Or was my date really rude?(136 Posts)
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Went on a date yesterday.
We met in a village half way between us.
It was a hour train for me and 45 mins for him.
My train home was 5pm and his was 5.05 pm.
I checked my app and seen my 5pm train was cancelled (if anyone is in north you will know northern still use the horrible 2 carriage pacer trains ) anyway the 4pm train was running 7 mins late so we rushed down for that.
I missed it by 2 mins.
His train came in at about ten past 4 and he jumped on and said bye leaving me alone till 6pm for the next train.
This is a train station without a coffee shop,any train staff,no vending machine and no toilets.
20 mins walk back into the village and I didn't really know the way.
Aibu to think he could have stayed as he wasn't going anywhere just home.
So I sat till 6 pm and I got home for 7.30 pm and he was home and 5pm !
If there was a pub 5 minutes away as you say, then he should have said "let's get a drink".
He was rude, and probably not that interested in you. Don't bother seeing him again, you can do better.
Answer this honestly, if shoe was on the other foot would you have waited for him?
He could have at least waited until his (original) 5.05 train, the wanker!
Yeah you're right - I would think your date was rude as well (especially and only as he was only going home anyway and it wasn't ridiculously late to the point his next day plans will be messed up from tiredness). If he had an urgent appointment or other plans, it could be more understandable.
At least he could have at least half heartedly offered once to stay and keep you company. I wouldn't want to see him again.
This should be the time when he's showing you his best side and how much he cares about you. If he's this much of an arsehole so early on he's probably not going to improve. I definitely wouldn't see him again!
Why didn't you go to the pub, even for a coffee and the loo ?
Never popular on this forum, but old fashioned courtesy goes a long way. I wouldn't see him again.
I don't think this is an issue of 'old fashioned courtesy', just courtesy. There was a thread recently where someone was mortally offended that her date didn't keep his uber waiting the 2-3 minutes until her uber arrived because the man should always see the women home- that is archaic batshit nonsense.
In this case he was leaving her alone for 2 more hours. Rude if either sex does it, but potentially more so from the man as a woman alone is more vulnerable. That isn't old fashioned- it's common consideration for others.
If a man likes you, he will want to spend time with you. Even if it's sitting in a train station
It works both ways. I've even sat with my friends waiting for their train to arrive so it's a person to person thing, not strictly an "if a man" thing.
Asked DH what he would’ve done- he said “no, I would’ve just suggested going for another drink”
I’m laughing at people calling it a remote train station with no available refreshments etc, given that the OP stated that in the 5 minutes between her dare arriving there and her arriving he had walked to the pub. Hardly remote, and waiting there at the station for 2 hours feeling put out instead of walking the five minutes to the pub is a bit martyrish, tbh.
A decent person would have stayed with you.
He sounds thoughtless at best and selfish at worst especially as he also went straight to the pub before you even got there.
He also is probably not all that bothered about dating you by the sounds of things.
You deserve better than this.
This ...*If a man likes you, he will want to spend time with you. Even if it's sitting in a train station*
Because he will want to prioritise you!
I once met a guy on an airplane and we really hit it off. I had a 3 hour layover and he came with me to my gate and we went to a restaurant and ordered food and drinks. I asked him when his flight was or if he lived in Washington (we were at Washington Dulles Airport) and he said he'd already missed his connection but would rather spend time with me and he'd sort it later. Obviously I was shocked and very flattered.
If a man likes you, he will want to spend time with you. Even if it's sitting in a train station.
If he isn’t interested enough in you to jump at the chance to spend more time with you at the beginning of a relationship, he isn’t going to put himself out five years down the line!
This. You wouldn’t leave a friend in this situation let alone someone you had a budding romance with
Assuming he knew it was two hours, that's definitely a sign of a lack of empathy/social skills! Not sure if you can work with that.
Ah, you’re right, biscuit
His train was originally 5.05, then he got an earlier one when OP missed hers.
So, not great... but OP still elected to get earlier train when her 5pm ish was cancelled rather than later... which, if ‘she was that into him’ would surely have been a better option?
Anyway, as an PP says; signs are that this probably isn’t going anywhere (on both sides).
I dunno. I read it that the OP arrived at the station at 4.09, date’s train arrived at 4.10pm. I’d maybe think that it was all a bit of a rush and he just jumped on the train without time to think it through.
I don’t get it.
OP elected to try for an earlier (not later) train, a. Terminating the date early and b. Presumably leaving him hanging around, waiting at the station alone for his train.
So... that’s ok?
But, not the other way round?
It's not really a matter of chivalry but rather basic courtesy and manners towards another human being. No matter who I was meeting - brother, sister, friend, colleague, date - I would not leave someone alone at a remote train station for 2 hours. I would keep them company and get a later train
THIS ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
Iy's basic good manners.
I wouldn't see him again.
I went out with someone who did something very similar, I was left waiting on my own for a bus for 3 hours and he just went home. I ignored the warning sign and continued to date him. He ended up being a very selfish arsehole.
What's that saying? When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Onwards and upwards OP!
Four dates in and he doesn't care about your wellbeing at all. Jump ship now, it won't get any better.
He is just not that into you I'm afraid, if he was he would have behaved better (one would hope). Better to find out now. Ditch.
Oh for goodness sake, why would this be good advice? Wouldn’t a simple “thanks I’m not interested in taking it further” be the more adult course of action?
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