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To be a bit disappointed about being fat AND ugly?

(100 Posts)
PiggoSuperstar Sat 20-Apr-19 20:48:22

It’s a bit woah is me. But it really is unfair and it’s getting worse as I get old. There are so many women out there who are bigger and who are the most beautiful and perfect looking people because they have such gorgeous faces and confidence and everything going for them.

Then there are plenty of more average looking women who have the most perfect figures, stunning hair, beautiful long legs and who keep in such natural great shape.

Then there is me. I’m both fat and I am ugly. But when I say ugly I mean what a fucking munter. Thing is I can take a decent enough “selfie” but I just took some photos of myself today on my phone’s timer as I wanted to see how grotesque I looked in shorts (preparing for summer) and I was shocked at how disgusting I am. I didn’t think I’d be as bad as that. So incredibly ugly! Like painfullynugly. I’m early 40s and you’d think I was about 60.

At what point do you accept that that is it? Thing is even when I was younger I was fat and ugly. Especially ugly. I’ve been fatter and I’ve been thinner (currently about a 14/16 but with the arms and calfs of at least a size 22. No joke. I thought I may actually have lipidema.) My upper arms look like a normal woman’s thighs. I have extremely large sagging beasts but I’m fairly narrow in the middle so at least identifiable as a woman.

I’m definitely in a severe minority as there is no one out there who is more misfortune than I am with looks and body. The tragic part is that when I look in the mirror it’s not so bad. It’s only in photos where I notice just how disturbing my appearance really is. I’m actually quite embarrassed now after setting the camera to self timer, that I walk about my day to day life thinking that I’m not as revolting as I obviously am!!

AIBU to think that it’s so totally unfair that I’ve been cursed with the worst of both things?

ScreamingValenta Sat 20-Apr-19 20:51:01

I'm exactly the same, OP. But I don't think it really does get worse as you older. Age is a great leveller.

PiggoSuperstar Sat 20-Apr-19 20:55:20

I just feel so cheated that I have so many friends who wnjoyed beauty in their youth, or who are even getting more beautiful as they get older.

Then there is me who looks like such a fat old Doris. I have VERY few photos of myself to remind me of this which is great in some ways but it does mean my kids won’t ever have family photos! But they don’t need to remember having such an ogre as a mother so they won’t be embarrassed in their adulthood.

One of my besnfroends made me an album for my 40th and I just cried because I’ve always been so ugly. I was dressed up for a night out and it came as a cruel reminder that you simply can not polish a turd!

etaketak Sat 20-Apr-19 20:59:29

Now I think that if you are a good person then that kindness and goodness is so so clear in someone's face- no matter how beautiful or thin or whatever- that's something that you can dress up or down and is lovely and I bet you have it! Xx

EdWinchester Sat 20-Apr-19 21:00:06

You don't have to be fat. Perhaps losing weight would help.

Knitclubchatter Sat 20-Apr-19 21:01:58

So what’s stopping you from getting fit? Weight loss, improved nutrition can do wonders.
I know some people genuinely have unfortunate bone structure but honestly most are blessed with some redeeming positive physical attributes.

GreyGardens88 Sat 20-Apr-19 21:03:40

woah is me lol

PiggoSuperstar Sat 20-Apr-19 21:04:57

I’m always going to be fat. I’ve been doing the 5:2 for many years now and it just stops me being obese. It’s more my arms and calves that seem to be where the fat goes. I used to do a lot of running and 1/2 marathons, and was exactly the same shape and weight as I am now.

WattdeEll Sat 20-Apr-19 21:05:13

flowers Horrible feeling to be unhappy with your looks. I have days like that too.

MayFayner Sat 20-Apr-19 21:05:56

You have big boobs - good thing
You’re narrow in the middle - good thing
When you look in the mirror it’s not too bad - good thing

Come on OP! You’re making out like you’re Quasimodo or something. Some people just look shit in photos, I’m one of them too.

Have you done the bra intervention thing yet? If not, do it ASAP.

SinglePringle Sat 20-Apr-19 21:06:28

No-one is ugly. No-one.

You are not ugly.

Start telling yourself you are beautiful. Every day, in the mirror.

Because you are.

Thecurtainsofdestiny Sat 20-Apr-19 21:06:58

Maybe you are beautiful and curvy?

PiggoSuperstar Sat 20-Apr-19 21:08:41

I still do 5km runs. (Not much time to do more than that) and I also do some other sports too. So I am “fit”. This is why I assumed I may be suffering from lipedima. My lower legs are almost the same circumfrance as my thigs. To look at you can’t tell them apart 😞

Ribbonsonabox Sat 20-Apr-19 21:09:42

I'm sure you must have other qualities that are more important than this? Beauty is okay I guess but it fades quite quickly.... it's not all its cracked up to be I dont think. I'd rather be clever or funny or brave or a hundred other things rather than beautiful... and besides you can still be fun to look at however 'traditionally beautiful' you arent... if you are in to image how about expressing yourself more through the way you dress etc? I'm no skinny minnie model or anything but I enjoy the way I look because I love colours and patterns.... so when i look in the mirror i like what i see.
End of the day it's just luck how some people are thought of as beautiful and others arent.. theres no real merit in that alone. It's just played up in the media so that women will buy things to try and make themselves beautiful... in real life is the thing you most prize in someone else, beauty?! Coz its definitely not for me.

Chicksinonebasket Sat 20-Apr-19 21:10:37

I was fat.
Now I’m thin.
But I’m still ugly.

It’s shit. I just avoid having my photo taken as much as possible. I’d rather not see.

PiggoSuperstar Sat 20-Apr-19 21:11:00

It’s the photos! They break my heart. I just look at them and can’t conprehend how different that is to the person I see in the mirror or in my head.

I don’t think I’m a particularly nice person either so there’s not much room for confidence and growth there either.

Bleubelle Sat 20-Apr-19 21:14:31

I know a lot of 60 year olds that are very fit, do not look their age and are beautiful. Only you can change your weight - no-one else can.

StinkyWizleteets Sat 20-Apr-19 21:15:57

Op I could have posted this. I had about a week when I was 32 where I looked ok and was slim. I got fat due to ill health and medication to treat it. Same illness means I cannot exercise. I am really ugly. I have inherited the ugliest features of both my parents and whereas I previously had youthful looks despite not being aesthetically pleasing they’re gone now too. It’s shit but there’s fuck all I can do. I just don’t take selfies and don’t have mirrors in the house. You’d be amazed at how much happier I am not having to look at myself.

SwimmingKaren Sat 20-Apr-19 21:16:08

I bet you just take a bad photo, some people do. I have a gorgeous friend who always seems to get caught wrong in pictures. You probably got a bad angle, delete and don’t even think about it again. You sound so down on yourself and I bet there’s no need!

LittleRedSocks Sat 20-Apr-19 21:16:16

I am so sorry that you feel so so bad about yourself - and I know that’s something that you feel innately and only you can decide how you feel. So for now, here is just a big hug - and I want to say how lovely you sound xx

PiggoSuperstar Sat 20-Apr-19 21:20:03

I’ve thought about getting rid of mirrors, but the thing is I need them for the irony that I have to see what I’m looking at when putting my make up on!!!

It’s just so unfair.

Xenadog Sat 20-Apr-19 21:20:04

Some days I feel like a really ugly beast and other days I think I’m pretty hot. I’m a big lass too (need to lose about 4 stone) so I accept that losing weight would make me feel better about the way I looked. Whether I would actually look better or not to other people is another thing.

Anyway, in a nutshell, most people are just average. Sit in a regular coffee shop (not one in a Trendy area favoured by the trendy yummy mummy brigade) and just look around you. Some might be good looking, some might have a certain something which make them attractive but most people are fairly average.

On the topic of being photogenic I have a friend who is slim and really pretty yet she never takes a good picture. She knows this. She is so much better looking in real life. (I think the same for me but I’m just not as good looking in real life). My point is, OP, you are most probably average in the looks department and that is OK. If you want to lose weight then find a programme which suits you. However, don’t waste time on worrying about your looks as I don’t think other people are judging you as harshly as you judge yourself.

Waveysnail Sat 20-Apr-19 21:28:47

Floaty sleeve tops and wide leg trousers. Clothes are wonderful at hiding the bits you dont like

3dogs2cats Sat 20-Apr-19 21:33:34

14-16 isn’t fat, it’s below average for uk women. swimming is a fantastic toner for arms and legs.
The ugliest woman I ever knew really embraced it, shaved all her hair, wore clothes that exaggerated her already exaggerated curves, she wore really bright colours and carried herself like a queen. She was incredibly popular.
Take yourself in hand. Go and see a personal shopper at John Lewis, tell them you want to experiment. Change your hair. And stop with the negative self talk.

Floosey Sat 20-Apr-19 21:34:27

It's common for people to look in the mirror and think they look OK but then see a photo and hate it. It's so common in fact that studies have looked at it and it is actually a thing. It's to do with the way the light reflects and the flatness of pictures. So you are not alone when you are disappointed with how you look in photos. But photos aren't how other people see you.

And you can guarantee that if you asked your most honest friend what they thought of you, it wouldn't be how you describe yourself. I bet they'd say you have beautiful eyes or lovely coloured hair or something you hadn't even seen in yourself because you are so busy concentrating on the bits you feel bad about.

What you see in yourself isn't the same that other people see.

I was once told if you wouldn't say it to yoir best friend, don't say it to yourself. So stop with the horrible self talk. You are doing yourself no favours.

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