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AIBU to attend a birthday party and give this gift?

(60 Posts)
vmedd Sat 20-Apr-19 12:46:03

This is my first time posting here and I was hoping you guys could help me.
Background is my husband and I have 2 boys. 1 in the school nursery and the eldest in reception. Since December when my husband was suddenly made redundant we have had to considerably tighten our belts on just my part time wage. He had no redundancy package due to being there only a short time. We are financially muddling through & DH now has a job on minimum wage.
Now my big worry is both my children are being invited to parties. 2-3 a weekend. I have had to decline a few that weren't close friends but then my eldest especially is catching on with the chat on the playground at school, then is asking why he missed out. AIBU to give a homemade card with a £5 note in? Or should I decline the invites? I don't want to buy plastic, cheap toys for the sake of it or risk duplicates but by giving £5 am I inviting judgement?
Thank yousmile

vmedd Sat 20-Apr-19 13:20:23

Thank youflowers all for your reassurance and fabulous ideas. I'm so grateful. Clearly I was making a mountain out of a mole hill🙈

tabbiemoo Sat 20-Apr-19 13:21:48

Personally not a fan of cash in a card. I would prefer to get a few bits from supermarket/pound stores.

I tend to batch buy presents for kid’s birthday parties - make use of the deals/sales the supermarkets/Argos do.

UCOforAC12 Sat 20-Apr-19 13:23:53

Homemade cards are absolutely fine (and often the best). Present wise as someone suggests get a job lot of The Book People books and give a couple (usually work out at £1 each if you get the right bundle).

JudgeRindersMinder Sat 20-Apr-19 13:24:44

I’d be gutted if your wee boy didn’t come to my party because you felt you couldn’t afford a present. Handmade cards are fab, whether or not there’s anything in it

SarahMontague Sat 20-Apr-19 13:24:52

Ah I wouldn’t refuse the invites and have your little boy miss out because you’re worried about the value of the birthday present you’re giving. If anyone judges you on that they’re seriously mean-spirited.
As others have said, you might need to pare it down a bit more when they’re both attending parties. I second the Book People - buy packs & split them up.
Children of that age have no idea about what is being spent on their present. And as they grow older parties tend to be fewer, so you won’t have to buy as often. X

Margot33 Sat 20-Apr-19 13:26:30

Fiver in a card is perfect. This only happened to one of our children once and we thought it was great, she got to spend it on something she really wanted.

Witchend Sat 20-Apr-19 13:27:12

Really don't worry about it. I can remember one parent giving a small bag of sweets wrapped in newspaper for one of mine and being really apologetic. Said child was delighted and flung her arms round her proclaiming sweets were her favourite present.
Personally I wouldn't have minded if they hadn't brought anything at all, and would definitely be upset to think they hadn't come because they couldn't afford a present.

Aragog Sat 20-Apr-19 13:35:55

Homemade card from your child is perfect. That was pretty normal round here. £5 in the card as a gift is also fab.

Aragog Sat 20-Apr-19 13:37:46

Agree too though that the gift packs of books which you can split, or a box of Maltesers have always gone down well when DD had them given to her when smaller.

saraclara Sat 20-Apr-19 13:42:23

Definitely go to the Book People website.Their sets of good, well known author picture books can work out at just over£1 each. Yet they're proper gifts that don't give the impression of being a budget buy.

AgentPeggyCarter Sat 20-Apr-19 13:44:21

My DC have gone through a phase of suddenly having hectic social lives on the party front. I found both the Crazy Chefs and Shopping List Orchard Games on Amazon for £3.85 each. I bought a stack of them to reach £20 (so free postage) and have been giving those. My DC love them (and DD is 5 now so they seem to have a bit of longevity) and I figure if they have them they’re ripe for regifting and not plastic tat.

JenFromTheGlen Sat 20-Apr-19 13:47:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Widowodiw Sat 20-Apr-19 13:48:05

For £5 you can go pound shop and get colouring books etc. I ever spent more than a fiver as the number of parties we got invited to was just silly. Don’t sorry by then time they are about 7 a fiver in a card will be the done thing.

Dishwashersaurous Sat 20-Apr-19 13:48:09

Books from the works. They frequently have ten for ten pounds. Stock up and give two for a present or even one

And we always make homemade cards, the invitee makes them and draws on things they like.

The works also have big packs of blank cards cheaper than hobby craft

Dippypippy1980 Sat 20-Apr-19 13:48:31

Kids get so many presents at parties they just merge into one big pile. Please don’t fret over how much you spend.

My nephew has a class mate who never goes to parties. My nephew and his friends still invite him to every party, and on the last invite my nephew wanted to write that he didn’t have to bring a present and his mum could stay the whole time of she wanted, whatever would make him allowed to come. They are ten. Made me cry😢.

Kids really care about the presents - they just want their friends so run around with.

Waveysnail Sat 20-Apr-19 13:49:21

Wouldnt even bother with a card. Colouring book and some pens/pencils are fine.

Waveysnail Sat 20-Apr-19 13:50:53

Yep to others too - small box sweets

Waveysnail Sat 20-Apr-19 13:51:20

Also used plain paper at home and kids have decorated it to wrap presents.

Butterymuffin Sat 20-Apr-19 13:52:46

Kids are always happy to get money or chocolate. Spending even £1 or £2 on a card and Maltesers, or a block of chocolate, will be fine.

mumofthree321 Sat 20-Apr-19 13:57:41

There are lovely places like Tiger where you can pick up very cheap but nice gifts for a few pounds - that and a pack of sweets (max £5) is more than enough. Presents values vary enormously and honestly, the parents are just pleased your child came and enjoyed the party with their son/daughter. I wouldn't have been fussed if they didn't bring a present and just sent a card. I was just really happy to have them all there smile

heyday Sat 20-Apr-19 13:59:37

Its not easy is it? Here in London the parties seem to get more and more extravagant by the year, usually costing way over £200. I think a home made card is lovely especially if the child does the writing inside to make it personal. Parties just seem to be another way of creating more pressure and competition.

EleanorLavish Sat 20-Apr-19 14:00:54

Not that they type is school has anything to do with it, but mine went to a private prep school and a £5 in a card was deffo the norm.
Mine would have been happy with a home made card (they loved these!) and a pack of buttons or bar of chic tbh. grin
Go and enjoy. Hope things get a bit easier for you all soon.

EleanorLavish Sat 20-Apr-19 14:01:34

Typos! I’ll never learn to proof read. You get the gist.

glueandstick Sat 20-Apr-19 14:02:12

Home bargains is amazing for small kids birthday gifts. Their colouring books are 69p. I got some slime eggs for less than 50p and their sweets are bright and fun and very cheap. I keep a stock of small gifts at home for parties.

But really, kids would much rather you came than brought gifts!

formerbabe Sat 20-Apr-19 14:05:06

Personally, I'd much rather someone attend and bring a pound shop gift or a bag of sweets than not attend at all. Or even if they just brought a card.. presence rather than presents is what matters to me.

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