Boyfriend has just gone and bought a pug.(138 Posts)
I'm not sure where to start really and I'm still in shock. Just for a bit of background; we're both mid twenties, in a fairly long distance relationship but were hoping on renting our own place in the next couple of months (he's still at his parents/I rent my own flat).
On Wednesday night he calls me to tell me he's getting a pug - I laughed it off thinking he was joking. I phoned him back and said we weren't in a position to get a dog as we both work long hours, we both quite often are working away etc. I also mentioned that a lot of landlords won't rent to dogs etc. I also told him it should be something we should both decide (I'm really not a fan of dogs and prefer other breeds 100%).
Now the other issue is that on Wednesday night he told me it was his dog, after I (calmly lost my shit) he said it's for his mum as she's been down and feeling lonely (absolutely great idea - she loves dogs and wants one) - all is resolved I'm not having to spend the next 12 years having to deal with the bad decision of puggy... I apologise on Thursday morning for getting the wrong end of the stick as his mum is going to love it. I got bollocked for ruining his moment as he was so excited and he doesnt like being told what to do.
But yesterday he comes home with said pug and it's his dog (or now as he's calling it a family dog but his). It's going to live at his family home and everyone is queuing up to look after it - which he believes it will still happens when he moves out with the pug as it's a 'family dog' that everyone will look after it (guess he's decided we're moving locally then).
I can't get over that he's made such a big decision for both of us - I don't want to be tied down to a dog right now (would be completely different if I met him and he already had a dog) but I'm more upset that he thinks I'm being unreasonable for being upset.
Sorry if this doesn't make much sense as my head's all over the place.
Oh, I thought this was an anti-pug thread. As lovely as they are, they need to be bred back to they way they looked about 200 years ago: longer legs, a proper muzzle.
YANBU. Taking on a dog is nothing to be done lightly, not least for the sake of the beast, who didn't ask for this.
Your not being u at all!its a huge thing to take on-we’ve been talking about getting a dog for the last two years (ok still can’t agree on a name) but it’s like having a child-you don’t just get one cos you fancy it you really have to think about it he should have talked to you first not just go out and get one-is leave the dust to settle and talk to him he’s the one in the wrong not you things like this should be decided between you xxx
I would never live with a bloke who'd not lived independently. You're in for a rough rude & this is maybe an example.
They are too used to unconditional love & even the best relationship needs compromise.
For me this raises a few red flags. Firstly that he doesn’t respect your opinion, two that he is irresponsible - taking on a dog that you can’t really look after (farming it out to friends and family) and three that is this a pattern of ‘he knows best’. Fast forward to children, you’ve got a whole world of problems.
I’m not surprised you are so upset, this is a ridiculous decision and shows a lot about his character.
Ok, firstly your DP is BU for not going to a rescue centre for a dog!
You are not BU. A dog is a big commitment and if you are planning on living together he should've taken your feelings into consideration. Does he often just put himself first I wonder?
I think maybe him getting the dog is an underhand way of sabotaging you both living together? Possibly?
I can see why you'd be annoyed, its a joint decision.
I'd keep it as a long distance relationship if I were you.
So this is 'his' dog - he lives with his mum and family at the moment - but it's a given that when he moves in with you, the dog will be coming too?
Totally unfair to both you and the dog. Everyone in the household needs to be on board with the idea of getting a dog. From what you say, the best solution would be for the dog to continue living at his mum's house where he could visit it.
If you both work full time and long hours, that's far from ideal for keeping a dog anyway.
Personally sorry to be a stick in the mud but I wouldn’t move in with him ever and probably wouldn’t continue the relationship either. The way he spoke to you is unacceptable how do you know he isn’t worse if you were together almost 24/7? You’re likely to be left looking after the dog as it’s unlikely family would ‘babysit’ dog as he assumes. They’re awful barkers if not trained and a lot of work. Sounds like you’re having second thoughts already, trust your instinct. Think it through carefully before you decide.
I hope he did not get it from a man in a white van, if it could well die, poor thing. So sad people still take on dogs like this with little thought
If it were a brand new relationship, I would say YABU. But it isn't, youre virtually at the point of moving in together, it should have been a joint decision. He obviously doesn't think it's necessary to consult you on the big decisions. He doesn't sound like a keeper. How long have you been together, does he have form for this reckless behaviour?
I agree with others that he is either sabotaging the relationship or setting things up so that your future life together is completely constrained to what he wants it to be.
If he wants his life built around the 'family dog', that his fine. Do you want your life constrained this way?
I would tell him that he is acting very immaturely and you won't consider living with him until after he has lived 6 months on his own and understands the responsibilities of running a home and looking after himself.
Well it seems he now has a dog, so you need to decide whether you want to move in with someone with a dog. Thank God he didn’t get it when you already lived together and you didn’t have a choice
( love dogs by the way and have a big hairy Retriever)
It sounds as if the poor dog will be in a rescue centre before long so I don't think you need to be worried about being tied down.
I hope the whole episode has given you an insight into what your boyfriend is really like though.
He doesn't like being told what to do.
Do not move in with him.
No concern for animal welfare.
No place of his own.
YANBU. I'd be angry for all the reasons you list, plus the fact that this puppy has almost certainly come from a puppy farm or back yard breeder where it's poor mother is kept in horrendous conditions and used as a puppy production machine. Also as echt says pugs are horribly over bred and prone to health problems.
Your boyfriend sounds immature and irresponsible at best. Most likely a bit of a knob.
Well, that's that then! He has shown you that he doesn't really see the two of you as equal partners going forward. He has chosen to get a dog for himself, to tie himself to an area that doesn't necessarily suit you. So be it!
All you have to decide is whether or not you will acquiesce or whether thus is the moment for you to reconsider your relationship, maybe end it and move on!
I'd probably move on. Mid 20s and making decisions to keep him within his nuclear family doesn't sound like an independent partner to me.
Oh, and I say that as a 53 year old who made a unilateral decision to buy an English Bull Terrier for Christmas!
Sounds really bad, but he is my 50th birthday present and DH had said it was OK as long as he wasn't ever expected to be primary carer (he works away a lot). So lots of thought, lots of research and lots of care taken not to upset any apple carts!
You don't sound compatible at all.
He's an adult so can make his own decisions and shouldn't be told what he can and can't do by another adult. That would be a control issue to me.
He could have checked first that it wouldn't have an impact on your decision to move in together. Another that's thinks he should have git a rescue dog instead.
So he doesnt like you telling him what to do but is happy enough to make a decision on his own that affects your life?
OP, I realise I didn't address you, the second most important person (pug first).
Your BF has shown himself, and I'd consider it as indicative of having the opportunity to dodge a bullet.
Poor pug, though.
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