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Expecting couple want people to make their meals and do their chores for them.

(139 Posts)
Aeroflotgirl Sun 21-Apr-19 08:34:10

I read this, and I was gobsmacked, and not just any meals, specific ones requiring expensive ingredients. As If they are the first people to have babies. I think big CF comes to mind here. I know people don't have to give, but some people have a huge front.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6941101/Expecting-couple-ridiculed-Meal-Train-page-requesting-Paleo-meals-friends-chores.html

SnakesBarmitzvah Sun 21-Apr-19 08:39:06

Yes I think YABU. I’m first time pregnant and nearly all my pregnancy/baby books have advised us to ask visitors to bring with them some food, or to cook something we can freeze. It’s just a practicality, and thinking about what’s actually useful than say... visitors bringing a bunch of flowers or similar.

I didn’t read the article so yes maybe some of the specific meals are difficult, but I believe the sentiment is perfectly reasonable in that heavily pregnant people or new parents are going to have so much already in their plate (no pun intended) that visitors bringing food will be a much welcome and appreciated help! Surely you don’t begrudge that?

Donotunderstandmyhouse Sun 21-Apr-19 08:40:40

In the article though it's strangers they are asking and they also say that people can leave it on the porch so as not to disturb 😳

greatbigwho Sun 21-Apr-19 08:40:58

@SnakesBarmitzvah

They're asking people they don't know though - it's a post on a local community group asking for specific meals and for people to come and clean for them

Gabrielknight Sun 21-Apr-19 08:42:10

When I read it I thought the CF!!! As they are asking strangers! And the bit about not being up to visitors that they can leave the meal In the cooler outside was a bit hmm.

greatbigwho Sun 21-Apr-19 08:42:39

For those who don't want to read the Daily Mail, here's a link to the original twitter thread

https://twitter.com/JJFromTheBronx/status/1118906330197176320

SnakesBarmitzvah Sun 21-Apr-19 08:42:41

OK just read it and yeah, that particular couple are CF, but still think that food/help with household chores is likely to be a big help to new parents than visitors bringing gifts or nothing at all

SetPhasersTaeMalkie Sun 21-Apr-19 08:42:47

It was pretty funny. They seemed to be asking their neighbours and strangers to be contributing. And to put the food in a cool box so they are not disturbed. Seems a bit much!! 😯

CigarsofthePharoahs Sun 21-Apr-19 08:47:34

A friend organised a meal rota for me when I had my second child.
I appreciated every meal. Every meal.
However our dietary requirements were "food". We didn't put up a list of wanky recipes or expect people to put it in a box in the garden because we couldn't be arsed to open the door.
We didn't expect total strangers to do anything. In fact we didn't "expect" anyone to do anything, but after a nightmare delivery and a week in hospital to recover it was so nice to feel cared for.
These two are making a mockery out of it.

cliquewhyohwhy Sun 21-Apr-19 08:52:49

Ffs it's not hard to prepare food and have a baby! Many people have done it and will continue to do it including myself!

Aeroflotgirl Sun 21-Apr-19 09:00:14

snakes most of us manage, dh and I were on our own, his parents and family abroad, my elderly mum, 50 miles away. In this day and age, it is very easy to obtain food: you can order pre prepared meals online, order menu with specific ingredients for certain food, or batch prepare easy meals such as: stew, spaghetti bolognaise, curry, chilli concarne. Or just head to the Supermarket to stock up on ready meals for a short period. I would never dream of doing what these people are doing, I would be too embarrassed.

If close family and friends wanted to cook us meals, anything would be welcome.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 21-Apr-19 09:02:02

Cigarsofthe that is totally different, and you don't sound like them at all. I agree with you.

Nuttyaboutnutella Sun 21-Apr-19 09:04:19

It's the whole "we have very specific requirements with food because we are Paleo, here is a link to recipes" as if they are doing people a favour, not the other way around.

I'm due my second baby nett month. I spent most of my day yesterday making a load of meals for the freezer and will also stock up on other bits from the supermarket.

Get a grip and cook your own meals.

Hellbentwellwent Sun 21-Apr-19 09:05:49

Jaysus what utter knobs. However, god love them now it’s gone viral, the shame!

Aeroflotgirl Sun 21-Apr-19 09:06:16

The husband sounds like he is very hard work, the food requirements are mainly from him. Lazy arse can't he knock up a curry or spaghetti bolognaise. Ahhhh they don't want to pay for their expensive tastes, they want others to fund it. I am just shocked at the sheer gall of some people.

CaptainBrickbeard Sun 21-Apr-19 09:06:43

Who would want to eat something dropped off by a stranger and left in your outdoor cooler anyway? They advertised this widely on social media; it seems like an invitation for food poisoning! Like most people, I batch cooked before my first baby was born (forgot to label anything so we ate ‘chef’s surprise’ for a fortnight!) I feel a little bit sorry for anyone whose stupidity goes viral but this is ridiculous.

Soubriquet Sun 21-Apr-19 09:07:33

What have I just read?!!!!

They couldn’t be more precious if they tried

Faithless12 Sun 21-Apr-19 09:08:10

@SnakesBarmitzvah Yabu for not reading the article. Asking your mum or best friend if they could bring a meal is different to asking random strangers to bring a very specific meal. Be happy with what you get.

EncroachingLoaf Sun 21-Apr-19 09:10:49

Why can't HE cook some fucking meals? It's not exactly as if he's going to be recovering from giving birth or trying to breastfeed is it. How embarassing. confused

user1493413286 Sun 21-Apr-19 09:12:57

Yikes they took that a bit far! Having said that it was great when people brought us meals over. My mil stocked our fridge with easy to make meals and ready meals although I can’t eat ready made cottage pie any more after eating so much at the time

user1493413286 Sun 21-Apr-19 09:13:47

It was actually more useful when DH was back at work as then when he came in I could hand him DD and get some rest without him having to then think about cooking dinner

Passthecherrycoke Sun 21-Apr-19 09:16:19

Ha ha. What a couple of socially inept attention seekers.

It’s totally different if people bring you meals but asking them? I’d be embarrassed that I was so incapable One of us couldn’t knock up some food or a ready meal whilst a newborn was in the house shock

SinkGirl Sun 21-Apr-19 09:17:28

I was part of a pregnancy forum that was mainly Americans and the whole meal train thing is quite a big thing over there. Dropping food off is quite a common thing for friends and family or neighbours to do when someone has a baby, or surgery or illness. People want to help but don’t know how, so this is a great way of doing it.

Usually it is like making an extra lasagne, making extra casserole or something. This is pretty extreme. Part of me respects people who can be straight up about what they want, but this is a bit much.

We had twins, an emergency section, both twins in NICU for two weeks, then one at home and one in hospital for six weeks, then a week at home, then DH at home with one baby while I was in HDU with the other baby for a fortnight. No family help, no friends to help, no meals delivered. We ate a lot of takeaways (or didn’t eat, more accurately).

Would it have been lovely? Absolutely. Would I ever make something like this with such specific requests? Fuck no.

Margotshypotheticaldog Sun 21-Apr-19 09:18:22

That's what I wondered too encroaching loaf. If he's one of those "we are pregnant" men, then I guess he also believes "we" will need time to recover from the birth whilst "we" establish breastfeeding. She should heed the warning, he's acknowledging from the get go how utterly useless he plans to be.

TheFairyCaravan Sun 21-Apr-19 09:19:24

What a complete twat.

I was bed bound and in and out of hospital from 26 weeks with severe SPD when I was pregnant with DS2. We were miles away from family but we still managed to eat. It wasn't always great because DH was still having to work but it kept us going. DS2 turned up on Christmas Eve and we managed to feed ourselves over that period too.

That bloke needs to pull his big boys pants up and crack on with it.

Nousernameforme Sun 21-Apr-19 09:19:25

I'm in two minds here.
The more generous side of me thinks they are scared first time parents with no support trying to build up the mythical village community it takes to raise a child.
The other side of me thinks that dad to be is worried mum to be is going to be focused on baby and there will be no one to look after poor ickle him what a nob.

Margot33 Sun 21-Apr-19 09:19:52

My husband cooked for me and cleaned the house after each baby. Don't think it's necessary to ask strangers for help? Think listing specific recipes was being a little goady!

TanMateix Sun 21-Apr-19 09:20:48

This sounds crazy, unless the mother to be is suffering from a multitude of ailments, I think this is a bad idea. How can a couple jump from being treated as little children to responsible put up with whatever for the sake of the kids parents just after the birth? They don’t, they just keep expecting everyone to pool efforts to help them cope.

Pregnancy is not an illness, being a parent is not a disability.

Singlenotsingle Sun 21-Apr-19 09:21:12

So if dw is at home with the baby, why can't DH go out and shop for food? Not bf is he? Or they can order online and get it delivered. This sounds too far fetched to be true.

farmergilesnomore Sun 21-Apr-19 09:22:09

I haven't read the link but I'd put money on them being green/eco parents. They are the worst in terms of entitled behaviour IMO. I used to be on a parenting forum and the 'green parents' (which was mostly extreme attachment parents) section was so entertaining to read. I remember one woman requesting that everyone write a letter to her newborn, stating what changes they were making in their lives to make the world a better place for HER new baby. She kindly attached a template and sample letter (with requirements) to make the task a bit easier hmm

mazv1953 Sun 21-Apr-19 09:22:12

Am I alone in thinking this is a nutter magnet? God knows what could be in the meals ...

NoParticularPattern Sun 21-Apr-19 09:23:42

I mean that’s a bit much. Yeah fine if people are coming to see you and they say “can we bring you anything?” Replying that something edible (and hot/heatable!) would be great rather than more baby gifts is fine. But I don’t think there’s really any need to give a very specific list of things you want cooking for you (you know, allergies excepted), nor is it really necessary for people to leave it on the porch unless you’re not in! Taking food to new parents is a great idea and just because you didn’t have anyone to do it for you doesn’t mean that people are being pathetic if they accept, but requesting a menu/ no disturbances/ asking randomers to provide is just a bit much really. Perhaps if no one panders to the ridiculous demands then they might see that they’re being knobs

ScrambledSmegs Sun 21-Apr-19 09:25:44

My dad used to bring us stews when we had our second. We were so grateful for every one. This couple (ok it reads like mainly the man!) is a whole new level!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss Sun 21-Apr-19 09:26:21

I'm not surprised.

I've seen people do this, expect others to clean, shop, cook for them as a bare minimum.

In real life I've always felt like there are two camps in pregnancy . Those that carry on as normal and those who make the nine months feel like an eternity and who seem to lose the ability to do anything or talk about anything else. It's usually just after you've got over the excessive wedding planning.

Passthecherrycoke Sun 21-Apr-19 09:29:06

“In real life I've always felt like there are two camps in pregnancy . Those that carry on as normal and those who make the nine months feel like an eternity and who seem to lose the ability to do anything or talk about anything else. It's usually just after you've got over the excessive wedding planning.”

And then a year after the most horrendous newborn phase known to man they get pregnant again 😭

I had a friend like this. If there was a pregnancy ailment she would suffer from
It. If there was a birth complication she had it. Her baby had every difficulty going. She had it worse than anyone else. Then had another

Aeroflotgirl Sun 21-Apr-19 09:31:39

Oh my goodness farmergiles did you write an erm letter to the baby grin.

Dieu Sun 21-Apr-19 09:37:49

I wouldn't have expected my post-baby visitors to cook or clean for me, let alone total strangers!
Having a baby doesn't render you completely helpless.

redzebra10 Sun 21-Apr-19 09:38:19

maybe i'm old school but when i had mine you had the baby come home and got on with life. shopping cooking , just life in general.
yeah i was tired but thats part and parcel of being a parent, it doesn't last forever.
like i say i'm old school.
everything is different these days

C8H10N4O2 Sun 21-Apr-19 09:41:41

Dropping food off is quite a common thing for friends and family or neighbours to do when someone has a baby, or surgery or illness. People want to help but don’t know how, so this is a great way of doing it.

I've experienced this as well and its a great community response. Its far more useful and less wasteful than yet more baby clothes and baby toys, most of which will never be used.

Practical help, rather than more "stuff" you don't need is surely better for everyone?

This couple may be absurdly picky but if I wanted to cook for someone rather than take them another pack of sleep suits I would want to know if they had any significant dietary restrictions.

C8H10N4O2 Sun 21-Apr-19 09:43:19

maybe i'm old school but when i had mine you had the baby come home and got on with life. shopping cooking , just life in general.

You think new parents these days don't shop, cook and live in a frozen time bubble?

HoppingPavlova Sun 21-Apr-19 09:43:22

Wow. What happened to just making extra in the months leading up to the birth and stocking the freezer? That’s what we did.

What’s wrong with the DH in that article? I understand it may be challenging for a single mum who has had a C-section for instance and has no social support but in this case it seems as though there is an able-bodied DH. Why can’t he make a spag bol or a lasagne, soup or something?

People are so entitled these days.

HoppingPavlova Sun 21-Apr-19 09:44:38

You think new parents these days don't shop, cook and live in a frozen time bubble?

Well the CF’s in the article are certainly aiming for thisgrin.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 21-Apr-19 09:45:47

What they are asking is totally different to friends and family rallying round and cooking food, I don't think this couple would be happy with a casserole or curry somehow. It is very rude and cheeky asking strangers to cook for their specific fads, and not to have to face them, so they drop it in the cooler, without even a thanks. Having a baby does not render you useless, lots of people have to just get on with it, I did with just me and dh, and the help of dd very kind godparents and family. I had postnatal depression, and dd was a very hard baby, she was later dx as having Autism and learning difficulties.

HoppingPavlova Sun 21-Apr-19 09:46:16

but if I wanted to cook for someone rather than take them another pack of sleep suits I would want to know if they had any significant dietary restrictions.

A dietary restriction is being allergic to peanuts or intolerant to gluten or lactose. Completely different to these knobs.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 21-Apr-19 09:46:52

Whilst she is feeding the baby, or he is putting baby to bed, they can knock up a quite meal, for the two of them, it is not hard.

AmbitiousHalibut Sun 21-Apr-19 09:47:58

Our church does this for new parents for a few weeks after paternity leave has ended. A Meal Train link goes round to everyone, people are free to sign up or not, and it's a nice way to take care of people. The couple might specify if they have particular needs but it's usually an allergy or similar. In fairness, it also happens if someone is recovering from an operation, say. I enjoy taking part and I really appreciated it when we had our DS and it was our turn!
These people, though, with the specific requests and approaching strangers are CFs. Bonkers.

Aeroflotgirl Sun 21-Apr-19 09:48:37

Exactly allergies and dietry requirements such as vegan or vegatarian is different, they want strangers to cook specific food with specific ingredients.

redzebra10 Sun 21-Apr-19 09:48:41

according to the article no they don't cos they have a baby.

NewAccount270219 Sun 21-Apr-19 09:49:30

In real life I've always felt like there are two camps in pregnancy . Those that carry on as normal and those who make the nine months feel like an eternity and who seem to lose the ability to do anything or talk about anything else. It's usually just after you've got over the excessive wedding planning.

I think this is really unfair. I had an incredibly physically easy pregnancy, was walking miles the day before I went into labour, etc - but that's luck. It's very obvious that some women have much, much tougher pregnancies than others. I got congratulated on carrying on as normal a lot when I was pregnant and it made me really uncomfortable, as there was always this implicit comparison to those 'other' women. It felt a bit like being were saying 'well done on not being disabled, like those wheelchair softies!'. I hadn't done anything, I was just lucky that I felt basically like a normal person with a basketball shoved down my top.

C8H10N4O2 Sun 21-Apr-19 09:50:26

Well the CF’s in the article are certainly aiming for this

The PP was aiming an "new parents these days" not one picky couple.

NewAccount270219 Sun 21-Apr-19 09:52:31

As someone mentioned upthread, having loads of frozen food in and asking visitors to bring it is always recommended in baby books. Personally for me I regret wasting my time on maternity leave making and freezing meals because it actually turned out to be fine for one of us to cook while the other one had DS (eating it was trickier because DS seemed to smell my food and demand his own, but I got the hang of eating with one hand while breastfeeding after a week or two!), but it is standard advice, presumably for a reason (I was lucky that DH was around a lot more than many fathers are able to be).

profumoaffair Sun 21-Apr-19 09:52:52

Saw the headline & assumed this was about Meghan and Harry... grin

NewAccount270219 Sun 21-Apr-19 09:53:26

Having defended both pregnant women and new parents who want help in general... I will concede that these particular people are absolutely awful.

makingmammaries Sun 21-Apr-19 09:54:52

Part of the horrible ‘Gofundme for my Disneyland holiday’ culture. People have forgotten what it is to roll up their sleeves. On the one hand, I admire the community spirit that still seems to exist in the USA; on the other, it also enables a bunch of chancers.

ILoveMaxiBondi Sun 21-Apr-19 09:55:34

Christ alive! I don’t know what it is about weddings and having a baby that turns some people into complete arseholes. It’s almost become a fashion in recent years that people use weddings/babies as an excuse to be as granny as fuck because it’s “their special time”.

No! Sorry, but no. Having a wedding/baby is something people have done for thousands of years in far worse circumstances than you, you are not special. You are perfectly ordinary, capable adults, doing what billions of other people have done. You can work an oven, a take out menu and the internet. Fucking use them.

C8H10N4O2 Sun 21-Apr-19 09:56:15

A dietary restriction is being allergic to peanuts or intolerant to gluten or lactose. Completely different to these knobs.

You seem to have missed the words "absurdly picky" in my post.

And actually no, if I were taking a casserole or similar instead of plastic tat to new parents I'd want to know it was something they would enjoy or if they had religious/ethical restrictions not just allergies.

Don't knock the concept until you have tried it. The concept is great, its not rendered stupid because one couple is absurdly picky. In particular its helpful to people who don't have the extensive storage and freezer capacities apparently available to all of MN "in their day".

Aprillygirl Sun 21-Apr-19 09:58:00

I was about to say these people are no better than beggars on the street,but in fact they are a hundred times worse because at least street beggars (usually) actually NEED what they are asking for. I'm embarrassed for them.

redzebra10 Sun 21-Apr-19 09:59:22

ilovemaxibondi sums it up exactly

RSAcre Sun 21-Apr-19 09:59:24

Yes I think YABU. I’m first time pregnant and nearly all my pregnancy/baby books have advised us to ask visitors to bring with them some food, or to cook something we can freeze. It’s just a practicality,

Jeez - are you for real? Nobody got you pregnant but you & your other half. How are you going to cope with making family meals once you've given birth? (Hint: having an actual child is far harder work than being pregnant.)

Clutterbugsmum Sun 21-Apr-19 10:02:05

Why couldn't have spent the last couple of months preparing food like normal people.

I feel sorry for this child their parents are going to so overbearing. Or they suddenly grow up and become adults.

And I think I need clarification as to whether you can do a 'mental health check' and deliver food or do you have to make to journeys.

cdtaylornats Sun 21-Apr-19 10:05:05

Make them a real Paleo meal - whatever you can find while foraging in the garden.

ILoveMaxiBondi Sun 21-Apr-19 10:07:50

You think new parents these days don't shop, cook and live in a frozen time bubble?

I’ve seen threads on MN where expectant mothers are asking if 4 weeks old is too soon to take their baby outside and having no visitors in that time!!

BarbarianMum Sun 21-Apr-19 10:08:18

Newborns are hard work but rarely do they require 2 adults looking after them full time. Not sure why they couldn't batch cook ahead and then he cook once baby is here.

SchadenfreudePersonified Sun 21-Apr-19 10:09:30

I notice he is wearing a Santa Claus beard in his photo.

Very wise . . . .

Passthecherrycoke Sun 21-Apr-19 10:10:17

“Make them a real Paleo meal - whatever you can find while foraging in the garden.”

🤣 the irony is the most paleo stuff is just like, chicken breast and salad, which takes totally minimal effort all rounds

HBStowe Sun 21-Apr-19 10:25:04

This particular couple are CFs. I personally think it would be really bad manners to turn up to see a new baby without some kind of offering and willingness to make a cup of tea if needed, but the list of specific meals and the stuff about the cooler tips this right into entitled rudeness.

Grumpbum123 Sun 21-Apr-19 10:25:59

I was very grateful for the delivery of cook meals after having my first and have used meal train for a friend after they had a life changing accident. But there’s no way hope in hell I’d set it up for myself or request food deliveries.

ShiveringCoyote Sun 21-Apr-19 10:28:23

Being Irish I sniggered at " melted and cooled ghee" .
Gee is slang for vagina, and that is exactly how mine felt after having my DC grin confused

Trooperslaneagain Sun 21-Apr-19 10:31:39

I am BEWILDERED.

I don't get how people end up this entitled.

BEWILDERED, I tell you.

<gets in the shower muttering to myself>

Sarahjconnor Sun 21-Apr-19 10:33:57

It reminds me of that Dadsnet post that is doping the rounds where a man is moaning he isn't offered tea - whilst his wife is giving birth grin. These enterprising men seem to feel that the women of the community should take care of them whilst their usual chef/caterer is out of action (having just given birth)

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER Sun 21-Apr-19 10:34:14

Best laugh I've had all weekend!
Not just major CFery - Snowflakery comes to mind, too.
If that were my dd I'd be seriously worried about what sort of helpless worm she's married.

What a contrast to my son in law. When Gdd was only 3 days old we we called in on our way home after a long drive from a big family do 200 miles away.
I said not to worry, we'll pick up a meal on the way and bring it.
No, he insisted on cooking, and we arrived to a lovely roast chicken!
He is the best.

PregnantSea Sun 21-Apr-19 10:40:04

Who the fuck would eat food prepared by an anonymous stranger? There could be literally anything in there. And now it's gone viral I'm sure they will be receiving dog shit pies and newspaper and crushed glass stew...

MidniteScribbler Sun 21-Apr-19 10:41:06

There's two adults, I'm sure one of them can whip up a bit of pasta. There is no need for restaurant style meals. A toasted sandwich does in a pinch if you really aren't in the mood to cook.

I am a single parent, and managed to keep myself fed with a newborn. I did have one lovely friend who lived around the corner who would ring me a couple of nights per week in the first couple of weeks and say she was dropping off a plate of food of whatever she was cooking for her family for dinner, and would come over and hold DS and have a chat whilst I ate. That was lovely, and more than I expected from anyone. I would never have demanded specific meals or handed her the vacuum whilst she was there.

ScrambledSmegs Sun 21-Apr-19 10:43:51

I wonder if the Meal Train page was deleted because she discovered how monumentally useless her partner was planning after she'd given birth?

DragonTrainer3 Sun 21-Apr-19 10:44:10

I'm the same @NewAccount270219 - I had two easy births basically due to nothing I'd done - I was just lucky. I saw other friends of mine who were not prone to complaining in any way but who had all sorts of problems with their pregnancies, also due to nothing they'd done or deserved. I do think if someone had an easy pregnancy/birth they should just be grateful!

ScrambledSmegs Sun 21-Apr-19 10:44:12

*planning to be

Passthecherrycoke Sun 21-Apr-19 10:51:52

MidniteScribbler

“There's two adults, I'm sure one of them can whip up a bit of pasta. There is no need for restaurant style meals. A toasted sandwich does in a pinch if you really aren't in the mood to cook.”

I completely agree with this. A few weeks of simple food that just fills a hole doesn’t do any harm, and I don’t know about everyone else but it was all I fancied after child birth (albeit under general anaesthetic which can mess with your appetite a bit)

Nairobe Sun 21-Apr-19 10:52:50

These people are really weird and rude.

The idea of bringing food is lovely for fam and friends, I've done it for all of mine. I think this is far too far but it's good to have the message that people should expect things to change and not to be hosted out there. Too many people i know didn't know how to do boundries and were subject to family and friends who were intrusive early on and expected to be fully hosted, fed and pandered to when they rocked up at their choosing.

Hearhere Sun 21-Apr-19 10:58:04

In these times of rising infertility and falling birth rates I can see a situation in the future where couples who are willing to make the sacrifices required to be parents and who do then actually managed to conceive are lionised

Prequelle Sun 21-Apr-19 10:59:43

Also wants mental health check ins and walking the dog, doing their dishes..

What level of raging narcissism do you have to be at to think people are going to jump at this opportunity

IWannaSeeHowItEnds Sun 21-Apr-19 11:00:46

The worst part is his reluctance to even open the fucking door and say thank you. He just wants free food delivered to his cooler in the garden - social niceties are not for important people like him.
Anyone would think he'd just squeezed a baby out of his knob. Since he hasn't, I think he can manage to make some dinner for his wife.
People who have had normal pregnancies and births can usually manage to make an easy meal and look after their baby. Especially if they are part of a couple and can share chores.

greatbigwho Sun 21-Apr-19 11:02:50

I think the whole meal train thing is fab - but it's a reciprocal thing that everyone participates in, not that you ask for.

I also get the whole feeling alone thing - and I think if they're trying, in an admittedly hamfisted way, to try and build a community they could have done it without this ridiculous set of rules.

"Hey, we're new to this area, and we're about to have a baby! We've not got any family nearby, and would really appreciate a bit of support if anyone was able to maybe pop round and say hi and check in with us occasionally, that would be amazing!"

Hearhere Sun 21-Apr-19 11:08:41

It takes a village to raise a child

Kennehora Sun 21-Apr-19 11:10:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MintyCedric Sun 21-Apr-19 11:12:32

The replies on this Twitter thread were comedy gold. I particularly liked...

"What's wrong with 15 lasagnes?"

and

"Shit in his coolbox"

grin

NewAccount270219 Sun 21-Apr-19 11:12:48

Maybe that's why DH and I found the cooking thing much easier than the books suggested it would be - we eat a lot of quick food anyway! We very, very rarely eat ready meals but nor do we eat much that takes longer than 30-45 mins from first chopping of an ingredient to meal on table. I always find it weird on MN when it's suggested that you need a SAHP to have homecooked meals - for years both DH and I didn't get home until 7 and we managed just fine.

Prequelle Sun 21-Apr-19 11:12:59

This couple made a choice to have a baby. Now they're posting online for complete strangers to pay for and cook expensive meals, and do their chores for them like unpaid help. Cheeky fuckers.

MidniteScribbler Sun 21-Apr-19 11:19:43

It takes a village to raise a child

I'm willing to bet there are at least 50 people in that 'village' that need support more than this couple do.

LadyRannaldini Sun 21-Apr-19 11:21:36

Ffs it's not hard to prepare food and have a baby! Many people have done it and will continue to do it including myself!

Oh, that'll be unpopular, very true, but unpopular. We all know that such a natural thing as having a baby has become sooooooo much more diffucult since MN started! I would never in a million years have expected my friends to bring meals-on-wheels.

NewAccount270219 Sun 21-Apr-19 11:24:02

On the visitors' front: I think that if you're going to see a couple with a new baby over a mealtime it's polite to offer to bring food for you all so they don't have to go to extra effort to feed you. Bringing food for them to consume when you're not there, though, is going above and beyond and not to be expected!

You do see advice on MN all the time to tell visitors that rather than hold the baby they can do the hoovering. I personally think this is bonkers rude and can't imagine people doing it real life, but it's a really common suggestion so apparently someone finds it reasonable.

Btw I think it's completely different if it's a single parent - I would be much more eager to offer them food, cleaning, etc. If it's a couple I don't see why I should basically do the work for the DH.

LadyRannaldini Sun 21-Apr-19 11:24:20

It takes a village to raise a child

As long as they don't turn up without a written invitation for a specific time and duration, but not within the first couple of weeks, unless they're the mother's family of course. What a double standards statement.

Langrish Sun 21-Apr-19 11:26:49

😂 takes al sorts.
Poor delicate lambs. Life is just all too much, isn’t it?
Hope the baby enjoys kale. I predict a great deal of it during weaning.

quizqueen Sun 21-Apr-19 11:28:12

Why didn't they bulk cook and freeze their own meals before the baby's birth!!!!! Their choice to have a baby, no one else's problem.

DrSeuss Sun 21-Apr-19 11:29:38

I am making some freezer dinners for a couple I know whose baby is due soon. I am not buying an outfit or toy as personally, I found the dinners I was sent after the births of my two kids so helpful. They did not ask for food but I think it makes a good gift. However, asking is a whole other thing!

Langrish Sun 21-Apr-19 11:30:47

One person’s village is another person’s bunch of interfering so and sos.

helzapoppin2 Sun 21-Apr-19 11:34:00

As previous posters have said, this is a thing in the USA, among some communities in cases of illness, or release from hospital. Usually it’s “potluck”, though, with maybe one or two dietary specifications. We just don’t do it so much. It’s a culture thing.

Prequelle Sun 21-Apr-19 11:37:52

Helza we all know that, but given the reaction from the locals and wider community... it obviously hasn't gone down well. I'm sure there's lots of situations in where the community comes together, but the way they've gone about it is cheeky AF.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut Sun 21-Apr-19 11:40:49

People like this are the reason nice things like Meal Trains get derailed and removed. A lot of these are for people who become disabled. A friend in the States had a lot of lovely support. Some years ago her daughter, who had become profoundly disabled after contracting a mosquito-born disease, died as a young teen. Then, a few months ago, her husband took a stroke. He is just now out of hospital and at home with loads of home help whilst she also has to work FT. Unlike this couple, however, she didn't post a list of demands or ask strangers to do the dishes or clean their house (but don't interfere with us).

BatmansBoxers Sun 21-Apr-19 11:53:05

That couple are CF but I think it's fair to ask friends and family.

Rainbunny Sun 21-Apr-19 12:08:07

I've heard of such things, but I have never experienced it in my recent 20 year stint of living in California. Most of my friends have had children during this time and no one has sent such requests so I'm wary of casually saying this is an "American" tradition - it simply isn't at all in my experience.

That said, I do remember one friend insisting that everyone have a flu shot before visiting her PFB (no special health concerns present). That went nowhere in the end as people mostly shrugged and said sorry we haven't done that yet and simply didn't visit them until she relented. Another friend emailed an unsolicited amazon wishlist for presents for her child's first birthday, some of which were in the $300 - $500 range. I simply ignored it and it was never mentioned. She didn't do it again for subsequent birthdays or her next baby so I guess she felt she pushed it too far.

I think that traditions around life events are changing and people don't always get it right or read their audience well - as in who will be happy versus offended to receive a direct request for money/cooked meals/specific baby presents/cash for a honeymoon etc...

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