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Husbands who poo to shirk duties

(80 Posts)
tympanic Sat 20-Apr-19 12:46:27

Every single night it happens. He jumps up with the “uncontrollable urge” to 💩 just as we’re finishing dinner, leaving me to clear the table, clean up DS, wash up etc. No, he doesn’t have any digestive issues, unless you count the uncanny ability to give me the shits. Though I suspect he considers that more of a superpower than an ailment.

AIBU to be sick of men and their shit?

LarryGreysonsDoor Sat 20-Apr-19 18:34:44

I meant that we have no dc, not no DH.
And DH doesn’t take that long to poo. He will emerge from the toilet to tell me about his latest vintage computer purchase from eBay.

GaraMedouar Sat 20-Apr-19 18:23:14

My exP was the same. And always took his phone or iPad in!

Planetian Sat 20-Apr-19 18:16:03

He also desperately “needs a wee” whenever we come home home from somewhere with the kids. We have 2 in car seats who need to be taken out and carried in yet he always runs ahead, opens the door and runs to the loo leaving me to it. Incredibly selfish... I’ve had two tough labours and my pelvic floor muscles are shot, yet I can still hold on to my wee for 20 seconds to take my children out of the car. God I’m starting to hate the bastard...

Planetian Sat 20-Apr-19 18:12:59

Oh I didn’t realise this was a thing! Mine does the same... one of the many reasons I’m currently considering divorce!

RaspberryRipple1963 Sat 20-Apr-19 18:06:05

My son-in-law does,this,so I'm told by my Dd. Every single time they get back from their big weekly shop,he disappears into the toilet for a 20 minute sit down,leaving her to put away all the shopping. Without fail,every single time.

Insomnibrat Sat 20-Apr-19 17:58:50

I really think we need to reclaim pooing, ladies.
It can't purely be the preserve of the male.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger Sat 20-Apr-19 17:54:27

If it takes 40 minutes to produce a poo he doesn't actually need a poo. I've pushed a 9lb baby out in less than 40 minutes ffs.

LittlePaintBox Sat 20-Apr-19 17:53:17

40 minutes to poo sounds like unproductive constipation to me. Yes, he definitely needs help - more fibre/laxative. Sitting and straining for 40 minutes is really bad for him.

If the issue is mainly the shirking, and you couldn't give a shit about the state of his bowels, just leave it all for him to do. It's really poor for the person preparing the meal to clear up after it.

We were tyrannised in the opposite way by my mum's bowels. At the weekend, she'd announce very early that she was going to need 'a move' soon, and wouldn't be able to wait, so it was bad luck for anyone else who felt the call of nature or wanted to use the bath at that time.

Her0utdoors Sat 20-Apr-19 17:44:25

It's top reason on the list of why we aren't getting a house with two toilets for the foreseeable future (and my h does actually have a condition where it can be urgent). He doesn't get the option of checking out of parenting if he's home.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar Sat 20-Apr-19 17:43:35

Stir a spoonful of inulin (soluble fibre made from chicory) into his tea a couple of times a day. That'll speed things up. I swear by it, I stopped eating porridge to try and lower my carb intake so I take inulin to replace the soluble fibre that I used to get from the porridge.

sue51 Sat 20-Apr-19 17:40:23

40 minutes to poo! Needs more roughage in his diet and a trip to the doctors is probably in order. Definitely leave all clearing up for him to get on with when he eventually emerges from the loo.

LarryGreysonsDoor Sat 20-Apr-19 17:32:58

My DH will spend hours shitting. He’s not avoiding jobs or other duties (no DH) but everything must happen post shit.
Putting the dishwasher on/putting the bins out can only be done with a completely empty bladder.

Insomnibrat Sat 20-Apr-19 17:22:31

'Ask him to not take his phone.

Poo time/porn time will reduce dramatically'

Surely he isn't having a wank after a baked potato every day!?!

SpeakUpXXWomen Sat 20-Apr-19 17:05:31

Remove the lock from the bathroom door and hide it in the cupboard under the sink.

You will need to just pop in to grab your hand cream forgetting to close the door on your way back out then return with the loo roll or a fresh bottle of bleach send children to ask questions repeatedly obviously. Pets should visit too. Render the escape plan obsolete.

This is like the shitting man thread. Relying on your ingrained humanity and good manners to take total advantage.

Tactical shitting is an intolerable step on the manipulation ladder, right next to do it badly so you won't be asked again and pretend you didn't hear that.

All of this behaviour will continue as long as it is tolerated and by that I do mean enabled. It's low level abuse, see it for what it is and don't tolerate it for a millisecond.

He goes for a shit in a locked bathroom, give him the 30 seconds it takes to grab the sticky child and then stand outside the bathroom door knocking on it til it opens then hand him the child. Make sure those dishes are always waiting. It is totally grim but bet you don't have to do it more than twice!

Lemonsquinky Sat 20-Apr-19 16:59:13

My son does this. It drives me mad. He's 14.

jabylite Sat 20-Apr-19 16:56:39

I like pepper's idea!

jabylite Sat 20-Apr-19 16:56:14

I mean its something to do with the way their internal organs are set out.

Mind you, I often wonder why women in public toilets e.g. department stores take literally 5 - 10 minutes to do a quick pee. I'm in and out, me.

jabylite Sat 20-Apr-19 16:54:43

I read somewhere that men take longer to do a No. 2.

I wonder.

My DS16 spends ages in the loo too.

Though I do suspect wifi an issue shock.

It really is v strange.

pepperpot99 Sat 20-Apr-19 16:54:00

You need to outpoo him. As soon as you see him sidling off toiletwards, sprint there yourself. Make sure you have your phone, diary, ipad and a good novel. Spend 90 minutes in there. Add 10 mins per day. If you have another toilet in the house, block it.

MysweetAudrina Sat 20-Apr-19 16:50:58

Are these men getting enough fibre in their diet? How does it take so long to have a shit. It takes me 5 mins and dh too. I don't understand how it could take 45 minutes to take a shit. I could birth a whole child in that time

Wheresmyvagina Sat 20-Apr-19 16:49:19

I wonder why some men take so long to poo. I've never met a woman who does it. Someone on mumsnet once said that her DH didn't 'push' he would just sit there for as long as it took for gravity to do the job, hence taking 45 minutes plus.
My DS shows signs of being a slow pooer but I'm talking 4-5 minutes and I do remind him to hurry up if he takes too long. I'm not raising a selfish shitter.
Seriously though, boys are slower to grasp potty training for poos too, is there some physiological reason?

Topseyt Sat 20-Apr-19 16:43:16

My DH does this the other way round. When I shout "Dinner's ready" he seems to hear "Go to the toilet" instead. So he does.

He does help a lot with the clearing up though, so redeems himself somewhat.

StarCutterCookie Sat 20-Apr-19 16:43:16

Turn off the WiFi? That'll do fuck all...

If he's got phone signal, he's got Internet. He'll take a book/magazine/leaflet in if you take his phone away.

Just Remind him as he closes the door the dishes/baby/chore will still be waiting and go and put your feet up until he's back.

I swear people in here are either thick or love being a martyr.

cushellekoala Sat 20-Apr-19 16:33:39

My mum always used to have "an important phonecall" to make literally every time we finished a meal with masses of washing up!! even as kids we realised this was a get-out clause!😂

heatwave2019 Sat 20-Apr-19 16:26:07

My boyfriend does 45-50minute shits every morning and it drives me nuts.envy I can't get in the bathroom to get ready & I also can't go in it afterwards till it's aired for 15 mins angry

He also takes his laptop in there vom

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