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Husbands who poo to shirk duties

(80 Posts)
tympanic Sat 20-Apr-19 12:46:27

Every single night it happens. He jumps up with the “uncontrollable urge” to 💩 just as we’re finishing dinner, leaving me to clear the table, clean up DS, wash up etc. No, he doesn’t have any digestive issues, unless you count the uncanny ability to give me the shits. Though I suspect he considers that more of a superpower than an ailment.

AIBU to be sick of men and their shit?

tympanic Sat 20-Apr-19 14:48:31

@Cannyhandleit Right?! I honestly think men view poo very differently to us. It’s a sacred time and all conditions must be met to achieve the perfect poo.

EL8888 Sat 20-Apr-19 14:49:54

@VladmirsPoutine that’s the approach l take with my partner

Clutterbugsmum Sat 20-Apr-19 15:48:04

I'd ask him to make an appointment with his doctor as he clearly has issues as he needs to be in the toilet immediately after dinner for 40 mins and then again a few hours later at bedtime. So he really needs to make sure that there is nothing more serious wrong with him.

If he does not have an issue other then not wanting to help, then he can start cooking and cleaning his own dinner because I'am no longer facilitating him being lazy.

Numptybean Sat 20-Apr-19 16:16:07

It's uncanny! 45 mins here too! Lol at Wi-Fi. Now there's a thought grin

jacksonmaine Sat 20-Apr-19 16:19:55

I used to think all men did this as my DF and DB would occupy the loo for hours. Luckily my DH takes no time at all!

Sorry no help but I do remember the old days... wink

heatwave2019 Sat 20-Apr-19 16:26:07

My boyfriend does 45-50minute shits every morning and it drives me nuts.envy I can't get in the bathroom to get ready & I also can't go in it afterwards till it's aired for 15 mins angry

He also takes his laptop in there vom

cushellekoala Sat 20-Apr-19 16:33:39

My mum always used to have "an important phonecall" to make literally every time we finished a meal with masses of washing up!! even as kids we realised this was a get-out clause!😂

StarCutterCookie Sat 20-Apr-19 16:43:16

Turn off the WiFi? That'll do fuck all...

If he's got phone signal, he's got Internet. He'll take a book/magazine/leaflet in if you take his phone away.

Just Remind him as he closes the door the dishes/baby/chore will still be waiting and go and put your feet up until he's back.

I swear people in here are either thick or love being a martyr.

Topseyt Sat 20-Apr-19 16:43:16

My DH does this the other way round. When I shout "Dinner's ready" he seems to hear "Go to the toilet" instead. So he does.

He does help a lot with the clearing up though, so redeems himself somewhat.

Wheresmyvagina Sat 20-Apr-19 16:49:19

I wonder why some men take so long to poo. I've never met a woman who does it. Someone on mumsnet once said that her DH didn't 'push' he would just sit there for as long as it took for gravity to do the job, hence taking 45 minutes plus.
My DS shows signs of being a slow pooer but I'm talking 4-5 minutes and I do remind him to hurry up if he takes too long. I'm not raising a selfish shitter.
Seriously though, boys are slower to grasp potty training for poos too, is there some physiological reason?

MysweetAudrina Sat 20-Apr-19 16:50:58

Are these men getting enough fibre in their diet? How does it take so long to have a shit. It takes me 5 mins and dh too. I don't understand how it could take 45 minutes to take a shit. I could birth a whole child in that time

pepperpot99 Sat 20-Apr-19 16:54:00

You need to outpoo him. As soon as you see him sidling off toiletwards, sprint there yourself. Make sure you have your phone, diary, ipad and a good novel. Spend 90 minutes in there. Add 10 mins per day. If you have another toilet in the house, block it.

jabylite Sat 20-Apr-19 16:54:43

I read somewhere that men take longer to do a No. 2.

I wonder.

My DS16 spends ages in the loo too.

Though I do suspect wifi an issue shock.

It really is v strange.

jabylite Sat 20-Apr-19 16:56:14

I mean its something to do with the way their internal organs are set out.

Mind you, I often wonder why women in public toilets e.g. department stores take literally 5 - 10 minutes to do a quick pee. I'm in and out, me.

jabylite Sat 20-Apr-19 16:56:39

I like pepper's idea!

Lemonsquinky Sat 20-Apr-19 16:59:13

My son does this. It drives me mad. He's 14.

SpeakUpXXWomen Sat 20-Apr-19 17:05:31

Remove the lock from the bathroom door and hide it in the cupboard under the sink.

You will need to just pop in to grab your hand cream forgetting to close the door on your way back out then return with the loo roll or a fresh bottle of bleach send children to ask questions repeatedly obviously. Pets should visit too. Render the escape plan obsolete.

This is like the shitting man thread. Relying on your ingrained humanity and good manners to take total advantage.

Tactical shitting is an intolerable step on the manipulation ladder, right next to do it badly so you won't be asked again and pretend you didn't hear that.

All of this behaviour will continue as long as it is tolerated and by that I do mean enabled. It's low level abuse, see it for what it is and don't tolerate it for a millisecond.

He goes for a shit in a locked bathroom, give him the 30 seconds it takes to grab the sticky child and then stand outside the bathroom door knocking on it til it opens then hand him the child. Make sure those dishes are always waiting. It is totally grim but bet you don't have to do it more than twice!

Insomnibrat Sat 20-Apr-19 17:22:31

'Ask him to not take his phone.

Poo time/porn time will reduce dramatically'

Surely he isn't having a wank after a baked potato every day!?!

LarryGreysonsDoor Sat 20-Apr-19 17:32:58

My DH will spend hours shitting. He’s not avoiding jobs or other duties (no DH) but everything must happen post shit.
Putting the dishwasher on/putting the bins out can only be done with a completely empty bladder.

sue51 Sat 20-Apr-19 17:40:23

40 minutes to poo! Needs more roughage in his diet and a trip to the doctors is probably in order. Definitely leave all clearing up for him to get on with when he eventually emerges from the loo.

BlackAmericanoNoSugar Sat 20-Apr-19 17:43:35

Stir a spoonful of inulin (soluble fibre made from chicory) into his tea a couple of times a day. That'll speed things up. I swear by it, I stopped eating porridge to try and lower my carb intake so I take inulin to replace the soluble fibre that I used to get from the porridge.

Her0utdoors Sat 20-Apr-19 17:44:25

It's top reason on the list of why we aren't getting a house with two toilets for the foreseeable future (and my h does actually have a condition where it can be urgent). He doesn't get the option of checking out of parenting if he's home.

LittlePaintBox Sat 20-Apr-19 17:53:17

40 minutes to poo sounds like unproductive constipation to me. Yes, he definitely needs help - more fibre/laxative. Sitting and straining for 40 minutes is really bad for him.

If the issue is mainly the shirking, and you couldn't give a shit about the state of his bowels, just leave it all for him to do. It's really poor for the person preparing the meal to clear up after it.

We were tyrannised in the opposite way by my mum's bowels. At the weekend, she'd announce very early that she was going to need 'a move' soon, and wouldn't be able to wait, so it was bad luck for anyone else who felt the call of nature or wanted to use the bath at that time.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger Sat 20-Apr-19 17:54:27

If it takes 40 minutes to produce a poo he doesn't actually need a poo. I've pushed a 9lb baby out in less than 40 minutes ffs.

Insomnibrat Sat 20-Apr-19 17:58:50

I really think we need to reclaim pooing, ladies.
It can't purely be the preserve of the male.

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