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Do you think you realised how hard marriage would be before you married

(266 Posts)
bananaontoast1 Thu 18-Apr-19 22:33:46

I don't find marriage hard at all.

newtlover Thu 18-Apr-19 22:33:42

I agree, people often say you have to work at it but I don't see it that way. Of course you may sometimes have difficult times, but your relationship should be a source of strength that helps you, not the opposite. I suspect this 'you have to work at it' is what we (women) get told so we will put up with crap. Don't put up with crap.

notacooldad Thu 18-Apr-19 22:33:28

I've been married well over 20 years and I dont find marriage hard. We have had difficult times but they would have happened if we were married or not.( financial issues and illness being two) but not had relationships problems.

Housewife212 Thu 18-Apr-19 22:33:26

No we’re good actually but never lived with anyone before so I guess

I learnt on the job 😋

I guess I have to remember most people will have lived with at least one person before they marry

A lot harder than I thought and

Ribbonsonabox Thu 18-Apr-19 22:33:24

I dont find it hard... at least that's not the word I'd use... it does take work but I wouldn't say that work is actually hard if you love your partner... as the drive is very much there to do the work iyswim if you have the love and goodwill for each other.
We've had difficult times. I went through bad PPP and PND after the birth of my first... wev had struggles with money... moved house suddenly over Christmas when I was pregnant (that was a nightmare)....
So obviously we've had to put effort in to have compassion for each other and be kind when we've both been at our wits end.... but I'd not call it 'hard work'
I didnt think of it before we married but I think you do these things as a result of loving someone anyway... in any long term relationship... so it's not like it came as a shock. I knew life might not always be rosy for us as life often isn't in general... but I've always thought if you love someone and they say they love you then you get through it together by making the effort to understand how the other person is feeling and what they need and vice versa...

MonkeyToesOfDoom Thu 18-Apr-19 22:32:34

Partner should make your life better and easier.. if they don't, they shouldn't be your partner.

ElizabethMountbatten Thu 18-Apr-19 22:31:32

Been married almost 2 years and was with my DH for 5 years before we married. Marriage changed nothing. Our relationship is not difficult and hasn't required work. It's easy and natural.

I'm not sure marriage should be hard work. I think arranged marriages can be hard work, and so can those where you don't have sex before marriage. Because you don't really know the person 100% beforehand

KatharinaRosalie Thu 18-Apr-19 22:31:09

I don't find it hard. What makes yours hard work?

Twotinydictators Thu 18-Apr-19 22:31:05

I don't find it hard either. Parenting on the other hand...

Are you having a difficult time OP?

BeanBag7 Thu 18-Apr-19 22:30:44

I didn't find much difference between living together unmarried and living together married. Maybe if you haven't lived with the person or hadn't known them very long, it would be hard to adjust. Is there something specific you are finding difficult or just marriage in general?

iklboo Thu 18-Apr-19 22:30:39

Nope. Not hard here either. Mind you, I didn't think life was a Disney film either. How long were you together before you got married? Did you live together first?

MsMarvellous Thu 18-Apr-19 22:28:57

I don't find it hard either. Occasional annoyance at how we do things differently. But not hard.

LittleElle Thu 18-Apr-19 22:28:25

Is marriage hard?

DramaAlpaca Thu 18-Apr-19 22:27:51

I don't find marriage hard either.

Hedgehogblues Thu 18-Apr-19 22:26:51

I don't find it hard at all

Housewife212 Thu 18-Apr-19 22:22:06

I think I was very naive

I thought things would fall into place like a romcom
Love dh but I definitely don’t think most people realise it’s work

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