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Do you think you realised how hard marriage would be before you married

(266 Posts)
Housewife212 Thu 18-Apr-19 22:22:06

I think I was very naive

I thought things would fall into place like a romcom
Love dh but I definitely don’t think most people realise it’s work

Hedgehogblues Thu 18-Apr-19 22:26:51

I don't find it hard at all

DramaAlpaca Thu 18-Apr-19 22:27:51

I don't find marriage hard either.

LittleElle Thu 18-Apr-19 22:28:25

Is marriage hard?

MsMarvellous Thu 18-Apr-19 22:28:57

I don't find it hard either. Occasional annoyance at how we do things differently. But not hard.

iklboo Thu 18-Apr-19 22:30:39

Nope. Not hard here either. Mind you, I didn't think life was a Disney film either. How long were you together before you got married? Did you live together first?

BeanBag7 Thu 18-Apr-19 22:30:44

I didn't find much difference between living together unmarried and living together married. Maybe if you haven't lived with the person or hadn't known them very long, it would be hard to adjust. Is there something specific you are finding difficult or just marriage in general?

Twotinydictators Thu 18-Apr-19 22:31:05

I don't find it hard either. Parenting on the other hand...

Are you having a difficult time OP?

KatharinaRosalie Thu 18-Apr-19 22:31:09

I don't find it hard. What makes yours hard work?

ElizabethMountbatten Thu 18-Apr-19 22:31:32

Been married almost 2 years and was with my DH for 5 years before we married. Marriage changed nothing. Our relationship is not difficult and hasn't required work. It's easy and natural.

I'm not sure marriage should be hard work. I think arranged marriages can be hard work, and so can those where you don't have sex before marriage. Because you don't really know the person 100% beforehand

MonkeyToesOfDoom Thu 18-Apr-19 22:32:34

Partner should make your life better and easier.. if they don't, they shouldn't be your partner.

Ribbonsonabox Thu 18-Apr-19 22:33:24

I dont find it hard... at least that's not the word I'd use... it does take work but I wouldn't say that work is actually hard if you love your partner... as the drive is very much there to do the work iyswim if you have the love and goodwill for each other.
We've had difficult times. I went through bad PPP and PND after the birth of my first... wev had struggles with money... moved house suddenly over Christmas when I was pregnant (that was a nightmare)....
So obviously we've had to put effort in to have compassion for each other and be kind when we've both been at our wits end.... but I'd not call it 'hard work'
I didnt think of it before we married but I think you do these things as a result of loving someone anyway... in any long term relationship... so it's not like it came as a shock. I knew life might not always be rosy for us as life often isn't in general... but I've always thought if you love someone and they say they love you then you get through it together by making the effort to understand how the other person is feeling and what they need and vice versa...

Housewife212 Thu 18-Apr-19 22:33:26

No we’re good actually but never lived with anyone before so I guess

I learnt on the job 😋

I guess I have to remember most people will have lived with at least one person before they marry

A lot harder than I thought and

notacooldad Thu 18-Apr-19 22:33:28

I've been married well over 20 years and I dont find marriage hard. We have had difficult times but they would have happened if we were married or not.( financial issues and illness being two) but not had relationships problems.

newtlover Thu 18-Apr-19 22:33:42

I agree, people often say you have to work at it but I don't see it that way. Of course you may sometimes have difficult times, but your relationship should be a source of strength that helps you, not the opposite. I suspect this 'you have to work at it' is what we (women) get told so we will put up with crap. Don't put up with crap.

bananaontoast1 Thu 18-Apr-19 22:33:46

I don't find marriage hard at all.

Redorangeyellowgreen Thu 18-Apr-19 22:33:49

What are you finding hard? I find parenting and working hard but not marriage.

DippyAvocado Thu 18-Apr-19 22:34:23

I agree with you, relationships aren't always easy. There is a lot of compromise and taking the rough with the smooth. I would take with a pinch of salt anyone who says their relationship is perfect.

Having said that, it shouldn't feel like constant work. What are the particular issues that you are having? Irritation with different ways of stacking the dishwasher is easier to overcome than fundamentally different values.

checkingforballoons Thu 18-Apr-19 22:34:32

I also don’t find it hard. Not trying to sound smug but I don’t really understand it when people say that marriage is hard work. What is it that you’re finding difficult?

Mememeplease Thu 18-Apr-19 22:34:32

I guess it depend on your expectations beforehand. If you are realistic then it shouldn't be hard work.

Why is it hard work?

C0untDucku1a Thu 18-Apr-19 22:35:50

You'll be better on the relationships board op, rather than have scores of people gleefully tell you that theirs is a breeze if never ending agreement. these are always the women shocked to find out their oefect husband had a mistress for ten years

MrsPerfect12 Thu 18-Apr-19 22:35:54

I don't find it hard. I did live with someone before and he was a twat so it was hard then.

Shelbybear Thu 18-Apr-19 22:36:05

It's no different to before for us. Were u not long together when you married?

3in4years Thu 18-Apr-19 22:36:37

Marriage is harder than work and harder than parenting for me. I guess it depends who you're married to. Plus, I always wanted kids, was never sure about a partner. I crave time with no other adults. I am very independent. My husband is not.

CherryPavlova Thu 18-Apr-19 22:37:57

There’s certainly adaptation and compromise. No, it’s not always easy to consider someone else in every decision you make.im not sure it’s continually hard but there are times when the stresses of life make it feel hard.
On balance though, like most things in life, what you get out is directly proportional to what you put in. I like marriage and we’ve reached an age/length of time together where we really are an integral unit - two parts of a whole. It’s nice.

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