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To think that this is incredibly rude of DH

(283 Posts)
Namechange66 Thu 18-Apr-19 20:24:39

I usually cook all of the evening meals for DH and I during the week as I get in from work earlier than he does. DH will usually come home from work whilst I’m half way through cooking and will be moaning about how starving he is, asking how much longer the food will be and generally being an impatient child. This evening, after spending 2 hours cooking our dinner and listening to DH moaning about being “starving”, I served our food and watched him sit opposite me at the table moving his food around the plate without eating anything. I asked him what was wrong and apparently as I had used chopped tomatoes instead of passata, the sauce was too was ‘lumpy’
and he only likes a smooth tomato sauce. He spent the next 5 minutes dramatically sliding bits of food around the plate and attempting to pick out each individual slither of chopped tomato. He eventually announced that he wasn’t hungry and left a whole plate full of freshly cooked food. I would never knowingly cook a meal using ingredients that somebody didn’t like and expect them to eat it, but that wasn’t the case here. After spending a lot of time cooking a fresh meal, WIBU to expect him to be an adult about such a very minor issue (smooth/lumpy sauce!!) and eat it, despite the fact it might not have been made EXACTLY how he wanted it?! DH says I’m being ridiculously petty but I feel furious, it just seems so ungrateful. AIBU?

MycatiscalkedElvis Fri 19-Apr-19 17:25:43

2 hours cooking a pasta dish? And using tinned tomatoes?? Hmmm not sure I believe you OP sorry!

DarlingNikita Fri 19-Apr-19 17:29:20

He's a twat. Obviously for lumpy-sauce-Gate, but more generally for 'moaning about how starving he is, asking how much longer the food will be and generally being an impatient child.'

Tell him he can cook his own fucking dinner from now on.

Mycat, you seem to have failed to understand what the dish was. Perhaps read the OP's posts again.

SundayGirlB Fri 19-Apr-19 17:39:51

Sorry but he sounds like a total twat.

Pathetic. You are definitely NBU.

Tessabelle74 Fri 19-Apr-19 17:45:19

Give him tomato soup for a week 😂

jillb55 Fri 19-Apr-19 17:45:58

Sorry, OP, but he is a brat and probably should not have left the breast.

nuxe1984 Fri 19-Apr-19 17:50:57

I'd have emptied the plate into his lap

I'd have put it over his head!

I would be sooooooo pi**ed off with this. He's acting like a spoilt child. Tell him that you're upset about his attitude. That it's not your "job" to cook dinner every night but that you do it because you are in first and if you waited for him to come in before you did it together then dinner would be served even later. You are doing it to help him out.
If he doesn't see this as a big thing then offer him 2 options:
- tell him you'll wait until he comes in from work before you start cooking so that you can check he is okay with what you're having (and tell him he can help you cook it)
- tell him that in future you will take it in turns to cook. One week it will be your turn, the next week his.

Alternatively you could do what others have suggested - eat at lunch and only have a snack/tea in the evening so he has to cater for himself. Or serve him up junk food, microwave meals - and save the fresh food for you. If he says anything tell him you're not spending hours cooking for somebody who doesn't appreciate it!

viques Fri 19-Apr-19 17:53:21

I dunno OP, seems that not only can you not cook but that somebody , I wonder who, has done the shopping wrong too and bought chopped tomatoes instead of passata.

Seems to me you aren't to be trusted to get this sort of thing right so I suggest you pass the shopping and cooking duties over to your OH while you get on and finish that Open University degree you've always wanted to do.....

flowers wine grin

katseyes7 Fri 19-Apr-19 17:55:25

l've got a small 1-2 person slow cooker l don't use. l'm more than willing to donate it to him so he can cook his own food.

UniversalAunt Fri 19-Apr-19 17:55:44

Farley’s rusk with tomato ketchup.
If he fusses, warm it up in microwave.

QueenBeex Fri 19-Apr-19 17:57:59

He can cook for himself next time, then it'll be just the way he likes it!

TigerTooth Fri 19-Apr-19 18:00:36

Just out of interest - what did you cook that took 2 hours? By the way - he’s being a total arse.

gamerchick Fri 19-Apr-19 18:01:42

Just out of interest - what did you cook that took 2 hours? By the way - he’s being a total arse.

The OP has already said, way back in the thread.

QueenBeex Fri 19-Apr-19 18:04:32

Jamie Oliver Lamb is what the op cooked

ContessaIsOnADietDammit Fri 19-Apr-19 18:06:55

DH and I have a system whereby we only really sit down to a meal as a family 3 times a week - the weekend and one weeknight when everyone's home and hasn't been fed by the childminder grin weekend meals can be elaborate and take hours, but the weeknight meal is generally a quick fix. Otherwise we just sort of graze on bits we like or create something from what's available. We love this life grin maybe adopt it for yourself and see if Diddums becomes more appreciative of days when he gets a meal cooked for him?

hellsweddingbells Fri 19-Apr-19 18:11:12

His behaviour is absolutely pathetic. What an arse?
My stbxh was a bit like this. I started going to the gym in the evenings to avoid him. I also used to sit in my car down the road to avoid going home in the hope he'd sort his own food out. He did but he managed to trash the entire kitchen every time.
If he's going to be so ungrateful he can make his own food AND tidy up properly afterwards

myrtleWilson Fri 19-Apr-19 18:11:34

@mycatiscalkedElvis you may want to actually RTFT before you cast aspersions on the OPs cooking skills grin

OP - how was he today?

staceyflack Fri 19-Apr-19 18:14:32

Its not about the food.

Bozlem80 Fri 19-Apr-19 18:22:43

My DH is like this & it’s rubbed off on my kids too, so instead of 1 meal to make I now make 4 separate meals each night I usually just make myself a sandwich now, my 16 yr old DS says it’s abuse I make him eat something he doesn’t like, my DH expects a cup of tea each night at 10pm when he gets home from the gym then complains it’s like tastes like dish water!

noeyedeer Fri 19-Apr-19 18:39:12

Hopefully this will make you laugh:

Many years ago then DB, nor BH and I bought our first house. In lawas wanted to come and take a look. Entire family, mum, dad, brothers, cousins, aunties etc but they also expected feeding.

I made huge spag bol (mince, tinned toms, mushrooms, onions, chopped peppers etc) with garlic bread chips and pasta.

Auntie 1: My kids will never eat that. They only eat it from a tin from Asda.
Me: They're on their second bowl full.

BIL - spends 25 minutes picking out every identifiable bit of veg and placing it round the edge of his plate in coordinated piles.

Needless to say, apart from BBQs, I have never cooked for them again.

noeyedeer Fri 19-Apr-19 18:39:59

Arghh! Dear Boyfriend, now DH.

bordellosboheme Fri 19-Apr-19 18:43:04

What a giant baby. I second what a previous poster said. Eat dinner at lunchtime so he just gets a sandwich in the evening.

Rosejasmine Fri 19-Apr-19 18:44:18

Yes that's rude and a bit pathetic. If it was me and hadn't had an apology I wouldn't argue, I'd tell him I'm hurt by his behaviour and for the next few days cook very bland and possibly sauceless or dry food - served with salad or something a bit boring and very safe. After all, you wouldn't want to risk "getting it wrong again". He might well apologise after that.

LimeTwist Fri 19-Apr-19 18:46:26

He’d be wearing it if he’d done that to me!

Thisisnotreallymyname Fri 19-Apr-19 18:51:27

By God, he’d get the bum’s rush from me !

Middersweekly Fri 19-Apr-19 18:56:47

The meal would have gone on his head if that was my DH! You’re definitely NBU, how childish and rediculous! Get him to do ALL the cooking next week the ungrateful sod!

villainousbroodmare Fri 19-Apr-19 19:01:12

Ella's pouches tonight! Make sure they're smooth pureés. Swirl two together on a plastic plate to look arty and give him one of those nice rubbery spoons. Or do what a PP suggested with the liquidiser, if you can be arsed. Serve with a sarcastic smile and a meaningful glance at the clock.

LifeImplosionImminent Fri 19-Apr-19 19:09:03

I genuinely don't understand these posts...He's your husband, so was he a completely different person before you married him? Surely he was a spoilt man child all his life how did it only just manifest? I don't think you are BU but you did legally and financially tie yourself to him...good luck trying to get him to grow up!

greenpop21 Fri 19-Apr-19 19:10:53

I f I was you , he would have bean wearing it!

greenpop21 Fri 19-Apr-19 19:11:02


LeekMunchingSheepShagger Fri 19-Apr-19 19:14:09

I'd have tipped the whole plate full into a blender and served it back to him pureed. Then I'd have offered to feed it to him on a plastic spoon. He's a twat.

Vivianebrezilletbrooks Fri 19-Apr-19 19:23:39

Make him cook his own. What a man child!
He sounds like an ungrateful 10 year old boy.

StillCoughingandLaughing Fri 19-Apr-19 19:23:44

Why do people keep mentioning pasta sauce?

Because they’re too fucking stupid to read the thread properly 🤬 ‘Two hours to make pasta sauce?!’ is surely the new ‘Just cancel the cheque!!’

OP - I was going to suggest making one portion of his favourite meal for yourself and serving him a dish of passata with a straw. However, if you really want to punish him, make him have dinner with all the posters on this thread who STILL haven’t twigged you weren’t making a bowl of pasta.

MerryMarigold Fri 19-Apr-19 19:28:57

I'll tell you what happened because this is my ds (now 13) and will probably be him when he's married. He snacked and then wasn't hungry enough for food with visible vegetables. Ah well... Am giving Ds1 cooking lessons so a. He knows the effort that goes in and b. He can cook his own if its not up to his standard.

Sunshineface123 Fri 19-Apr-19 19:34:10

That sounds delicious and he sounds like a rude baby. I wouldn't accept that from a child!

CaMePlaitPas Fri 19-Apr-19 19:35:09

OP, I haven't read the full thread but I have one like this. I made a pasta bake recently from scratch and found myself blending the sauce in the blender, not for the kids but for my husband. He thanked me afterwards but honestly I couldn't believe I was doing it.

Lunde Fri 19-Apr-19 19:37:53

@MycatiscalkedElvis - 2 hours cooking a pasta dish? And using tinned tomatoes?? Hmmm not sure I believe you OP sorry!

Hmmmm - not sure I believe that you have ACTUALLY read OP's replies

OP didn't say that she made pasta - she actually made lamb in Mediterranean tomato sauce!

keepforgettingmyusername Fri 19-Apr-19 19:39:26

Why are people still talking about pasta? SHE DIDNT MAKE PASTA 🤯

ginghamtablecloths Fri 19-Apr-19 19:39:41

If you can take the trouble to cook a meal he can take the trouble to eat it. Or go home to mother, who I assume will treat him like the child he is.

GarthFunkel Fri 19-Apr-19 19:45:34

What was for tea tonight?

MycatiscalkedElvis Fri 19-Apr-19 19:48:31

My bad 😢
Sorry, I skimmed through and arrogantly commented before I read the OP thread.

Oysterbabe Fri 19-Apr-19 20:01:33

How long have you been married? How come his dislike of tinned tomatoes hasn't come up before now?

KickAssAngel Fri 19-Apr-19 20:04:12

I would just cook, eat and clean up dinner for myself before he even got home. Then when he asked for dinner, point out that as he doesn't like my cooking he will never have to eat it again, and suggest he make himself something.

And stick to that until he apologized. From then on he'd be taking equal share of meal prep.

Cambionome Fri 19-Apr-19 20:05:00

Oh ffs.


Zucker Fri 19-Apr-19 20:05:13

Why the fuck are you still doing it then @Bozlem80 ? 4 meals for a shower of ingrates!!!

YemenRoadYemen Fri 19-Apr-19 20:30:12

I agree @LifeImplosionImminent

PurplePenguins Fri 19-Apr-19 20:40:52

Not RTFT so maybe repeating. YANBU. Let him spend hours cooking and then you can push it around the plate and moan and see if he still thinks you're being petty.

Bittern11 Fri 19-Apr-19 20:59:30

@Bozlem80, so why do it?

Make tea for you, not just a crappy sandwich. Your h can make his own tea after the gym. Your 16yo is old enough to cook for himself, the lazy, entitled arse.

Don’t be a martyr.

Floralhousecoat Fri 19-Apr-19 21:07:17

This thread is unbelievable. Do women really believe that their partners and grown children would starve to death if their every culinary demands weren't catered for? Of course, in an equal partnership you share the chores. But this is just ridiculous. Women are their own worst enemies sometimes, putting up with being treated like unpaid slaves. Just stop. Do everyone a favour and stop pandering to ungrateful husbands/kids. It will be good for you AND them.

Moondancer73 Fri 19-Apr-19 21:45:44

Pizza and chips for him from now on then!

Happynow001 Fri 19-Apr-19 22:12:38


MaryBerryCouldNever Fri 19-Apr-19 22:14:32

That scene from beauty and the beast comes to mind, "WELL GO AHEAD AND STARRRRRRRVEEE" You have done well not to have injured him tbh.

GabsAlot Fri 19-Apr-19 22:50:45

how are u being petty when he said he was starving then said he wouldnt eat any of it

he needs to start cooking himself your not his slave

Iflyaway Fri 19-Apr-19 22:59:14

I'd have emptied the plate into his lap.

Nah, you'd be the one to have to clean it up and do the clothes washing....

Just go on strike.

Who the fuck in your head made you the maid of the house?!

smilingontheinside Fri 19-Apr-19 23:28:26

He'd be wearing his bloody dinner. My oh complained about his washing once, he's had to do it himself ever since. I'd always cooked, cleaned, done the washing, sorted kids and held down a full time job so decided he'd gone too far. Has to cook sometimes now as well I've had enough so have gone on strike wink

TriciaH87 Fri 19-Apr-19 23:58:08

Next time he makes the complaint shove his dinner in a blender for 30 seconds. Tell him now the whole meal should be smooth just the way he likes it. If he wants to act like a baby let his food be served the way a baby would have it.

Bignosenobum Fri 19-Apr-19 23:59:56

Dump it on his head. Why 2 hours cooking pasta and tomato etc?
Do not cook anymore for him. Tell him straight what a total arse he is.

LunafortJest Sat 20-Apr-19 00:18:12

@Bignosenobum There was no pasta. Please RTFT It was BRAISED LAMB.

PentreBachCymraeg Sat 20-Apr-19 00:30:27

Two hours to cook a meal? Every night?

Throw a sachet of cup 'a soup at him.
If he's going to act like a twat, treat him like one. Tell him to get another mug to put it in too wink

BlackPrism Sat 20-Apr-19 00:55:17

Wooooow. His dinner would've gone in his lap if DP did that to me

BlackPrism Sat 20-Apr-19 00:56:47

@Quartz2208 a really good ragu could take 2 hours if you allow the sauce to reduce and thicken/ develop

StillCoughingandLaughing Sat 20-Apr-19 03:19:28

Two hours to cook a meal? Every night?

For the love of God, buy a BRAIN.

Whoops75 Sat 20-Apr-19 03:26:46

You did not spend two hours cooking pasta and tomatoes!

If you know he like sauce on his dinner it shouldn’t be a shock he doesn’t like it.

It’s not your problem but YABU for exaggerating how long it took

AwakeNow Sat 20-Apr-19 03:57:43

But the OP prepared lamb, not just pasta and sauce. The sauce was only an ingredient. The recipe takes two hours.
" Add salt to taste, cover with a lid or a couple of tight layers of foil, then simmer on a low heat for around 1½ hours or transfer into a deep baking tin cover with foil and finish cooking it in the oven at 150°C/300°F/gas 2 for about 2 hours, or until the meat is tender."

Floralhousecoat Sat 20-Apr-19 04:15:03

Can't believe people are still banging on about the sauce taking two hours. She cooked lamb, people. Lamb.


YemenRoadYemen Sat 20-Apr-19 04:46:08

FFS @Whoops75 - read the thread!

araiwa Sat 20-Apr-19 05:36:53

As adult i reserve the right not to eat food i dont like

But also as an adult i just leave stuff i dont like to the side of the plate without making a fuss

BewilderedPiskie Sat 20-Apr-19 07:16:07

Your husband is an ungrateful knob

Damsel Sat 20-Apr-19 07:27:43

Is your DH rude, obnoxious & infant-like in all aspects of his life? Or does he reserve this emotional bullying behaviour for home exclusively? I’d love to see him try this in a work environment if something didn’t please him.

It sounds like a pattern of behaviour from what you describe. My only question therefore is why on earth you would choose to live your one life with such a person.

RosamundDarnley Sat 20-Apr-19 07:50:01

Three guesses what I've decided to cook for tonights dinner? Clue: It's been mentioned on this thread and it's not pasta in sauce wink

Sounds lush after a day of gardening!

MissFitton Sat 20-Apr-19 07:50:56

This thread is infuriating for two reason:

1) the number of women who pander to pathetic man-children who will apparently starve if their dinner isn't just so and

2) the sheer volume of posters who can't seem to RTFT.

OP, ywnbu and your LAMB dish sounds lovely!

septembersunshine Sat 20-Apr-19 07:57:16

Op, he was a big dick! So ungrateful.

That aside, batch cook to save you cooking every night. Its a waste of your time. He can also batch cook too.

So one weekend cook a huge vat of chilli, a huge vat of Bolognese, stew etc... Buy freezer bags. Put 2 portions in each bag and freeze them. Then when you come home from work all you have to do is cook pasta or rice/potatoes/veg or whatever goes with that particular meal and heat up the bag of froozen. (Or put the bag of froozen in the fridge to defrost in the morning before you leave for work) Game changer op!

givemesteel Sat 20-Apr-19 08:35:19

Quite seriously, my dh would probably marry you right now OP (I am pregnant and cooking smells make me nauseous so haven't cooked for months).

You sound like a great, considerate cook and he really doesn't know how lucky he is that you take charge of cooking (which I assume means you also do the food shopping and meal planning) every night. He's hugely ungrateful and I'm not joking when I say a lot of men would take his place.

Riv Sat 20-Apr-19 09:27:25

givemesteel: I would happily take his place!
Although to be fair I do have a man of my own who does (nearly) all the cooking. grin

DevaDiva Sat 20-Apr-19 10:09:00

I agree with @CalmDownPacino this thread makes me sad and angry. All the posters trying to justify the DH's pathetic behaviour, go back and read the OP.

It is not acceptable to behave like that. If the poor man child was that hungry he could have had a snack when he got in from work to keep him going until dinner was ready.

YANBU and need him to accept how unreasonable he was.

ForksintheRoad Sat 20-Apr-19 11:51:28

Oh wow. It's like he's married his mother!!

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse Sat 20-Apr-19 12:33:58

Where is the OP?
I want to know what the outcome was and if she is taking a stand

I’d be bloody delighted to come home to a cooked dinner every night... especially lamb

ilikebeckerinmyoldage Sat 20-Apr-19 12:48:17

@Whoops75 No she didn't, she cooked LAMB




GabsAlot Sat 20-Apr-19 12:58:09

i think she cooked lamb is the new cancel the cheque

Whoops75 Sat 20-Apr-19 14:23:36

Lamb, got it 🤣
He was hangry and a nob

Maybe save the complicated dinners for the weekends op when everyone can appreciate them more or never feed him again!

MyOtherProfile Sat 20-Apr-19 16:44:13

So much want to know who cooked what tonight.

Ihatehashtags Sun 21-Apr-19 08:32:23

OP where are you????

AwakeNow Mon 22-Apr-19 18:51:28

MyOtherProfile We had fish and chips...but I showed dh the JO lamb couscous recipe and we both began craving lamb.
Next day he came home with a frozen leg of lamb that we will have sometime soon.

LovelyIssues Thu 25-Apr-19 10:36:21

That's not a husband. That's a child

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