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To think family should have taken my son fishing?

(60 Posts)
ladymorgan Sun 21-Apr-19 11:34:03

So my fil, owns a stretch of river for fishing/enjoyment. He had owned half of it with his best friend who snuffed it. My Brother in Law then bought the other “half” of the river from the deceased, if that makes sense.

Anyhow. Brother in law and my ds’s cousins were visiting from New York where they live. They have a 4x4 landrover they keep here to drive to the river. So dbro took his kids and fil.

He knew my ds was home from uni and enjoys going fishing, and they had room in the car. However, they didn’t think of inviting ds even though he will technically be in line to inherit the half of the river owned by his gfather.

AIBU to think it was a bit selfish not to take ds too?

RosamundDarnley Sun 21-Apr-19 11:36:15

Maybe it just didn't occur to them? Why didn't your adult DS (he's at Uni) ask if he could go too?

Piffle11 Sun 21-Apr-19 11:37:12

Maybe it needed to be suggested to them? Some people don't think like that, but might be happy to accommodate if it's mentioned. My DParents would do this, then if mentioned afterwards will say 'oh you should have said something'. I'm not sure why the inheriting bit is relevant.

pinkyredrose Sun 21-Apr-19 11:38:41

In line to inherit half a river? How the other half live! Why couldn't your son ask to join in?

BottleOfJameson Sun 21-Apr-19 11:39:08

Was DS actually staying in the same house as them? If not they might not have thought of it or may have just fancied some time with just their immediate family. I would suggest that DS is proactive and asks them if they can all go fishing.

NorthEndGal Sun 21-Apr-19 11:39:35

I'm not sure how the inheritance comes into it?
Basically he wants to go fishing, and isn't a child, so should speak up, or make his own plans.

sweeneytoddsrazor Sun 21-Apr-19 11:41:32

Or maybe they thought your DS can go anytime with his DGF aand as they are only here for a limited time they just wanted to enjoy it on their own for the first time.

NoSauce Sun 21-Apr-19 11:46:24

Snuffed it?
How often do they see your DS and the cousins from NY? Surely that matters in all of this?

Littleduckeggblue Sun 21-Apr-19 11:47:42

Yabu why should they HAVE to invite him.

ladymorgan Sun 21-Apr-19 11:47:50

They rarely see one another and get on well. DS told them what days he was free that week if he could see them. (his car is in the garage)

TigersRoll Sun 21-Apr-19 11:48:18

Snuffed it 😂

Scabetty Sun 21-Apr-19 11:50:10

Stoped reading after ‘snuffed it’ as you sound weird.

ladymorgan Sun 21-Apr-19 11:52:21

scabetty yes alright darling, you too

NoSauce Sun 21-Apr-19 11:53:04

Does DS take after you by any chance?

ladymorgan Sun 21-Apr-19 11:54:46

What do you mean sauce?

NoSauce Sun 21-Apr-19 11:56:20

Well you sound a bit pushy and hard work.

TigersRoll Sun 21-Apr-19 11:56:38

Uh oh ... it’s becoming a pile on! Run OP! Run for your life!!

Tevion10 Sun 21-Apr-19 11:56:51

I wouldn't bother posting on here op if I was you it's full of immature bullies.

Bookworm4 Sun 21-Apr-19 11:57:30

I thought you were going to say DS was 5, he's an adult he can speak for himself.

TigersRoll Sun 21-Apr-19 11:57:32

It’s got much worse lately unfortunately

FreshAprilStart Sun 21-Apr-19 11:57:36

Not sure you can claim such sensitivity over your son's feelings when so casually saying someone snuffed it.

Tevion10 Sun 21-Apr-19 11:59:05

Sure has tiger

ladymorgan Sun 21-Apr-19 11:59:07

uh oh! I think you’re right. I never knew snuffed it was not a normal expression, it is around here at least!

Anyone have a hard hat please?

NoSauce Sun 21-Apr-19 11:59:35

Oh sorry yes I forgot that we can’t ever disagree with anyone on MN for fear of being called a bully.

WorraLiberty Sun 21-Apr-19 12:00:55

I never knew snuffed it was not a normal expression, it is around here at least!

Well let's be fair, it's a bit disrespectful isn't it?

TigersRoll Sun 21-Apr-19 12:02:14

@ladymorgan there is a list somewhere of unacceptable words. I know toilet is one, as is toilet brush.

I was once piled on for saying the word “pump” instead of fart ... pump is normal where I live but clearly I missed the memo regarding unacceptable words.

Anyway, to answer your post, yes they should have offered at least.

Tevion10 Sun 21-Apr-19 12:02:32

For what it worth op I used to get similar with my ds and family although he was younger. However now they can all get on with it because he now has his own mates and social life.
Don't worry too much and let him do his own thing.
You can't rely on relatives to ask you everywhere relatives can be a let down.

Sarahjconnor Sun 21-Apr-19 12:03:57

Owning a stretch of river and having a 4x4 specifically to access it when the family pops over from New York is I likely to invoke much sympathy OP.

The odd coldness in the way upper class British people deal with death combined with the obsessive hierarchy of inheritance and privilege is one of the most alienating things about them.

stayathomegardener Sun 21-Apr-19 12:04:14

To be fair I think the term "snuffed it" is used quite frequently and in some ways affectionately, after a lapse of time and avoiding the word died.

Not heard it for years and it was a South of the UK term then.

Cherrysoup Sun 21-Apr-19 12:04:25

Maybe he only wanted immediate family?

Tevion10 Sun 21-Apr-19 12:04:37

Well you see sauce there is a nice way of doing it but that seems to be lacking on mumsnet

FreshAprilStart Sun 21-Apr-19 12:05:08

'Snuffed it is clearly a dismissive term and shows a lack of respect for someone.

In the context of this thread, you refer to your son's possible inheritance rights and the importance of this as some sort of deference but are very casual about others passing away.

You come over to me as very entitled and someone who prioritises your son but not others. I get that only from what you've posted.

WhiteDust Sun 21-Apr-19 12:06:11

Makes a very boring problem/story interesting I suppose.
River owners having snuffed it, land rovers, homes in New York, future river inheritance...

YABU. Your grown up DS wasn't invited on a fishing trip. I honestly don't know what you think anyone has done wrong.

NoSauce Sun 21-Apr-19 12:08:00

Anyway, to answer your post, yes they should have offered at least

Why should they? Can’t people do anything with other members of their family without having to invite everyone else? Especially if those people live overseas.

Not enough info in all of this anyway. There’s probably a huge back story.

Tevion10 Sun 21-Apr-19 12:08:13

We all need our own life outside of family

ZippyBungleandGeorge Sun 21-Apr-19 12:08:14

@ladymorgan Sonja?

EjectorCrab Sun 21-Apr-19 12:08:59

Does your son care and even want to? You seem to care a fair bit, does he?
I would be a bit more understanding if children were all young and would agree it would have been nice to invite him. But he’s over 18 so find it a little weird your annoyed enough to AIBU about it.

JacquesHammer Sun 21-Apr-19 12:09:37

It’s possible if one part of the family lives abroad and they don’t spend much time here, FIL wants to spend some time with just them?

WorraLiberty Sun 21-Apr-19 12:11:20

Is your DS as bothered as you are OP?

If so, has he sent them a text asking if they forgot to tell him they were going today?

I must admit, an adult being overlooked for a fishing trip is a bit of a strange thing for his mother to start an internet thread about.

NoSauce Sun 21-Apr-19 12:14:29

Who’s Sonja?

Tevion10 Sun 21-Apr-19 12:14:55

I understand how op feels adult ds or not.
It would have been nice for them to have asked but hey.
Op how does your ds feel.

Dyrne Sun 21-Apr-19 12:15:09

Is this one of those threads that turns out to be about the Archers or the Royal family or something? Is the FIL Prince Philip?

Dippypippy1980 Sun 21-Apr-19 12:15:35

inheroting the river is completely irrelevant- and a little grabby.

Your sone is an adult who missed out on a fishing trip. I am sure he could offer to take his grandfather fishing some other time.

I think you need to let it go.

Rainbunny Sun 21-Apr-19 12:16:14

It sounds very much as though they specifically wanted to spend time together catching up, just the two of them. No mystery at all, your DS made it clear that he could be available and they clearly decided not to invite him. It's not rude at all, they weren't obliged to invite him (even if he will be in line to inherit a bit of some river, which is relevant why precisely?) It's not a snub either they likely just wanted a nice day relaxing in each other's company.

Ated Sun 21-Apr-19 12:23:10

Snuffed it, Brown Bread, Kicked the bucket, Not saved by the bell, passed over, gone to hell, gone to meet his maker, food for worms, or just Died. They all convey the same meaning, so why be sensitive.

FreshAprilStart Sun 21-Apr-19 12:23:11

The river inheritance is mentioned as OP is implying it's really her son's river and as the owner he should be consulted and invited or the plebs won't be allowed to fish there in the future.

And, yes, I'm truly over invested in this thread, but where else do you get river ownership, New York visitors, 4x4, dismisses snuffed friend (clearly back story there) and possible outing of OP as Sonja ....


NoSauce Sun 21-Apr-19 12:26:18

Oh right. I thought Sonja was a bit like Sharon.

SuperSara Sun 21-Apr-19 12:28:08

I’m ignoring the fishing trip invitation etiquette and wondering about the inheritance.

Your father in law and one of his sons - your brother in law, not your husband - own the river, but your son is in line to inherit it from your father in law?

What about your brother in law, his family, and your husband (plus any other siblings)?

Is it already in your father in law’s will that your son gets his share, rather than a closer relative?

Sounds a bit odd that’s all.

Littlechocola Sun 21-Apr-19 12:36:35

Is your ds upset?
I would just drive him there if his cars at the garage and he wants to go. Although if he’s discussed plans he could have said he wanted to go?

Snuffed it is a perfectly acceptable phrase here too!

OKBobble Sun 21-Apr-19 12:41:36

So your FIL wantes sone one on one time with family he hardly sees ather than including someone he can see mkre frequently.

What do you assume yiur DS will inherut the other half share or do you mean potentialky inherit with other people?

Acis Sun 21-Apr-19 12:44:18

I suppose they could have invited him, but I don't think it was necessarily wrong of them not to.

By the way, are you sure your son is in line to inherit his grandfather's half? Don't brother in law's children come in for that?

WorraLiberty Sun 21-Apr-19 12:44:34

So if god forbid someone's child died for example, you'd think it was perfectly acceptable to say "I'm really sorry to hear your child snuffed it" Littlechocola?

If the answer is no, then surely you can see how it's a bit disrespectful/dismissive?

TigersRoll Sun 21-Apr-19 12:52:05

“Gone to Hell” 😂😂😂 oh my god can you imagine the outcry if OP put “his best friend who has gone to hell” . I don’t even know why I’m finding this thread so hilarious but it’s brightened up my day!

LordPickle Sun 21-Apr-19 12:55:30

How can you own a river?

Littlechocola Sun 21-Apr-19 12:58:11

No definitely not @WorraLiberty but as with any phrase you would use common sense. I would never be rude and I apologise if I’ve upset you or anyone else.
A long passed acquaintance depending on the conversation, yes. An acquaintance who’s child has passed away, never.

ladymorgan Sun 21-Apr-19 13:01:29

Lordpickle, if you’re a lord you would know winkgrin

SilverySurfer Sun 21-Apr-19 13:13:53

Maybe FiL wanted to spend some time just with his DS and DGC as they live abroad. Not sure why you think your DS should be entitled to be invited to everything and if he wanted to go, he's an adult and could have asked. I'm guessing you think your DS is missing out and care more than he does.

ReSistingPink Sun 21-Apr-19 14:26:51

The fact that certain human beings have enough privilege to 'own' half a river makes me furious.

That's all.

sweeneytoddsrazor Sun 21-Apr-19 14:44:12

What would happen to someone casually swimming upstream who accidentally strayed into this bit of river? Could they be fined for trespass or jailed as a spy. Does it have a hard border or backstop? So many unanswered questions.

Poloshot Sun 21-Apr-19 15:28:57

@LordPickle by owning the land adjoining it and the fishing rights rather than the river itself

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