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Or was my date really rude?

(136 Posts)
gillteed Sun 21-Apr-19 09:28:55

Went on a date yesterday.
We met in a village half way between us.
It was a hour train for me and 45 mins for him.
My train home was 5pm and his was 5.05 pm.
I checked my app and seen my 5pm train was cancelled (if anyone is in north you will know northern still use the horrible 2 carriage pacer trains ) anyway the 4pm train was running 7 mins late so we rushed down for that.
I missed it by 2 mins.
His train came in at about ten past 4 and he jumped on and said bye leaving me alone till 6pm for the next train.
This is a train station without a coffee shop,any train staff,no vending machine and no toilets.
20 mins walk back into the village and I didn't really know the way.
Aibu to think he could have stayed as he wasn't going anywhere just home.
So I sat till 6 pm and I got home for 7.30 pm and he was home and 5pm !

rudewordsaretheshit Sun 21-Apr-19 09:43:20

4th date? That's pretty shit behaviour. Either way I wouldn't see him again.

pinkpushchairs Sun 21-Apr-19 09:43:50

I'd be very upset by that behaviour

Aprillygirl Sun 21-Apr-19 09:44:12

Rude and selfish.If he thought anything and enjoyed your company he'd have waited with you. Move on op.

recklessgran Sun 21-Apr-19 09:48:01

"When he shows you who he is - believe him"
Run for the hills OP!

NataliaOsipova Sun 21-Apr-19 09:50:16

Yes - I wouldn’t see him again. I wouldn’t do that to any friend, unless circumstances dictated that I absolutely had to get home for a certain time.

Absofuckinglutely Sun 21-Apr-19 09:50:59

Wouldn't be seeing him again, but genuinely interested as to why you didn't originally just decide to get the 6pm train and stay at the pub. You say it would have got you back too late, but surely it would have got you back by 8pm - hardly too late surely?

Dvg Sun 21-Apr-19 09:51:02

Yeah ltb, if he isn't going to be a gentleman then he doesn't deserve you. It's rude and I wouldn't make a man wait around for 2 hours on his own

Fantasisa Sun 21-Apr-19 09:51:14

If he isn’t interested enough in you to jump at the chance to spend more time with you at the beginning of a relationship, he isn’t going to put himself out five years down the line!

MsLayla Sun 21-Apr-19 09:52:42

Sounds like he wasn't very interested / it wasn't going v well.
Wouldn't be messaging him again. It's a dead end.

Mememeplease Sun 21-Apr-19 09:52:57

Hopefully you won't agree to a 5th date.

It would be interesting to know if he thinks he's done nothing wrong and still wants another date or if he's already decided that was the end of the relationship. I'd wait to see if he asks then politely tell him why you don't want to see him again.

ScreamingValenta Sun 21-Apr-19 09:53:28

Selfish, 'I'm all right Jack' behaviour - not a keeper, OP.

Lovemusic33 Sun 21-Apr-19 09:54:07

If it was a first date then I wouldn’t be too bothered, the fact it was a 4th date would make me feel a bit angry, he could have taken a later train and waited with you. Ditch him x

Mummaofmytribe Sun 21-Apr-19 09:54:42

Nah, rude and thoughtless. On a 4th date you're really getting an idea if you're seriously into someone and it's usually exciting and you want to be together nattering away nonstop. He's showing you that you don't matter that much. That's a long time to knowingly leave a date all on their tod! I wouldn't want a repeat performance myself

intensiveeveline Sun 21-Apr-19 09:55:08

He doesn't sound very gallant, I must say.

Aibu to think he could have stayed as he wasn't going anywhere just home

Perhaps he had another date/place to be and just didn't want to admit it?

So he's either thoughtless and selfish or a liar. I wouldn't bother seeing him again, OP. You can do better!

IncrediblySadToo Sun 21-Apr-19 09:56:51

As it was YOU that had to get back, not him, the fact that he didn’t WANT to stay says everything.

For me it’s not even about manners etc, it’s simply the fact that 4 dates in he didn’t jump at the chance to spend the extra time together.

No 5th date.

BaronessBomburst Sun 21-Apr-19 09:57:55

Is this the date that was going to take you for a drive but wouldn't pick you up?

Noonooyou Sun 21-Apr-19 09:59:07

baroness I wondered the same thing!

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend Sun 21-Apr-19 10:01:28

Personally I don’t see the issue, your an adult, you can’t wait on your own. You don’t need a snack etc...

He may have had plans that night. It’s notnhis fault the train was cancelled.

Mari50 Sun 21-Apr-19 10:05:57

All the comments about gallantry and gentlemanly behaviour are making me nauseous. Bottom line is that neither of you are that keen because if I was on a date that was going well and my train was cancelled I’d be getting the later one and conversely if my date opted to leave early and then missed the train I’d be thinking ‘ah feck em, they obviously aren’t that keen, I’m cutting my losses’
If either of you were really into this the scenario you have described wouldn’t have happened.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sun 21-Apr-19 10:06:18

It doesn't excuse the behaviour, but did he think you were ending the date prematurely and therefore things were off, and decide not to wait two hours for you to go home?

Is this the same man that wouldn't pick you up when you wanted to be?

Did you suggest going to do something else, like going back to the pub?

AnchorDownDeepBreath Sun 21-Apr-19 10:06:58

Ah, Mari50 beat me to it!

SchadenfreudePersonified Sun 21-Apr-19 10:12:58

I would have stayed even with a casual friend, never mind a girl/boy friend in a situation like that.

Leaving you (vulnerable) in a place where there is nowhere to get refreshments etc is bloody bad-mannered!

You are well off out of it. Look on this as a stroke of good luck - he has shown you exactly what he is like. Don't ignore the message.

Coffeeonthesofa Sun 21-Apr-19 10:13:11

Would you have waited with him til at least your 5pm train if the positions were reversed? Yes a friend would, regardless of it being a date or not, he obviously doesn’t feel the same.
It was the middle of the afternoon you didn’t need him to look after you, but courtesy would have been nice.
I’m an older woman so this would not have been the done thing back in my dating days and I would have finished the relationship , is it different nowadays?

MRex Sun 21-Apr-19 10:14:54

Odd not to both go back to the pub. Best not to bother with this one again OP.

Candleglow7475 Sun 21-Apr-19 10:15:49

Bad form, I wouldn’t be impressed. He sounds selfish, bin him off before he has a chance to display more selfish behaviour.

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