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Separate rooms - is it really so terrible?

(221 Posts)
PinkCareBear Sat 20-Apr-19 19:04:29

I've come to the conclusion I would be much happier sleeping in a separate room to my partner on a permanent basis. About a year ago, he started snoring and breathing very heavily in his sleep, and I am a very light sleeper/sensitive to noise. I then can't sleep, toss and turn, waking him up as a result.

He's been sleeping in the spare room maybe 5 nights a week, but we've been trying to have him back in the bed to see if we can both get a good night's sleep together. Last night was awful, I was up most of the night due to his snoring/loud breathing.

DOes anyone have a secusseful relationship despite sleeping separately? I don't know anyone in real life who admits to sleeping apart.

OP’s posts: |
Marilynmansonsthermos Sat 20-Apr-19 19:06:56

The only people I know that do, are elderly couples, to be honest.

Sockworkshop Sat 20-Apr-19 19:08:15

God its utter heaven 😂
No snoring,farting and man smell .
Lovely clean room and I get into bed alone -bliss !

reefedsail Sat 20-Apr-19 19:09:26

If you want to share a bed maybe it would be better to try and address the snoring? Is he overweight? My DH hardly ever snores now he's lost some weight. Or he could experiment with different sleeping positions that you could turn him into when he starts.

I don't think it would be unreasonable to see GP and ask for referral to a sleep clinic if it's driving you to separate rooms when you don't want that.

If you don't mind separate rooms- crack on! I don't think it's as uncommon as you'd think.

We have separate duvets- now that is fabulous!!

TapasForTwo Sat 20-Apr-19 19:10:24

He needs to see his GP. Could be the beginnings of sleep apnoea. Is he overweight?

Singlenotsingle Sat 20-Apr-19 19:10:42

My DS and ddil have separate bedrooms, because his snoring can shake the room!

HBStowe Sat 20-Apr-19 19:10:56

What is ‘man smell’?! shock my husband always smells amazing!

poppymatilda Sat 20-Apr-19 19:11:31

I can't imagine sleeping apart from DH. But I think everyone is different. Could he see a specialist about his snoring? I think you can have something done to your nose to ease it

confusedandemployed Sat 20-Apr-19 19:11:42

I've known loads of couples who do this, very successfully. Not just for sleeping, it means they both have their own 'space' if they need a bit of alone time. Tbh if I get another DP this would be the only basis I'd love with someone else again.

sd249 Sat 20-Apr-19 19:11:58

I have a separate room to my Husband. We are still very very happy - we just both are really awful sleepers so just wake each other up all night!

confusedandemployed Sat 20-Apr-19 19:12:00


BreakfastAtSquiffanys Sat 20-Apr-19 19:12:09

It's heaven.
We normally start and finish the night in the same room but at some point one of us will decamp to the spare room, and return as it gets light

Didiplanthis Sat 20-Apr-19 19:12:43

My dh has been all through sleep clinic, is not overweight. But he snores like a warthog and I get NO sleep. Separate beds have saved our marriage.

BestIsWest Sat 20-Apr-19 19:12:46

Heaven. I’ve had a frozen shoulder recently causing me to toss and turn at night. DH moved into the spare room so I could get some sleep. It’s bliss. I don’t know if I want him to move back in.

dun1urkin Sat 20-Apr-19 19:13:08

We sleep apart 5 or so nights a week, have done for years now.

Married 15 years, no DC

Happily tell people if it comes up, it’s not a secret grin

Gronky Sat 20-Apr-19 19:14:27

I'm not married but one of the longest, most stable married couples I personally know sleep in separate beds because they're both prolific snorers.

Sockworkshop Sat 20-Apr-19 19:14:49

That fuggy bum smell you get in the mornings HB

My DH is slim,has had all the tests but is a terrible sleeper and so fucking noisy
I would be mentally ill through lack of sleep so this is the only solution or divorce of course .

RussellSprout Sat 20-Apr-19 19:15:28

Yes, me. Been together ten years, mid forties, he snores, I'm a light sleeper and get up earlier than him for work.

We sleep in separate rooms, I'm in the master bedroom and he always comes in for a snuggle in the morning. If he didn't, I'd feel like we were housemates.

CottonSock Sat 20-Apr-19 19:15:56

Yes, I prefer it or at least a room to go when I wake up with insomnia

Japonicaflower2 Sat 20-Apr-19 19:16:53

Absolute bliss! I can't recommend it highly enough 😀
Peace, plenty of room, no snoring or farting and who cares if I sleep starfish style!

ChipsAreLife Sat 20-Apr-19 19:18:45

We generally sleep apart: the kids are always hopping in and out and I'm one of those people who doesn't really like being touched when I sleep. I go to bed early and he is a night owl. It just works for us. We are very tactile still and happy.

That said some nights if we fancy it we will sleep together but normally ends with a child coming in lol

DramaAlpaca Sat 20-Apr-19 19:19:01

We've had separate rooms for years. He's a lark, I'm a night owl & we both snore. I reckon it's saved our long marriage. Oh, we have visiting rights of course wink grin

bridgetreilly Sat 20-Apr-19 19:23:41

I know plenty of people who do it, often because of snoring. If it works for you both, then do it. It's no one else's business.

BlueSkiesLies Sat 20-Apr-19 19:27:04

What sounds more sensible?

1. Be sleep deprived. For ever.
2. Divorce.
3. Have separate rooms, get a good nights sleep, stay with the man you love and ensure you work to keep the intimacy and fun.

I think 1 sounds like the best option.

BlueSkiesLies Sat 20-Apr-19 19:27:14

3. Obviously 3.

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