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To be annoyed that people can't just say congratulations.

(126 Posts)
NotReadyForThisX2 Fri 19-Apr-19 21:49:08

We've just announced I'm pregnant with Dc two (a little earlier than planned due to blabber mouth Dp). But not a single person friend or family has just said congratulations without adding there own little comment/judgement about how soon it is after Ds.
Yes I am aware without being told for the 50th time that there will only be 13 months between them and yes I'm sure we'll have our hands full. But if one more person asks me if we planned it or how we're going to manage, I think I'll scream.

What happened to just being polite and saying, oh how lovely, congratulations and then just talking about how stupid we are behind our backs.

Usuallyinthemiddle Fri 19-Apr-19 21:50:37

Congratulations flowers

londonloves Fri 19-Apr-19 21:50:36

Congratulations 💚💜
People are staggeringly rude about all things baby related, sorry you're suffering with it.

CalmDownPacino Fri 19-Apr-19 21:50:41

Congratulations smile flowers

NotReadyForThisX2 Fri 19-Apr-19 21:50:44

Sorry, other than my gran who just said "oh, I already know love".

Queenie8 Fri 19-Apr-19 21:51:02

Congratulations 🎊

Fabulous news in a world where we only hear bad news.

HomeMadeMadness Fri 19-Apr-19 21:51:24

I think for some reason people feel less need to be polite with pregnancies which aren't firsts. It's natural to wonder if the pregnancy is an accident but they should keep their mouths shut other than to say "congratulations, how wonderful" etc. If your first had been twins I'm sure people would have been less quick to be negative about how you'll cope etc.

CalmDownPacino Fri 19-Apr-19 21:51:39

People are just wankers in the main. Everyone wants their opinion heard. Ignore them.

NotReadyForThisX2 Fri 19-Apr-19 21:52:27

Ha, thanks! It's odd though isn't it. Being pregnant means people think they can say or asks things they'd never normally.

Singlenotsingle Fri 19-Apr-19 21:53:47

People aren't being deliberately unkind. They're just thinking aloud. Just tell them that all offers of help will be gratefully received! And congratulations! flowers

Wineott Fri 19-Apr-19 21:54:03

Different circumstances but I got pregnant just after I turned 19. 11 years later I still remember feeling so happy with how my auntie reacted, she was the single only person that said "oh wow congratulations how lovely"

Everyone else it was either was it planned, what are you going to do about it? Do you think you'll be able to afford it, etc. Etc.

Congratulations. A new baby is a very special thing, no matter the circumstances xx

Wellandtrulyoutnumbered Fri 19-Apr-19 21:55:07


I'd just reply wow instead of just saying congratulations you are just so keen to prove you can do maths.

Waveysnail Fri 19-Apr-19 21:55:46

So you have a 4 month ish baby. Hardly surprising that people are a little shocked

TheDarkPassenger Fri 19-Apr-19 21:56:12

Mine was always ‘did you plan it?’

I was young and looked even younger but still how rude! Does it matter? Why do you want to know the ins and outs of our sex life?

MuddyMoose Fri 19-Apr-19 21:56:51

Congratulations flowers

Easterbunnynearlyhere Fri 19-Apr-19 21:56:54

Ime people say the wrong thing because they have a flash of themselves with dc so close together!!. I also have dc 13 mo apart.
Congratulations op you will be more than fine!!

LongTermHold Fri 19-Apr-19 21:57:26


You are over-thinking it.

MsVestibule Fri 19-Apr-19 22:01:20

My elderly neighbour who I'd spoken to about 3 times asked if it was planned when I mentioned I was expecting our 2nd baby! We're now great friends but I was taken aback at the time.

Saying 'you'll have your hands full' isn't rude, just a statement of fact. It should be preceded by 'wow, congratulations, that's brilliant news', though. Just respond, with a big smile and 'we certainly will, can't wait!'.

We all say tactless and insensitive things though - no doubt you have without even realising it, so unless somebody is being malicious, just ignore it.

pallisers Fri 19-Apr-19 22:01:59


When I told my then boss I was pregnant with my second (he was a lovely man and hands-on father with 4 himself and great to work for) he said "oh my god I never thought you'd have another" I just looked at him. I think it was because there were 3 years between first and second (two years of trying). I have a 14 month gap between 2 and 3 (he said nothing controversial that time smile) and it was fine.

NotReadyForThisX2 Fri 19-Apr-19 22:02:28

He's 6 months @Waveysnail. And I know it's soon but it's not news to me, so I don't need telling.

ememem84 Fri 19-Apr-19 22:02:56


FWIW I don’t think you’re overthinking it or being emotional or whatever. I’m the same. There’ll be 22 months between ds and dc2 when she arrives In July. No one has just said congrats and left it there. It’s always “ooooh two under two....” or “good luck you’ll need it!” or asking whether we were crazy and planned it this way unplanned surprise pregnancy

It’s so annoying!!

pallisers Fri 19-Apr-19 22:06:32

So you have a 4 month ish baby. Hardly surprising that people are a little shocked

Presumably the baby is a bit older than 4 months as I doubt they announced it the day after they had sex (mind you I know someone who had a baby barely 11 months after her first and her own mother said to her "did you have sex in the hospital car park after discharge from the first?").

And is it really that shocking to have a small gap? DH and his siblings are all about 13-15 months apart.

OneDayillSleep Fri 19-Apr-19 22:09:24

Firstly congratulations!

I think people are probably a little shocked so soon. We announced our second child was on the way a couple of weeks before our first child’s 1st birthday (18 months between them) we had similar, most people did say congrats but followed by OMG really again or similar. It was sooner than we had anticipated having a second but it’s all worked out great.

You’ll be great, you’re already in the zone having one little one, you just stay in that zone longer!

NotReadyForThisX2 Fri 19-Apr-19 22:09:43

That's exactly it @ememem84 and when we've told people we've said already that it was sooner than we'd planned but we're happy and excited. We had Dp's auntie phone up to tell us how hard it will be and we'll have to get strict with Ds in preparation (how does one get strict with a 6 month old baby, any suggestions?). She never even said the congratulations part.

ScafellPoke Fri 19-Apr-19 22:10:39

There’s only 13 months between me and my sis and it’s fab!!’

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