking about everyone else, so I haven't tried that again.
Sorry, that's not helpful, but I can empathise that is annoying getting the extra visitors.

Ihatehashtags Mon 22-Apr-19 11:28:33

Yep the Aunty has family of her own and also has grandchildren too. It’s so co-dependent. And today Mil started asking me about a health issue I’m front of her sister and they both looked at me expecting me to answer. I just looked at MIL and said I’ll talk about it later then walked away.

Ihatehashtags Mon 22-Apr-19 11:15:31

Thanks for the replies everyone! They turned up today and hovered around the kitchen. Taking your advice I said “right well I’m going to jump in the shower then I’m heading out to do groceries ” help yourselves to whatever you like. They looked a bit crestfallen 😂😂

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