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AIBU?

To be gobsmacked at this...

55 replies

BingandFlop2019 · 19/04/2019 16:21

Read the second post on this by Yerauldda86 or whatever his username is 😳

www.thedadsnet.com/forums/topic/things-they-didnt-warn-you-about-before-becoming-a-dad/#post-25430

OP posts:
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Aimily · 19/04/2019 16:23

Wow!!

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MongerTruffle · 19/04/2019 16:27

Surely the girl will realise how her dad feels at some point?

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IceRebel · 19/04/2019 16:28

What part do you find shocking?

The fact that he should have also taken control of the contraception, considering he didn't want children?

The fact he has his daughter each weekend? Like many separated parents.

Or the fact he finds spending a lot of time with a young child boring? He's not wrong, it can be boring. Endless roleplay games, watching children's TV, crafts and soft play. He also says he hopes in the future he can find things they both enjoy, but for now lots of the things she enjoys aren't things he does. Which i'm sure is the same for many parents.

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PrimrosePhantasm · 19/04/2019 16:30

Tbh I find a lot of parenting very boring too

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ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 19/04/2019 16:31

Is it that different though to the thread on here the other day where the mum was regretting having had a child? His ex partner got pregnant behind his back, despite knowing he didn’t want kids. He could have done a total runner, but he’s paying up, and having contact, so he’s not a total deadbeat. Yes it’s sad though, and I hope his dd never ever reads what he wrote.

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AquarianSquirrel · 19/04/2019 16:39

Re. Lauren hall (lady who replied....) When did he say he didn't love his child? He was tricked into fathering a child because the lady didn't take her birth control when she said she was.. can you imagine the uproar if a man put a pin in a condom?!

Also, lots of things about parenting can be boring and/or tedious. Just as the highs can be crazily high!

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BingandFlop2019 · 19/04/2019 17:03

My shock is that despite not wanting the child, that he doesn't find any joy in it at all. "Nah mate" was his reply when asked! So casual and definite 😧

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BingandFlop2019 · 19/04/2019 17:04

I never passed comment on the fact that he's paying up etc? Hmm

OP posts:
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Aimily · 19/04/2019 17:06

My wow was more the fact that although he isn't enjoying it he's taking full responsibility and is hoping that he will have more in common in the future, whereas there are men out there who would pay up but avoid being involved otherwise.
I'm more pleased to see that he is trying with the child.

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BingandFlop2019 · 19/04/2019 17:11

Do you not think that's detrimental to the child though? To have a totally uninterested father? I can't decide which I'd prefer. Sadly my daughter's father ran off with a Nurse and never contacted us again when she was one after being a doting Dad who seemingly adored her up to that point. Clearly he wasn't ready to be a Dad. As much as it breaks my heart, I'd rather he stayed away than potentially disappearing again and again and again.
I'm not for one second suggesting this guy is the same. Good on him for not evading his responsibility. I just hope he doesn't get fed up once his girl turns 10/11 and disappears into her phone or becomes moody etc. My DD's Dad would definitely run a mile when that happens if he was in her life!

OP posts:
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Nesssie · 19/04/2019 17:16

I think he’s actually coming across decent. He never wanted children, was tricked in to having one, has her regularly, takes her to places she likes and spoils her.
He’s admitted he finds it boring and doesn’t like the things she into but hopes in the future they will have a common interest.

He’s obviously not paternal but he’s making the most of a situation. He could have left. Especially as he’s in another relationship now. But he’s being there for her. I commend him for that and for his honesty.

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Passthecherrycoke · 19/04/2019 17:19

I don’t think it’s that shocking either. Lots of people don’t enjoy small children and he says his daughter adores him so seems like he’s doing alright

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Meandmetoo · 19/04/2019 17:24

Agree with nesssie

See what he responds with to you on the thread op ;)

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IncrediblySadToo · 19/04/2019 17:28

I can understand finding a lot of it mind numbingly boring, especially for someone who didn’t want kids, and it’s something a lot of people say when they choose to work instead of being a SAHP.

However, the fact he doesn’t get anything out of being a Dad at all is pretty sad. Nothing At All. Not when she smiles at him, not when she’s freshly bathed, in her PJ’s falling asleep on him, not when she calls ‘Daddy’... that all seems very sad.

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HomeMadeMadness · 19/04/2019 17:29

I actually feel sorry for the guy if he's being honest. He was trapped into pregnancy - never wanted kids but is doing right by his daughter. Can't really fault him at all.

I think when people say they don't feel maternal/paternal people should listen not assume it will magically change when the DC is born.

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Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 19/04/2019 17:34

Some people do struggle to bond with younger children. My dad and I had much more in common the older I got and I could join in with his hobbies.

I think he's just being honest.

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GregoryPeckingDuck · 19/04/2019 17:35

I get previous little joy out of spending time with my children (these days, it was lovely when they were babies) and I actually wanted them. Children around that age are both boring and frequently unpleasant. I don’t find it shocking that someone who didn’t want children at all gets no joy out of the situation. There is probably a degree of internalised guilt or shame as well which would make it even harder I think. So long as he shows her affection and provides for her materially it’s not that bad. Is he a wonderful father? No. Does he like being a father? No. Is he an adequate father? Just barely.

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HairycakeLinehan · 19/04/2019 17:37

Why is this gobsmackable?
Not having a go OP, I get it, it’s strange to I read but surely his turn of phrase can’t be used as a stick to beat him.

There was a woman on just a few days ago and many others on the same thread who don’t enjoy parenthood and honestly my heart went out to them.

I know so many people who claim “my kids are my life” but they are terrible parents.

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Sarcelle · 19/04/2019 17:40

I find him commendable. He never wanted kids but he now has a daughter who he pays for, sees regularly and is thinking long term when they may have more in common. He is meeting his obligations, he just didn't want to be a dad. So a bit of kudos for being a good parent and not walking away. So many men are feckless and walk away from families they professed to love without a backwards glance.

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WhoKnewBeefStew · 19/04/2019 17:42

I can completely understand where he’s coming from. I find parenthood pretty much as he does.. doesn’t mean I don’t love my kids though. He comes across as a fairly decent human being who knows how he feels and is actually doing the right thing by his dd

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HomeMadeMadness · 19/04/2019 17:42

Do you not think that's detrimental to the child though? To have a totally uninterested father?

He says his DD adores her. He takes her out, takes an interest just doesn't enjoy it. I think it sounds much better that he's in her life.

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Branleuse · 19/04/2019 17:43

im not sure whats so awful. A lot of people arent particularly maternal or paternal. A lot of people find they prefer their kids as they get older. Hes doing what he is supposed to do.

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Laiste · 19/04/2019 17:48

The red blooded male comment is a bit twatish.

Apart from that i guess he can't help how he feels but can help how he acts. He's doing the right things and hoping to bond more as she gets older.

I'd be interested in his answer to the last post. Doesn't seem to be back though.

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LillithsFamiliar · 19/04/2019 17:52

I don't think he is a disinterested father. He's a bored father. That's different. If he was disinterested, he wouldn't be able to rhyme off the stuff that interests her .. .not many Paw Patrol fans at the football.

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InsertFunnyUsername · 19/04/2019 17:53

I would hate to hear my partner talk about our child like that, especially with how much she adores him.

But, i suppose he is still around, still takes her for the weekend and is a part of her life. Hopefully she dont pick up on it! She probably does, same way all of MN would be saying the child deffo knows if for example it was a step parent saying these things!!

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