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To throw away cards my mum puts through my door for my son?

(28 Posts)
Dontcomeinmygarden Sat 20-Apr-19 21:15:54

Hi all

I’m NC with my mother. I confronted how I felt about what she’d put me through in my life (stuck with a sometimes violent, constantly criticising man no matter how mean he was for years while I was a child, didn’t want to know when I was in dire straits with my mental health, had tantrums if I didn’t do what she wanted, I could list many many more things) during therapy, had a nervous breakdown and seperated myself to protect my MH.

The sticking point is my DS. She decided to be super keen when he came along, round every five minutes, constantly doting on him etc. So for that reason the NC was fought by her. But I just couldn’t let her back in. I was too fragile and she affects me too much.

And then she decided to rock up to DS’ nativity play uninvited and try to ban me from seeing my dying grandmother and that was it, no going back after that.

But she continues to stick cards through the door for ds. She doesn’t even post them, she actually walks up to my door and puts them through. I never give them to him because it’s been a year and a half at least since he last saw her and I think it’s be very confusing for him to receive them as we don’t see her and he doesn’t talk about her anymore. Aibu to chuck them?

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo Sun 21-Apr-19 07:04:30

I’d keep them for when he is older, just in case he asks about her.

I’ve never met my maternal grandparents, they had a falling out with my mum when she was a teen & she ended up being raised by another relative.

I’ve never had any desire to know them, but one of my siblings attempted to make contact in his teens. In his head he had an incredibly romanticised view of how things were going to go, and genuinely wanted to build a relationship with them.

It didn’t go well, because they were awful people who had no desire to know us. But I can’t imagine the damage it would have done to my mum & brother’s relationship if my grandparents had told him my mum had binned cards from them.

Pop them in a box then they’re there for him to see if he wants to know more about her when he’s older.

Ithinkmycatisevil Sun 21-Apr-19 07:26:41

I think you should keep the cards. It's your choice if you want to give them to him now or not, but I don't think you should bin them.

VanillaBlossom Mon 22-Apr-19 01:20:41

Op I hope you things go okay for you either way flowers
I see I've had quite a bit backlash but I was honestly just giving my honest opinion.. maybes I can be too forgiving of folk but no one is perfect at the end of the day!....and I just thought from what you said that she was maybes really trying.

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