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To just refuse the wedding invitation

(1000 Posts)
jessicawessica Sat 20-Apr-19 22:04:32

Nephew getting married in august. Been planning this massively expensive do for 2 years and he and fiancee talk about it a lot....dress code, venue, meal, etc.
Went to visit my mum today and my younger DB was also there. My mum gave us both out invitations as DN had dropped them off there.
We all opened them to find that me and DB were not invited to the ceremony and meal, just to the evening do.
I was fuming. My DD has been so looking forward to going to her first wedding ceremony so will be gutted when I tell her, especially as she adores DN s little girl.
My DB and I both said we won't be going at all now, especially as they've included a gift list in the invite and they all look bloody expensive.
I could understand it it was a small intimate do but it's for 150 people. And it's not as though DN has a large family....just his dad who will be 1 of the 10 Groomsmen, his brother, his mum and his gran (my mum).
AIBU to not go?

QueenofallIsee Sat 20-Apr-19 22:06:54

They are not being unreasonable to invite as they see fit ( though I think them rude) and you are not being unreasonable not to go. Don’t dwell, just decline is my advice

Awittyusernameishardtofind Sat 20-Apr-19 22:07:04

Yes. It’s his wedding. He can invite who he wants to turn up when he wants.

MrsWembley Sat 20-Apr-19 22:07:12

Did your mum know? 150 people and there's no room for his aunt and uncle?? What's the backstory? He must have a reasonhmm

C0untDucku1a Sat 20-Apr-19 22:09:32

I wouldnt go either. I didnt go to my
Nephews midweek (not even a friday) wedding when i was only invited to the evening do. The other side of the family aunts and uncles were invited.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax Sat 20-Apr-19 22:11:47

It depends, IF the venue is local then it might be worth going to wish him and his fiancé well ... but if it’s at all inconvenient then I’d not go.

Family doesn’t have an automatic right to be invited to weddings but talking about it infront of people who’ve not been invited is the height of bad manners. You’ve been lead to believe you’d be going and not even been informed that there’s a reason why you’ve not be. Evening do is for friends usually and locals to the venue.

Depending on your relationship, I’d tell DN father that you’re unhappy about it and why then send a congratulations card. Your DD will soon be invited to a lovely wedding - I was late teens before I attended one.

Xyzzzzz Sat 20-Apr-19 22:11:52

I agree with queenofallsee just decline

eggsandwich Sat 20-Apr-19 22:12:37

I would send a with regret card and enclose the gift list they sent you.

cuppycakey Sat 20-Apr-19 22:13:46

YANBU not to go but YABU to get stroppy about it.

Weddings are boring shit anyway...

jessicawessica Sat 20-Apr-19 22:15:26

My mum is horrified. She is invited to the ceremony and , but doesn't want to go now either as she'll basically be all on her own....she doesn't know the Brides family.
There is no back story. We all meet up at my mum's every Sunday and chat....mainly about the wedding. My DD plays with their DD.
This has come completely out of the blue. We all just (stupidly) assumed that, as the immediate family are so small (10 members including children) we'd all go together, sit together, etc.
Now it looks like it's just my mum going on her own. She's now threatening to pull out too.
No idea what's going to happen tommorrow...probably kust not go to my mums as usual as it could be very awkward now.

StoneofDestiny Sat 20-Apr-19 22:15:54

Send a congratulations card, decline invite and leave it at that. They obviously think 148 people are more important to them than you are, but not when it comes to gifts 😳

Graphista Sat 20-Apr-19 22:17:45

I think that's incredibly rude!

Somewhat understandable if it were a very small immediate family only wedding but a big wedding to exclude family? That's not on.

Yea strictly speaking it's up to them who they invite but equally they can't demand your presence.

I'd decline in similar circumstances.

It also sounds to me as if they're only inviting as many people as they are to show off and get a load of gifts. Crass at best!

Gift lists can be useful in order to avoid the 10 toasters scenario but it's good manners and considerate to include a wide range price wise to acknowledge your guests are already spending to celebrate with you and may wish to get you something you want but that's within their budget.

Frankly I'd be wondering wtf their parents did in raising someone with such a lack of good manners.

jessicawessica Sat 20-Apr-19 22:18:06

Also, if me and DB2 decline, DB1 (grooms dad) will want to know why.

Spoddy Sat 20-Apr-19 22:19:04

Sorry but that is really shit.... it's not a small wedding. I wouldn't go.

StillCoughingandLaughing Sat 20-Apr-19 22:19:10

Grow up and go. I’ll never understand this assumption that people have a ‘right’ to an invitation to weddings.

dontdoxmeeither Sat 20-Apr-19 22:20:19

That's incredibly shit. Bollocks to it, I would decline.

Graphista Sat 20-Apr-19 22:20:20

DB1 (grooms dad) will want to know why

I'd be very tempted to tell him

"Because you raised an ignorant, money grabbing child who cares more about appearances than people"

MrsGrannyWeatherwax Sat 20-Apr-19 22:20:42

Simply tell DB1 why, don’t make a drama - it’s too much fuss for an evening invite especially given DC etc

Aeroflotgirl Sat 20-Apr-19 22:21:18

Oh no, if it is going to inconvenient, I would not go. If it is not, I would go for a couple of hours. As you are not invited to the ceremony and meal, I would just get them a card. Very rude tonincude a gift list with evening do invitations.

Bookworm4 Sat 20-Apr-19 22:21:38

10 groomsmen?? How many are invited to ceremony?

Dishwashersaurous Sat 20-Apr-19 22:22:28

In this circumstance I think you need to say to your brother that you are surprised and a bit disappointed not to be invited to the ceremony. And that your mum is upset about having to be at the ceremony by herself

bridgetreilly Sat 20-Apr-19 22:24:45

Weddings are a nightmare for everyone involved. YWBU to have made assumptions about the invitation beforehand and to have got your daughter all excited about something that wasn't confirmed. In general I would say it's fine to turn down any invitation that doesn't work for you and your family, but in this case that seems a bit petty. Just go, smile, and move on.

Greensleeves Sat 20-Apr-19 22:24:48

I wouldn't go and I would tell them why. Frankly.

Your nephew is a spoiled brat with no manners. I would be so ashamed if either of mine thought it was acceptable to treat family members like this.

Saturdaycartoon Sat 20-Apr-19 22:25:16

It seems as though your niece would have been wiser not to talk as much about her wedding to you, given that she only wants the invite you to the evening portion of her day.

It's a bit over the top to be fuming though, and awfully presumptions that you thought, even if you had been invited, that your daughter would also be.

Having aunts and cousins at weddings, unless there is a very close bond for some unusual reason, is not high o most people's wish list.

It should be a nice family occasion, enjoy the evening event and buy a nice gift.

Why would your daughter be invited even if you were going? Cousins are

Butterymuffin Sat 20-Apr-19 22:25:40

Yes, I'd tell the groom's dad honestly that the evening invitation is a disappointment. They can't have it both ways - if it will be such a let down that you don't go, why weren't you higher up the list to be invited all day?

MrsPandigital Sat 20-Apr-19 22:25:53

I'm planning my own wedding and I seriously hope I haven't caused offence and distress to my guests as you are feeling. Some of my aunts/uncles/cousins aren't invited at all, to any part of my wedding!(because I don't talk/see them often enough to be part of the big day.)

How often do you talk to/see your nephew?

AnneLovesGilbert Sat 20-Apr-19 22:25:55

Incredibly rude to discuss it in front of you if they’re not going to invite you to the whole thing. I’m not a fan of two tier weddings anyway and as you see them every week it’s out of order.

Go to the usual family meet ups, they’re the ones who should feel embarrassed!

Dishwashersaurous Sat 20-Apr-19 22:26:31

Agree though that you should never have presumed that your child would be invited, you say play so assuming she is quite young

jessicawessica Sat 20-Apr-19 22:27:24

How many are invited to the ceremony? Well ,clearly not family.
Well from what I can make out it's about 100.
It's not in a church,it's at a swanky country club at 12.30. then photos, etc. Sit down meal about 2pm.
Evening disco starts at 7pm,
everything takes place in the same venue.
Just really pissed off for DD who had set her heart on seeing them get married and doing the whole pgoto stuff.

feelingsinister Sat 20-Apr-19 22:28:22

I didn't invite all aunts and uncles to my wedding and only a couple of cousins but I do have a large family on both sides. Plus I never see most of them so it was more understandable. It's more surprising in a small family like yours but they're still under no obligation to invite you.

Bittern11 Sat 20-Apr-19 22:29:32

Well, tell them you can’t come and ask why you haven’t been invited to the whole thing - especially if you see them every week!

Bizarre.

10 groomsmen - are we in America? - is just tacky.

jessicawessica Sat 20-Apr-19 22:30:26

I could understand it if we didn't see each other much but all family members including DN live in the same village. And like i said, we all congregate at my mums every Sunday for a family meet up.
This is why me, mum and DB2 are so surprised.

pepperpot99 Sat 20-Apr-19 22:30:31

Yanbu. I'd not bother to go and I'd definitely not get them a present hmm

sue51 Sat 20-Apr-19 22:31:55

It would be shame to fall out over this so if its not too far I'd go. Its rather rude for them to send a gift list to someone who hasn't been invited to the whole day so a bottle of something nice and a card is quite sufficient.

HomeMadeMadness Sat 20-Apr-19 22:33:06

Yes. It’s his wedding. He can invite who he wants to turn up when he wants

I always find this comment so missing the point. Obviously he can invite who he wants. He can randomly decide not to invite some close family members while inviting others, he can invite people who would have to travel a long distance only to the evening event, he can invite his very close friends only to the evening event. If he wants to he can send you a card saying you're not actually invited at all but I still want you to send me an expensive gift.

No one is suggesting he is not legally entitled to do this. We're saying it's rude and as a result of this rudeness OP is more than entitled to be upset and to not bother attending the small portion of the wedding she's actually invited to.

Easterbunnynearlyhere Sat 20-Apr-19 22:33:17

Op you need a huge box. And lots of packaging..
Wrap up the fucking ugliest ornament your local charity shop can provide.
Send it with an empty card.
The awful Cfers.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 Sat 20-Apr-19 22:33:29

Don’t go and tell them honestly why-that you’re very disappointed with their behaviour and that your mum is upset as she will be on her own all day.

Dishwashersaurous Sat 20-Apr-19 22:34:00

Well if they turn up tomorrow simply say thanks for the invitation but we’re really sad that we won’t actually see you get married so can tplease not talk about it

jessicawessica Sat 20-Apr-19 22:34:38

Yes 10 groomsmen all dressed in white!
DB1 is mortified.

AwdBovril Sat 20-Apr-19 22:35:44

I'd go, if it's not a long way to travel & you don't have to spend lots on clothes etc. But I'd not spend a lot overall, not if they're going to treat you like 2nd tier guests.

feelingsinister Sat 20-Apr-19 22:35:54

It is weird, especially as you actually see each other.

Floralnomad Sat 20-Apr-19 22:36:57

Go tomorrow and just tell them that you won’t be coming to the wedding because to you the whole point was to see them get married and as you are not invited to that part youd rather not go .

AWishForWingsThatWork Sat 20-Apr-19 22:37:20

He can invite who he wants. True.

You can decline the invitation, such as it is. Also true.

I would decline. ANd I would be very clear but quietly polite when asked why: he spends every week with your family talking about the wedding, there are only 10 of you left in his side of the family, and yet you were only invited to show up to the dancing portion with an expensive gift. Not good enough to watch the ceremony that's been talked about for 2 years or attend the meal ... just show up with a gift. No thank you.

Send a card congratulating them.

GFgertie Sat 20-Apr-19 22:38:02

I didn’t invite any family other than immediate family to my wedding. Could it be that the bride doesn’t have similar family on her side?

It would be courteous to send a gift, either chosen from the list or
of your choosing, whether you choose to attend in the evening or not.

ChicCroissant Sat 20-Apr-19 22:39:08

Is the venue local, OP? Would it be easy to get to for an evening do?

I don't mind an evening invite, although I have turned down one that was a couple of hundred miles away - bit far to travel and our normal childcare was at the (family) wedding!

jessicawessica Sat 20-Apr-19 22:39:11

I totally understand that they can invite/not invite whoever they want, but I have watched DN grow up from a baby and really wanted to see the ceremony which is the most special part of the whole day.
Stuff the meal, I don't care about steak whatever.
But I do feel bad now for my mum who's starting to dread being on her own all day.

Ohyesiam Sat 20-Apr-19 22:40:17

If he wants to know why you can tell him.

Grumpelstilskin Sat 20-Apr-19 22:40:56

I would not go and I would not get a present either. For an evening invite, they are cheeky to expect something expensive from the wedding list.

Ohyesiam Sat 20-Apr-19 22:41:47

Posted early
He’s put you on a really difficult situation as you are all in regular contact.

ladybirdsarelovely33 Sat 20-Apr-19 22:42:24

Can your mum speak to him? Sounds like he hadn't thought it through properly. The bride may not have either and has probably got all her side going.

FEF1102 Sat 20-Apr-19 22:42:46

I think they know that the invite would upset. If they see you every Sunday anyway they would've surely waited until tomorrow to give you the invite in person. They left it with your mum so they were not there when you opened it. They were clearly too chicken to let you open it tomorrow in front of them.

jessicawessica Sat 20-Apr-19 22:43:46

Another thing that pisses me off is both DN and his fiancee know that I actually changed my family holiday dates as they clashed with the wedding....and they never said a word!

englishdictionary Sat 20-Apr-19 22:44:48

Decline if you can't or don't want to go. Don't decline because you are pissed off at being invited. That's just fucking weird.

How will your mum be on her own if 150 people are going to be there, surely they can't all be the brides family?

Nearlythere1 Sat 20-Apr-19 22:46:17

Sounds like the bride's doing, especially since your nephew dropped the invites to your mum and scurried off. Sounds like he didnt want to face you!

englishdictionary Sat 20-Apr-19 22:46:29

Another thing that pisses me off is both DN and his fiancee know that I actually changed my family holiday dates as they clashed with the wedding....and they never said a word!

Why should they? They have invited you. So you would need to be available anyway.

Leeds2 Sat 20-Apr-19 22:46:46

I find this really odd, especially given that you are a small family, and that you see them every week.
Are the bride-to-be's uncles and aunts invited?
I would decline, send a card but no gift.

jessicawessica Sat 20-Apr-19 22:46:56

Bride has a large family....mum, stepdad, his DCs, Dad, stepmum, her DCs, etc. And DN has lots of friends.

losingfaith Sat 20-Apr-19 22:47:00

On the one hand they're. It unreasonable as can invite whomever they want. However...on the other hand it is pretty rude especially as you sound quite close knit, and even then at my wedding I invited aunts, partners and adult kids / partners and their kids desire despising them all (big back story and were NC with that toxic lot now) out of duty to my parent despite only having a small wedding. In your circumstances I'd be inclined to politely decline.

pinkpushchairs Sat 20-Apr-19 22:47:11

I find it odd and rude, I'd be pissed off too OP.

losingfaith Sat 20-Apr-19 22:48:38

*on the one hand they're not unreasonable

sue51 Sat 20-Apr-19 22:48:51

Your last post changes my initial thoughts. They let you change holidays knowing you were an evening guest, that's incredibly rude and thoughtless of them. Don't go and tell them why.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss Sat 20-Apr-19 22:49:33

I would decline too but I very much see evening only invites as a way to boost the gift tally. Not good enough to see the actual wedding but they stilll want a gift in my eyes.

I'd find it very rude to be sent a gift list for the party bit.

jpclarke Sat 20-Apr-19 22:49:41

I think you have every right to refuse, I would try to keep your mum out of it as it could end up affecting her relationship with your brother. They sound like a real pleasant couple!!

AvengersAssemble Sat 20-Apr-19 22:49:59

Oh your so entitled hmm

It not your wedding, they can invite who they want.

Wannabeyorkshirelass Sat 20-Apr-19 22:50:07

This is why I hate people grading their friends and family into 'tiers' of importance at weddings. In your shoes I'd be hurt and not go.

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis Sat 20-Apr-19 22:50:29

If you decline all hell will break loose and you'll appear the unreasonable ones. Not saying you are but that will become the narrative.

What you do OP, is accept graciously, and at the next Sunday gathering talk to your cousin and say you're hurt and disappointed. Be prepared to listen.

YABU to harp on about your DDs disappointment btw.

Abouttoblow Sat 20-Apr-19 22:51:51

I wouldn't go. Wouldn't even consider it. They can do what they like and invite who they want but knowing his grandmother will be there without her other children is just shit.

jessicawessica Sat 20-Apr-19 22:53:34

I changed the holiday dates to make sure we came back the day before the wedding instead of coming back on the actual day.If i'd known we were only going to the evening do I wouldn't have lopped a day off our holiday.

StoneofDestiny Sat 20-Apr-19 22:54:10

OP - decline.
If they ask, tell them why.
Tell them you thought you were very close family, and not just peripheral 'extras' that attend evening do's. Tell them you are shocked and disappointed but wish them well and hope they have a nice wedding.

SmellsLikeAdultSpirit Sat 20-Apr-19 22:55:03

AvengersAssemble
You're
It you are going to be an ass at least spell correctly

Fiveredbricks Sat 20-Apr-19 22:55:16

Decline OP. He's being a cheeky fucker and he probably knows it. His fiancee is one too.

Cornishqween Sat 20-Apr-19 22:56:21

I'm in this boat too sort of... Except its dB wedding, and I've just found out that only my mum, Dad, husband, our dcs and myself are going from our side of the family.
There are 100 odd people going to the day wedding and of that my family makes up 6 confused also have a very strong hunch that dsil (to be) is having her nephews as paige boys but my 2 dcs are not actually allowed to be in the ceremony as they don't want kids there. They are apparently going to be in a side room with a childminder and the other kids (who aren't related) . This is not happening at all, I'll not be leaving them anywhere, if they aren't welcome ill be taking them home.

Totally your nephews choice who he invites to which part but equally your choice to decline, and decline I would. I wouldn't blame your dm for declining the invite either! Not sure how you would word it though without it causing drama.

StoneofDestiny Sat 20-Apr-19 22:56:58

The nerve to send a wedding gift list with evening only invites. Wow.

TildaTurnip Sat 20-Apr-19 22:57:56

I’d go if local (is it local? Sorry if I’ve missed that) and take a card and small gift. I’d mention to your brother about your mum worrying though.

caughtinanet Sat 20-Apr-19 22:59:49

Is it too late to add the day back onto your holiday?

If you're going to feel resentful during the evening do there's no point in going so enjoy your holiday instead

MrJollyLivesNextDoor Sat 20-Apr-19 23:00:49

Incredibly rude! What goes through peoples minds?!?

Go to your mums as usual tomorrow, no reason to change your plans because of this

And when the subject comes up simply explain that as immediate close family you are hurt not to be invited and won't be attending the evening do

On the plus side - money saved re outfits, drinks, hotel etc...take DD for a photo shoot session or out for the day or something maybe?

NaturatintGoldenChestnut Sat 20-Apr-19 23:01:00

FGS, decline! This tradition of two-tiered wedding lists are ridiculous. And no, don't hand over a wodge of cash or expensive present out of guilt. There's no need to 'word' the decline, just send the card back or just say, 'Sorry, we won't be able to make it'.

Don't enable this type of shit.

jasmine1971 Sat 20-Apr-19 23:01:15

The irony of making typos when correcting someone else's grammar ...

OP - decline. I'd be majorly offended in your position.

Xiaoxiong Sat 20-Apr-19 23:01:45

I hate the whole concept of evening only guests. Awkward for everyone, a clear A list/B list thing. The only time I can see it might make sense is if you live in a small village or neighbourhood where you know everyone. But certainly not for family.

PianoTuner567 Sat 20-Apr-19 23:02:16

If he has 10 groomsman, then he must be a sociable chap with a wide network of friends. You obviously didn’t quite make the cut.

Are you close with him? You see him every Sunday but do you communicate outside of that?

I guess he just doesn’t see the relationship on the same terms you do. Just smile and go, don’t make it into a rift.

kateandme Sat 20-Apr-19 23:04:33

i have a feeling it will be vented here but you still go to ur mums tomorrow and pretend its all ok.and then go to eve part.
when really it IS UNREASONABLE and you shouldnt go and should tell them why.because from your posts its really not on.

jessicawessica Sat 20-Apr-19 23:04:49

Is it local?
Well this is another issue.
Neither my DB1 or mum have a car.
I assume as a Groomsman DB will go in a wedding car?
The plan was for me to drive mum there (as we assumed she would go with me and DCs).
Not sure what;s going to happen now.

TriciaH87 Sat 20-Apr-19 23:05:12

Decline with a note implying you understand spaces must be limited as close family are being only invited to the reception so you feel they might like the space for a friend. Point out your dc would need a wedding worthy outfit just for a couple hours use as you would need to get her home so for the limited time of say 7pm evening guests arriving until about 9.30 when you would be looking at taking her home it's not worth going. Your brother and nephew can make what they like of it. I understand why your angry as we had a family wedding where the nephews of the groom were not invited due to not having kids except their own yet the bride friends children were invited not only in the evening but all day too.

TatianaLarina Sat 20-Apr-19 23:05:47

Of course it’s their wedding. But they’ve been going on about this wedding regularly to family for a couple of years. It’s astonishing not to invite them in the circumstances.

So - absolutely don’t go.

TatianaLarina Sat 20-Apr-19 23:07:11

I hate the whole concept of evening only guests.

Me too. I find it so rude and would never do that to guests.

HomeMadeMadness Sat 20-Apr-19 23:08:00

I actually don't mind the two tier invitations but it should just be for local people e.g. a group of work colleagues, or (not close) friends from a hobby who wouldn't necessarily expect an invite but might like to all come to a boozy evening do. You don't send these kind of invites to family you see every week and have discussed the wedding with and you definitely don't include a gift list. Height of rudeness!

LotsToThinkOf Sat 20-Apr-19 23:09:43

YANBU, I’d decline under these circumstances. If DB wants to know why I’d tell him, DN has snubbed you and you feel like he’s been obliged to invite you rather than actually wanting you to be there. Including a gift list was the icing on the cake, how insulting.

InceyWinceyette Sat 20-Apr-19 23:09:49

Speak to your DB1.

Check that you haven’t accidentally been given the wrong version of the invite.

Disappearedtothe80s Sat 20-Apr-19 23:10:04

This is absolutely rank. And it is not fair on your mum either.

Even I was invited to my niece's and nephew's weddings and I have only seen them a handful of times over the years (although my DCs weren't but that's fine).

shock at 10 Groomsmen

InceyWinceyette Sat 20-Apr-19 23:12:04

Say to your DB (calmly, politely) that you and Db2 were surprised to see that aunts and uncles are not invited to the whole thing. And that you yourself are sad not to see your nephew married, and you are surprised to get an evening j cuts because they knew you changed your hol.

jessicawessica Sat 20-Apr-19 23:12:38

Obviously not a mistake with the invites as mum was the only one to get a menu with her invitation, so pretty clear.

SeaWitchly Sat 20-Apr-19 23:13:42

I think this is awful and your DN and fiancee are very rude.
Personally, I would decline the invitation as I would be too pissed off to turn up at a later time than all those other important and valued guests and for what... a glass of wine, possibly some buffet food and a cheesy disco hmm

FWIW I have been invited to the evening do of a wedding before but the two times I didn't mind I was a peripheral friend to the happy couple and just enjoyed being included... the one time I really did mind was when I was a closer friend of the bride [or so I thought] and arrived at the evening do to discover that she had invited other friends in our joint social circle to both the ceremony and meal that she had considered more important to her than I was. That felt quite shit actually.

In your circumstances OP you are close family who spends time regularly with the happy couple and I would also feel pretty offended and upset in your situation.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut Sat 20-Apr-19 23:14:17

There is simply no need for long explanations or justifications. Decline. If asked why, 'It's not practical for us for just an evening invitation so we will be unable to attend'. A card with £20. Job done. Or tell them you've extended your holiday.

Spoddy Sat 20-Apr-19 23:15:40

Grow up and go. I’ll never understand this assumption that people have a ‘right’ to an invitation to weddings

FFS..... Really?

IHateUncleJamie Sat 20-Apr-19 23:16:45

Incredibly rude. Dd was bridesmaid for our niece and we’re all even invited to my cousin’s wedding. Evening invitations are usually for colleagues and acquaintances; not aunts and uncles especially when you see each other so often.

I would politely ask if there has been a mistake and if not, decline. And don’t send a gift, either.

Nonnymum Sat 20-Apr-19 23:18:03

I would decline. I think it is very uncaring of your nephew not to think about who will keep his Grandmother company during the day. it sounds like a formal wedding, If she doesn't know anyone there where will they seat her for the meal? I'm not surprised she is upset.

Mummymummums Sat 20-Apr-19 23:18:32

I'd decline. If there's 100 people going, you and DB have not been invited to make way for their 95+ closest friends winkand presumably a much higher portion of bride's family.
I agree with you OP - sounds like you're all close and see a lot of each other so this just seems rude.
Of course they can invite as they see fit. And you can decline as you see fit.

Ruru8thestars Sat 20-Apr-19 23:18:49

I would definitely raise it with your brother

JessieMcJessie Sat 20-Apr-19 23:19:40

So you’ve had to listen to him and his fiancée drone on about this wedding every Sunday for a year and they have prioritised about 90 other people ahead of you. What a pair of charmers. I am normally in the “their wedding their choice” category but this is shockingly rude. I would not throw toys out of pram by refusing the invitation just yet, but I would be asking them outright why you have not made the cut.
And ten “Groomsmen” all in white- somebody has been watching too much shite American TV. Next they’ll be telling you that you HAVE to attend the evening so because they need you to make up the numbers for some God-awful “surprise” choreographed dance.

Accountant222 Sat 20-Apr-19 23:20:00

I refuse all wedding invitations these days, they've gotten like Hollywood productions.

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