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Husbands who poo to shirk duties

(80 Posts)
tympanic Sat 20-Apr-19 12:46:27

Every single night it happens. He jumps up with the “uncontrollable urge” to 💩 just as we’re finishing dinner, leaving me to clear the table, clean up DS, wash up etc. No, he doesn’t have any digestive issues, unless you count the uncanny ability to give me the shits. Though I suspect he considers that more of a superpower than an ailment.

AIBU to be sick of men and their shit?

Buddytheelf85 Sat 20-Apr-19 13:41:47

My DH is exactly the same - so is my best friend’s. It’s definitely a thing. Ask him to clear up and he’ll say ‘I just need to pop to the loo’. Then he’ll emerge from the loo 45 minutes later, zipping up his flies, when he knows full well everything’s been done, and ask ‘right, what needs to be done then?’

Millie2018 Sat 20-Apr-19 13:42:19

Lazy arse. Leave them for him. It takes 3 consecutive days to break a habit right? By day 4 the uncontrollable urge to poo at that time should have passed.

BarbarianMum Sat 20-Apr-19 13:46:51

Really Buddy? And never once has it occurred to you to just leave clearing up til he reappears? Lazy men and their martyrish wives.

ThatDeadlyJetty Sat 20-Apr-19 13:47:00

If you know him so well as to know his timing, get in there first.
This may mean not finishing your dinner, but it will be worth it.

Lweji Sat 20-Apr-19 13:49:55

Emergency poos take 5 min tops.
If he takes more than that, it's not an emergency.

Get DS out and clean him. Leave the rest for him, as you've done your part. Every day.

Echobelly Sat 20-Apr-19 13:50:25

Mine doesn't do it to avoid duties,but yes, it is an annoying habit when we need to bloody leave to go somewhere!

tympanic Sat 20-Apr-19 13:59:47

@echt About 40min, several times a day. He often chats with his family while in there.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut Sat 20-Apr-19 14:03:04

brew made for him and then emerges funnily enough when it's all been done, just in time for him to leave for work.

More fool you.

Leave it all. Tell him, 'Seems like you think you can get out of life by going for a shit. Fuck that game. You can do all this once you get out.'

Then leave and take a walk.

LadyRannaldini Sat 20-Apr-19 14:03:40

My OH has always had this thing about leaving a greasy dish or pan 'to soak'. Usually, after about half an hour I will remind him that it's soaked enough to be washable.
On a similar subject, why do men not realise that a pan and even plates have underneaths that might need some attention too?

VladmirsPoutine Sat 20-Apr-19 14:04:04

What is the point of all this scheming. Whatever happened to an adult couple having a conversation. Why can't you just say: "H, I've noticed you leave the table after dinner and don't help with clearing up or with DS. Why are you shirking your responsibilities? You need to pull your weight. I'm not the maid."

NaturatintGoldenChestnut Sat 20-Apr-19 14:04:12

My DH is exactly the same - so is my best friend’s. It’s definitely a thing. Ask him to clear up and he’ll say ‘I just need to pop to the loo’. Then he’ll emerge from the loo 45 minutes later, zipping up his flies, when he knows full well everything’s been done, and ask ‘right, what needs to be done then?

So don't do it. 'I just need to pop to the loo'. 'Fine. I'll leave the washing up then.' And turn off the WiFi.

Preggosaurus9 Sat 20-Apr-19 14:04:29

Definitely jump up with last bite still on plate and announce you're going to the loo.

Take your phone. Stay in there 45 mins.

When you come out ask why dinner not been cleared away!

GabsAlot Sat 20-Apr-19 14:07:50

i agree with @lweji emergency poo 5 minutes tops -theyre taking the piss out of you if longer

tictoc76 Sat 20-Apr-19 14:08:19

HAha - mine does the same but In the morning when kids needs dressing and breakfast sorted. He can easily spend half an hour on the toilet!

Duster12 Sat 20-Apr-19 14:14:42

Urgh fucking weird. Is putting up with creepy shit like this really better than having to cope with the crushing, utterly life-ending shame of having to tell people you're single?

MashedSpud Sat 20-Apr-19 14:18:13

Ask him to not take his phone.

Poo time/porn time will reduce dramatically.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut Sat 20-Apr-19 14:23:12

I wouldn't be with someone like this, but the PA ideas are ridiculous. Just tell the person, 'You're using the shitter to get out of lifework. It's not on.' 'But I can't control when I need to take a shit.' 'No, but it's not an excuse to get out of pulling your weight. So I'll leave all the work till after you get out/we'll all get up earlier to you can have your shit and then we can share the parenting/etc.'

Purplecatshopaholic Sat 20-Apr-19 14:24:25

Leave it all for when he comes out. Simple! I didn't realise mine used to take his phone in there - he spent so much time in the loo I thought he was ill!

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc Sat 20-Apr-19 14:30:15

I thought mine was bad having a 30 min shit every morning,a few times a day is definitely swerving life.

Buddytheelf85 Sat 20-Apr-19 14:30:34

Really Buddy? And never once has it occurred to you to just leave clearing up til he reappears? Lazy men and their martyrish wives.

Of course it’s occurred to me (I never said it hadn’t!) But realistically, in family life, leaving stuff until later isn’t always practical or possible - which he knows. He reserves this stunt for such occasions!

WhereYouLeftIt Sat 20-Apr-19 14:31:20

"@echt About 40min, several times a day. He often chats with his family while in there."
Then I'd be insisting he leaves the phone at the table. Because he's not using a loo trip to shirk, he's using chatting to shirk. If he genuinely is feeling urgency to defecate, it is NOT taking 40 minutes.

"^If you know him so well as to know his timing, get in there first.^
"This may mean not finishing your dinner, but it will be worth it."^
And I would definitely be doing this too.

Or secretly building a sodding Faraday Cage into the walls of the loo. Lets see how long he takes when no signal can get past the cage. (OK, I know this would be impossible to do secretly, but a girl can dream ...)

RLOU30 Sat 20-Apr-19 14:31:28

Yep mine does this. Soon as the washing machine beeps apparently so does Mother Nature.
The timer is showing 2 mins until dinners ready? Guess who else needs a number 2?

tympanic Sat 20-Apr-19 14:36:44

@Buddytheelf85 Well said.

Though I agree with @NaturatintGoldenChestnut about the brew. Even the times shit needs to be done for my son or whatever I would never make my husband a brew so he can jump out of bed and bugger off having done nothing.

tympanic Sat 20-Apr-19 14:40:59

@WhereYouLeftIt If I really wanted to I could just alter his phone settings so he couldn’t use it and he’d have no idea how to fix it given he’s a technophobe. But I’m not, as someone mentioned, a schemer. Besides. He’s just read National Geographic anyway.

Cannyhandleit Sat 20-Apr-19 14:44:44

My DP goes every morning as soon as he wakes up so if it's my morning for a long life he wakes me up to watch the kids while he goes!! I have on countless times told him that when I have to go and he's at work I just have to deal with the constant interruptions and stares of bewilderment from the smallest one! Apparently poo time is a quiet time for him!

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