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Friend bringing adult son for birthday lunch

(49 Posts)
Polly345 Sat 20-Apr-19 14:14:57

Ages ago I was chatting with my friend and we decided to go for lunch next week as I won't be home on my birthday. A few days ago she phoned and said she was bringing her son (age 23). It doesn't sound too bad but I haven't seen the son in a couple of years and I just feel it will be a little bit awkward. I feel selfish for thinking I would have just liked to go shopping and lunch with my friend.
I will go as not to upset/offend my friend but it doesn't feel like the day out we had planned.

Bambamber Sat 20-Apr-19 14:16:51

I would cancel. Bringing a teenage son changes the whole dynamic. Why are you upset at offending her? She obviously didn't give 2 hoots when she invited her son along

LizzieSiddal Sat 20-Apr-19 14:17:05

Is it just lunch or a whole day out?

Lunch wouldn’t bother me at all as I like to catch up with friends Dc, but I don't think I’d like a whole day of them following us around the shops. Maybe ask if you can just meet for a few hours?

user1480880826 Sat 20-Apr-19 14:18:22

Why on earth would a 23 year old man want to go out for lunch with his mum and her friend?! I bet he would be relieved if you cancelled it.

Driftingthoughlife Sat 20-Apr-19 14:18:39

Why would the son want to come! That I don’t get

LordNibbler Sat 20-Apr-19 14:18:59

Not quite sure why a 23 year old man wants to come along. I'd suddenly have a 'poorly tummy' the day before and cancel. I really hate it when people change plans.

Leeds2 Sat 20-Apr-19 14:19:23

Does he actually want to come, as in are you sure he will turn up?

TheGrey1houndSpeaks Sat 20-Apr-19 14:21:03

What on earth is up with a 23 year old man that he wants to crash his mummy’s lunch date? Super weird. Just cancel, let them enjoy each other’s company because you certainly won’t.

AgentProvocateur Sat 20-Apr-19 14:22:29

Those of you who think it’s odd, my 23-year-old son has grown up seeing all my friends regularly and now that he’s an adult, looks on them as friends (rather than his mum’s friends) and will go for a drink with them if he meets them in town, so maybe he’s just keen to see the OP again. (I’m definitely not the friend in question, though wink)

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc Sat 20-Apr-19 14:22:43

Nah total change of dynamics

crazycatlady5 Sat 20-Apr-19 14:22:56

I’ve no idea why she would want him to come? But also not sure why you would feel ‘awkward’. I wouldn’t enjoy it but I don’t see why it should make you feel uncomfortable

CustardySergeant Sat 20-Apr-19 14:25:49

Bambamber Teenage son? Did you misread 23 as 13?

NaturatintGoldenChestnut Sat 20-Apr-19 14:41:33

It's your birthday and you're worried about her feelings when she's being totally inconsiderate? Give your head a wobble. Why not cancel?

Purplecatshopaholic Sat 20-Apr-19 14:42:05

If he is a nice man then why on earth not, why would it be awkward? Surprised he wants lunch with the old foggies though, lol

BlackAmericanoNoSugar Sat 20-Apr-19 14:44:06

I would reply and say "let's postpone lunch for another day when you're child-free." Then it's up to her to either say that her son won't come and keep the date or find another day.

Aeroflotgirl Sat 20-Apr-19 14:46:11

Very strange, I would postpone if you are not happy, just say oh I was looking forward to going out just me and you.

Oakmaiden Sat 20-Apr-19 14:50:26

"let's postpone lunch for another day when you're child-free."

Think she is child free!

Chamomileteaplease Sat 20-Apr-19 14:50:49

Tell her how you feel. Weird.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet Sat 20-Apr-19 14:53:53

I find it annoying when people invite extras along for almost anything, to be honest. In this case it would change the dynamic and I would cancel.

englishdictionary Sat 20-Apr-19 14:54:36

I would cancel. Bringing a teenage son changes the whole dynamic.

It does. But she isn't bringing a teenage son.

I am with the pp who's adult children still see the friends of parents they grew up knowing.

I don't find that too odd. My DD and I go on lunch dates with my friend she has known since birth!

Dippypippy1980 Sat 20-Apr-19 14:54:52

I have socialised with my parents friends - drinks etc as adults.

But you wouldn’t need to know he son week for this dynamic to work - and you don’t seem to.

It’s your birthday - if you would feel uncomfortable cancel.

IvanaPee Sat 20-Apr-19 14:57:53

Did she say why??

MrsWillGardner Sat 20-Apr-19 14:57:54

I have a friend who does this. We arrange to meet up, I look forward to it as I really enjoy her company when she’s on her own, and bam, she turns up with her 15yr old daughter in tow.

Moomoomoomoomoo Sat 20-Apr-19 14:58:50

Why would the friend even consider bringing her son? That’s just rude, regardless of how well he does or doesn’t know the OP. You don’t invade someone else birthday lunch.

formerbabe Sat 20-Apr-19 14:59:36

Does he have sn? Or is he socially awkward or lacking in friends? Genuine question.

I can't imagine why any man that age would want to have lunch with their mum and her friends.

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