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To think family should have taken my son fishing?

(60 Posts)
ladymorgan Sun 21-Apr-19 11:34:03

So my fil, owns a stretch of river for fishing/enjoyment. He had owned half of it with his best friend who snuffed it. My Brother in Law then bought the other “half” of the river from the deceased, if that makes sense.

Anyhow. Brother in law and my ds’s cousins were visiting from New York where they live. They have a 4x4 landrover they keep here to drive to the river. So dbro took his kids and fil.

He knew my ds was home from uni and enjoys going fishing, and they had room in the car. However, they didn’t think of inviting ds even though he will technically be in line to inherit the half of the river owned by his gfather.

AIBU to think it was a bit selfish not to take ds too?

TigersRoll Sun 21-Apr-19 12:02:14

@ladymorgan there is a list somewhere of unacceptable words. I know toilet is one, as is toilet brush.

I was once piled on for saying the word “pump” instead of fart ... pump is normal where I live but clearly I missed the memo regarding unacceptable words.

Anyway, to answer your post, yes they should have offered at least.

Tevion10 Sun 21-Apr-19 12:02:32

For what it worth op I used to get similar with my ds and family although he was younger. However now they can all get on with it because he now has his own mates and social life.
Don't worry too much and let him do his own thing.
You can't rely on relatives to ask you everywhere relatives can be a let down.

Sarahjconnor Sun 21-Apr-19 12:03:57

Owning a stretch of river and having a 4x4 specifically to access it when the family pops over from New York is I likely to invoke much sympathy OP.

The odd coldness in the way upper class British people deal with death combined with the obsessive hierarchy of inheritance and privilege is one of the most alienating things about them.

stayathomegardener Sun 21-Apr-19 12:04:14

To be fair I think the term "snuffed it" is used quite frequently and in some ways affectionately, after a lapse of time and avoiding the word died.

Not heard it for years and it was a South of the UK term then.

Cherrysoup Sun 21-Apr-19 12:04:25

Maybe he only wanted immediate family?

Tevion10 Sun 21-Apr-19 12:04:37

Well you see sauce there is a nice way of doing it but that seems to be lacking on mumsnet

FreshAprilStart Sun 21-Apr-19 12:05:08

'Snuffed it is clearly a dismissive term and shows a lack of respect for someone.

In the context of this thread, you refer to your son's possible inheritance rights and the importance of this as some sort of deference but are very casual about others passing away.

You come over to me as very entitled and someone who prioritises your son but not others. I get that only from what you've posted.

WhiteDust Sun 21-Apr-19 12:06:11

Makes a very boring problem/story interesting I suppose.
River owners having snuffed it, land rovers, homes in New York, future river inheritance...

YABU. Your grown up DS wasn't invited on a fishing trip. I honestly don't know what you think anyone has done wrong.

NoSauce Sun 21-Apr-19 12:08:00

Anyway, to answer your post, yes they should have offered at least

Why should they? Can’t people do anything with other members of their family without having to invite everyone else? Especially if those people live overseas.

Not enough info in all of this anyway. There’s probably a huge back story.

Tevion10 Sun 21-Apr-19 12:08:13

We all need our own life outside of family

ZippyBungleandGeorge Sun 21-Apr-19 12:08:14

@ladymorgan Sonja?

EjectorCrab Sun 21-Apr-19 12:08:59

Does your son care and even want to? You seem to care a fair bit, does he?
I would be a bit more understanding if children were all young and would agree it would have been nice to invite him. But he’s over 18 so find it a little weird your annoyed enough to AIBU about it.

JacquesHammer Sun 21-Apr-19 12:09:37

It’s possible if one part of the family lives abroad and they don’t spend much time here, FIL wants to spend some time with just them?

WorraLiberty Sun 21-Apr-19 12:11:20

Is your DS as bothered as you are OP?

If so, has he sent them a text asking if they forgot to tell him they were going today?

I must admit, an adult being overlooked for a fishing trip is a bit of a strange thing for his mother to start an internet thread about.

NoSauce Sun 21-Apr-19 12:14:29

Who’s Sonja?

Tevion10 Sun 21-Apr-19 12:14:55

I understand how op feels adult ds or not.
It would have been nice for them to have asked but hey.
Op how does your ds feel.

Dyrne Sun 21-Apr-19 12:15:09

Is this one of those threads that turns out to be about the Archers or the Royal family or something? Is the FIL Prince Philip?

Dippypippy1980 Sun 21-Apr-19 12:15:35

inheroting the river is completely irrelevant- and a little grabby.

Your sone is an adult who missed out on a fishing trip. I am sure he could offer to take his grandfather fishing some other time.

I think you need to let it go.

Rainbunny Sun 21-Apr-19 12:16:14

It sounds very much as though they specifically wanted to spend time together catching up, just the two of them. No mystery at all, your DS made it clear that he could be available and they clearly decided not to invite him. It's not rude at all, they weren't obliged to invite him (even if he will be in line to inherit a bit of some river, which is relevant why precisely?) It's not a snub either they likely just wanted a nice day relaxing in each other's company.

Ated Sun 21-Apr-19 12:23:10

Snuffed it, Brown Bread, Kicked the bucket, Not saved by the bell, passed over, gone to hell, gone to meet his maker, food for worms, or just Died. They all convey the same meaning, so why be sensitive.

FreshAprilStart Sun 21-Apr-19 12:23:11

The river inheritance is mentioned as OP is implying it's really her son's river and as the owner he should be consulted and invited or the plebs won't be allowed to fish there in the future.

And, yes, I'm truly over invested in this thread, but where else do you get river ownership, New York visitors, 4x4, dismisses snuffed friend (clearly back story there) and possible outing of OP as Sonja ....


NoSauce Sun 21-Apr-19 12:26:18

Oh right. I thought Sonja was a bit like Sharon.

SuperSara Sun 21-Apr-19 12:28:08

I’m ignoring the fishing trip invitation etiquette and wondering about the inheritance.

Your father in law and one of his sons - your brother in law, not your husband - own the river, but your son is in line to inherit it from your father in law?

What about your brother in law, his family, and your husband (plus any other siblings)?

Is it already in your father in law’s will that your son gets his share, rather than a closer relative?

Sounds a bit odd that’s all.

Littlechocola Sun 21-Apr-19 12:36:35

Is your ds upset?
I would just drive him there if his cars at the garage and he wants to go. Although if he’s discussed plans he could have said he wanted to go?

Snuffed it is a perfectly acceptable phrase here too!

OKBobble Sun 21-Apr-19 12:41:36

So your FIL wantes sone one on one time with family he hardly sees ather than including someone he can see mkre frequently.

What do you assume yiur DS will inherut the other half share or do you mean potentialky inherit with other people?

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